The Demon Lover (39 page)

I thought: I will make an interesting portrait of him. I will show him and everyone else how he can look if he is happy.

I felt alive again. It was wonderful to be working. I could shut out all my problems as I did in the old days. I would sit chatting to William, and Kendal was there too. He was sketching William and, sitting there, with all attention focused on him, William seemed to grow in stature. It was the first time in his life that he had felt he was important to someone.

I would work slowly on the portrait, I decided. After all, I was not only making a picture, I was helping to adjust the mind of a little boy who had been very unfairly treated.

The boys took lessons in the afternoons as I liked to paint in the mornings, and while they were with jeanne I took the opportunity to walk or ride. I liked best to ride. When walking, it was difficult to gefout of sight of the castle. One had to go a very long way to lose it, for it seemed to dominate the landscape.

There were plenty of horses at the castle and I had the pick of several mounts, but there was a little bay mare of which I was particularly fond. She was a little frisky but responded to firm treatment, and I think she liked me to ride her.

One afternoon I went to the stables and Marie Claude was there. A horse was being saddled for her-one which, I knew, had a reputation for being quiet and docile.

“Good afternoon,” she said.

“Are you going to ride?”

I said that I was.

“Then we shall go together?”

I said that would be very pleasant and we rode out under the portcullis and down the slope, chatting as we went.

“I didn’t realize that you were a horsewoman, Mademoiselle Collison,” she said.

“I ride in England.”

“Of course there wasn’t the opportunity in Paris. How glad you must be to have escaped from all that.”

“It was a great experience to have lived through, but one never wants to have to do it again.”

“There must be lots of people in Paris who feel like that. But… how I miss Paris! The old Paris, that is. I think I shall never be happy away from it.”

“Alas, you would find it sadly changed.”

“I know. Those stupid people and their wars!”

We rode in silence for a while. She took the lead and I followed.

“I never ride far,” she called over her shoulder.

“I get so tired. I like to go to my favourite spot and look at the view.”

“Are we going there now?”

“Yes. I thought we’d tie up the horses and … talk. It’s impossible to hold a reasonable conversation on horseback.”

I agreed and we fell once more into silence.

I looked back. I could not now see the castle. She noticed me and guessed what I was thinking.

“That’s one of the reasons why it is my favourite spot. From it, it is impossible to see the castle.”

We skirted some woods. The countryside had become more hilly now. I caught a glimpse of the river running below us; it glinted silver in the sunlight.

“It’s pretty here,” she said.

“I like to sit right on the crest of the hill. There are bushes up there and some of them grow quite high … high enough to give a little shelter from the wind when it blows. I sit up there and look out. You can see for miles.”

We reached the top of the hill.

“We’ll tie our horses there. Isn’t it strange that we should have come together again.”

We tethered the horses and walked a little way.

“Sit here,” she said and we sat down in the protection of the bushes.

“I never thought I should see you again,” she went on, ‘unless it was at some gathering. That was when I

thought you were going to marry Bertrand de Mortemer. Then it would have been quite reasonable for us to meet. “

“Strange things happen in life,” I commented.

“Very strange.” She turned to look at me.

“I’ll confess to being very curious about you, Kate. I may call you Kate? I did before, didn’t I?

Will you call me Marie Claude

“If you wish.”

“I do,” she replied with a touch of the imperious manner I remembered from the past.

She went on: “I admire you very much. I wish that I had had your courage. You have a child but you did not marry its father. How wise you were! If I had not been married how much happier I should have been! But I suppose it was easier for you than it would have been for me.”

“Yes,” I said.

“I didn’t really love Armand L’Estrange. Perhaps if I had I should have defied everyone and married him. I was always terrified of Rollo in fact I could never be anything else. He is a ruthless man, Kate. Only those who have lived near him know how ruthless.”

“I think I have gathered that.”

