The Endgame (22 page)

‘Better?’ Grayson whispered softly, kissing her hair.

She nodded, too shaken to speak. ‘How will I ever get over you now?’ She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. She thought the words were only in her head, and she was horrified to hear them coming out of her mouth. What was she thinking? She wasn’t thinking, that was the problem. She couldn’t think straight after what had just happened – not when Grayson’s arms were still wrapped around her, his naked body pressed against hers, when she was surrounded by the smell and taste and feel of him.

‘You don’t have to, you know.’ He stroked her hair, looking into her eyes.

‘Yes, I do,’ she said firmly. ‘You know I do. I can’t see you again after tomorrow.’

‘After Mark gets home.’ His voice was leaden and it was as if a light had gone out in his eyes.

‘Yes.’

‘Because you don’t want to? Or because you can’t?’

‘It’s ... complicated. I can’t explain.’
Please don’t ask me
, she begged him silently.

‘What’s happening here, Lisa?’

‘Wh–What do you mean?’

‘What’s happening between us?’

She looked away, frightened by the depth of feeling in his gaze. ‘Nothing,’ she said faintly, hardly able to find her voice.

‘Really? It doesn’t feel like nothing to me.’

‘You know what this is, Grayson. We both know. We’re just two people fucking, that’s all.’

‘That’s all?’

‘Yes.’ She kept her gaze averted. She couldn’t look into those beautiful eyes and lie to him.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Okay, sometimes we play chess,’ she said, trying to lighten the mood. ‘Sometimes we have dinner. But mostly we just fuck because we want each other and because I want the money.’

He took her chin in his hand and turned her face to him. ‘Why do you need the money?’ he asked with a frown. ‘Mark’s a wealthy man. I know I’ve asked you this before, but are you in some kind of trouble?’

‘No, of course not. Nothing like that.’

His eyes narrowed. ‘Are you leaving him?’

‘No.’ She trusted Grayson, but she still didn’t want to confide in him. The less he knew, the better it would be for him. If Mark suspected Grayson had helped her get away, she dreaded to think what he might do. Besides, she didn’t want to give Grayson any reason to think he could change her mind. She didn’t know how long she could hold out if he tried to persuade her to stay with him.

‘I wish you would. I wish you’d leave Mark and come to me,’ he said tentatively, his arms around her tightening, and she felt a pang, already tempted to give in to him. ‘If you’re–‘ he hesitated, biting his lip. ‘I’ve seen how he treats you, Lisa,’ he continued. ‘I could protect you, if you’re afraid of what he might do. I could take care of you.’

She knew he could, she thought yearningly. Grayson was a very wealthy man, and she knew the protection money could buy. But she also knew how it could make you a prisoner. She didn’t want to be protected anymore, because depending on someone else for your security made you weak and vulnerable, and she never wanted to put herself in that position again. She had to stand on her own two feet and take care of herself.

She didn’t believe Grayson would ever try to control and manipulate her, but then she had trusted Mark in the beginning. He had been charming at the start too – sweet, thoughtful and affectionate. He had made her feel loved and special; and safe, she thought bitterly. It was the ultimate irony. Mark had made her feel as if nothing bad could ever happen to her when she was with him. But the truth was she’d been safe all along until he’d come into her life.

She would never again let her head be turned by a man with money, no matter how nice he seemed. She trusted Grayson, but she no longer had any faith in her own judgement. If she had met Grayson in another lifetime, things could have been very different. But she had to deal with how things were, not how they might have been, and she needed to be on her own now. She was just a shell of a person, in no state to start a relationship. She had to find herself again before she could think about being with someone else.

‘Of course I’m not scared of Mark,’ she said, the hard edge to her voice sounding false even to her own ears. ‘I love him.’

‘Why all the secrecy about the money, then?’

‘Because ...’ She cast around for a plausible reason. ‘I want to buy him a present, that’s all. And I want it to be a surprise. But I don’t have any money of my own, so ...’

He was frowning at her and she suspected he didn’t believe her. But it was at least partly true – she did want to surprise Mark, and she needed the money to carry it off.

‘What are you getting him? It must be expensive.’

‘I was thinking maybe a boob job,’ she said, affecting a playful tone.

‘What?’ He reared back with a horrified expression, his eyes wide and panicked. ‘Please tell me you’re not serious.’

She was startled by his reaction, but she didn’t let is show. ‘Mark’s always wanted me to have one,’ she said with a casual shrug.

‘Fuck him!’ Grayson said harshly, his eyes sparking with anger. ‘Lisa, you don’t need a boob job. Please don’t do that to yourself. You have a beautiful body, gorgeous breasts.’

