The Escape Collection: (The Escape Collection) (63 page)

“It was. We were happy. Or I thought we were. Leila wasn’t.”
 

“Did she cheat on you?”
 

Jason jerked, startled from his memory. “Cheat? No.” He shook his head.

“She leave you then?” I could feel my anger building at this unknown girl who’d hurt him.
 

“No.”

“Then what?”

“She killed herself.”

The air rushed from my lungs. “Oh.” I crumpled into a chair. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “It was a long time ago. I know now it wasn’t because of me. Leila had a lot of sadness in her. Always did. She was a sad child, too. I used to think she was just quiet, introspective. I thought I could save her, you know? Cheer her up, make her happy with the sheer power of my love. Even when we were kids. I was always trying to make her smile and laugh. I guess I thought when we got married, that would be enough. Oldest story in the book, right?”

“Jason, I’m so sorry.”
 

He shrugged. “It’s in the past now. I blamed myself for a long time. I felt like I’d failed her.”

“So, you never knew why? Why she did it, I mean.”

He shook his head. “That’s the thing. There doesn’t have to be a reason with suicide. For some, it’s the ultimate selfish act. But for others, the hopelessness inside them just overwhelms them until they really see no other option. The idea of living—it just becomes too much.”

“That’s so sad.”

“It is.”

“So what did you do?” I asked.
 

“I didn't have anyone,” he said. “Her parents wouldn't speak to me. I don't think they blamed me. After all, they must have known about her depression. It was just too hard for them.”

“What about your parents? What did they say?”

“Nothing. They stopped talking to me after we got married. Even when Leila died, Mom sent flowers. But that was it.”

“That's awful,” I said. I couldn't imagine Dad and Connie cutting me off like that. Abandoning me, especially when I needed them most. They would never do that.
 

But isn’t that what I’d done to them by leaving? I shook my head, unwilling to focus on the thought.

Jason shrugged. “So I left the city. I sold our little house, got rid of everything that reminded me of her—which was everything—and started driving. Eventually I got to Rainbow Valley, and I met Sheena. I guess you could say I ran away.” He looked at me pointedly, like he expected me to say something. When I didn't, he continued. “Sheena kind of adopted me. I guess she could tell I was a lost soul. She let me stay with her for awhile, in exchange for helping her out a bit. I was totally lost in my misery, but after a few months, Sheena made me go talk to someone.”

“And that helped?”

“It did. I didn’t think it would, but it really did. I pulled myself together, started working more, and moved up to the cabin for a bit. It turned out my parents must have felt some type of loyalty towards me, because I got a letter from the bank telling me about a savings account they'd started in my name when I was a kid. It was almost enough to pay for my tuition. So I decided to get my degree in psychology. Maybe I can help other people like me, people like Leila.”

“Do you think you could have saved her?”

He looked at me; the look in his eyes was intense, and it took everything I had not to look away. “Not her, not then,” he said. “I loved her so much, but I didn’t know enough. But now that I’m learning more about the mind and how it works, maybe I can make a difference. I can save others from going through the pain I did. I’ll be able to help people.”
 

“Like me?”

“I didn’t say that.”
 

Silence filled the kitchen, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Jason stacked the tomatoes and cheese with the basil and drizzled olive oil over it all. He filled a basket with fresh bread and grabbed both plates.
 

“Let’s eat outside.”

“There is nothing better than fresh tomatoes and cheese,” Jason said between mouthfuls.

“I couldn’t agree more. This is fantastic.”

I'd spread out a large piece of batik cloth that I'd found in the cupboard, and we were eating picnic-style in the middle of the porch. Stars were beginning to appear in the night sky, but the only real light came from the window and the few lamps we’d left on in the kitchen.

The somber mood from inside had been replaced with a lighter tone that good food and wine only helped along.

Jason swirled a piece of bread through the oil before popping it in his mouth. “So, now you can answer a question for me.”

“Go for it.”

“Feeling brave, are you?” Jason laughed.
 

“It must be the wine.” I raised my glass, and he refilled it.

