The Demon Lover (37 page)

“Other people have their lives, you know. We are not all on Earth to serve your needs. You used me for revenge … the pettiest revenge. You married the Princesse that your children might have that French royal blood which seemed so important to you … once. Now, you no longer feel that it is necessary. France is a republic now. A bos la noblesse. Therefore let us remove the Princesse.”

“I did not say I would remove her. I said I do not love her. I have never loved her. She irritates me and I loathe being near her. I wish she would die in her sleep. She is always complaining about her ill health. She does not seem to take much pleasure in life so perhaps she would not care greatly if she left it and ceased to be an inconvenience. At least I am truthful. I doubt whether I am the first husband with an unwanted wife who has felt the wish-even if he has not expressed it that she will pass gently out of his life. And as I married her, and she is a Catholic and royal, she would need a dispensation to annul her marriage, and I am sure she would never agree to that. It is only human nature that I should wish her gently to pass away. There. I am honest.”

I turned to him.

“You alarm me when you talk like that He took my hand and kissed it.

I went on: “You seem to get what you want… always.”

“Yes, Kate, so I do. And one of these days I’ll have you and the boy . and all the others we shall have. We were meant for each other.

Your spirit. your independence . your lovely dark-red hair . I think of them all the time. I shall have no peace until we are together as once we were for three nights . remember. One day we shall be together again. Don’t tempt me too far, Kate. “

I said: “I see I must leave the castle.”

“You will be in the Loge close by.”

“You make it very difficult for me. I don’t see where I can turn. I know I ought to go away though … right away.”

“And take the boy? Submit him to … what? He needs care. He needs peace of mind. The sort of life he had to lead in Paris has its effect on a child’s mind. I won’t have him taken away from here.”

“You couldn’t stop me if I wanted to take him. You have no claim.”

“As his father …”

“Your part in his conception was minimal. The sort of chance encounter. There are many such. I can never understand why it is thought that a father should have a claim to compare with that of a mother. That child has grown in me … he has been my life from the moment I was aware of his existence. Don’t talk to me about claims.”

“Fiery Kate. Beloved Kate. Every moment you convince me that I cannot live without you.”

“What has the doctor said about your leg?” I asked.

“Nothing can be done. It needed attention at the time. I’ve lost some of the bone. I shall limp for the rest of my days.”

“And the pain?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Sometimes it’s there. Not as it was. Now it’s merely an irritating nagging. It is worse when I’m angry and when the weather is cold.”

“You can’t change one,” I said, ‘but you can the other. So . don’t get angry. “

“Take care of me then… as you did in that house… only differently. Let’s be lovers as we were before … only differently again. Let us be the tender passionate lovers which we could be, you know.”

“Let us go and look at the Loge,” I said.

He rose obediently and we walked round the moat.

The Loge was there nestling under the shadow of the castle . growing out from its walls, as it were.

“It was added on several hundred years after the castle was built,” he said.

“Some time in the eighteenth century, I believe. One of my ancestors built it for his mistress. Afterwards it was used by some of the servants. I don’t think it has been inhabited for some years now.”

He led me in. There was a big room with a great fireplace and a flagged stone floor. There were some pieces of furniture in the hall an oak settle, a long table and some chairs.

“You could make it cosy,” he said.

“There is a fairly large kitchen and several bedrooms. Remember it is just a port in a storm.

I turned to him.

“It’s really good of you,” I said.

“I’m afraid you think I’m rather churlish at times. I know I owe you a great deal .. “

“But nothing will ever settle the score, will it? Perhaps in twenty years’ time, when you and I are no longer young and I have shown you a lifetime of devotion and that with you and the boy, and the other children we shall have, I can be quite different from that savage you once knew when you recognize in me the only husband you could possibly love, then we shall call it quits. Do you think so?”

I turned away from him, but he was beside me.

“Do you, Kate?” he insisted.

“You speak of the impossible.”

