The Drunk Logs (27 page)

As the air conditioning unit hummed next to the window, Pat reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the sports section.

“So what are you gonna do, Bobby?” I asked, as he stood at the entrance of the room.

“Oh shit, I forgot to put my laundry in the dryer,” he turned back. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“All right.”

Pat relaxed in his bed as he crossed his legs and folded the paper. After I turned the air conditioner on low, I jumped into bed and closed my eyes, cracked my neck, and folded my hands across my chest. Content for about two minutes, we enjoyed the cool breeze and quiet, when Bobby barreled into the room, out of breath; his face was red and his legs quivered from anger.

“Bobby, are you all right?” Pat said, as he peeked from behind the sport section.

He shook his head and struggled to find the words. “My laundry. All of my laundry is gone from the washer.”

“Are you serious?” I asked, as I watched Bobby pace back and forth.

He stopped with a disgusted look. “No. I just thought I would come down here and see how concerned you would be about my wardrobe, if by chance I were to lose it all.”

I started to laugh and sat at the side of the bed.

“This isn’t funny, Matt. It took me a week to stop hiding my underwear!” Bobby screamed as his breasts heaved. “Did you guys take them as some practical joke? Because if you did, I will get all ninja on your ass.”

Pat and I looked at each other and continued to fight the urge to laugh.

“No. What the hell are we going to do with it?” Pat stood and walked over to the door. He looked out and saw Carl as he stood by the elevator. “Look, there’s Carl, we’ll just tell him what happened and maybe he can help us find it.”

With a grin at the image of someone wearing Bobby’s extra-extra-large clothes, Carl suggested that we inquire room by room.

The answers were all the same…no, followed by a cavalcade of laughter and snide remarks, but Bobby was unnerved as the treasure hunt continued. We reluctantly continued, when Bobby stepped into Mick’s room.

“What the hell are you doing?” Bobby yelled, as he rushed in, flailing his arms about.

Mick slowly looked up, confused, as he held his pants in a bunch, which prevented them from falling down. Immediately, Carl rushed in, and tried to diffuse any situation that might arise.

“Wait a second, Bobby. I’m sure this is a complete misunderstanding. Let’s try to find out why Mick has your clothes.”

“Hey, you better make sure he’s not wearing your underwear!” I yelled as I laughed in the doorway.

“Shut up, Matt,” Carl said. “Now Bobby, grab your clothes from the bed and go back to your room. I’ll get your other ones and find out what happened from Mick.”

Bobby looked with disdain, snatched up his clothes with both arms, and stormed out of the room, while Mick resumed being confused and stared back at the size of his pants.

“What’s going on?” Everyone in the room turned to see Big Toledo as he stood in the hallway with eyes half shut, but livelier than before. “Bobby almost knocked me over in the hall.”

“Nothing. Mick accidentally grabbed Bobby’s clothes from the laundry room, because he thought they were his,” I said as I watched Big Toledo carefully.

“Idiot,” Big Toledo said as he shook his head and entered his room.

We continued to watch Carl, who ordered us back to our rooms. We left and noticed Jack Jack and Sam exit the elevator and go their separate ways. Sam was the first one we told of the incident that had just transpired, who then rushed into his own room and flung open his closet.

“I better make sure I still have all my clothes!” he said, as he counted his shirts. Relieved, he locked his closet and grabbed his Big Book from the nightstand.

“Why are you taking your book?” I asked. “Is the next lecture a discussion?”

Sam slapped the back of the book and walked out into the hallway. “No, the next class is a movie and I’m not coming back up here.”

“To all patients, lecture will begin in 10 minutes. Lecture will begin in 10 minutes.”

I decided that was a good idea, turned back to my room, and grabbed my book. On my way back I noticed Carl, who carried all of Bobby’s clothes, pass Jack Jack, Pat, and Sam, who congregated in front of the elevator.

As I approached, Jack Jack started to laugh loud, and whoever was on the floor turned and took notice.

The elevator door opened as I pushed the first floor button. “So, apparently someone told him what happened?”

