The Dragon and the Pearl (23 page)

The guards tensed, but Gao wisely held them back with a raised hand. The coldness of his gaze showed that he, too, could show no fear in the face of death.

‘There was a list given to me by the August Emperor,’ Li Tao began. ‘The names of the men who had conspired against him. I recently learned that there was one name left off the list.’

‘You’re
jiedushi
now,’ Gao replied smoothly. He was skilled at the art of confrontation. ‘You command thousands upon thousands. I would think you would look beyond revenge.’

‘It was never for revenge.’ Out of the corner of his eye, he saw how Suyin shuddered at his cold words. She should know what was required to become who he was now. ‘There was never any emotion to it, for me or for you. You supported the August Emperor, yet murdered his Empress after he was taken down in battle. Loyal to no one.’

‘What does loyalty matter to you?’ Gao sneered.

‘It matters to Shen.’ And it mattered to the other noblemen and warlords who revered the imperial line. The same families Gao strived to bring under his control. ‘It seems that you, Shen, and I have come to the same conclusion—balance can no longer be maintained. My army, my captains and the entire Rising Guard have been sworn over to the Emperor as of this morning.’

Gao took in the blow impassively. His shrewd expression wavered, but not in defeat. Already he was reassessing and coming up with a new plan. A simple knife in Gao’s chest could stop those treacherous thoughts for ever. It was the only way to ensure that Suyin would be safe. Li Tao considered it. His hands itched from considering it.

‘So you must ask yourself, why did I come here when there was nothing left to say?’ he posed calmly. ‘Why did I come here alone to meet you?’

Gao’s jaw worked silently. A drop of sweat beaded over the old warlord’s brow—his first sign of fear. Suyin froze in her seat. Her knuckles were white against the edge of the table. He could see the jump of her pulse beneath the pale skin of her neck.

‘It is bad form for men like us to hack at each other like butchers,’ Gao said through his teeth.

Death would have been easy to accomplish. His knife would cut through the two guards. He’d wring Gao’s neck with his hands if he had to. He was fast enough and more ruthless than any of the other men in the room, but Suyin’s presence and the secret she’d revealed to him changed everything.

Li Tao exhaled slowly. ‘I agree.’

A dark sense of peace had washed over him that morning when he’d signed the decree swearing his army over to the imperial prince. Soon he would be done.

But he’d been wrong. Murdering Gao would only send the opposition charging forth under a banner of righteous outrage. Their confrontation would come soon enough, once the battle lines had been redrawn.

‘Go,’ he told Gao. ‘Before I remember that list.’

The old wolf stared at him before rising from the table. ‘An army of thousands is easy to find.’

The bastard bowed before leaving.

Suyin held her breath beside him as they watched Gao’s withdrawal through the windows of the tea house. His men helped him on to his horse to return to his troops. Gao would continue to work his schemes, but the warlord’s secrets were exposed. He would have to face them out in the open.

Suyin turned to him with a gasp. Her arms curved around him, squeezing tight. Relief poured from her.

‘Tao,’ she whispered.

Her curves fit against him and he could smell the faint perfume in her hair.

He remained unmoving. ‘You’re with child?’

‘I am.’

His chest tightened unbearably, and he could hear each individual beat of his heart in the silence. There would be a son or a daughter.

Wordlessly, his arm tightened around her waist to lead her from the tea house. Once outside, he kept her close. Gao had departed, but danger continued to lurk in every shadow. His bodyguards waited for them at the bridge. Somehow Suyin had been smuggled past them.

He would think of a suitable punishment for such carelessness, but he was more concerned about getting Suyin as far from there as possible. The knowledge that she was with child left him vulnerable. The feeling was new and decidedly unwelcome.

Her hand curved warm over his stiff fingers. She shouldn’t look so relieved. Part of him would live on once his life was over, but that knowledge was all he could have of this dream. He would never see their child take his first breath.

‘You’re not happy,’ Suyin said as they neared the riverbank.

‘Nothing has been resolved.’

‘But you’ve sworn allegiance to Emperor Shen.’

She didn’t yet understand. The threat was still very much with them. Gao would gather his followers and attempt to denounce Emperor Shen. The Emperor would go on the offensive. He would need his strongest generals behind him. And that was only part of the danger. Li Tao could never let down his guard, not even for her. She was his one weakness and it had nearly destroyed everything.