“The marriage was arranged, as you know, and I was angry. I didn’t want to marry him. You know that. You were there before I did. You wouldn’t want to marry someone who terrified you, would you?”

“Indeed not,” I said.

“And then there was Armand. He was so charming… so different. He was gallant and made me feel that there was something very special about me. I just wanted to be loved. You know about us. You were at the fete champetre and then there were the notes you took. Do you remember the time Rollo tried to get hold of the notes which you collected for me at the modiste’s? That matter of the taxi…”

“I remember it well.”

R

“He must have suspected then, I was so frightened. If that had happened before … I don’t think I should have started with Armand.”

I sat staring ahead thinking of that terrifying ride across Paris in the cab.

“You see he suspected me … even then.”

I hesitated, but I could not tell her that it was for a different reason that I had been nearly abducted.

“And yet,” she went on, ‘he pretended to be surprised. I shall never forget my wedding day . I mean the horror of it. I suppose nobody ever forgets a wedding day. but other people’s would be remembered differently. I don’t know how I lived through it. And he knew, of course. I don’t think he minded so much about that. It was when the child was to be born too soon that he was mad with rage. I tried to get rid of it. It didn’t work. Who would have thought to look at William that he could have been so obstinate! Rollo had a way of finding out things, then he made me tell him . everything. He was to have a child which was not his! You can understand how furious he was.

”

Yes, I can,” I said.

“You think he had reason to be. But I didn’t want to marry him in the first place. If I had seen your example then I might have stood out against him. I might have been free… as you were. Why didn’t you marry Bertrand? You were betrothed. You were in love. And there was to be a child and yet… you didn’t marry him. That seems very strange.”

“I did what I felt was best.”

“It was brave of you. And you set up that studio in Paris and you didn’t care… And nobody seemed to mind.”

“I lived in a bohemian society, and as I told you, conventions are not considered to be of such importance there as they are in Court circles.”

“I wish I had lived in such a society. Nothing was right for me. I was married to a man I was afraid of … I was going to have a child which was not his. Sometimes I wished I could just die and leave it to other people to sort out.”

“You must never feel like that.”

“But I do… now and then. You see, the fact that I tried to get rid of William did something to me. It didn’t stop his coming but … there was some damage. I can’t have any more children. That’s another reason why Rollo hates me.”

“He can’t hate you.”

“Now you are talking as so many people talk. Why can’t he hate me, pray? Of course he hates anyone who stands in the way of what he wants. He would like to get rid of me and marry someone who could give him children … sons just like himself.”

“We all have to adjust ourselves to life. Even he has to do that.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t seem worth the effort. Imagine how it was. I was going to have the child who was going to appear too soon. I was sick and wretched … desperately frightened of childbirth and even more frightened of him. I used to come up here and sit down and think. I’d look over there. That’s where Paris is … In that direction … if only there wasn’t so much in between. I longed to be back there.

Sometimes I thought of climbing a little higher to the Peak. That’s a spot where the land stops suddenly and there is a big drop down.

Someone fell over not long ago. It was in the mist. It was a farmer who had lost his way and couldn’t find his bearings. He stepped out . into nothing. I’ll show you before we leave. It’s just up there. I used to think how easy it would be to take that step. That would end it. No one could blame me for anything then. And how pleased Rollo would be. He could wipe me out of his life and start again. “

“How unhappy you must have been!”

“More frightened than anything else. Believe me, at one time I thought it would be easier to do that than to go on.”

“Poor Marie-Claude, how you must have suffered!”

“He must have suspected then, I was so frightened. If that had happened before … I don’t think I should have started withArmand.”

I sat staring ahead thinking of that terrifying ride across Paris in the cab.

“You see he suspected me … even then.”

I hesitated, but I could not tell her that it was for a different reason that I had been nearly abducted.

