The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover (2 page)

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Although anyone may find the practices, disciplines, and un• derstandings in this book to be useful, it is made available with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in presenting specific medical, psychological, emo• tional, sexual, or spiritual advice. Nor is anything in this book intended to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual problem. Each person has unique needs, and this book cannot take these individual differences into account. Each person should engage in a program of treatment, preven• tion, cure, or general health only in consultation with a licensed, qualified physician, therapist, or other competent professional. Any person suffering from venereal disease or any local illness of his or her sexual organs or prostate gland should consult a medical doctor and a qualified instructor of sexual yoga before practicing the sexual methods described in this book.

CONTENTS

Introduction
1

PART ONE: ENERGY
3

1. Use your breath to arouse and relax your genitals 7
   

2. Retrain your nervous system
   10
   

3. Use your tongue like a circuit breaker
   26
   

4. Use your eyes to direct energy
   30
   

PART TWO: ORGASM
35

1. Bypass ejaculations for greater pleasure
   41
   

2. Retrain the addiction to ejaculation
   54
   

1. Curb fidgets
   59
   

2. Good ejaculations liberate energy
   61
   

9.
Optimize ejaculations to maximize life's depth 67

1. Ejaculate when the body needs to 72
   

2. Understand the three types of women's orgasms 77
   

3. Enjoy clitoral orgasms
   80
   

4. Delight in vaginal orgasms 83
   

5. Surrender in the bliss of cervical orgasms
   90
   

6. Choose when to orgasm
   98
   

7. Allow orgasmic variation
   100
   

   PART THREE: VARIATIONS
   105
   

8. Stimulate the sex paths
   112
   

9. Bite, slap, and pinch to move stagnant energy
   114
   

10. Move energy through the lips, nipples, and genitals
    117
    

11. Stimulate the anus
    119
    

12. Do the feet
    122
    

13. Thrust both deep and shallow
    125
    

14. Connect the cervix and penis
    130
    

15. Vibrate quickly to increase and smooth out energy
    133
    

16. Relax your body and breath
    135
    

26.
Make love for at least forty-five minutes
139

PART FOUR: SEXUAL ENERGY EXERCISES 145

1. Breathe sexual energy in a circle
   149
   

2. Breathe genital energy up
   152
   

3. Breathe energy down the front
   155
   

4. Seal your pelvic floor
   159
   

5. Lock energy in your soft parts
   163
   

Conclusion
167

About Sounds True
171
David Deida Resources
173
About the Author 177

INTRODUCTION

Good artists are skilled, but
great
artists convey an immense depth of feeling through their expertise. The same goes for the art of sex. A good lover knows how to make the body sing. But a great lover, a
superior
lover, evokes a vast choir of bliss.

A good orgasm is satisfying, but a great orgasm can be a rev• elation of your deepest being, unfolding the bright truth of who you are in ecstatic communion with your lover. Sex can be a way of magnifying love's light through every cell, shining beyond fear, melding your hearts in the infinite radiance of being. Sex can be
enlightened
- or not.

Most of us bring our problems to bed with us: the tension from a stressful day, our past history of sexual failure, our need to be reassured that we are loved. As we bring light to every as• pect of our sexuality, these kinds of difficulties are used to reflect our next place of opening, physically, emotionally, and spiritu• ally. Every quandary is illuminated and unfolded by love's radiant presence. Every tussle is seen with wide-open eyes, embraced, accepted, and understood to be a potential doorway to the true desires of our soul.

The Enlightened Sex Manual
shows how to transform the of• ten willy-nilly flow of stimulated genital energy into a profound depth of feeling, openness, and embodied ecstasy. Sexual energy can fill your body with light, blow your mind with bliss, and melt all difference in an endless love that radiates as one heart.

When sexual energy emanates from its spiritual source, your cells are enlivened and your spirit rejuvenated by the same force that might otherwise have been thrown off in more trivial shivers and shakes. When you meld sexual intensity with open-hearted

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depth, your bliss grows spontaneously, fertilized by the forces of your fears, hopes, and anxieties.

You can allow the light of your soul to shine through the sexual play of your body as long as you know how to deal with the habits that would otherwise prevent your enlightened loving. The practices presented in this book allow you to develop your sexual skills as gifts of spiritual rapture.

Part One describes how to circulate your internal energy so deep relaxation, delightful sensuality, and open-hearted loving can infuse your lovemaking with joy. Part Two focuses on ways for men and women to enjoy multiple, whole-body orgasms that serve as remembrances of your deepest and most effortless bliss of being. Part Three presents a range of techniques to enhance the fullness of sexual pleasure and spiritual openness. Part Four offers more advanced practices for those readers who wish to continue growing in their sexual capacities.

The practices in this book are presented for all partners in all relationships: men and women, gay and straight. At times, we will talk in terms of "masculine energy" and "feminine energy" which partners of either sex can choose to offer - perhaps even taking turns - to work with the polarities of attraction in both same-sex and opposite-sex relationships. At other times, we will illustrate specific techniques using examples that involve a man and a woman. But as you read, you will be able to experiment, modify, and apply the practices to your own sexual situation, while walking your unique path as a superior lover.

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Part One: Energy

Love's light seeks expression through our bodies, one way or an• other. But our sexual gift of deepest love is sometimes limited by a more superficial part of us: our emotional resistance, our fear of opening as the deep love that is our true nature.

We resist opening without limits because our superficial self wants to feel itself as
something
- even a tense, unfulfilled some• thing - rather than
nothing,
sheer openness, love without borders, deep being without end.

Infinite love is who we really are and who we refuse to be.
This refusal is our most essential tension.
Our bittersweet sex life is a clear reflection of this push-me-pull-you drama between our deep desire to be open as love and our reflexive clench for safety and superficial self-esteem.

