The Devil Couldn't Break Me (13 page)

Dining with the Devils

There was yet another rape in the apartment two days later. It wasn't quite so brutal as the earlier assault, the girl was much younger and she yielded far easier as she froze in fear and allowed Rexha to do as he wished. She resisted at first but almost from the outset she could see that the odds were stacked against her with three more guards on standby as well as Kupi who all looked on. For a reason I couldn't understand, I was made to watch again but spent most of the time studying the evil reactions of Lule who oversaw proceedings with a real venomous pleasure and at one point even helped Rexha remove the girls skirt. I remember the girl looking at her in disbelief. It was as if she could somehow comprehend the animalistic behaviour of the fat man abusing her but not from the gentler sex. The girl lay on her back like a piece of cold meat while Rexha stripped off and climbed onto her. It was almost as if she'd resigned herself to her fate and although I could see in her face that she was terrified I admired her composure to a certain extent, it was almost as if she was saying let's get this over with.

Mercifully for the girl, Rexha didn't last long and he soon climbed off her. They threw her clothes at her and one of the guards bundled her towards the front door aggressively. There was a little commotion and some shouting at the door and I was aware of at least two or three blows and a squeal and some sobbing but the guard was back within a minute or two and I breathed a sigh of relief that her punishment had obviously been concluded and that she'd survived the experience. Even from the outset, from my first encounter with them I sensed that these men were more than capable of killing and that life was cheap to them.

Kupi stood and buttoned up his jacket.

“Okay you,” he said looking at me, “get your coat we're going out.”

This time I sat in the back of the car with two guards either side of me. Kupi sat in the passenger seat alongside the driver and I could see he was a little agitated, deep in thought while we once again drove beyond the city limits. I tried to take my bearings and carefully studied the road signs just in the off chance I somehow managed to get away. We headed to the west but didn't drive too far before Kupi turned round and announced it was lunchtime and that he was so hungry he could eat a bear.

The restaurant had been well chosen once again, well off the beaten track and somewhat more salubrious than the pizza restaurant. The waiters wore black bow ties and jackets and once again, to my dismay, everyone seemed to know Kupi and his gang. There was an overpowering stench of fish, really strong fish and it began to turn my stomach it was so bad. There were live crabs and lobsters in tanks and Kupi stood and studied one of them pointing to a large crustacean and passing comment to one of the waiters. We sat down and Kupi ordered some sort of special fish dish for the table. The waiter nodded in an approving manner and returned with some wine. I got the impression that Kupi was pushing the boat out, either trying to impress people or celebrating in some way.

Twenty minutes later there was a little movement by the door and Kupi stood. Some of the other diners also looked cautiously towards the door and two men walked over in the direction of our table. Kupi embraced them warmly while the other guards shook their hands. I had never seen them before. Kupi introduced them to me and I had no choice but to greet them. I expected a kiss from them that was the normal way a man greeted a female friend but the first man just shook my hand while the other gave me no more than a cursory nod.

The
special
arrived soon after, a huge pot of steaming fish casserole with potatoes and other vegetables and rice. The waiters brought more wine and of course plenty of bread and the men all tucked in as if they'd starved themselves for a month. It looked pleasant enough but the smell was overpowering and after what I had witnessed yet again in Kupi's apartment I had no appetite whatsoever. I recall watching Kupi eat like a hungry pig, and Rexha too, as if the morning's events had never taken place. They laughed and joked and gorged themselves. These men had no compassion, as if they had somehow separated the evil and wickedness from the normality of sharing a meal with friends, an optical delusion of their consciousness. The poor girl and what they'd put her through hadn't even crossed their minds as they fed their fat bloated faces and within fifteen minutes the huge pot that graced the table was completely empty. What Pigs, I thought as my stomach turned in disgust.

Kupi and the two strangers (I never caught their names) excused themselves and walked off in the direction of the toilets. They were away some time. When they returned Kupi ordered some fruit and some cheese and more bread and they gorged themselves some more.

I'd never seen men eat that way, not even during the huge celebrations after Ramadan where men had gone hungry for many days. And then they were away again, off to the toilets and I realised they were talking about a business that they did not want to share with me or the people in the restaurant. They brought more wine and then some brandy and by the time we all prepared to leave I realised that everyone was quite drunk and I wondered if this was perhaps my chance to take advantage of them. I looked over the table at Kupi who was staring at me and shaking his head and at that moment I was convinced that the man could actually read my mind.