‘Mark thinks they’re too small.’

A muscle twitched in Grayson’s jaw. ‘Don’t let him make you think you have to mutilate yourself to–‘

‘Hey, calm down.’ She placed a finger lightly on his lips to silence him. ‘I–I was just joking,’ she said with a reassuring smile. She felt guilty for upsetting him so much. ‘I mean, Mark really does want me to have the operation. But I’m not going to.’

He gave a relieved sigh, his eyes closing briefly. ‘Thank Christ! I’d never forgive myself if I thought I’d provided the money to fund that.’ He bent to give her a soft kiss. ‘You’re perfect just as you are, Lisa.’

‘Hardly,’ she huffed.

‘You are. And you’re with someone who doesn’t even appreciate you. How can you love someone who–‘

‘All these questions,’ she interrupted, desperate to change the topic. ‘I wouldn’t have agreed to spend the day with you if I thought you were going to spend the whole time giving me the third degree.’

‘Ah, but you already agreed,’ he said with a grin, pulling her closer. ‘You can’t back out now. Besides–‘ he began, but stopped himself.

‘Besides, I’m yours to do with as you please – bought and paid for,’ she said with a playful smile, wanting to lighten the mood. ‘So I’m on the clock here, Grayson. Is this really how you want to use the time we have together?’

He gave her a gentle smile. ‘No, you’re right. It’s not.’

‘So, what would you like to do?’ she asked, trailing her fingers down his abdomen suggestively.

‘First, I’d like to have a bath,’ he said, throwing back the duvet and swinging out of bed, his back to her.

‘Oh!’ It wasn’t the answer she had been expecting. ‘Okay, then,’ she said, watching as he stood and made his way to the en suite. He had such a beautiful body. She could look at him all day.

He disappeared into the bathroom and she flopped back against the pillows, listening to the sound of splashing water as he filled the tub. Moments later, he appeared again in the doorway.

‘Well, aren’t you coming?’ he said, jerking his head to the bathroom.

‘Oh, you want to have a bath together?’

He rolled his eyes playfully. ‘Of course. You don’t think I’m going to wash myself when I’ve got you to cater to my every need?’

Lisa grinned as she got out of bed and ran around to join him.

‘Besides,’ he said, taking her hand, ‘I’d be lonely without you.’

She would be lonely without him too, she thought with a pang – the day after tomorrow. She was going to miss him so much. Then she dismissed such gloomy thoughts, and let him pull her into the bathroom, determined to enjoy what time she had left with him.

‘So, what do you want to do today?’ she asked.

‘This,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her tighter and sighing contentedly. ‘We could just stay here all day.’ He dropped a kiss on her shoulder.

She twisted around to look at him. ‘We’ll shrivel up!’ she laughed, lifting a hand out of the water to show him her pruned fingers.

‘I’d like to stay and get shriveled and wrinkly with you.’

Her breath hitched at the intensity in his eyes, the meaning behind his words. She turned in his arms to face him, lifting herself so she was straddling him.

‘I’m falling in love with you, Lisa,’ he said huskily.

‘Ssh.’ She placed her fingers on his lips, silencing him. ‘Don’t say that.’ She hated the wounded look in his eyes.

‘You said I could do whatever I want today. I want to tell you how I feel. I know you don’t want to hear it.’

‘Ssh.’ She took his hands and placed them on her breasts. He was already hard, and they gazed into each other’s eyes as she lowered herself onto his cock, taking him inside her. She needed to make this about sex again. It was just sex, nothing more – just two people fucking.

‘I’ve never felt like this about anyone before,’ he whispered, his hands caressing her breasts as she began to move up and down on his shaft. She silenced him with a kiss, burying her fingers in his damp hair. He tugged gently on her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to him, moaning as he sucked on her tongue. Their kisses grew wilder, sucking and biting, fucking each other’s mouths as Lisa moved rhythmically, Grayson thrusting his hips up to meet her. Water splashed out onto the floor as their movements became faster and more frantic.

I’m falling in love with you too
, Lisa thought, wrapping her arms tightly around him as his mouth closed over her nipple. His hand moved between her legs and she felt the quickening inside her, and then she was lost, drowning in the smell and taste of him, until everything else disappeared and there was nothing in the world but him and her, the feel of the muscles and sinews of his back flexing and straining under his slippery skin as he pounded into her, the animalistic sounds of his grunts and moans, the slap of flesh and splash of water.

