The Devil Behind Me (16 page)

“Addie, you did
n’t do anything,” he said vehemently, but I ignored him.

“
Thank you for helping me today,” I said wiping the last of my tears. “Again, I'm sorry you had to deal with Frank, but I'm not sorry about the whiskey,” I smiled trying to lighten the mood. I could no longer stand myself anymore. I never told anyone how I felt and here I was telling Daimon everything.

I reached for the door
, but Daimon clasped onto my arm, pulled me in and kissed me. It was soft and tender, as his warm lips slowly moved over mine. I melted into his embrace, seeking his comfort. I sought out his dominance as he took my lips, giving me what I didn’t know I wanted. His mouth softly pressed onto my lips as I moved in closer, pulling at him. Daimon gently placed his hands on my face and took me in. I could feel the jaded pieces of my broken heart begin to soften. That’s when I pushed him away. Daimon held onto my face looked at me intently, as he began to caress my hair.

“I'm sorry,” h
e said softly. Those words rang so loudly inside his silent car, piercing my soul. I didn’t want his pity; I didn’t want him to be sorry.

I pushed
myself from him, jumped out of the car, and ran inside.

I kicked off my shoes and h
eaded to the bathroom upstairs. I turned on the water and splashed my face. I took the towel and bit into it as I stifled yet another cry. My tears fell as I remembered the day we had buried my mother. I remembered the smell of those fucking lilies as they sent wreath after wreath. I remembered her funeral and all her friends sending their condolences to our family. I remembered Sofia holding me tightly by the hand, afraid of everyone around her, as she snuck behind me, trying desperately to hide. She hated the attention and so did I. I hated the look of pity and sadness as they all looked at us. At night, Sofia kept asking for Mom in her sleep, calling out to her constantly. It took months of me holding her in my arms for her to finally sleep normally. I did this to them, to all of us.

I finally composed myself and took a shower
, washing away the day’s events. I slowly eased into my room and lay on my bed. My phone glowed and I picked it up.

It was time for Sofia to leave for Yale. She hardly spoke to me, busying herself with getting things ready. I was afraid she was angry with me for pushing this on her, but her future was bright and I didn’t want to see the light which surrounded her turn black. Sofia was really smart, the world would be at her feet and so would any man.

I had made my dad stay home with her so
they could spend time together. The moment I entered the house I could hear them laughing and talking. It was sad, but it was also a good thing. I smiled happily as I entered the house, even though my heart was silently breaking, knowing my little sister I helped raise was moving on with her life.

“There you are
, we’ve been waiting,” Sofia said as she got up from her seat and walked over to me to help me with my things. I laughed because this wasn’t the normal Sofia I knew. “Dad and I chose a movie to watch, so we waited for you,” she smiled.

“Which one?”
I asked as I headed to the armchair.

“The Good, The Bad and The Ugly,” m
y father said as he watched me sit. 

“Good choice,
” I murmured as I got comfortable. 

We laughed
as we watched the movie. Well, I laughed the most as I watched Sofia and my dad take turns saying Clint Eastwood’s lines out loud. It was us trying our best to create some more memories. It was bittersweet, but I was happy she had finally caved in and wanted to go. I knew we’d see her on holidays and she’d Skype us all the time, or so I hoped. Life tends to take over and I was worried we’d lose her to the new life she was building.

Daimon
never contacted me after that day. I was happy he didn’t, but there was a small part of me which felt like things were still unresolved somehow. It was that part of me that wanted to see him, but I pushed it back and ignored its gnawing existence.  

When I went to the bank to wire the money to
the school, I saw Daimon had put all the money we had discussed into my account. Even the bonus he said I earned. That little gnawing feeling came up, wanting to thank him. I earned it, maybe not to the fullest amount, but I did play the part of his girlfriend as best as I could. He knew how much I hated him, so why was my mind constantly on that kiss?

It bothered me how much I fought to not tell him everything and in one sp
lit second; I bared myself completely to him. I laid bare all that I was, exposing my most inner thoughts and remorse. He saw the sadness I carried and it irritated me. Why was he always looking at me? Why was he able to gut me and fish out all that I tried desperately to hide?

The detective
who was handling my case had called me and told me Frank was being sent to prison again. I was elated only because I worried what he would do to my family or me. I had asked about Daimon, saying I wanted to know if my boyfriend was being charged, but he couldn’t really say anything else to me. I sat back wondering if maybe Frank going to prison wasn’t Daimon’s doing, but then again Frank did break his probation. I really didn’t want to owe Daimon anything; plus, I seriously didn’t want him to be involved in my pile of shit as I called it. Either way, I was grateful he was there that night and helped me with Frank.

