The Embrace (17 page)

I obeyed but my legs felt weak and I could hardly keep myself steady. I didn’t speak, I was afraid of what I might say. I knew I should have told him everything even if it meant facing his anger, but I had refused and now I had jeopardised our anonymity for the sake of a few weeks of peace.

“Care to explain this to me?” he said. His voice was quiet, in fact too quiet. It made me uncomfortable. I wanted to flee. Gabriel picked the newspaper back up and began to read.

“Prostitute Jasmine Dennison was found dead in the lobby of the exclusive Millington Apartment Complex several weeks ago. The 27 year old was apparently trying to get out of the prostitution circuit, according to her family, and was found dead in the early hours of the morning. She received small stab wounds to the neck, chest and arms and appeared to have bled to death. Police have confirmed they believe the victim was murdered elsewhere and moved to the apartment complex. As of yet no security footage of the murder has been located and there are no suspects.

Today the police confirmed in a press conference that Ms. Dennison’s murder is being linked to the murder of 19 year old student Benjamin Greene, who was found dead in the small town of Edge Wood which is located several hundred miles away from the Millington Apartments. The young man’s body was found behind the stage of the town hall after he was spotted leaving his stall at the annual town meeting. The young man was found with deep puncture wounds to his throat that seem to be similar to the wounds on the arms of Ms. Dennison. No reason has yet been released for why Benjamin left his stall but sources speculate he was meeting someone.

In Benjamin Greene’s case there was an eye witness. Jane Browning, the organiser of the meeting and chair of the town’s Neighbourhood Watch, was first at the crime scene and found the body. She reports that she saw a young, blonde woman running from the scene of the crime but it seems this mysterious woman disappeared after leaving the town hall.

Police are searching for any information on the case...”

Gabriel stopped reading there. I knew it was too late to deny any knowledge. The “wounds” of Jasmine, the prostitute who Gabriel and I had feasted on, were a match to Ben’s and he had been murdered in the same town hall Gabriel had found me standing in front of that night.

I didn’t really know what to say. I was stunned into silence, desperately clutching at anything I could think of that would explain my actions.

“Gabe...” I began but he interrupted me.

Within seconds he had thrown the newspaper against the floor and had grabbed hold of my arms.

“I don’t want to hear it.” He roared at me. “You risked everything we have. That stupid human saw you leaving the scene.”

I had never seen him so angry. The rage was pouring out of him and battering me. His whole body had tensed in the position of a true predator. I could practically see the red anger flashing behind his eyes. I was horrified and quite frankly I was scared of him. I had never been scared of him before, not even in our darkest moments, and I hoped to never see this side of him again.

He was sweating. He rubbed a palm against his forehead, pressing too hard into his skin. I was worried he was hurting himself but it wasn’t the right time to start acting like a nurse.

“Let me explain.” I managed to say.

I found it difficult to get my words out but I knew he heard me. He didn’t say anything. The silence between us was not the usual, comfortable silence. It was filled with an unspoken threat.

He nodded. I took that as a sign I could carry on but I could see in his eyes that he didn’t care what I had to say.

“I went to the town hall to just look around, I swear. I wanted to try out that whole compulsion thing you showed me. I wanted to see if I really had the potential you said.”

I was becoming even more uncomfortable with the silence. I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand and it took me a moment to realise that this nervous tick had been a habit of mine as a child when I was stressed by a situation. Somehow I felt just as vulnerable under Gabriel’s gaze as I had as a human, but I had to carry on. I had to explain myself.

“I went in to the town hall and I had a look around. Then I felt this horrible hunger. Remember that night when I woke up and had that need to kill, that uncontrollable urge? It was like that, but I had all these people around me. I felt like a junkie in a drug den or something. I picked the boy, Benjamin, because he was easy to get to and it didn’t take much compulsion. I took him back stage and I killed him. That woman walked in just before I was finished.” I knew my chaotic speech had become frenzied but I couldn’t control what I was saying. “I know I acted like an idiot and I was totally rash, but I had to eat. You can’t imagine the hunger. I think something is wrong with me. The hunger I had when I woke that night was nothing compared to this. I seriously worried for my life.”

I finished my speech. I had decided to leave out the part about the other vampire who had been watching me. I didn’t want to worry Gabriel unnecessarily, and something about my supernatural admirer seemed like it should be kept secret.

Gabriel laughed, but this wasn’t the warming, comforting laugh I had come to know. This was dangerous and cold like a dark shadow of his previous smile.

“I have lived for hundreds of years. Don’t you think I’ve been hungry before? I’ve had to survive on rats while I was hiding out on boats in the middle of the ocean. I’ve been so hungry, I couldn’t even move. You don’t even know what hunger feels like.” He screamed.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

I desperately wanted Gabriel to forgive me. I had put our relationship on the line, I would admit that, but Gabriel had left me, a new born vampire, to hunt alone. He had to take some responsibility. I was starting to convince myself it wasn’t all down to me.

Gabriel nodded. I couldn’t see his eyes or his expression but I could sense the waves of disappointment radiating from him. Well, at least it wasn’t anger.

Finally, after what seemed like years, he answered me.

“Alright, apology accepted. I’m going to rest now.” He said.

It seemed at first like this was the positive outcome I’d hoped for- he had forgiven me- but his tone said otherwise. Every word he spoke came out with no feeling, just empty. He had given up on me.

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks and my whole stomach writhed in painful anxiety. Gabriel turned and walked away from me, towards the bedroom.

“Gabriel!” I screamed after him as he moved further away.