A violent shudder shook through him and he bore down on her shoulders, grinding his hips into hers. She felt his cock jerk inside her and he looked right into her eyes as he came at the same time as she did. Then they collapsed against each other, both of them dazed and silent, except for their heavy breathing and their pounding hearts.

Hunger finally drove them to get dressed and head down to the kitchen together. It was early afternoon and they’d missed breakfast, so they were both starving.

‘I don’t have much food in, ‘Lisa said apologetically, peering into the fridge. ‘But I could make scrambled eggs?’ she turned to Grayson questioningly.

‘Hmm, I think I’m up for something more substantial,’ he said. ‘And I wouldn’t mind swinging by my house to grab a change of clothes, if that’s okay with you?’

‘Yes, fine,’ Lisa smiled, relieved. She didn’t like being with Grayson in this house – it made their time together feel tainted. What she had with Grayson felt pure and good – paradoxically in the circumstances – and she wanted to keep it that way, completely separate from her twisted relationship with Mark.

‘Besides,’ he said, smiling, ‘you cooking for me wasn’t part of the deal. We can go out to eat. There’s a pub just down the road from me that does a fantastic brunch.’

‘Sounds great!’

It was a warm, sunny spring afternoon when they walked from Grayson’s house to the pub on the corner. Lisa didn’t protest when Grayson took her hand out on the street, and he gave her a boyish, triumphant grin as she curled her fingers around his. He looked so damn happy, she couldn’t help grinning back at him. She loved the feeling of his big hand enveloping hers, and the affectionate, lover-like gesture felt more precious than all the more intimate ways he’d touched her.

The pub he took her to was a converted church, the restaurant area furnished with large unvarnished oak tables and cushioned pew-style benches. They sat side by side, so close their thighs touched.

‘This is lovely,’ Lisa said, looking around. The room was flooded with light from the high, vaulted ceilings and the many slender Gothic windows, the stained glass adding colour and interest. It was obviously a very popular place, and was doing a brisk weekend brunch trade. There were people of all ages, family groups and friends, but despite the bustle, it had a bright, airy feel and a relaxed atmosphere.

‘You sound surprised.’ Grayson looked at her questioningly.

She shrugged. ‘It just doesn’t seem your style, I guess.’ Mark would never take her to a place like this. Their local pub had an excellent reputation for food, but they hadn’t been there once the whole time she’d lived with him.

‘What, you think I only frequent Michelin-starred establishments?’ he asked, smiling as his hand smoothed over the surface of the table. She could tell the simplicity and integrity of the chunky aged wood pleased him. ‘I really like it here,’ he said. ‘And it’s fantastic what they’ve done with the building.’ He looked up at the rafters and she smiled fondly, loving his enthusiasm for good design.

He did look at home here, she thought – it suited him. He was just as wealthy as Mark, but that was where the resemblance ended. Grayson wasn’t in the least pretentious or snobbish, and seemed quite at home in the casual surroundings of the pub.

‘And the food is great,’ he nodded at her menu.

He wasn’t wrong about that. They both ordered huevos rancheros, and they were delicious. They could hardly keep their hands off each other as they ate, Grayson resting a hand on her thigh, or Lisa laying her head on his shoulder between forkfuls. Lisa couldn’t remember when she’d been so happy. This was how it should be, she thought, wishing this day could go on forever.

When they left the pub, they joined the crowds of Sunday morning shoppers on the high street, and Lisa felt a little thrill of excitement to be doing something so normal. They were just like any other couple they passed, enjoying a leisurely Sunday morning together, strolling lazily along hand-in-hand, stopping occasionally to look in shop windows. But whereas those other women could take a day like this for granted, for her it was special and something to treasure.

They wandered slowly through a little open air craft market, the stalls a jumble of quirky jewellery, colourful clothing and original artwork.

‘I’d love to see some of
your
paintings,’ Grayson said as they stopped in front of an artist’s stall, draped with canvases. A woman perched on a stool to the side gave them a nod and a smile. Lisa assumed she was the artist. ‘Do you have any at the house?’

Lisa shook her head. ‘No.’

‘None?’

‘There was ... a fire. They were all destroyed.’

‘Oh.’ He frowned. ‘When was this?’

‘About two years ago.’

‘And you haven’t done any since?’

‘No. I don’t paint anymore.’

‘Not even just for yourself? For pleasure?’

‘No.’ But I will, she thought. I’ll start again when I’m away from here, away from Mark. She felt a familiar pull as she stood looking at the paintings, and she could almost feel the brush in her hand, smell the heady mixture of oil paint and turpentine.

‘That’s a shame. I’d love to have seen some.’

She shrugged. ‘I wasn’t very good anyway.’

