The Devil Behind Me (13 page)

I walked into the doctor’s office and was irate when I saw my father sitting hunched over in pain. I had to leave Sofia at the diner all alone, something I had never done before, in order to come and get him. 

“What did the doctor say?” I asked as I sat down next to him. 

“They said I needed a colonoscopy,” he said meekly.

“Why?”
I nearly screamed.

A colonoscopy meant h
e would be in pain for months. The meds they gave him to clean him out only aggravated his flare-ups to the point where he couldn’t walk or work. Every time he had to go through one, we had to deal with it, and every time it only got worse. I kept telling him to tell them no, but they instilled fear, telling him of cancer and other possibilities.

“They want to see if I can be a candidate for an experimental drug
. One that might help me,” he said smiling. I knew he was in pain, I could see it.

“Fuck,
” I said under my breath.

My father was getting
worse not better and I didn’t understand his doctor. I knew they did the best they could and most of the time it was an educated guess at best, but I wanted him okay. I wanted my father back to the way he was. Fuck, if I hadn’t failed him, if I was somehow better at all this then maybe he wouldn’t be in such a bad state. I reached up and slowly massaged his back.

“Daddy?
Where did you park your car?” I asked. 

“
Downstairs. In the parking lot.” He looked up from his seat on the verge of tears.

“
Okay, I’ll go get it and drive you home. Then I’ll go to the store.” I smiled, trying my hardest to hide the sheer agony I felt seeing my father the way he was. There wasn’t a damn fucking thing I could do about it either. I was hopeless and helpless. I couldn’t do anything to ease his pain or his suffering and whatever I tried only caused him to get more flare ups. I headed to the elevator, pressed the down button, and waited. My father was going to meet me downstairs once he finished with the doctor.

“Here to see a plastic surgeon to fix that ugly scar of yours?” Clara’s voice was like cold water had been poured over me in mid
-winter. 

“
Hello, Clara,” I said flatly as I continued to stare at the elevator with hope the doors would open and I could quickly leave from here. 

“
Why? Why the fuck do you get to have Daimon?” she seethed. 

“
Excuse me?” I turned to face her. She glared at me through her fake eyelashes.

“
You had him all throughout high school. Not one day went by without him being by your side and now what? You guys are dating. Daimon is mine,” she said spitefully.

“It’s too bad he only wants me
,” I fired back.

“You’re such a
fucking bitch,” she hissed and slapped me hard. I felt the pain across my face. My skin grew hot with shame. I reached up and held my hand where she had hit me, feeling my skin throb. “What is it about you that he’s so fascinated with? What? The fact you’re poor or the fact you’re nothing but a fucking loser? I didn’t get it then and don’t get it now. Poor little Addie needs her prince charming to swoop in and save her. Aren’t you tired of being the constant victim in your life? Can’t you get over yourself already and move on from this act you’re pulling?” she accused.

I dropped my hand as a toothless grin appear
ed on my face. I watched her as her face changed. I must have looked like I was crazy as I continued to stare at her for a few seconds.

“
No, I'm not done playing this little game. I like when others come around and accuse me of being a manipulative bitch. Then again, you would know, since that’s all you are. It’s not my fault Daimon wants me and not your sorry ass self. It’s not high school and you can’t hide behind your family’s wealth anymore. Touch me one more time and I’ll have you arrested for assault,” I said coldly. 

“Just try,” s
he smiled. “I’m coming for you, Addie. I'm warning you Daimon is mine and you should stay away from him,” Clara declared. I inched closer to her. My grin growing as I watched her take a misstep back, causing her to almost fall.

“You can try, but
know that Daimon is mine and he knows it.” The elevator dinged and it was my cue to leave. “Bye, Clara.”

I walked into the elevator and stood tall, but the moment
the doors closed I fell back. The angry red marks of Clara’s slap pulsated on my face. It hurt, bad. 