In sex, we desire to lose our superficial self completely in overwhelming bodily joy, but we also fear this loss of self. We long to merge with our lover so deeply that our vulnerable hearts are one light, but we also resist this oneness. We ache to let go of all protection and enter nakedly into unguarded love, but we are also afraid of this vulnerability.

We yearn and hesitate to give our deepest depth of being - which is God's depth - through sexual love. This openness of being is all there is and who we are, and yet we stand divided and protected. We refuse to trust.

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Our refusal to trust is often grounded in the past: We were abused as a child. We were jilted by an ex-lover. Our partner has been selfish, distracted, closed down, or insensitive.

It is very important to address these realities in our lives through intervention, communication, therapy, supportive friends, wise teachers, and our own personal inquiry and exploration. In ad• dition, it is often necessary to protect ourselves - physically and emotionally - from abusive and destructive relationships.

Even so, we eventually learn that emotional closure is our own action. We can be responsible for it. In any moment, we can choose to open or to close.
Nothing outside of us has the power to limit our capacity to give and receive love.
Even while pointing out perpetrators and working to heal the wounds we have suffered in the past, if our heart is not open, we are simply refusing to trust the deepest depth of our being. We are refusing to express our open and infinite na• ture. We are refusing to live as love in this present moment.

Love's light wants to express itself through our bodies. But even though our deepest self wants to open and live as love, our superficial self is afraid. So we hold back the spontaneous and powerful expression of love flowing through our bodies. We do this primarily by suppressing our breath.

Breath is the way our bodies make love with God. When we are willing to be love, then we are willing to breathe love. When we are unwilling to be love, when we resist the spontane• ous expression of our deep and natural openness of being, then we suppress our breath. Our belly constricts. Our heart tightens. Inside, we tie ourselves in knots and become endarkened. Our en• tire body clenches the flow of energy that wants to shine through us. We suffer our refusal of divine openness. We suffer our refusal to live as love.

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The fantasy of instant perfect sex may sell, but in reality it takes practice to undo the kinks we have spent years crimping into our bodies and emotions. Enlightened sex is a way to unbind the knots we have tightened around our heart so we can live free as love. Opening our breath is a key to untying our internal knots so that our love can fully express itself.

We can begin to open by learning to feel love's light as sexual energy. What does your internal sexual energy feel like?

Imagine that you come home after a day of working, tired. You lie down on the sofa and relax. You feel like you could lie there forever. Your lover walks over and sits next to you, gen• tly rubbing your shoulders. After kneading your muscles, your lover trails his or her fingertips lightly up and down your neck, leaning over and kissing you. Your lover continues massaging you, kissing your neck, your ears, your lips.

Your breathing deepens. You begin to feel some energy mov• ing within your body. Your lover runs his or her hands down your thighs to your feet. After massaging your feet for a while, your lover takes your toes into his or her mouth, one at a time, and sucks them gently.

You look into your lover's eyes and feel them filled with love and openness. You feel like you are being drawn into a garden of love. A few moments before, your body was exhausted and empty, a worn husk. Now, your body is filled with delight, mov• ing with energy, breathing deeply, percolating with happiness, writhing and alive.

Your lover kisses his or her way up your feet, up your legs, up your belly to your chest. Unbuttoning your shirt, your lover kisses your nipples, and then you press your bodies together. Your lover's tongue licks your neck.

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Strong energy moves through you now. Your breath is full and deep. You feel wide awake. Your pelvises are rocking together, your spines undulating, your flesh pulsating.

How can you continue to enlarge the flow of sexual energy, enjoying many whole-body orgasms, rejuvenating yourselves, opening your hearts, and surrendering as one in blissful loving? The first step involves understanding how your breath and sexual energy intertwine.

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1 USE YOUR BREATH TO AROUSE AND RELAX YOUR GENITALS

Although there are many subtle aspects to your breath, two major sexual functions are the reception and release of energy. When you
inhale,
you are opening yourself and
receiving
breath and energy into your body. When you
exhale,
you are letting go and
releasing
energy. When you are born, one of your first acts is to inhale, drawing breath into the body. When you die, one of your last acts is to exhale, releasing all hold on this life. The birth and death of your genital arousal is a similar process.

Your inhalation feeds energy down into your genitals. Men who have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection and women who have dry or painful vaginas are often weak inhalers. They have difficulty receiving energy and emotion. Their belly is not open and alive, able to expand with breath energy as the full inhalation brings force down the front of their body to the geni• tals. These people also tend to be weaker in the world than their actual potential. Either they are unable to muster the energy to get things done, or they tend to be heady and pointed while doing them, rather than full and relaxed.

If you have trouble getting or maintaining an erection, or if your vagina tends to be dry and painful during sex, then you might benefit from strengthening your inhalation.
Make sure that throughout the day, and especially during sex, your inhalations are full and deep. Draw the inhalation down the front of your body, expanding your belly with breath and filling your genitals with the inhaled energy. Your inhalation should be so full that you actually feel a pres• sure pushing into your genital region as the inhalation reaches its

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brink. With each inhalation, feel as if you are priming the pump, filling the genitals and lower abdomen with energy.

Your exhalation releases energy. Men and women who are hy• per-energetic and tend toward frequent but superficial orgasms tend to be weak exhalers. They have difficulty letting go and al• lowing the energy to circulate throughout their entire body and beyond. They are all too ready to be filled with energy, and then, because they are unable to easefully exhale the energy or cir• culate it, they become anxious about releasing it through other means. They tend to be easily angered, addicted to eating frenzies and orgasm-centered sex, and often look for other ways to blow off steam. Exhalation is a form of surrender. Emotionally, weak exhalers tend to be unsurrendered in the sexual occasion and thus unable to give and receive love with profound depth of feeling.