***

“Tell me again why you want to leave so early in the morning?” I asked as I stood outside in front of the rental car Sofia had ordered a few days ago. It was stuffed with her boxes and clothes. 

“Because this way I get to
see both of you before I go,” she said, smiling.

The sun had barely st
arted to rise over the horizon. Dawn was upon us as we stood waiting for my father to come out.

“I know you might be angry with me for pushing this on you, but I want you
to live another life,” I said ruefully.

“I'm not mad. I know why you pushed and why you wo
rked as hard as you did for me. I just wish I could help you, too. Addie, you took care of me all this time. Without you, I would have never dreamed of this day. I'm upset I could never make it easier on you. I know I'm a brat,” she said.

“You just figure
d that out now? Now that you’re leaving?” I laughed.

“
I love you, Addie. You gave up so much and have done a lot for Dad and me. I promise I’ll work hard and get you out of that diner. Okay?” She smiled, on the verge of tears.

“Don’t think of
Dad or me, not in that way anyways. Think about us as your family, not people you need to save. Daddy and I are adults, now it’s your turn.” I pushed back the tears that begged to come out.

Dad slowly
made his way to us. I stepped back wanting to give them their privacy.

“I love you
, Daddy,” Sofia said as she sobbed and hugged him. 

“I love you
, too.” He kissed her on her forehead. “Here take this,” he said holding out his hand. It was our mother’s cross that he had given her. My mother wouldn’t go a day without wearing it. It was on a long gold chain that always hung loosely around her neck. 

Sofia cried as she took it and tri
ed to put it on, but her hand shook too much. Dad smiled and took it from her placing it around her neck. My father cried and smiled. “I'm proud of you. Now go off and be good. Drive safely and call us the moment you get there,” he pointed at her.

“Okay
, Daddy,” she promised as she wiped her tears. 

I moved
up, took Sofia into my arms, and held her tightly. “I love you, kiddo. Be safe and know, no matter what, I'm here for you always.” I kissed her cheek and pulled away. She nodded and bit hard on her lips; it was always her little nervous tick. She slid into the driver seat and drove off.

Dad and
I stood watching her leave. Once she was over the hill, she was gone. We both stayed there as an empty void was felt between us. It was always the three of us and now there was only two of us left.  

“I’ll head down to the diner
first,” I said as I walked toward the house. 

“We’ll go together,” h
e said.

This day was one of the worst my father and I ever had. The new restaurant across the street had a line up. I watched as people would go in and out of the store while we sat here doing nothing. With Sofia gone, I knew it was time to speak with my father about the future of the store. It really didn’t matter what he said, because with the money we were making now the store would go bankrupt within a few months. I wanted him to make the decision on his own and save himself his pride.

“
Daddy,” I started. The nerves in my belly getting the better of me, I was afraid of his reaction. I knew this diner meant everything to him.

“Addie
, you’ll need to call the supplier, the meat he sent us is not good.” He walked over to the other fridge and looked inside.

“
Daddy,” I said again more forcefully.

“
Tell the vegetable guy to stop jerking us around with our orders. I know he forgot to get us that extra box of salad.” He closed the door of the fridge and walked away from me.

“Da
ddy, stop. I want to talk to you,” I insisted.

“I know
, Addie, I know.” He stopped and kept his back to me.

“Dad
, you know the diner isn’t doing well,” I hesitated.

“I know
, Addie, but with Sofia gone we can now focus our attentions here,” he said still not looking at me.

“Dad
, you can’t be serious? There’s no more money to be had. There is not one customer coming in here anymore. Daddy, I think…it’s done,” I said quietly.

“Only I say
when it’s done and it’s not done!” he said loudly. 

“Dad, look at the numbers.” I ran and took out
our bills, all of which had overdue stamped in red all over them. “We aren’t making any money,” I said ruefully. 

“Are you blaming me?” H
e turned around and yelled at me.

“No
, Daddy. I'm not blaming anyone,” I lied. I did blame someone. I blamed myself completely.

“I'm not
giving up my diner, Addie, not for you or for anyone,” he hissed.

“
What is that supposed to mean?” I asked surprised at his tone. 