“And yet,” she went on, ‘he pretended to be surprised. I shall never forget my wedding day . I mean the horror of it. I suppose nobody ever forgets a wedding day. but other people’s would be remembered differently. I don’t know how I lived through it. And he knew, of course. I don’t think he minded so much about that. It was when the child was to be born too soon that he was mad with rage. I tried to get rid of it. It didn’t work. Who would have thought to look at William that he could have been so obstinate! Rollo had a way of finding out things, then he made me tell him . everything. He was to have a child which was not his! You can understand how furious he was.

”

“Yes, I can,” I said.

“You think he had reason to be. But I didn’t want to marry him in the first place. If I had seen your example then I might have stood out against him. I might have been free… as you were. Why didn’t you marry Bertrand? You were betrothed. You were in love. And there was to be a child and yet… you didn’t marry him. That seems very strange.”

“I did what I felt was best.”

“It was brave of you. And you set up that studio in Paris and you didn’t care… And nobody seemed to mind.”

“I lived in a bohemian society, and as I told you, conventions are not considered to be of such importance there as they are in Court circles.”

“I wish I had lived in such a society. Nothing was right for me. I was married to a man I was afraid of.-.I was going to have a child which was not his. Sometimes I wished I could just die and leave it to other people to sort out.”

“You must never feel like that.”

“But I do… now and then. You see, the fact that I tried to get rid of William did something to me. It didn’t stop his coming but … there was some damage. I can’t have any more children. That’s another reason why Rollo hates me.”

“He can’t hate you.”

“Now you are talking as so many people talk. Why can’t he hate me, pray? Of course he hates anyone who stands in the way of what he wants. He would like to get rid of me and marry someone who could give him children … sons just like himself.”

“We all have to adjust ourselves to life. Even he has to do that.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t seem worth the effort. Imagine how it was. I was going to have the child who was going to appear too soon. I was sick and wretched … desperately frightened of childbirth and even more frightened of him. I used to come up here and sit down and think. I’d look over there. That’s where Paris is … In that direction … if only there wasn’t so much in between. I longed to be back there.

Sometimes I thought of climbing a little higher to the Peak. That’s a spot where the land stops suddenly and there is a big drop down.

Someone fell over not long ago. It was in the mist. It was a farmer who had lost his way and couldn’t find his bearings. He stepped out . into nothing. I’ll show you before we leave. It’s just up there. I used to think how easy it would be to take that step. That would end it. No one could blame me for anything then. And how pleased Rollo would be. He could wipe me out of his life and start again. “

“How unhappy you must have been!”

“More frightened than anything else. Believe me, at one time I thought it would be easier to do that than to go on.”

“Poor Marie-Claude, how you must have suffered!”

“Even now … sometimes I think, is it worth while going on?”

“You have your little boy.”

“William! He’s the cause of all the trouble. But for him I should probably have had more children. I might have grown less scared of Rollo. Who knows, I might have been able to give him what he wanted.”

I was feeling vaguely apprehensive. I guessed that later she might regret having told me so much. She turned to me impulsively.

“Mine is such a wretched story. Don’t let’s talk of it any more. How different it must have been for you. Tell me about it.” “You know a great deal of it. I had my child and I set up in a salon and painted. Clients came to me, and it was all going very well until the war came.”

“The war!” She mused.

“It seemed rather remote to us here in the chateau. Isn’t it strange that Rollo should be able to keep himself aloof from it? It is almost as though he had magical powers. Sometimes I think he is more than a man … a demon perhaps. Someone who has come on earth from some other place. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yes,” I admitted.

“I thought you did. He’s always been against this war. He said it was folly and the Emperor was a fool. He thinks of himself after all these centuries as a Norman. He’s powerful … more powerful than any one man should be. He owns a great deal of property … not only here but in England and Italy. It is because he is so rich and powerful that my family wanted the marriage, and it was because of my descent from the Royal Houses of France and Austria that he wanted me. How can people expect a good marriage to be based on such reasons? You are very fortunate, Kate.”