Li Tao looked to the two guardsmen. ‘Now is not the time to discuss—’

‘Now
is
the time.’ She shook free of him and stood her ground. Pain and anger radiated through her. She’d thrown herself between him and Gao Shiming. He owed her an explanation. He owed her more.

It took only a minute to order the guardsmen to take the horses. They moved slightly ahead on the path, just out of hearing range. These were matters that couldn’t be spoken of in the open.

‘How did you get free of Lao Sou?’ he asked.

When she didn’t answer, he knew his suspicion was correct. She had put herself in the Old Man’s debt to come to him.

‘What does the Old Man want from you?’

‘It’s not like that—’

He took hold of her arm to pull her close, speaking only in a fierce whisper. ‘I’ve failed Lao Sou twice now and I can’t protect you. I can’t protect our child. Nothing means more to me than that.’

‘Nothing means more to me.’ Suyin tried to cradle his face in her hands.

He pulled away from her. Every touch pained him. Her words held so much hope and faith.

‘You made a deal with him. Suyin, you shouldn’t have.’

‘You were going to your death. It was the only way.’

He’d always known that someone would come for him one day. It was useless to fear the inevitable, but everything had changed. The assassins knew that and they’d taken her to force his hand. They would never stop. Then there were the countless other enemies. Gao, even Shen himself. No one was truly an ally among the
jiedushi
. He’d already endangered her too many times. He wouldn’t do it again.

‘Does Lao Sou know you’re with child?’ he asked.

She shook her head. It was only a small mercy.

‘You need to go away. Far,’ he insisted. ‘No one can know about the child.’

‘
Our
child.’

An indescribable emotion coursed through him. Suyin seized on it.

‘We may never be safe and we may never be free.’ Her fingers gripped the collar of his robe. She was a fox spirit, a sorceress, a goddess. ‘I don’t want to hide any more. I want to live openly. I want to see your hair go grey. I’ll grow old and ugly beside you.’

‘You’ll never be old and ugly.’ His voice grew rough with emotion and he finally did hold her, running his hands from her shoulders down the length of her arms. His eyes never left her face. ‘Lao Sou will never forgive this second act of defiance. You don’t know what he’s capable of. He’ll come for my soul. He’ll come for you.’

‘I will die without you,’ she insisted.

‘You won’t.’

Her eyes flashed with anger. She bit down to keep from lashing out.

‘You’ll survive and care for our child,’ he went on. ‘Tell him my name when he’s grown.’

‘You want me to leave? After all that has happened?’

‘This is the only way.’ The words were more difficult than he’d anticipated. He had to force them out. ‘I am doing this—for you.’

Her nearness and everything about her tempted him, but this was not his happiness to claim.

Suyin looked ready to claw his eyes out. ‘I’ll tell your child his father was a coward for abandoning his own flesh and blood. And you know what it is like for a woman alone.’

The pulse in his neck throbbed. ‘You can be quite wicked.’

She shoved him away with a frustrated sound. ‘You already tried to send me away once. We can’t hide. You should know that by now.’

He braced himself, giving her nothing to strike at. No anger, no passion, no emotion at all. It was too easy to be persuaded to take the few hours, days, or even years they could steal for themselves.

‘After I join my army with Shen’s, there will be war among the
jiedushi
. It is inevitable.’

‘Men have lived with the threat of war for ages,’ she argued.

She was right, but she didn’t understand the whole of why he couldn’t give in to her now.

‘Death will follow me,’ he said bluntly. ‘In one way or another.’

That was the final truth. He was a killer who had defied the most dangerous men in the empire. From his very first night in the alleyways of Luoyang, he was never meant to have a future. Every moment since then had been stolen. Suyin needed to take their child and go far away where she would be safe. That was all he could give.

‘I won’t go.’ Like a stubborn child, she wouldn’t look at him. ‘What will you do then?’

The commotion came first from the guards. He looked quickly to them, saw the movement bursting through the trees. He only had time to grab Suyin and pull her behind him.

At first he thought the attacker had punched him. Sharp pressure struck his side, knocking the breath from him. But the pain continued. It spread as he fell back with a hand clutched to his abdomen.

A stream of heated blood seeped between his fingers.

His hands had become nerveless. His sword. He was under attack and needed a weapon, but shock and pain overtook him as he reached for his sword. He staggered and crashed to the ground. Ru Shan appeared above him. Suyin cried out, but the rebel soldier held her back.