I finally found the car and waited for my father to e
merge from the door out front. When he did, I began the drive back home. He was lost, pensive as he stared out the window of the car. I watched him as he looked out the passenger side window, not bothering to acknowledge some of my questions. I was grateful he hadn’t noticed the large welts on my face.

Once
we were outside of the house, he opened the car door and barely said good-bye to me as he headed inside. I left and drove to the diner. Once I was close I decided to park the car a few blocks away. I let my head fall back onto the headrest and quietly sobbed. I closed my eyes, remembering how listless my father looked. The lively, loving father I had was now despondent and lost. “I did it,” I kept saying as I cried. I grabbed onto the steering wheel and hung my head. The anguished feeling of being a failure and somehow not being able to correct this situation tied me down like an anchor. I fucking tried, I tried so fucking hard, it hurt; it burned inside me. I failed them both. I failed them all. Had I not asked my mother for something special, had I just shut up, she would have lived and not lost her life senselessly in a stupid hit and run. My father wouldn’t have been broken and Sofia would have had a promising future. But no, I had to ask, I had to push and in the end I caused all of this. I did all of this. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how many hours I put in, everything I touched fell apart. I couldn’t hold it together. I couldn’t make it better. I kept crying, lamenting at how much I had fucked everything up.

When a loud knock startl
ed me, I jolted up from the steering wheel to see Daimon standing there. The look on his face showed me he wasn’t too pleased with me. The moment our eyes met, his face changed and he reached for the door to open it. It was locked, but still he tried, his efforts making the car shake.

“
Open the fucking door, Addie,” he bellowed. I sat transfixed at how he looked at me. “The door!” he barked as he banged on it.

I pressed the button and he opened it with such force
, the door nearly flung off. He reached inside and turned me to face him. He bent down in front of me and looked up at me.

“Why? Why are you crying?” he asked
anxiously.

“It’
s been a long day and I'm tired,” I said quietly. 

“Bullshit
,” he hissed. He reached for my face and I recoiled back. He took my face and turned it. He growled the moment he saw the marks. “Did he do this to you?” he asked as he gritted through his teeth. Daimon’s eyes went frigid and cold as he stared at me.

“No.”

“Addie, don’t fucking lie to me,” he said annoyed.

“He didn’t do
this to me,” I said weakly. “I told you I had a hard day.” I half-smiled as I wiped my tears away.

“Why?” he asked
, but I shook my head. “Addie, let me in!” he pleaded.

I stared
down at him, watching this man. The tormentor of my life and he wanted me to let him in. I quickly wiped the last of my tears and stood up from the car seat. Daimon stood up and blocked my way.

“If i
t wasn’t your fucking ex then who hit you?” he demanded.

“No one
of any consequence,” I said as I pushed past him and closed the car door.

“
Addie,” he called out to me as I made my way to the diner. “Addie! Fuck!” he shouted.

I ignored him and
entered the diner. He followed closely behind me, I could sense his presence and his unhappy disposition as I entered and began to work. Sofia had been busy, but nothing she couldn’t handle. I hated the smug little smile she gave me, like she was telling me she had everything under control and she could handle it all. Yeah, like I was just going to drop the Yale thing and let her rot in here, like Daddy and I did. I don’t fucking think so.

“
Go home,” I barked at her.

“
Why?” she asked, almost hurt because I hadn’t acknowledged her.

“
Because,” I said taking an apron. Daimon had sat himself down in a small booth in the back of the diner and watched me closely.

“Addie?
Your face.” She reached for me but I walked away from her.

“Home!”
I insisted again.

“Addie, did he
hit you?” she asked, as she followed me to the back of the diner.

“No
! He would never hurt me,” I fired back. Not physically that is. Daimon stood up from where he sat and followed us.

“Then who?” she began to panic.

“Try her ex, your fun loving Frank,” Daimon hissed as he stood with his hands in his jean pockets. Sofia turned to face him and then me.

“Frank would
never hurt her,” she fired back. Daimon only chuckled.

“How
fucking long are you going to keep her in the dark about this?” he spat out to me.

“
Daimon shut up already,” I hissed trying to keep my voice low enough so our customers wouldn’t hear us.

