The Everything Orgasm Book (28 page)

S
ome people are presented with unique challenges when it comes to sex, arousal, and orgasms. There are many special circumstances that can have a significant impact on your sex life. Being challenged with sex in some way, however, does not necessarily mean you cannot enjoy your sexuality. It just means you may need to accept some limitations or work with them. No matter what sexual behaviors you are capable of partaking in, or what sensations your body is capable of experiencing, you can find pleasure, both physical and emotional.

Being pregnant will undoubtedly affect your sex life, but it does not mean you cannot enjoy your sexuality. In fact, you may enjoy it even more. There are many challenges that couples face with pregnancy, both psychological and physical, but these challenges need not get in the way of your enjoyment of sex; you will just need to adjust yourselves to the new conditions.

One challenge you may face during pregnancy is a fear or concern about you or your baby being hurt in some way. In the past, some doctors believed that women who were pregnant should not have orgasms because they involve uterine contractions and the release of the hormone oxytocin. Both of these could potentially induce labor. We now know, however, that only a small percentage of women need to be concerned about this. Most women can enjoy their orgasms all the way through their pregnancies without any concerns. In fact, some women seek orgasm to help induce labor, and some have even experienced orgasm as a result of labor!

Your doctor will tell you if you need to be concerned about having orgasms during your pregnancy. Be sure to ask if you are at all worried about it. Under normal conditions, having sex and orgasms while you are pregnant will not hurt you or your baby in any way. In fact, your baby is likely to enjoy the rush of endorphins that are released into your bloodstream upon orgasm.

Another challenge you will face in pregnancy is that of positioning for sex. Pregnant women have limited mobility, and, of course, a protruding abdomen. The missionary position will at some point become uncomfortable. Experiment with new positions. This is the perfect time to explore and engage in female-on-top and rear entry positions.

Once your baby is born, your body will need to heal before you are interested in engaging in most sexual behaviors. The timing is different for every woman. You will also most likely be sleep deprived and very distracted with your newborn infant. Use this time as an opportunity to bond emotionally with your mate; this has the potential to deepen your connection and lovemaking when you get back into it.

Aging can have a significant impact on your experience of sexuality. Its effects on your sexuality are both psychological and physiological. It is important to adapt to the changes, rather than letting sex drop out of your life. In fact, there are ways in which you could enjoy your sex life even more than when you were younger.

One of the main psychological hurdles you may face is the erroneous belief that older people aren't supposed to be sexual. Many people have the notion that sex is only for young people in their procreative years. Even if you do not hold this belief, you may be worried about what others think. You might feel inhibited by other peoples' expectations that you are no longer sexual.

Another common psychological hurdle is dealing with your body image as your body changes. Influenced by images in the media, you may not think you look sexy or attractive anymore. Aging with a positive attitude, however, can include redefining your concept of attractiveness. You can always find beauty if you look for it in new ways. Remember as well that sex is not really about how you look. The more you can realize that sex is primarily about pleasure and feeling good and that you are entitled to that at any age, the more you will continue to enjoy yourself sexually.

Aging can present many physical hurdles to sex as well, and your overall health has an effect on your ability to have sex. If your back hurts, you tire easily, or you just feel less flexible than you once did, you may not be able to do some of the sexual activities you enjoyed when you were younger. The limitations you feel may have less to do with your genitals than with the rest of your aging body. Keeping your body healthy and well tuned is the only remedy for this.

As men age, testosterone levels fall. This can affect your sex drive, as well as your experience of getting and maintaining an erection. Unless you have a medical condition, you will still be able to get erections, but they may not be as firm or reliable as they once were. For some men this can be very discouraging. You can cope with these changes in a variety of ways. Some men are proactive, trying everything they can to assist them in arousal and erections. Many find that taking Viagra is often very helpful. Some men give up on sex altogether, deciding that if they can't have it like it once was, it's just not worth having. Other men accept the changes and are willing to work with them. They practice more patience and give themselves the time they need to get aroused and enjoy the erections they are capable of.

Aging brings some benefits to men as well. Older men tend to have more ejaculatory control and can therefore last longer. Another benefit to aging may be an increased enjoyment of emotional intimacy or sensuality, both of which may be more prominent when the need or urge to ejaculate is less strong. If you allow for the possibility that orgasm is not the goal of all sex, as it may have once been for you, you may discover a whole world of pleasures you never realized existed.

As women get older, they tend to face issues such as vaginal dryness and difficulty with building arousal. Decreased natural lubrication can make intercourse painful. This is easily remedied with the use of personal lubrication, which you may need to rely on more heavily as you age. You may also experience less erotic response to genital and erogenous zone stimulation. Consequently, you may need more stimulation. Vibrators can be particularly helpful. In addition, your pelvic floor muscles are likely to lose their tone as you age. However, if you keep up with your pelvic floor exercises, you can maintain and even improve their tone.

Some aspects of sex improve for women as they age. Older women have often shed the shame about sex they had when they were young. Thus, they may give themselves more freedom to enjoy their bodies. You may feel more comfortable in your own skin, accept who you are more fully, and no longer need to prove yourself. This can greatly contribute to your ability to surrender to erotic pleasure without any worries of how you will be perceived. Regardless of your age, as long as you still have an interest and desire for sex, you should still be able to find your way to arousal and orgasm.

Sex is something you can enjoy your whole life. Erotic and sensual pleasure, as well as physical and emotional intimacy, are always available in some way. You may not have the same strength or agility you once had, or the same intensity of sexual responsiveness; but you still have a body capable of giving and receiving immense pleasure, a heart capable of giving and receiving love, and a mind capable of contributing to the arousal of both you and your lover.

To get the most out of it, you may need to take more time with sex as you age. You may even find that your sensual and sexual needs can be met without intercourse. Some couples find that as they age, fondling, caressing, and kissing are perfectly satisfying. You should follow your heart's and your body's impulses and let your sexual encounters be primarily about pleasure and intimacy, not about any specific sexual behavior or sensation. Also, keep in mind that your increasing years give you time to deepen your intimacy, improve your lovemaking skills, and increase your ability to receive and experience more pleasure.

Hormone replacement therapy is used to either alleviate the effects of hormone depletion or deficiency, or to introduce the hormones of the opposite sex. The use of synthetic hormones is medically controversial and has not been around long enough to determine all of the risks and potential side effects. There are several groups of people that may seek hormone replacement for a variety of reasons. Menopausal women may take estrogen to find relief from menopausal symptoms. Middle-aged men and women may take androgens to counter the effects of aging. Transsexual people may take the hormones of the opposite biological gender, seeking a hormonal experience and/or certain physical attributes more congruent with their gender identity. Intersex people, or people who have mixed gender traits, may elect to take the hormones of one particular gender to enhance those traits in themselves.

Taking synthetic hormones may have a significant effect on your sexuality, influencing libido, arousal, and orgasm. There has not been a tremendous amount of research in this area, but some trends have been identified. Estrogen replacement therapy in menopausal women can assist in vaginal elasticity and lubrication, potentially affecting the quality of arousal and vaginal intercourse. Synthetic estrogen in a transsexual male-to-female can lower libido and tends to change the quality of arousal and orgasm. Men and women taking testosterone for whatever reason are likely to experience an increase in libido and potentially a change in the quality of arousal and orgasm.