The Everything Orgasm Book (17 page)

Tender Kissing and Nibbling

Tender kissing helps create a feeling of safety. Gentle biting or nibbling is a way to increase excitement while maintaining a feeling of tenderness. Tender kissing and nibbling can either stand on their own or be a prelude to passionate kissing. You can start by planting tender kisses and nibbles on different parts of your lover's face, ears, neck, and shoulders. When your lips first meet, they should be relaxed. You are looking to merge your lips delicately together. Allow your lips to really enjoy the feeling of your lover's lips. Move your lips in a way that feels good, not in a way that you think is supposed to look good. The feeling of sensitivity behind the kissing is what makes it tender. Appreciate the vulnerability of being so close.

Passionate Kissing

Passionate kissing occurs when the heat is really high or when one of you wants to turn it up. People generally equate passionate kissing with French kissing (open mouthed). But passion actually has more to do with the energy behind the kiss, rather than whether your tongue is involved. Stay attentive to your lover even as the passion builds. Be careful not to get swept away by your own arousal, and stop paying attention to your lover's energy. She may be in a very different place, and you may lose her in the kiss.

When you do bring your tongue in on the action, notice your lover's response. Take turns offering your tongue into your lover's mouth. Don't let it turn into a wrestling match between your tongues. Extending your tongue may mean, “I want to be inside of you” or “I want to be closer to you.” Let the action stem from your feelings, rather than from a mechanical idea of what kissing is supposed to be.

Sealing the Kiss

Knowing when to stop kissing can be as challenging as knowing when to start. You may want to stop before you sense your lover is ready. It is best to find a way to transition gradually so that your lover can adjust her energy to the shift. You don't want your lover feeling suddenly abandoned. A good way to transition out of passionate kissing is to go back to tender kissing for a while. Or when you decide to stop kissing, you could express verbally how much you love kissing her or look her in the eyes and smile.

Y
our orgasms will be influenced by how much arousal, sexual heat, or tension you have built up in your body. If you want to increase the potency and quality of your orgasms, you will need to build more sexual tension. There are many ways to play with sexual energy to increase desire and arousal. For some, getting really turned on is the best part. If you haven't put much effort into building arousal in your erotic connections, you may find you have been missing out on a lot of pleasure and fun!

Getting someone interested in having sex with you is an exciting endeavor. Depending on the circumstances, it can be either very easy or completely impossible. Still, you can have fun trying. There are many ways to entice and seduce someone into a sexual encounter with you. Most include somehow conveying that you want to make your potential lover feel really good, whatever it takes. If you can do that with your words, actions, and behaviors, then you are off to a good start. Confidence, born from experience in pleasuring others, will also help, as will being comfortable with your own sexuality. But even if you don't have much experience, fear not, because a willingness to learn can be very seductive.

Flirting is behaving in a sexually enticing way. It can be expressing that you are a vibrant sexual being or that you are sexually interested in someone. It's a fun way to start to get the juices flowing within you, or between you and another person. Flirting behavior includes how you dress, how you make eye contact, how you talk, and what your body language says. You may flirt without even being aware that you are doing it. Sometimes sexual interest lies just under the surface of your conscious recognition.

Dressing Flirtatiously

Flirtatious dressing prompts people to take notice, be attracted, or become curious about you. The way you dress may call attention to certain features on your body or certain attributes of your personality, perhaps your flair for style, color, comfort, or fun. You may be subtle or outrageous. You don't have to dress in a way that says, “Take me to bed this instant!” unless, of course, that's what you want.

To get people to notice certain features on your body, you may wear a piece of jewelry or an article of clothing that accentuates that part. To get them to notice a particular personality trait, you may choose to dress stylishly, expressing your fashion sense, or really colorfully, expressing your love of color. You may choose soft fabrics that beg to be touched, or you may dress in a quirky way to display your uniqueness or your sense of fun. The best way to dress flirtatiously is to express yourself freely.

Eye Contact

Making eye contact with someone is often the first way you express sexual interest. Letting someone catch you looking at him with interest can be very seductive. Maintaining eye contact is uncomfortable for some people, but it is a skill that can be developed. Calm and clear eye contact can express confidence, interest, and availability.

Paradoxically, shyness too can be seductive. In fact, sometimes coyly looking away is very alluring. It may express that you are extremely attracted and just need some help feeling safe enough to show it. Whether you project confidence or coyness, smiling will help you be more seductive. It is hard to resist a face that lights up in a big smile.