We said our farewells to the strangers but I got the distinct feeling that it wouldn't be the last time I would see them.

As we left the restaurant the driver signalled to the right and I realised we were heading away from Pristina.

“Where are we going?” I asked. “This isn't the way back to the apartment.”

Kupi turned around.

“We're going to Pejë,” he said. “We're staying the night there.”

“Why?” I asked.

Kupi looked at Rexha and the other guard sitting next to me and even though it was quite dark I caught a glimpse of his teeth... a smile.

“Because my dear little virgin girl, it's that little bit closer to Albania where you'll be spending the foreseeable future.”

Azem Kupi - A Change of Direction

“But why are you taking me to Albania? I don't want to go to Albania.” I protested. “I want to go home to my family, please don't take me to Pejë. I just want to go home to my parents.”

Kupi and his gang laughed at me. They laughed as I cried and they teased and taunted me all the way to Pejë. About four kilometres from the centre we stopped and Rexha, a guard and the driver got out. Once again Kupi told me to drive and he said goodbye to his men.

“What's happening?” I said. Where are they going, where are we going?”

“Drive,” Kupi said, “they are staying here tonight.”

He pointed up the street.

“Our apartment is a little nearer to the centre of Pejë.

“Our apartment? I don't understand.”

He turned to me. His body language had changed and he was smiling at me, almost looking quite normal.

“Yes Laura, our apartment... just the two of us. Just me and you.”

It was my worst nightmare and my blood ran cold. I was going to be spending the night alone with Azem Kupi. He gave out instructions on where I should drive but my feet were trembling so much I could hardly keep them on the pedals and I even stalled the car at a red traffic light. I half expected Kupi to be angry but he wasn't. He spoke to me softly.

“Take your time Laura, there's no hurry.”

Kupi seemed to know a lot about the history of Pejë, he said that during World War II it had been occupied by Albania but then afterwards became part of Yugoslavia as part of the Kosovo province.

“There has always been tension here,” he said. “Relations between Serbs and the majority of Albanians have always been strained during the whole of the 20
th
century.”

He pointed to some of the buildings that were almost derelict. He explained that the Serbs had shelled them for many weeks.

“It's not a big city.,” he said, “but the people are killing each other for fun and as for the buildings, destroying them has almost become a national pastime.”

Soon after he pointed to an underground parking entrance and we drove inside. We took a lift to the sixth floor of an apartment block. It was totally different to the one I'd been kept prisoner in Pristina. There was no heavy steel security door just a normal wood panelled door painted white with brass fixtures and a brass number 11 at eye level. Kupi produced a single key, opened the door and we walked in. He locked the door behind us and slipped the key back into his pocket. The apartment was quite pleasant, not what I expected and not what I had been used too and for once it didn't stink of tobacco. It was very modern and tastefully decorated with a large oblong shaped lounge with soft sofas and a deep piled carpet. The curtains were drawn and Kupi switched on a couple of small lamps and then fiddled with a thermostat for the heating.

“Give it a few minutes it will soon heat up.”

He took my coat and hung it on the back of a chair.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked politely.

“Like what?”

“A drink, as in a glass of wine, something stronger?”

“No thanks.”

I was cold to the point of shivering and I wanted my coat back. I asked Kupi if I could make a coffee and he pointed me in the direction of the kitchen. Kupi was almost to the point of trusting me, as if our relationship was not of prisoner captive but one of friends. I reminded myself I was very much still a prisoner and escape was uppermost in my thoughts, as always, as it had been from the very moment they had taken me.

I poured some water into the kettle and waited for it to boil all the while planning and thinking up a way of how I could get out of there. Kupi had had a lot of drink. Perhaps I could encourage him to drink more and get him to fall asleep. He'd offered me wine,
something stronger
he'd said. I knew where he'd put the key and I could be out of there in seconds. I'd run for ten minutes, run as far and as fast as I could before starting to look for a police station. It was possible. I looked in the fridge, it was lightly stocked but there were some strong beers and a bottle of white wine. In the corner of the kitchen was a wine rack with three bottles of red. Red was Kupi's favourite. I made him a coffee and also opened the wine and carried them through on a tray.