“Ok, I’m going to ask the obvious question.”

“Why am I here?”

“Actually, I was going to ask what you’re running away from.”

I swirled my wine, studying it through the glass. “What makes you think I’m running away from someone?”
 

“I didn’t say someone.”
 

I picked up another piece of tomato, and inhaled the fresh basil before putting the whole piece in my mouth. “Good, ’cause I’m not,” I mumbled.

Jason raised an eyebrow.

I swallowed hard. “I’m not. Running away from someone, I mean.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I’m not.”

“If you insist.” He smirked behind his wineglass.

“Why should I be running away from someone?” I pushed up from the floor with the need to put space between us. “Why would you even think that? Just because a woman comes up to the mountains, alone, to get away from everything, you assume she must be running away from someone. Maybe you should take a few more classes, because I just needed to get away. A vacation. That’s all.” I walked to the edge of the porch and stared out into the building darkness. I inhaled the clean air, letting it fill my lungs and settle me. I didn’t know what was worse: that he’d hit a nerve, or that he surely knew it.

“Get away from what?” he asked. I didn’t look but I heard the creak of the boards as he stood.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of going home and looking at him. Looking at all of them.” The words came out in a rush before I could stop them. “Dealing with the latest drama, the next tantrum, seeing how I’d failed. But now...I’ve made everything worse.”

I could sense him standing behind me; the warmth of his body radiated into my back. “I left,” I whispered, as Jason’s arms slid around my waist and pulled me towards him.
 

The desire to lean into him, to let him hold me and make me feel better, was strong. It would be easy to give into my body, to stop overthinking things. And why not? Why shouldn't I?
 

I tensed and turned away from him.

“Becca.”

“I can’t.”

“I’m not asking for anything.” He moved towards me again; his hand came to rest on my shoulder. Through the thin blouse, my skin warmed under his touch, but I shivered from the sensation. “You’re cold.”
 

His hand slid down my arm and wrapped around me. This time I didn’t fight him. He circled my body with his other arm and pulled me in to him. The heat from his body filled me. I leaned back and let him support me.
 

Together, we stared into the darkness. Despite my emotions running wild, my mind wandered and floated again to my children.
 

“I’m an awful mother.”
 

“No, you’re not.”

“You don’t even know,” I said, choking on the words.

“I know you can’t be that terrible.” His breath was warm on my ear. “Look.” He unwound one arm and pointed to the sky.

I followed the direction of his hand. “What am I looking at?”

“Andromeda. Do you see? Just to the west of the Milky Way. It looks like a V.”

“I do. I see it.” I spun to see Jason’s small smile before settling back into the comfort of him.

“Not many people pay attention to Andromeda.”

“I’ve never heard of it.” I turned and returned my focus to the stars.

“You may have heard of her mother, Queen Cassiopeia?”

I nodded.

“Well, the queen would brag to the sea nymphs about how beautiful the two of them were. Finally, the nymphs had enough of listening to her boasting. In order to save her kingdom from the angry sea nymphs, the queen was ordered to sacrifice her daughter by chaining her to a cliff for the hungry sea monster.”

“That’s awful.” I turned around, out of Jason’s arms.
 

“See? Cassiopeia. Now that was an awful mother.” His smile lit up his face and I couldn't help it—I burst into laughter.
 

When I caught my breath again, I asked, “What happened to her? Andromeda?”

“She was rescued, of course.” Jason pulled me close again. “Perseus swooped in on his winged horse right before the sea monster could attack. They were married on the spot and lived happily ever after.”

“The damsel in distress rescued by the dashing prince routine, huh?” He was so close, I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath. Was the beating I felt Jason's heart? Or my own?

“It seems to be a common theme.” He spun me so I faced him. “Don’t you think?” His breath was warm on my lips. It came in small puffs with every word.

“I’m not—”

He cut off my protests with a kiss. This time, his lips felt familiar, and my body responded just as it had before. When he pulled me tighter, I didn’t push him away but sank deeper into his embrace, losing myself. Too quickly, the kiss ended and Jason pulled away, sucking on my lower lip as we parted.

