The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (59 page)

Know your limits.
If you want to memorize your vows, go ahead, but be aware that it's easy to forget your lines in the emotion of the moment. Give a copy of them to the officiant ahead of time, just in case you choke up and the audience is treated to a series of Pinteresque pauses.

Oh, and one more thing: “Obey” is out; “cherish” is in.

When Brian and I had our ceremony, only our families and the members of our inner circle knew that Brian was HIV-positive. So different people interpreted our vows in different ways.

Brian vowed to remember the moments we share, the ones we have shared; this is what will last forever, not just until tomorrow or till death do us part.

Vows usually present an idealized romantic rose-colored vision, as if you knew what lies ahead. We had that over many people, a kind of 20/20 view of the world.

—David

In a typical Protestant ceremony (and the ones you've seen in dozens of old movies), the minister says to the groom, “Stanley, wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife; wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, so long as you both shall live?” Stanley responds, “I will,” and then the whole thing is repeated with Stanley's bride. Certainly no one is going to stop you if these are the vows you want to use (with the genders cleared up, we hope), but there are plenty of other ways to go. The following are some examples of vows.

The vows from Jane to Tess

MINISTER
: Jane, will you love Tess when you are together and when you are apart; when life is peaceful and when it is disordered; when you are proud of her and when you are disappointed in her; in times of leisure and in times of work; will you honor Tess's goals and dreams and help her fulfill them?

JANE
: I will.

MINISTER
: Jane, repeat after me: “I, Jane, take you, Tess, to be my partner, to love and to cherish you, to honor and to comfort you, to stand by you in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in ease, to be both your lover and your closest friend.”

As you place this ring, symbol of your commitment in marriage, on Tess's finger, repeat after me: “With this ring, I wed you and pledge my faithful love.”

The vows from Ricardo to William

I, William, take you, Ricardo, to be my beloved partner, to love and to cherish all my days.

Vida, si tuviera quatro vidas, quatro vidas serian para tí.

(My life, if I had four lives to live, I'd live them all with you.)

The vows from Stephanie to Connie

Connie, these past fifteen years that we have shared have been the very best of my life. The challenges we have faced have strengthened our love, making each day better than the one before. You make my world a heaven on earth, a place that is more colorful, more harmonic, and more fragrant than the one I knew before. With you I am free to be myself, and can become anything that my imagination can create. You make me feel secure. In your arms, all of the troubles of the world shrink away to total safety. You are my home in this world.

Connie, you have changed my life in so many wonderful ways. I have never before experienced a love as strong and complete as the one we share. I love you because of who you are and how I feel when I am with you. Like the yin and the yang, we balance and complement each other; your soul speaks to mine, and I am drawn to your gentleness, strength, and compassion; your confidence, vulnerability, and humor; your playfulness, honesty, and vibrancy. From you I have learned that love must be nourished with faith, patience, and loyalty; that believing in, and loving oneself, is the first step in loving another; that trust and respect are the most important elements in a relationship; and that passion is not limited to the art of loving, but extends also to the art of living.

Today, standing before God and loved ones, I declare my complete commitment to nurture our love. I promise to be open with you; communication is the cornerstone of our relationship. I promise to cherish your uniqueness and to help you grow in any direction you choose. I promise to love you and to be your Beloved for Life.

The vows of Joe and Randy

And now… with this ring, and before our friends and God, I promise to stay by your side, sharing our tomorrows and all that they hold; to be with you in good times and bad; through sickness and health, and through times of happiness and despair. I will always be faithful to our love and to you… my lover, my spouse, and most of all… my best friend.

The vows from David to Norman

Norman,

This is my commitment to you:

To always be here for you,

In comfort and in joy

For good, for better, and for best;

To always value your thoughts and feelings,

Even when they may differ from my own;

To always be honest with you,

Even when that honesty may be hurtful;

To always respect you as my best friend,

My one and only love,

And my soul mate,

In this life and hereafter;

And to never let any man, woman, animal, or object

Become more important to me