He looked up and smiled. He was sitting on the sofa.

“Come and sit beside me Laura.”

I placed the tray on the table and poured him a glass of red wine that I handed to him.

“There's coffee there too,” I said pointing to the cup.

“Thanks.”

He took the glass of wine and placed the rim to his lips. He barely them before he leant over and placed the glass back onto the tray. I'd need to be patient.

“Come and sit beside me,” he repeated.

I did as he asked, I'd need to be nice to Kupi if I was going to relax him and get him to drink more. I tried to calculate exactly how much he'd had to drink. I counted at least half a dozen beers and many glasses of wine during the meal and then they'd started on brandy. My God, Kupi had drunk enough to send a small army to sleep.

Kupi put his arm around me and pulled me in close.

“You're shivering,” He said.

“I'm cold.”

It wasn't the cold. I was trembling with fear. Although Kupi had seemingly changed for the better I knew exactly what he was capable of and I thought back to the first time I had encountered him, when he'd punched and kicked and beat me and then ordered his guards to rape me. He pulled me closer. I could smell him, the aroma of the devil and I shook even more. My skin crawled, as if a thousand lice were picking at my skin. The plan, remember the plan.

I eased myself up.

“More wine Azem?”

I leaned forward and reached for his glass.

“No thanks, I'll stick to the coffee. I've had far too much to drink today and I'm a little tired.”

Kupi stood and walked over to the TV, switched it on and settled for some sort of musical concert. As he walked back I asked him about his limp. How had that happened? Kupi told me he had suffered a gunshot wound in defence of Kosovo. He said he had been one of the founding members of the KLA.

“We started in February 1996,” he said. “We attacked police stations and Yugoslav government officers who had killed Albanian civilians as part of an ethnic cleansing campaign. Of course the Serbian authorities were quick to denounce the KLA as a terrorist organisation and reacted by increasing the number of security forces.”

Kupi laughed.

“The silly bastards played right into our hands boosting our credibility overnight.”

Kupi appeared very knowledgeable about the subject and told me how they flooded the area with Serb paramilitaries that prompted an exodus of Kosovan Albanians and of course a refugee crisis.

He turned to me.

“They started it so we must finish it.”

Si pasojë e këtyre fërkimeve, njëri prej komandantëve të UÇK-së, Abedin Rexha - Sandokani, me 8 tetor 1998 pati një konflikt me Gani Geci, ku vetëm bashkëluftëtarët e tyre, arritën që ta parandalojnë më të keqën. Kupi said that people looked on him as a hero; they respected him greatly although he didn't like to talk about it too much. For a man of modesty he talked for at least ten minutes about his exploits and his bravery and his courage. I'd given him the perfect platform to sell himself, to tell me what a great man he was and he seized the opportunity with both hands.

After he'd finished he reached for his wine glass and took a large mouthful. He looked at me and smiled and then he drained the glass.

He held out his hand.

“Come with me Laura.”

“Come with you?” I asked. “Where to?”

“Come with me to bed.”

The involuntary shaking returned instantly.

“No Azem please.”

“You do not want to be with me?”

“No Azem, it would be wrong. You know our culture, please understand.”

Azem Kupi wasn't about to take no for an answer. I could see that the word of a woman meant nothing to him. This was a man who was used to getting his own way and he reached for my hand and pulled me to my feet. He held me for some time staring into my eyes much in the same way Brian had before he kissed me. I turned my head away and pulled free. Azem's tender smile had gone as he took a step forward and reached for me again. He gently stroked my face.

“You are so very pretty,” he said. “You'd be a perfect wife for a very lucky man.”

What was Kupi up to? He'd already told me he was selling me, that the
deal was done
. I fought for breath as I felt myself being gently pulled towards the door on the far side of the lounge which I guessed was the bedroom.

I was right. Kupi reached for the door handle and located the light switch just inside the door. My gaze fixed on a large king sized bed. He had planned this all along. My emotions were in shreds as I tried to figure things out. He had been a changed man ever since we had left Rexha and the others on the other side of town. So he wasn't going to sell me after all? And yet the virginity test, the mention of the medical men. What was going on?

Kupi pulled me into the bedroom and closed the door. I was thinking where he'd left his jacket, the one with the front door key. He began to undress.

“Please Azem no.”