“Just for the record,” he said, his voice deep and rough, “I’m not trying to rescue you.”

I closed my eyes and tried to squeeze out the images of my family. It was only after their faces grew blurry that I opened my eyes again and looked directly at Jason. “Good,” I whispered. “Because I don’t want to be saved.” I wound my arm up around his head and pulled him down, his lips locking firmly onto my own.

Chapter 19

We made our way inside like teenagers, stopping every few steps to lose ourselves in another kiss and a quick exploration of each other’s bodies. The bedroom was dark and when Jason turned on the bedside lamp, the room filled with the soft purple glow I’d come to enjoy. I didn’t protest about the light, as I normally would. Instead, I took a step back, watching Jason.
 

He reached for me, but I held a hand up. “Let me do this,” I said.
 

With his eyes fixed on me, I slowly lifted my blouse over my head and pulled it off. My breath caught in my throat. The awareness of what I was doing mingled with my unfamiliar boldness and scared and thrilled me at the same time. I swallowed hard and let the top flutter to the floor. I reached up to pull the
 
elastic from my hair. Released, it came to rest on my bare shoulders, tickling my skin.
 

“God, Becca,” Jason breathed the words but didn’t make any move to touch me. His eyes traveled my body, and with his smile for encouragement, I undid the string of my peasant skirt, letting it fall to the floor in a puddle around my feet. I paused for only a moment before reaching behind me with both hands. When the clasp of my bra unclipped, I had a moment of insecurity. After all, I had stretch marks, extra pounds. Mine was not the body of a twenty-year-old. I'd been touched by child birth and age.
 

“Becca,” Jason said from the bed. “You’re beautiful. I want to see you. All of you.”

I met Jason’s eyes, and was shocked by the intensity there. It had been so long since a man had looked at me with such blatant desire in his eyes. Even Jon. After a while, the passion had faded. My mind flitted to Jon. Could I do this to him? The thought flashed through my head before I could stop it. “No,” I said. My voice was barely a whisper. I turned so Jason couldn’t see the confusion on my face.
 

“Becca?” I heard him ask behind me, but I ignored him, caught up in my own conflict.

It wasn’t Jon I was doing this to, I reasoned. It was different here. I was different. I couldn’t be that Becca anymore. I couldn’t be the Becca he wanted me to be. Besides, I thought, hadn’t he all but told me our marriage wasn’t working? I shook my head clear and turned around.

Jason was waiting, watching. He raised an eyebrow in question. I offered a small smile and slid my bra straps from my shoulders in response.
 

He took a step forward and my body tingled with the need for him to touch me. But I stopped him with a slight shake of my head. “Not yet.”

He waited and I hooked both my thumbs in the elastic of my panties. With a slight bend at the waist I pushed them over my thighs and to the floor. I straightened up and stepped free of the pile of clothing. I was no longer insecure, bathed in the glow from the lamp and with Jason’s hot gaze roaming my body.
 

I couldn’t remember the last time I'd stood naked in front of a man. I should have felt exposed, vulnerable. But somehow, I didn't. All I could think of was the man in front of me, how it made me feel when he kissed me. How my body would sing from the first touch of him on my naked skin. I ached with anticipation.
 

“Now?” he asked.

With a slight grin and a nod, I beckoned him.
 

He crossed the floor to me, and stopped only inches away. I could feel the heat of him against my bare skin. I yearned to reach forward and close the gap between us. My breath came in short, shallow puffs.
 

“Let me look at you,” he said, his voice heavy with desire.

I did. His eyes roamed over me, and I didn’t cover my body. I didn’t turn, or cower, or try to distract him. I didn't want to. The bold need blazing in his eyes, as his gaze worked over me, was enough to send my heart racing. I stood still, shaking from the excitement of his eyes drinking in every inch of me. Finally, when I thought I’d explode from the need for him to touch me, he reached out and brushed the hair off my shoulder, exposing my neck. He ran his thumb along my cheek, sliding it behind my ear and down to my neck.