“In the dark about what?” she cried out.

“Sofia, go home. Dad needs you, so please just go home,” I pleaded with her.

“
Why?” she almost sobbed. “What happened at his doctor’s appointment?” She looked at me, her eyes wide.

“The meds aren’t working.” My voice cracked and I was on the verge of tears.

“Addie?” she whispered.

“Take th
e car, it’s a few blocks down. Go be with Dad. I got this.” I smiled, attempting to reassure her.

She ran
past me, took her jacket along with the car keys and left. Only Daimon and I stood in the back of the diner. I closed my eyes, the hard lump smoldering in my throat. I knelt down and began to cry again. “Fuck,” Daimon muttered as he slowly walked over to me, reached down, and wrapped his arms around me. I let him hold me only because I needed someone, anyone and that anyone was him. His warm embrace almost melting away the hard exterior I had built up all these years.

“Enough
,” I said meekly, as I pushed him off me and began to walk away. 

“Addie.”

“Daimon, I have to work. I don’t have time for this.” I left a bewildered Daimon standing in the back of my diner.

He stayed with me
, but only for a little while. Once he realized I wasn’t going to give him the time of day, he left. However, I was left with a text from him.

I ignored it and continued with my work. The day was long and exhausting. After the small dinner rush no one else came in. Each minute that passed only added to my stress. I watched the clock, almost counting the amount of money we were losing. How the hell was I going to tell my dad now? There would be no way I could simply bring up closing the diner.

I cleaned up
and locked up. The same sleek black sedan was waiting for me out front, but the older gentleman who usually drove us around wasn’t there. A younger, buffer man stood in front of me as he held the door open.

“Mr. E
vans wants me to drive you home,” he said. I nodded and gave in instantly.

The porch light was on
. It was early in the evening and this usually was the date night I had with Daimon, but he didn’t call or text. I put the key into the door and felt my heart sink as I walked into see my father hunched over the couch trying to be comfortable when all he could do was hurt. Sofia was next to him watching an old movie they both loved.

“You’re home,
” my father said over his shoulder.

“
Yeah,” I said as I placed my things down on the floor near the door. 

“Was it busy today?”
he asked as I sat down in the armchair.

“It was ok
ay,” I said as I looked at the television and not him.

Sofia barely acknowledged me as all three o
f us sat and watched the movie. It was “A Fist Full of Dollars.” My father loved westerns and would often make us watch them with him. He thought Clint Eastwood was the best. I smiled a bittersweet smile at the moment we were sharing. The best part was the ending when ‘the stranger’ who was played by Clint Eastwood challenged the bad guys. My dad relished the ending, his eyes would sparkle and he would forget for a moment about all that affected him. Instead of the ending, I sat back watching my father, looking at him intently, trying hard to remember the last time he was like this. I was going to brand this moment in my mind and keep it there, as fuel to keep me going. He smirked when Ramon, one of the characters in the movie, got what was coming to him.

“That was a good movie,” h
e smiled as the credits rolled on the TV.

“It
was. I loved it.” Sofia smiled widely at Dad.

“I better go to sleep. I’ll open the store tomorrow. Why don’t you go for a run? You haven’t
run in weeks Addie,” he said as he stood up and patted me on the shoulder.

“
Maybe,” I said meekly. It’s true; I hadn’t gone on a run in weeks. I couldn’t, I was too busy, with my two jobs and my pseudo boyfriend. Sofia waited until Dad was in the bathroom to actually start to speak to me.

“W
hat did Daimon mean about Frank?” she asked.

“Nothing.
He meant nothing,” I said curtly.

“You know what? I'm glad I'm going t
o Yale. At least I’ll get the hell away from you and all this,” she hissed as she stood up and nearly ran up the stairs.

I sunk even lower into the armchair and
raised my legs up to my body, hugging myself.
That’s right, Sofia. I want you to hate me so you can leave and never look back.
I felt my phone vibrate. I reached behind me and took it out of my back pocket.