He laid his shirt over a chair at the bottom of the bed.

“Don't you like me?”

I wanted to tell him I hated him with a passion, that he was fat and vulgar and the vilest most violent beast I had ever encountered.

“Of course I like you Azem.”

“Then lie with me, give yourself to me tonight,” he said.

I started to sob, begging him again to understand our culture and that it was just not possible. Kupi was naked now and walked over to the bed. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest my muscles tightening by the second as he slipped under the blankets.

“Remove your clothes and come and join me.”

This was the moment I had been dreading as soon as I realised that we would be spending the night alone. I somehow sensed that this was what Kupi had in mind. And yet it made no sense. What about the deal and the rich man who wanted to pay for a virgin?

“Please Azem no.”

He frowned.

“We can do it the easy way or the hard way.”

I find it difficult to describe how I felt at that moment. As teenage girls we would discuss our weddings and how beautiful and special they would be and when we got a little older we would also discuss those tender moments we would spend in the marital bed on our special night. It would be dreamy talk and we'd giggle and laugh and of course some girls would claim to know more than others and stories that were only half true would be shared with each other. I imagined my wedding would be a grand affair, somewhere special and of course with a very handsome husband who would be kind and tender and I'd love him with all my heart as we shared that special moment together. And now as I slowly began to unbutton my blouse, those images in my head had been blown apart. Instead I was looking at a man I hated who was about to take that moment away from me and if I didn't yield to him voluntarily I knew he would initiate a viscous violent rape.

“Take it off.”

I pulled my blouse over my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. He pointed to my bra.

“And that.”

I knew my protests were futile now. Kupi was beyond the point of no return and I had to do exactly as he asked. I peeled off my bra and let that fall too. Kupi studied me for some time clearly excited at what he'd seen. He passed some comment but the words of the sentence did not register as I reached for the buckle of my belt and the tears I had been fighting for so long eventually came.

When I was completely naked I stood for some time pleading with Kupi to respect me. He repeated his words about doing it the hard or the easy way and told me it was my choice. Eventually I joined him under the sheets, sobbing hard. I turned my back on him and he wrapped his powerful arms around me as he kissed me on the back of the neck. My skin crawled as involuntary spasms coursed through me. Kupi asked me what was wrong and I told him I was cold. He squeezed at my breasts as he moaned with pleasure and his hands wandered all over me. He wrapped on of his arms tightly around the top of my thighs and pulled me hard into him. I could feel his erection pressing into my buttocks as he moved rhythmically back and forth as his groans grew louder.

He kept asking me to give myself to him and he kept asking me to turn around but as much as I feared the aggression that would no doubt come I just couldn't bring myself to face him. He was trying to force his penis between my legs from behind but I was determined that I wasn't going to make it easy for him and I sensed him getting more and more frustrated. And still he pushed against me, harder and more rapidly and I began to wonder when the inevitable rape would take place.

“Give yourself to me Laura,” he said time and time again but the more he said it the stiffer I became and I dared to think that the rape perhaps may not take place after all. Both hands cupped my breasts now and he rubbed his penis hard against my buttocks and I sensed that he was fast approaching his climax. It was an awful moment as he cried out loud and ejaculated and yet in many respects I was so relieved at the outcome. Kupi turned over and rolled away from me as I climbed from the bed.

“Where are you going?” he said.

“To the bathroom, I need to get cleaned up.”

Kupi grunted and pulled the blankets up to his chin.

“You get back here quickly.”

I walked through to the bathroom. The light was still on and I noticed Kupi's jacket slung across the back of the chair. I wouldn't be too hasty before retrieving the key. I would wait until he was sleeping.

I took a shower and washed Kupi from me. The water stream was powerful and I turned the shower up as hot as I could possibly bear it and scrubbed my whole body with a brush until it tingled. It was so different to the shower in the apartment in Pristina where we were lucky to get even lukewarm water for a few seconds. I stood for some minutes letting the water cascade over me. I told myself that every drip that disappeared through the plug in the bottom of the shower tray was a piece of Kupi as he had violated me. I felt strangely good, I was even a little pleased with myself that I'd somehow managed to avoid what I thought was the inevitable but then again I knew it wasn't over. I became aware of the door opening and looked over to see Kupi standing in the doorway. He stood and glared at me as I reached for the towel and stepped out of the cubicle.