‘Lady Ling, you must come with me.’

‘Get away from me!’

Ru Shan’s hair was unkempt, his jaw scraggly with a growth of beard. Suyin clawed at him until he let go of her. Li Tao watched each action while his heart pounded. With each beat, he bled, his strength draining quickly. His gaze narrowed as Suyin collapsed beside him. She pressed both of her hands over his, over the wound. She was trembling. Frightened. He needed to say something.

His lip curled. ‘Fitting.’

All of Suyin’s clever manipulations, all the deaths he’d inflicted.

‘Please,’ she whispered. ‘What do I need to do?’

Her face was wet with tears, but he couldn’t brush them away. He didn’t want to get blood on her. There was blood everywhere. She was going to watch him die if he didn’t do something.

His chest heaved. It took a surprising effort to speak, but he was only searching for one word.

‘Suyin.’

She leaned close. With his free hand, he stretched out his fingers to touch her cheek. So soft. She always felt like an indulgence, an undeserved kindness. He didn’t want to look away.

The upstart Ru Shan was careless. He’d missed the vital organs. This wound would bleed him towards a slow death. Ru Shan had swooped in on the wings of righteousness, honourable and unwavering. He’d wanted to save the beautiful consort from the tyrant. All things came around and back again, didn’t they?

‘Go with Ru Shan,’ Li Tao said.

‘No.’

He met Ru Shan’s eyes briefly. ‘He’ll protect you,’ he urged.

‘This was my doing,’ she cried.

It tortured him to see Suyin weeping and broken. She laid her cheek against his. Her breath fanned against his ear. ‘Tell me,’ she demanded through her tears. ‘Tell me what you’ve been refusing to say.’

His mouth curved involuntarily. Imperious to the last. He couldn’t help but obey.

‘I love you,’ he said. ‘I will never love anyone else—in this life or the next.’

She sank against him, her face buried against his neck. ‘I will die without you.’

‘You won’t.’

Her body shook with each sob. He looked up to see Ru Shan watching them. The knife lay slack in his hand, dull with blood.

‘Take her,’ Li Tao said.

The soldier could finish him easily, if that had been his true intent. Almost obediently, Ru Shan reached out to pull Suyin away.

She shoved him aside. ‘Don’t touch me!’

Footsteps padded swiftly in the distance.
An Ying
, winding like shadows and smoke through the trees.

Li Tao tried to warn her. ‘They’re coming.’

His eyes fell closed. His body sagged heavy against the earth. So this was how his victims must have felt: the shock of pain, this creeping numbness, the exhaustion of a lifetime pressing down on his bones. The last thing he knew was Suyin pulling him close. The enticing scent of jasmine wrapped around him.

Chapter Twenty-Four

L
i Tao awoke with a start. He remembered the numbness, the blood, the salt of Suyin’s tears against his cheek.

‘Suyin—’

He choked out her name. A firm hand pressed against his chest to guide him back down on to the mattress.

‘Slowly or your wound will open.’

He opened his eyes to the sight of a strange bedchamber, but the reproachful tone was familiar. It had grown raspy with time. His former master sat by the bedside, struggling to fix his sightless eyes on to him.

Li Tao pushed himself to sitting position. The quilt fell from his chest and he slid his hand to the dull throb in his side. His wound had been bound.

‘You did this?’

‘Do you think I only enlist butchers like you?’ Lao Sou asked gruffly.

There were too many questions. The first of them being, how he was he still alive when the lord of assassins sat by his bedside? One thought overpowered all the others. He could still see Suyin next to him, holding on to him even as he commanded her to go. She never followed orders.

‘Suyin?’

‘She is safe.’

‘Let me see her.’

Lao Sou reached for a cup of tea and drank slowly. ‘What? No trust?’

‘You have been trying to kill me for fifteen years.’

The old man slammed the cup back on to the table. ‘Do you think if I was trying to kill you for fifteen years you would be alive? I took you from the streets. I taught you how to be a gentleman, a leader of men. But still you’re no better than an unwashed beggar.’

The loss of blood must be making him light-headed. What was the old man talking about?

‘Where is Suyin?’ he demanded.

‘Insolence!’ Lao Sou would not be deterred from his rant. ‘I gave you an order and you defy me—not once, but twice.’

What sort of game was he playing? Lao Sou had released Suyin with some greater purpose in mind. It was the only explanation.