‘You were good enough to go to art school,’ Grayson said as they moved on. ‘Good enough for Mark to take an interest.’

Maybe he was right, she thought. Perhaps she should have had more belief in her own talent, and not let Mark discourage her.

She paused to look at a stall selling hand-painted silk scarves. They were really beautiful, she thought, fingering the material.

‘Let me buy you something,’ Grayson said suddenly, squeezing her hand.

‘Oh, no. Thank you, but I couldn’t let you do that.’

‘Please. I’d like to.’

Her thoughts automatically flew to Mark. What would he think when he saw it? He would be suspicious. He’d demand the receipt, and when she couldn’t produce it, he’d become angry and jealous and accuse her of having a secret lover. Then she remembered – Mark would never see it. God, it was pathetic how completely conditioned her thinking had become, so her first thought was always of him.

‘Lisa?’ Grayson prompted her.

She shook her head. ‘Sorry, I was miles away.’

‘Which one would you like?’

‘No, really – you’ve given me too much already.’

He frowned. ‘I’ve never given you anything.’

She raised her eyebrows at him, wordlessly reminding him of the money. Ten thousand pounds was hardly nothing.

‘That doesn’t count,’ he said. ‘That was payment. I want to give you a gift.’

She smiled. He didn’t know it, of course, but he’d already given her plenty of gifts. Today was a gift, and all the time they’d spent together; their chess games; the way he made love to her. He’d given her the only moments of happiness she’d had in a very long time. It was more than enough.

‘Please,’ he said. ‘Choose one. I’d like you to have something to ... remember me by.’

His words took her by surprise. Could he have guessed that she was going away, she wondered. Or did he simply mean that he wouldn’t see her again after tomorrow because she would be back with Mark? Whatever he meant, she suddenly realised she wanted to have a physical memento of him, a reminder of this lovely day and how happy she’d been. Besides, she would like to have the simple, normal pleasure of getting a present from the man she loved.

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’ She was rewarded with his sweet smile.

She took her time choosing, studying each one carefully. The girl who made them brought more from under the counter for her to look at.

‘This one,’ she said finally, picking up a long, narrow scarf with an abstract design in splashes of green and pink.

‘Good choice,’ the girl said with a bright smile. ‘That’s my favourite.’

Lisa smiled. She knew it was just sales talk, and that whatever one she’d chosen would probably have turned out to be the girl’s ‘favourite’. But she admired her cheery, easy way with customers and wondered at her self-confidence as she kept up a constant stream of patter with Grayson while she took his money and gave him change. She tried to imagine herself having such self-assurance, chatting light-heartedly with strangers, but she couldn’t. She felt a little frisson of anxiety at the thought of being on her own in the world soon, starting anew with no one else to rely on and no one familiar around her. It had been a long time since she had been independent, and while she longed for it, it scared her a little at the same time.

‘Will I put it in a bag or do you want to wear it now?’ the girl was asking.

Grayson looked at her enquiringly.

‘I’ll wear it now,’ she said, taking it from the girl with a smile. ‘Thank you.’

‘The colours suit you,’ Grayson said as she put it around her neck.

‘I love it. Thank you.’

‘Thank
you
.’ He kissed her on the forehead.

‘What for?’

‘For letting me buy it for you,’ he said, taking her hand as they walked away. ‘For letting me treat you like my girlfriend today.’

It was late afternoon when they got back to Grayson’s house. They were on each other as soon as they got through the door, and spent the rest of the evening in bed.

‘I’ll have to go soon,’ Lisa said later as they lay naked in each other’s arms. Outside darkness had fallen, and a feeling of gloom descended on her at the thought of talking to Mark tonight.

‘I wish I could sleep with you again,’ Grayson sighed, playing with her hair.

‘Me too.’ Lisa said. ‘But we still have tomorrow evening.’

A shadow passed across Grayson’s face, a flicker of anguish. ‘Lisa,’ he began warily, ‘I know you don’t want any more questions, but can I just ask one more?’

‘Okay.’

‘I’m not going to see you again, am I? After tomorrow?’

‘No. You know that. We already talked about it.’

‘But what if you and Mark came over together, like before? Couldn’t I see you then?’

She took a deep breath, hardly able to say the words out loud. ‘No,’ she said, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘That won’t happen.’

He nodded. ‘That’s what I thought.’

She couldn’t bear the hurt look in his eyes, and she wished there was something she could say or do to make things better.

He took her hand and turned it over in his, kissing the palm. ‘I hope you’ll be very happy, Lisa,’ he said, his blue eyes grave.