We were inseparable, or so it seemed, where one was never without another, an unholy union. To shed light on this subject would only complicate the issue, for it was better for us to laugh and learn, from the lectures to the meals, to the time we spent as one.

Alone, I rode up toward the second floor and listened only to my breath and the creak of the elevator car. The door opened and I stepped into the zoo.

The fervor of the Stanley Cup finals carried me to the entertainment room that had multiplied with fans and enemies. We were animals that had gained the rite of passage, which had been handed down from our ancestors from the beginning of time. A broken bunch, but strong in spirit, we enjoyed the game with popcorn and sandwiches, as we gorged ourselves like locusts.

As this mayhem proceeded, the old friendships were tested and new friendships tolerated. For it was only in the end that the ultimate victor was determined.

With the highlights played, the food gone, and the crowd diminished, I took one last look around, before I noticed Jack Jack peering into a room that was not his own.

Quietly, I sidled up to Jack Jack so as not to startle him, looked into the room, and saw Big Toledo sound asleep in his bed like a mountain that hadn’t moved in a million years.

“Jack, what are you doing?” I whispered.

“I don’t know.”

The situation was uncomfortable to say the least.

“Is he all right?”

I took a deep breath, when Jack Jack appeared to have made a decision.

“Well, take a good look at him, because he won’t be here after the drug test. I’ve been trying to wake him up, but he’s dead to the world. High on something, but I don’t know what,” he said as he scratched his head and licked his lips. “I knew it from the day I saw him hanging around Danny. I tried to keep him away from him the best I could, but the bastard wouldn’t listen.”

“You can’t be his keeper, Jack Jack. He has to learn to be strong on his own.”

He took one last look and puckered his lips. “Oh well, at least when Big Toledo goes, so will Danny. He’ll tell them who he got the stuff from and down the people will fall. No sense losing sleep over it. Good night.”

I realized that Jack Jack was living through Big Toledo. He knew that his chances for survival in the outside world were slim, and through some bizarre reasoning of his, he must have felt that if he helped Big Toledo, he too would have a chance.

I stood there and said nothing, and became frustrated at the fact that I could not tell Jack Jack I considered him a friend. But my shell still remained intact, even in its battered form. I truly wanted him to live.

He patted me on the back and walked back to his room.

Alone in the hall, I wondered what had happened to my good day.

Chapter 15

“Good morning, isn’t it a great day to be sober?” Carl yelled as he poked his head into the room and waited for a response from Pat, which did not come. “Today, we have a surprise for all our patients. Before you decide to go to breakfast, please see the nurses at the tables in the middle of the floor and grab a cup, because each and every patient will be giving a urine sample. You are not allowed to go to breakfast until you complete this small task. After that, you may follow the normal schedule on you daily planner. Have a nice day, gentleman.”

Pat rubbed his eyes and was unmoved as he threw the comforter off. “They better have a two-liter for the amount that I have to go,” he said as he walked out of the room.

I rubbed my face and followed him, where a line had begun to form. Two by two, the nurses handed the patients each a small cup, and escorted them into the shower room by Carl, who stood guard to validate the sample. Upon exit, they handed the cups to the nurses, who tagged them and handed two more to the next patients who waited.

The morning was relatively quiet except for the nurses, who checked the wristbands and handed out urine cups. They chattered about everything from food to work, but mainly about how horrible their children were.

After we received the empty cups, Pat and I followed Carl into the shower room, where Pat, who needed to relieve himself urgently, entered first into the lone toilet stall. We listened to the leftover trickle, as Carl and I stood and waited in complete silence; we stuck to the code. Pat finished, and then and only then, were we allowed to break our silence.

“Here,” Pat said as he handed the urine-filled cup to Carl.

Backing away in shock, he said, “I don’t want it. Go outside and give it to the nurse.”

“Okay. You’re next,” he said as I entered the toilet stall. I shut the door behind me, and stood ready with cup out in front, when the feeling I had dreaded start to come over me. I couldn’t go. Nervously, I tensed my stomach and pushed, but my mind became preoccupied by the fact that Carl stood and waited.

“What’s the problem? Do you need some help?” Carl said jokingly.

“No.”