“It might not always be impossible,” he replied.

I was to remember that. later.

I was growing more apprehensive. The more I returned to what I called normal, the more I realized the difficulties of the situation into which I had fallen. There was one great recompense and that was Kendal. In less than a week he had started to put on flesh; he had regained his normal vitality;

he was a healthy, happy boy. That he loved the castle and this new life was undeniable. He was growing more and more fond of the Baron I was beginning to call him Rollo to myself now. Kendal was not in the least in awe of him and I don’t think Rollo had ever had that sort of regard before. He spent a lot of time with the boy.

It was only the third day after our return when he told Kendal that he wanted to show him something rather special in the stables; and when they had gone down there together a white pony, such as he had described on Christmas Day, was waiting.

Kendal came in to tell me about it, cheeks scarlet and eyes glowing.

“There it was, Maman … There it was … just like the Baron said . and it’s mine.”

After that he had to learn to ride. Sometimes Rollo took him out and they would ride round the greensward by the moat. Sometimes one of the grooms took him.

The next day Jeanne came to me, her eyes glowing with wonder.

“Look what the Baron has given me,” she said.

“Do you remember the Christmas presents we talked of? Well, here is the brooch .. just as he described it. He said I had been so good, looking after you all …”

She turned away, her eyes filling with tears. She was delighted with the brooch. She had never had anything approaching its value before.

Being a practical Frenchwoman she would see it as a nest-egg, but it would have a sentimental value for her as well.

Kendal was overjoyed when he saw it. He kept talking about it and when I went down to the moat I saw him on his leading rein with Rollo beside him.

He shouted to me: “Watch, Maman. Watch me. Baron, please … don’t hold the reins.”

He was allowed to trot on his own.

“He’s going to be a fine horseman,” said Rollo.

I stood there looking at my son, his eyes sparkling, his cheeks flushed with health, laughing proudly, watching us to make sure we were admiring him.

He came back to us.

“Jeanne has a brooch,” he said.

“It’s her Christmas present come true.”

Then he laughed suddenly and took my hand. He was looking for the sapphire ring which Rollo had described.

He was disappointed. I said: “Well, aren’t you going to trot again?”

But Rollo would not let it pass.

“You are looking for the ring,” he said.

“Maman is the only one who has not got her present.”

“Hers is not ready yet,” said Rollo.

“When will it be ready?” demanded Kendal.

“She ought to have it, oughtn’t she?”

“Yes,” said Rollo, ‘she ought to have it. “

“But when … ?”

Rollo looked steadily at me.

“When?” he repeated.

“We can’t all have presents,” I said.

“You are lucky to have this lovely pony, and jeanne is lucky too.”

Toa ought to be lucky, Maman. “

“I’ll tell you something,” said Rollo to Kendal.

“She will have that ring one day.”

He was looking at me steadily with that burning gaze which reminded me of that long-ago bedroom . I felt excitement rising within me.

My feelings for this man were beginning to be beyond my comprehension.

Marie-Claude was showing a great interest in me. She wondered, naturally, how I should have come to be with her husband in Paris. She could not quite accept the account of the chance meeting during the bombardment when he had saved Kendal’s life.

She had changed in some ways from that young girl who had blithely gone off with her lover at the fete champetre and conducted an intrigue with him. Then she had been reckless and impuslive. Now she had become a nervous and apprehensive woman.

She was far from displeased that I had come to the chateau and had no wish for me to leave and go to the Loge. I think, strangely enough, I offered some comfort to her.

Then there was William. Poor little William! My heart went out to him from the moment I met him. Poor child, he must have been unwanted before he actually made his appearance. I wondered what Marie-Claude’s feelings must have been when she knew that she was pregnant and she would not be able to hide the fact that the child was not his from the husband who terrified her.

I believed that she had resented being forced into marriage and that in a spirit of rebellion she had taken a lover. She was a sad shadow of the defiant girl she had been. The birth of William had nearly killed her, I discovered.