‘If you have harmed her—’ The threat withered as pain snaked through his side. He sank back. ‘What do you want from me?’

There could be no other reason he was left unharmed. He was weakened to the point that the Old Man could slit his throat easily, even blind as he was.

‘Relax, Tao the Unreliable. Your debt is settled.’

The satisfied look on Lao Sou’s face chilled his blood. He had woken up to his worst fear.

‘Your wife is very clever.’ Lao Sou chuckled. ‘Much more intelligent than you.’

‘She is not my wife,’ he replied warily.

‘You better marry her soon, you worthless dog.’ Lao Sou shook a knobby finger at him. ‘My ward will not be without a name.’

‘Your ward?’

Lao Sou’s smug expression broke into an outright grin. He tilted his head, angling his ear toward the door. ‘Ah, there she is now.’

The door burst open and Suyin flew towards the bed in a peach-coloured blur. His heart leapt as she settled against him, soft curves and silk and perfume. He folded her into his arms, and the heavens curved inwards, shrinking to encompass the space around them.

An old wound opened up, deeper than the one in his side. This wound gaped open and raw. Suyin poured into it like an elixir.

Her lips brushed his neck. ‘Tao, you’re awake.’

‘What have you done?’ he asked her.

She wasn’t listening. She fitted her warm body into his embrace and held him, eyes closed. For several heartbeats, he simply obliged her.

‘Tell her she shouldn’t be running like that while round with child,’ Lao Sou scolded.

She pouted a little. ‘I am not round.’

To his eyes, Suyin had the same willowy figure that had become so familiar to him: elegant, sensual and perfect. It was hard to believe their child was already growing within her.

‘You will not touch my child,’ Li Tao declared.

The Old Man sniffed. He spoke only to Suyin. ‘See? Ungrateful.’

The world had turned on its end. Suyin’s arms hooked around his neck as she perched on the edge of the bed. He wished they were anywhere else, far from the clan and hidden away from his former master, who hovered over them expectantly, his blank stare even more disconcerting than if he could see them.

‘What have you promised this old dragon?’ he asked.

‘It will be fine.’ She met his eyes and he saw strength there. He’d kiss her senseless if he could.

‘When I found Tao, he was nothing more than a scrawny street urchin,’ Lao Sou railed. ‘Only I saw he could be something more.’

This was unbearable. Li Tao started to rise to demand an explanation, but Suyin placed her hand over his chest, just above the tap of his heart. A soothing warmth ran through him, despite the madness of the room. This woman had a hold over him stronger than anything he’d ever known. It was frightening. He couldn’t survive without it.

‘Apologise to Lao Sou,’ she cooed.

He took hold of her hand. Her fingers curled naturally over his as he looked on his former master. ‘Never.’

Lao Sou snorted.

‘Let me speak to him.’ Suyin reached out to touch Lao Sou’s arm and the formidable leader of the assassins’ clan begrudgingly took hold of his walking stick and stood. He gestured with the end of it.

‘This is only right, since I brought the two of you together.’

‘What are you talking about, Old Man?’ Li Tao demanded, only to have Suyin jab him, gently this time, in the ribs. He would have to break her of that habit.

Lao Sou looked pleased. ‘The letter, you fool. Would have been a shame, to lose such a talented lady.’

‘You must have been the most devout of monks in a past life to deserve her,’ he grumbled.

They listened to the uneven tap of his stick as he moved away. The door opened, then closed. Suyin looked back to him, drawing him in with those dark, captivating eyes. He could admit it now. He’d been caught from the first time they’d looked upon him, over fifteen years ago.

His questions could wait. He drew her close and kissed her; slow and fierce. She murmured a sound of surrender that went all the way through him.

‘I was so frightened,’ she whispered once their lips parted. She slid her fingertips gingerly over the bandage at his side.

‘Lao Sou is a dangerous man,’ he reminded her.

‘So are you.’

Her bottom lip curved in a way that he knew would captivate him for the rest of his life. It was hard to ignore that he was half-undressed and in bed with the most beautiful woman in the empire.

‘Tell me what you promised.’

‘Nothing at all,’ she said, all innocence. ‘Our child will call Lao Sou “grandfather”.’

He shook his head and passed a hand over his eyes. ‘This is a bargain with a demon.’

‘You were dying. He brought in physicians and exorcists.’