He had never dismissed me so easily, not even once in our years together. I was on my last shred of composure, but I didn’t like the desperate shriek which had taken over my normally calm voice. I felt like pain was bursting through my body and infecting the words as they came out.

“Please.” I screamed again in the pained noise that intertwined with my voice.

Gabriel stopped and turned back to me, still with no sign of emotion.

“Sorry but I can’t do this right now.” He said.

He turned away from me and shut the bedroom door, leaving me to stand alone. As the full force of the conversation hit me I let the tears fall from my eyes. My chest and shoulders heaved under the weight of my deep sobs.

The creeping feeling of being watched came over me again, but I was so shaken that I didn’t even think about it. It was more of an inconvenience than a threat at that moment. As I wept, I realised that no matter what happened in the coming weeks or months, even if Gabriel and I reconciled, nothing would ever be the same between us.

Gabriel didn’t utter a single word to me for the next two weeks. I didn’t dare to make the first move. Whenever we sat next to each other I longed to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. I wanted to melt against him and forget everything except blood and love. I wanted to drink in his scent and his warmth.  I wanted everything to be back to normal.

It seemed as if these few weeks lasted for years. Several times Gabriel returned from the hunt and begin to read, leaving me to do anything as long as it didn’t disturb him. I spent those long hours on the bed, alone, thinking of him.

I thought about what to do now that Gabriel refused to acknowledge me. One night we returned to our beautiful apartment and I sat down by the huge panes of glass that lined our living room. The Easter showers had kicked in again and I pressed my palm against the rain stained glass. Something about these glittering droplets comforted me during those long moments of silence.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my cheek against the cold glass. My eyelids seemed to close by themselves and I let the patter of the rain soothe me as I drifted off. For a few precious seconds I forget my problems.

As I let my mind drift I thought about my options. The former happiness I had experienced with Gabriel resurfaced and I pictured everything we’d done together. I remembered the moments before my death when he had comforted me with the quiet confidence that had always settled my anxieties.

I knew those days were over. Even if Gabriel decided to forgive me, I doubted whether he would ever be able to trust me again. Hunting would more than likely become a highly supervised event. Our lives would never return to the way we had been planning for all those years.

Then another idea struck me. I could leave him. I could run away and never look back. I was a vampire, an immortal being with almost limitless strength and power. All I needed to survive was a steady supply of blood, either human or animal, both of which were abundant the world over. I didn’t need him anymore.

I imagined myself travelling across the streets of Paris, the arable lands of the East, and the shining mansions of Hollywood. I pictured doing it all on my own. The itinerary would be all my own creation so I would have complete freedom.

The moment I even contemplated a life alone something twisted inside me. I felt the very depths of my body contracting in pain. It was obviously psychological, but something about the agony seemed to manifest itself physically. I lay flat on the floor, desperately trying to stop this pain, pressing my forehead against the cold floor.

I imagined my past with Gabriel and the sharp pangs began to ease away. I knew then that I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t survive extreme shooting pain like that and something told me that this feeling would only get worse if I ever did decide to fly the nest. Just contemplating it was bad enough, but leaving could kill me. I had to stay.

That didn’t mean I had to make any effort to talk to him. For the time being, I needed to keep my distance. Whenever I thought about our fight the first thing that surfaced was the threat running through Gabriel’s voice. I was unsure how far his anger would take him and it was unsettling to find myself scared of my soul mate.

Gabriel left and went to bed alone, although I wanted nothing more than to curl up beside him. I wanted to fall into our usual deep sleep with his arms wrapping me up, and then wake up the next night still in his warm embrace.

I knew that I couldn’t be with him. The separation hurt me, mentally not physically this time, but it would be best for both of us to maintain some distance. I had to find somewhere else to sleep for the night. The apartment was almost at the top of the complex and so there was no basement, but the living room wasn’t sunlight tight.

As I thought of the sunlight streaming in through the windows I realised I had forgotten one way out: suicide. I could stay exactly where I was and wait for the sun to rise. It would be my second, final death and Gabriel could move on without me. Of course it was silly to even think about it. I was too much of a coward for that and so I resigned myself to the fact that I could never go through with it.

I pulled myself up from the floor and decided to settle in the bathroom. It had no windows and so it was perfect for a makeshift nest. I curled myself up in the bath tub and let my eyes close. I hadn’t realised I was so exhausted but now that sleep was presenting itself to me I was more than willing to take hold of it.

I fell asleep thinking of that pain again. My name went round my head in a repetitive circle, always in Gabriel’s furious voice. I tried desperately to stop thinking about it, but I couldn’t escape the terror his voice had instilled in me. It haunted me.

I woke up the next night with Gabriel standing over me. He was in the doorway of the bathroom, just staring at me with that enigmatic gaze. He didn’t say anything. He had always been an imposing figure, but until now I had enjoyed his height. I had loved curling up to him and feeling his large body fold itself around my small form. His height had taken on a different function now. He was using it as a device of intimidation and threat, something from his arsenal of predator weapons.

I sat up in the bath tub, returning his gaze and trying not to let my fear show itself. I couldn’t let Gabriel know how deeply his anger had affected me. Hundreds of thoughts were being thrown around my mind, battering the other thoughts in to submission. Did he want to reconcile or did he want to kill me? Both were equally plausible after the events of the last few days.

Gabriel averted his strong gaze to the floor and I almost expected to see a hole burnt into the tiles, so strong was his contempt.

He cleared his throat to draw my attention towards him again. “I’m not hunting with you tonight. You’re on your own.” He said in a low, commanding tone.