“You got stage fright?”

“Yeah. Now be quiet and stick to the code.”

My face turned red as I continued to push and hoped that something, anything, would fall into the cup. To my relief, I exhaled as enough passed the line. I shook my head, exited the shower room, and handed the cup to one of the nurses. Quickly, I jogged to my room, and being completely alone in the bathroom, released the tension.

“Boy, you sure ran in in a hurry,” Pat said as I exited the bathroom. “What, you still had some left in the tank?”

“Yeah. I can’t go when someone is watching me,” I said as I walked to the closet.

“Stage fright, huh?”

“You got it.”

I started to change when I noticed that Pat had gotten ready to take a shower.

“You’re actually going to take a shower with all those people entering?”

“Yep. If they can stare at me taking a piss, then they can stare at me taking a shower,” he said, as he flipped his towel over his shoulder and walked out the door.

I pushed my hair back, flopped on my baseball cap, and locked my closet door. The line to the nurses’ table was even longer as I dodged past the urine samples. I noticed Sam as he entered the elevator, dashed, and jumped in before the door closed. I pushed the number one button, and leaned against the wall.

“So, I take it that you gave them what they wanted this morning?” I asked.

“Yeah, it’s good they did it in the morning this time. That’s when everyone usually has to go.”

We exited and passed Dr. Lyedecker on our way to the cafeteria.

“Jeez Louise, it seems like they beefed up the security,” I said as I looked back at Dr. Lyedecker as he entered the elevator. “I’ve never seen this many hospital personnel watching everybody’s movements since I got here.”

“This is nothing. They always do it when they think someone’s doing or selling in here,” Sam said as he yawned.

“Well, how do they know?”

“Nothing is a secret in here. Hell, they even know what color shit you took this morning.”

I pulled the cafeteria door open, as the aroma of bacon and the sound of dish clatter and conversations escaped into the hallway.

“Thank you for being so colorful, Sam, especially when we’re about to eat.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

Quickly going through the thin breakfast line, we had our choice of many empty tables, but noticed Father Tom as he sat alone, and walked over to keep him company. We plopped down, said our good mornings, and dove into our bacon and scrambled eggs,
a surprise welcomed due to the inconvenience of this morning
, I thought. After having a few mouthfuls, I noticed Jack Jack enter, quieter than usual.

“Good morning, gentlemen,” he said as he sat down next to me.

We returned a muffled grunt, which would confuse most, but Jack Jack understood the gesture.

“So how did you get down here so quickly, Rabbi?” Jack Jack asked Father Tom.

He swallowed his last bit of food and leaned back in his chair. “Well, I told them that, at my age, I can no longer tell my body what to do, and when it tells me I’m ready, I will notify them.”

“And they let you go, just like that?”

“Yes, Jack Jack. Even in these days, some priests still tell the truth.”

We continued to eat, as Jack Jack scanned the cafeteria.

“Aren’t you going to have any breakfast?” I asked.

“No, I’m not hungry. Besides, I have to make a phone call to see who’s going to pick me up. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

He hastily left the cafeteria, as we looked at each other puzzled.

“Well that was strange,” Sam said as he took a bite of bacon.

But no one discussed it further and we enjoyed the solitude we shared that morning.

The time being later than normal, we passed on our morning cigarettes and headed back to the second floor, where the last patients exited the shower room. I grabbed the morning paper and watched the nurses as Carl packed all of the sample cups in a plastic tub. While he wheeled it into the elevator, the nurses took all their medical information and followed Carl; the door shut with a push of the button.

I rolled up the newspaper and slapped it on my thigh.
I wonder if anyone would be leaving us today?
I thought, and entered the room.

Pat lay on his bed with eyes closed; he looked and smelled like a newborn baby. I could have only imagined what the expression on Carl’s face must have been when he saw Pat walk around that shower room naked. But before my head hit the pillow, Pat asked to have the sports section. Reluctantly, I threw it over.

“I thought you were sleeping?” I said as I lay on my bed, and snapped the front section of the paper back.

“Just resting my eyes, so I can stay awake for the titillating conversations we have in group.”