“I knew you never wanted to be here. I saw it.
You hate the diner, that’s why you want to close it,” he shouted.

“Why
are you saying that?” I cried. “Daddy, I worked every day for over ten years. I even got a second job just to pay the rent.”

“Admit it
, Addie. Say it,” he cried out.

“Fine
! I hate the fucking store! I hate what it’s done to you and me! We work day in and day out for what? Nothing!” I screamed.

“You didn’t
need to work,” he said coldly.

“Are you serious?” I fired back
. “Then who would work? You? Don’t make me laugh. You can hardly stand on your own two feet half the time. You’re sick, Daddy, and working here isn’t making it any better. Not for you or for me,” I shouted.

“You just want an excuse to leave with
Daimon. You don’t need one, just go. I can do this all myself,” he roared.

“
Daimon? What does Daimon have to do with anything?” I yelled.

“
At least he’s not Frank,” my father stated angrily.

I began
to cry uncontrollably at his harsh words. “I can’t believe you would mention that!” I yelled.

“
You want to close my diner, Addie. This is all I have left of your mother and my dream.  If this goes, she goes too.” He began to cry.

“
Daddy, I'm sorry. I know I failed you. I know I screwed it all up, but I tried, I really tried.”

“Addie
, I’m not going to give up as easily as you. This is my business, my dream. Thank you for helping me all this time, but I no longer want you here. Now get out.” he said harshly.

“I gave up my future
for you and this stupid diner. It doesn’t matter what you say, the diner will close down within a few months anyways,” I shouted. 

“
What?” he yelled.

“
We haven’t made any money, Dad. The diner has bled us completely dry. It’s done.” I finally admitted the truth, the giant truth which hung over our heads. 

“I will find a way,” h
e said defiantly.

“You do that
,” I fired back.

“If you had more drive
, the diner wouldn’t be in the position it’s in,” he said in a serious tone.  His words broke what little of my heart I had left. 

“You think I wanted to be here? You think I want
ed to schlep greasy diner food for a living? I hate being here, but I did what I had to for you and Sofia,” I snapped.

“
With your business degree you could have made the business work,” he said angrily.

“I could have had a
Yale degree, Dad. But I don’t, mom died and everything changed,” I spat out.

“
Yes, your mother died and left me here all alone to care for two girls and our diner.”

“
You’re not the only one who lost her, Daddy, I lost her too and so did Sofia.”

“Get out
, Addie! You want to take it all away, just like I lost your mother, you want me to give up the only connection I have left with her. Get out,” he shouted so loudly I was afraid.

“Daddy?” I said meekly.

“GET OUT
!”

I left the diner
and my father behind. I walked through the streets of Astoria and made my way to downtown New York. I knew he was hurting, losing the business meant losing her all over again. He shouted at me not because he hated me, but for the first time in years we didn’t have Sofia to make things better between us. We were both hurting and all we could do was lash out at one another.

I wonder
ed aimlessly as the night over took the sky. I looked up above as a droplet of rain had fallen on my head. It was starting to rain, but I didn’t care. I was overworked, exhausted and hurt by my father’s words. Even though I knew they came from a place of pain and hopelessness, his words stuck with me as they whirled around my mind.
‘Had you done better…with your business degree…you want to take it all away from me.’
The drizzle turned in to heavy rain. The water poured down on me, soaking my jeans and shirt. I don’t know how many hours I walked, but somehow I ended up in front of Daimon’s building. There I stood, the downpour beating down on me. My tears seemed cold compared to the rain that fell on me.

“Ms. Addie.” The jolly
doorman appeared, looking somewhat dismayed.

“
Could you tell Daimon I'm here?” I asked meekly. I was so broken I didn’t care who saw me.

“
Sure,” he said as he went inside and came right back out. “Go ahead. He’s inside.” He held the door open for me.

I walked in
to the opulent lobby; it looked different now, I don't know why, but it did. I must have looked like a wet dog soaked to the bone as I slowly made my way past the man at the desk. 

“Ms.
Addie,” he said softly. I nodded and sniffled.

My
wet hair was dripping on the expensive carpet I was walking on. I made my way to the elevator and the man at the desk came to help me. I stepped inside and pressed the button for Daimon’s penthouse. The elevator took its time as I stood in the middle making a small puddle around me. I looked through the highly polished bronze surrounding me. I looked listless and felt dejected. The words
‘get out’
kept running through my mind. Finally the elevator stopped, the doors opened and there in front of me stood Daimon.