The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (60 page)

Than this, our mutual bond.

To seal these solemn commitments,

I call as my witnesses

Oscar Wilde,

Andy Warhol,

Tennessee Williams,

Gertrude Stein,

and Alice B. Toklas.

Readings can be scattered throughout the service and recited at appropriate times by clergy and others. Select your material from scripture, poems, plays, song lyrics, or children's stories. Incorporate the use of quotes, citing meaning ful words from anyone—from Proust to your grandfather.

Love is something you and I must have. We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it. We must have it because without it we become weak and faint. Without love our self-esteem weakens. Without it our courage fails. Without love we can no longer look out confidently at the world. We turn inward and begin to feed upon our own personalities, and little by little we destroy ourselves.

With it we are creative. With it we march tirelessly. With it, and with it alone, we are able to sacrifice for others.

—Chief Dan George

The family unit is two or more persons who share resources, share responsibility for decisions, share values and goals, and have commitment to one another over time. The family is that climate that one “comes home to,” and it is this network of sharing and commitments that most accurately describes the family unit, regardless of blood, legalities, adoption or marriage.

—“A Force for Families,” a pamphlet published by the American Home Economics Association

The book of Ruth (1:16-17), in the Old Testament, is often cited in lesbian ceremonies. Naomi loses all her sons and her husband, and is left with only Ruth, her daughter-in-law. Ruth pledges undying devotion to Naomi:

And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people will be my people, and thy God my God.

Where thou diest, will I die, and there also will I be buried: All this the Lord do unto me and more, if aught but death part me and thee.

The following reading from the book of Samuel, 18:1-5; 20:16-17, is often used in gay ceremonies:

Now it came about, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. And Saul took David that day and did not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt. So David went out wherever Saul sent him and prospered: and Saul sent over men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul's servants… So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord require it at the hands of David's enemies.” And Jonathan made David vow again because of his love for him, because he loved him as he loved his own soul.

And, below, is only one (Sonnet 116) of 154 Shakespeare sonnets you have to choose from.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with its brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

“Song of Songs” from Song of Solomon (4:1-5:1)

“Two Sticks” from
Women Who Run with the Wolves
by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Dancing the Shout to the True Gospel, or the Song Movement Sisters Don't Want Me to Sing
by Rita Mae Brown

Leaves of Grass
by Walt Whitman

Sonnets from the Portuguese
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The Velveteen Rabbit
by Margery Williams

Come and Be My Baby
by Maya Angelou

“Whether or Not to Marry” from
The River-house Stories
by Andrea Carlisle

Still stuck? Take a look at
The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations,
a very comprehensive source that has listings according to subject matter, or go online and Google away.

Think of the pronouncement as the first time you are formally recognized as a married couple. How do you want to be introduced?

In the presence of this good company,

By the power of your love,

Because you have exchanged vows of commitment,

We recognize you as married.

Since you have consented to join together in the bond of matrimony, and have pledged yourselves to each other in the presence of these loving friends, I now pronounce you partners in life.

With the sense of incomparable joy that you have found emotional sanctuary for your heart, that you have discovered your life's true love, I now pronounce you married.

By the power vested in me by the church and in the name of the Spirit of Love, which performs every true union, I hereby present to you George and David.

The benediction closes the ceremony; parting words are said both to the couple and to all who witnessed the ceremony.

Those whom God has joined together may she [or he] generously bless forever.

May the wings of angels uphold you through all the life of your love, may you live forever in happiness with one another. May your hearts be full; may your lips stay sweet. May your love grow strong; may you love long and happily in one another's arms.

Now you are two people with one shared life before you. Go now into your dwelling place to enter into the days of your lives together. And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

The Mother's Sabbath Prayer (adapted)

May the Lord protect and defend you.

May He always shield you from shame.

May you come to be in paradise a shining name.

May you be like Ruth and like Esther.

May you be deserving of praise.

Strengthen them, O Lord, and keep them from all dangerous ways.

May God bless you and grant you long life.

May God make you good partners for life.

May the Lord protect and defend you.

May the Lord preserve you from pain.

Favor them, O Lord, with happiness and peace.

O hear our prayer. Amen.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the sun shine warm on your face,

The rains fall soft on your fields.

Until we meet again, may the Lord

Hold you in the hollow of His hand.

PRELUDE TO A KISS

A few words of wisdom from those who have been there:

Out of the entire wedding, the thing that made us most nervous was the kiss. We had never kissed in front of our parents before. So we were quite chaste—no tongue action.

—Fran and Sandy

Hand out flowers to each guest as they arrive. During the ceremony, instead of asking if anyone objects to the union, ask that anyone who wants to affirm the union come forward to a bouquet stand and place their flower in it.

At some point during the ceremony, personally greet all your guests. (Not recommended for weddings of over fifty.)

Involve any children who are a part of your family through special readings or what is known as the “circle of acceptance” ceremony; the child is called to the altar, where everyone joins hands to form a circle; then the couple ask the child for his or her blessing and support.

When the officiant asks, “Who blesses this union?” have all the guests join in saying, “We do.”

Have friends share stories and memories about you and your lives with them.