‘Exorcists?’

‘He wanted to hunt Ru Shan down and have him executed, but I stopped him. Don’t you understand?’ She took hold of his chin and levelled his gaze to hers.

He loved this fire in her. She would always challenge him like this.

‘Lao Sou always wanted you as his successor,’ she explained. ‘When he sent you to assassinate the August Emperor, it would have elevated you to immortal status among
An Ying
. That was why he was always so angry you defied him. He was fond of you.’

‘Fond? This man has dreamt of countless ways to kill me. I won’t be his puppet and I won’t allow you or our child to be under his control.’

‘That’s not the way of things any more.’ She ran her hand along his chest and there was not a thing in the world he could deny her. ‘He’s old and lonely.’

‘You believe the master of the assassins simply wants a grandson?’

‘Yes.’

He rebelled at the absurdity of it. All the attempts on his life, the constant threat. Lao Sou had sent him once again to his death merely days ago.

Then Li Tao realised what he had wanted from the moment he woke up, surprised to still be breathing. He wanted life. He wanted sons and daughters with Suyin. Grandchildren after that if he was fortunate enough. As much as he didn’t deserve a moment of happiness, he longed for those sunset days she spoke of. They would be slow and grey-haired beside each other.

His former master had indeed wanted his revenge in the past, but he could have changed. Lao Sou did seem to scold him as if berating—it was unfathomable to even think it—a son.

Suyin had negotiated a crafty deal. The empire was on the brink of civil war and he still had too many enemies to count. But they would have Lao Sou’s protection. There was still danger hanging over them, but there had always been danger.

‘This is madness,’ he muttered.

‘I know.’

But perhaps it was the only way for their debts to be paid. Suyin curled closer to him and something fierce and demanding inside him reached out for her. He suddenly felt as if he could fight off an entire legion if he needed to. This wasn’t weakness. This was strength.

For no reason he could understand, he thought of Luoyang. Running the streets at night, hiding from the city guards who watched from the walls. He had been waiting all this time for the arrow to pierce him. It was no way to live.

‘No more talk of hiding or going away.’ Suyin wrapped her arms around him and glanced up at him uncertainly. ‘Stop fighting me. I am round with child, you know. I tire very easily— What is it?’ she demanded.

He was grinning. It surprised him as well. Suyin was drawing from all her skill, doing everything in her power to coax and charm him, when she didn’t need to. Yet he wanted her to do so anyway. She was a wonder to behold.

‘Is tomorrow a favourable day?’ he asked, sinking his hand into her hair. She was soft, warm, perfect.

She frowned at him. ‘I don’t know. I suppose I would have to ask Auntie.’

‘If not tomorrow, then the next day. I won’t wait any longer than that for us to be wed.’

‘Scoundrel.’
She swatted his chest, but he could see the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. ‘What about the engagement ceremony? We need our fortunes read. And Cook will need a whole day to roast a pig.’

‘Who are we to obey custom?’ he asked in all seriousness.

‘Well, we have no ancestors to appease.’ She sighed. ‘We don’t even have our birthdates for the fortune teller or true names.’

There was no sadness in it. It was who they were. Who they had created themselves to be. He didn’t need astrologers to bless their union. He only needed one thing.

‘What we have is between us,’ he said. ‘Only us.’

She settled obligingly into his lap and he found himself wondering how much activity he could manage with the threads sewn into his side. If he simply lay still…

He ran his palm gently down her back and the look she gave him chased away any lingering doubt. This was his destiny, his path from this moment on. Life, not death. He loved her completely. He
loved
. It had taken the moment of darkness before death for him to realise it. As if death was the only language he knew, but not any more.

His arms circled her while she rested in his lap. Odd how they could fit together so perfectly like this. The pain in his side barely bothered him. It was a blessing that Ru Shan, competent soldier that he was, was a failure as an assassin. One of many blessings.

Suyin laid her head down against his shoulder and let out a long, drawn breath. ‘No more negotiation this time,’ she said. ‘Not one night, not one month.’

The moment curled over them like a woollen blanket. He thought of long days with Suyin. Days as well as nights. Years. Hope grew inside him. It was a strange sensation, like a new skin, like a first, awkward step. But it felt right.

‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘Yes.’

There was no more negotiation. There were no more boundaries. Li Tao placed his hand tenderly over Suyin’s stomach and imagined the tiny heartbeat there.