As for William, he was a small frightened child. I felt indignant both with Rollo and Marie-Claude when I considered the child. Whatever his disillusion and her defiance, they had no right to let the child suffer for it.

Ignored by his parents, he was constantly trying to assert himself. I understood why he did this, but those about him seemed to have made up their minds that he was simply an unpleasant little boy. He was, of course, greatly interested in Kendal. My son had been wrapped about with love ever since his birth. I must have conveyed to him that he was the most important part of my life; Nicole had loved him;

Jeanne, though firm and never failing to correct his faults, was devoted to him. And now Rollo showed him a very special attention. He was built up in security. It had been just the opposite with William.

His parents had not wanted to be bothered with him; whenever he saw his mother she seemed preoccupied with something else and he was told that he must not stay with her too long because of the effect he had on her nerves. He told me this when I had gained his confidence. As for his father, he did not seem to be aware of him.

William confided in me that he believed there had been wicked fairies at his christening who had decreed that whenever his father was there a cloak should be thrown round William to make him invisible. Then they made him do something to worry his mother’s nerves. He did not know what nerves were; all he was aware of was that he possessed Is some mysterious power to disturb them.

“I don’t know what I do,” he said.

“If I did I wouldn’t do it. Oh, it is these wicked fairies.”

I talked about him with jeanne She was teaching Kendal and she said she would take on William with him; and as they were only too glad to be rid of William in his own nursery, the two boys took lessons with jeanne

We were pleased to discover that William was by no means dull.

“In fact,” said Jeanne, “I think with the right teaching he might turn out to be quite clever. We have to break down these barriers first, though. He is on the defensive all the time.”

At first Kendal did not like him and demanded to know if he had to be with him.

“He can’t run as fast as I can,” he said contemptuously.

“All the more reason why you should be his friend,” we told him.

“He’s rather silly really.”

“That’s what you think. He might think you are.”

That astonished Kendal and he was very thoughtful. After that I caught him observing William very closely. I knew he was wondering in what way William could possibly think he was silly.

Then when William found the answer to a sum before Kendal did, so Jeanne told me, it seemed to mark a difference in their relationship.

Kendal had had proof that William was better at some things than he was. It was a good lesson for him.

Jeanne had a way with children. She laid down rules which had to be obeyed and they seemed to like that. William was always in the schoolroom in time and Jeanne and I noticed that the two boys often went off together. Kendal was undoubtedly the leader of the games and decided what they should play, but in the classroom William would often answer first.

“I allow a little subterfuge now and then,” said Jeanne.

“It is more important for them to be friends. So I pretend not to see it, when William passes an answer to Kendal. I want Kendal to realize that he is not superior because he can ride and run better and is an inch or so taller.”

I was given the room in which I had first worked on the Baron’s miniature in order that I might paint if I wanted to. The boys used to come up there and Kendal loved to draw and paint.

I gave William some paints and let him try his hand. It was clear that he was not going to be an artist.

“See if you can draw a face,” I said, ‘and then paint it. But draw it first. “

William did something which was meant to be a portrait. I could not tell who it was meant to be.

“It’s my father,” he said. See . he’s big and strong. He’s the strongest man in the world. “

“That’s not like him,” said KendaS, and proceeded to do a sketch which undoubtedly bore more than a slight resemblance to the Baron.

William was overcome with awe. He looked at me sadly.

“I wish I could draw my father,” he said.

I let my hand rest lightly on his shoulder and replied:

“Never mind. It was a good try. Always remember that if you can’t do one thing, there are always others you can do. Mademoiselle Jeanne tells me you are quick with your sums.”

“I like sums,” he said, smiling.

“Well then …” I leaned towards him and whispered: “I think you beat Kendal at them … and he can draw a little better than you can. He’s my son and I’m an artist. His grandfather was an artist and his great… great… as many greats as you can think of… were.