Flirtatious Talk

Usually, flirting involves some type of playful or suggestive conversation. Everybody develops her own style, but in general, flirtatious conversation is light, fun, upbeat, and sexy. With flirtatious talk, you may try to convey how desirable you are in clever ways. You may hint that you are a very gifted lover and know your way around a man. Or you may play hard to get. Conversely, you may focus your attention on the person you are flirting with, offering him obvious compliments or flattery. You might make up playful nicknames, engage in good-humored banter, or make a lot of jokes or sexual innuendoes.

Body Language

Whether you are aware of it or not, your body language could give off signals that you are sexually interested in someone. If you become aware of what kind of body language expresses sexual interest, you can use it to help you flirt and build up the heat within yourself and/or between you and another person. Awareness of your body language can also keep you from sending the wrong message to someone you are not interested in.

You can also use your body language to draw attention to parts of your body that you think are sexy. You can play with your hair, brushing it back with your fingers or tucking it behind your ear. You can cross and uncross your legs slowly, or do things to call attention to your mouth or neck, like bite or lick your lips or rub or touch your neck. You can stretch your arms up in the air and draw attention to your underarms. You can nonchalantly open an article of clothing and expose some bare skin. Whether or not you deliberately use body language to flirt, it can be interesting to try to notice if you also use it unconsciously at times.

Sexual tension is the energy that builds inside of you, making you yearn for sexual release or orgasm. Sometimes the build-up of this energy is very strong and occurs automatically, without any conscious effort. But this is not the case for everyone. You may need to put some effort into building sexual tension in order to enjoy high levels of arousal, sexual release, and orgasm.

Sexual tension is usually a product of the interaction between people. It is especially high when both people are strongly attracted to each other. Strong sexual tension seems to be naturally built into certain relationships. In others, it needs to be consciously cultivated. Sexual tension is created when there are both feelings of safety and fear. A feeling of safety makes it so that you can relax into a sexual encounter. A little bit of fear is what makes a sexual encounter exciting. New sexual relationships usually have fear built into them because there is always fear in the unknown. Long-term relationships may have plenty of familiarity and safety, but sometimes there is not enough fear to keep the sexual tension alive without conscious effort.

In the art of seduction, you learn to take your time to let the energy build between you and your lover. Many lovers have a habit of going directly for sexual release or gratification. They use only whatever sexual energy exists in them when they first get together, rather than allowing the erotic energy or tension between them to build over time. Regardless of how long you have been with a lover, it is important to keep the art of seduction alive if you want to ensure that the fires keep burning.

Dressing up can be a fun and creative way to turn up the heat between you and your lover. When you wear something that is different from your ordinary attire, you introduce a new and exciting element. Playing with your wardrobe is something you can do for its own erotic appeal, or to supplement other kinds of erotic play, such as erotic dancing and role-playing.

When was the last time you pranced around the house naked? Nudity is very sexy. Wearing nothing but your birthday suit can be a real turn on for both of you. Flesh is beautiful, and having it all out in the open can feel very inviting. If you are someone who loves the feeling of your own bare flesh up against someone else's bare flesh, this can be absolutely intoxicating. There is no fabric that can quite compare to the sensuous look and feel of the bare skin of your lover.

Nudity also offers an element of raw vulnerability. Who you are when you are naked is who you are in your most raw form. You may prefer to cover yourself up, because being naked feels scary. But allowing yourself to be seen in your raw form can increase a sense of intimacy. It can be very liberating. And it can add to the sexual tension between you and your lover. Don't underestimate the power of your naked self.

Costumes don't have to be just for Halloween. Dressing up in costumes is a great way to add some fun and extra creativity to your sex life. Wearing a costume facilitates the exploration of different parts of yourself and can even help you feel like another person altogether. Costumes can help you start fun role-plays. You can draw on your fantasy life for ideas of costumes that might turn you and your lover on.

Here are some classic ideas for costumes to consider:

• Angel or Devil
  

• Athlete/Cheerleader
  

• Butler/Maid
  

• Courtly lovers
  

• Cowgirl/Cowboy
  

• Goddess/God
  

• Kitty Cat/Wild Cat
  

• Law Enforcement/Military
  

• Maintenance/Fixer-upper guy
  

• Nurse/Doctor
  

• Pirate/Swashbuckler
  

• Professor/Teacher
  

• Prostitute/Pimp
  

• Sailor
  

• Schoolgirl/Schoolboy