The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (84 page)

I shift on top of him and take my time as I graze my mouth across his chest, flicking my tongue over his nipple, and kissing my way down his taut abs. Hooking my fingers around the waistband of his boxers, I slide them down and toss them on the floor. I look down at him, and everything is near perfection for me.

Settling myself between his legs, I trail my tongue up the length of him before sucking him into my mouth. His hands are twisted in my hair, gripping tightly as he guides me at his own pace, and I let him take control.

I know that Mark has gone out of his comfort zone with me to give me what I want, and I want to be able to do the same for him.

When Mark’s breathing grows heavy, I drag my mouth off of him and grip him in my hand as I shift to his side. He kisses me slowly, dipping his tongue in my mouth. We move lazily together, not wanting to rush while I continue to stroke him in my hand.

I’m so turned on and hard right now, and I have to resist the urge to bury myself deep inside of him, because for once, I want to give him the satisfaction he’s been denying himself. For me.

Mumbling over his lips, I hesitantly whisper, “You can have me.” Never have I been the bottom, but I know it isn’t Mark’s thing either. He’s let me take control all the times we’ve had sex in the past, but I’m done being selfish with him.

As he shifts back slightly to look in my eyes, he takes a moment before asking, “Are you sure?”

I nod my head, and he begins to question, “You’ve never . . .?”

“No.”

“Jase—”

“Don’t,” I cut him off. “I love you. I really fuckin’ love you. And I—”

He doesn’t let me finish when he covers my mouth with his. He moves on top of me and breaks our kiss only long enough for him to remove my shorts and sling them aside. He lies between my legs and returns his lips to mine as I band my arms around him, pulling his weight on top of me. I’m nervous about doing this, but there isn’t anyone else I would do this for, and I know it. I trust Mark, and I love him. That’s enough.

He leans over and opens the drawer to my nightstand. I watch him as he moves slowly and takes his time getting me ready for him. Reaching down, he braces himself over me with his one arm.

“Just relax, okay?” he breathes out as he slowly pushes himself inside of me. My breathing begins to stagger at the unfamiliar and uncomfortable feeling. My body instinctively tenses up around him, and he repeats, “Relax, babe.”

And when I do, he continues to ease himself the rest of the way in. We lie there for a while, kissing slowly, as he lets me get used to him and not feel so tense.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” I say as I nod my head, and when I do, he begins to move. I hold him close to me as his body lies on top of mine. And the closeness alone overwhelms me. Having him inside of me is intense. There is no give and take right now. We just are.

We take our time and never move too fast. Eventually the uncomfortable feeling passes and my body heats up with the pleasure that begins to overtake me. Closing my eyes, I moan out, “Oh, God,” as he pushes himself inside of me.

Dropping his head in the crook of my neck, he breathes hard, “You feel so good.”

His words burn through me, and I reach down and start stroking myself, needing more of this feeling that’s shooting through me. I stare up into Mark’s green eyes as he looks into mine. Neither of us speaks through our labored breaths. I take my free hand and wrap it behind his neck, and he drops his damp forehead to mine.

I lift my chin and kiss him as I feel myself getting close. I know Mark is with me when he grows harder, swelling inside of me, and the pressure building is more intense than I have ever felt before. I can’t hold back when I start to come. Violent euphoria rips through me, and I can’t even keep my eyes open as I roll my head back into the pillow. My abs constrict as the pulses of pleasure take me over. I hear Mark groan as he begins to lose himself, grinding himself into me. The longer he moves inside of me, the more he prolongs my release, and like a greedy bastard, I don’t want him to stop. And he doesn’t, knowing what he’s doing to me.

When he collapses on top of me, I wrap my arms around him. I can feel the thudding of his heart through his chest, and I know I am with exactly who I should be. No doubts. No questions. He’s freed me in a way I didn’t think was possible. I didn’t know I could open myself up this way to another man and be so exposed. But he doesn’t judge. He has only ever given me the benefit of the doubt, letting me stumble at my own pace. And even though I am scared shitless about meeting his family, I want to because there isn’t anyone else I want to be with.

He’s it.

“Hey, man,” Ryan says as he’s walking into my apartment. “You guys ready?”

“Mark is still at Aiden’s place going over some of the new songs.”

Sitting down on the couch, he asks, “How’s that been going? Those two have been at each other’s throats for a while now.”

“You wanna beer?” I ask from the kitchen before answering him.

“Yeah.”

Grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge, I hear the door open, and when I look up, I see Candace walking in, looking like a mess, startled, staring at Ryan.

“Hey, is everything all right?” I ask as I start walking into the living room.

I hand a bottle to Ryan and look at her with her wet hair like she just got out of the shower.

“Umm, yeah . . . I mean, no.” She’s stumbling over her words, and I know I’m not gonna figure out what has her on edge with Ryan here. But I ask anyway. “What’s that mean?”

“Nothing, never mind,” she sighs as she flops down in the chair. “I didn’t know you would have company, or I would’ve called or something.”

I laugh and tell her, “Candace, I gave you a key so you wouldn’t have to call. You can come over whenever.”

As she turns to watch the TV, I look over at Ryan, who’s staring intently at her. He’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, gripping the neck of the bottle with his hand. There is no doubt he’s interested. I suddenly feel very protective of her, knowing that he has no clue how fucked up she is right now. I like Ryan; he’s a nice guy and all, but I’m wary about whatever intentions might be running through his head. Candace never dealt well with guys even before the attack. Now . . . well . . . now she’s just barely staying afloat.

“You okay?” Ryan asks her.

She looks at him and then over at me. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she says as she focuses back on the TV. “Where’s Mark?”

“He’s finishing up rehearsals with the band. He should be here shortly, then we are heading out to Malone’s to shoot some pool and chill,” I say as my cell starts ringing. When I pull it out of my pocket, I see it’s Mark. Knowing he’s probably going to be in an irritated mood, I grab my jacket and head out to the balcony to talk to him.

“Hey, where are you?” I ask.

“I’m heading over now. Sorry I’m running late. Is Ryan there?”

“Yeah. So is Candace.”

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

Leaning against the railing, I watch the rain fall from the dark sky. “Yeah. Something’s going on, but whatever it is doesn’t seem to be bothering her too much. I didn’t pry ‘cause Ryan is here.”

“Okay, well, I’m about ten minutes away.”

“How did everything go with the guys?”

“Not as bad as I thought. Aiden is just on a different page with this whole music thing. He’s a lot more serious about it than the rest of us. He’s pissed, but he’s been easier to handle.”

“Is he looking to push this into something bigger?”

“Yeah, but I’m not looking to get signed or anything. This is just a hobby for me,” he says.

I turn, looking into the apartment, and see that Candace and Ryan are talking. “I’ll see you in a bit. I’m gonna head back inside.”

“Okay, see ya.”

“Who was that?” Candace asks when I walk back in.

“Just Mark. He’s on his way.”

“Hey, did you get a chance to think about Saturday?” Ryan asks her, and I am caught off guard.

When the hell did they talk about making plans on Saturday? “Saturday?” I ask.

“Yeah, I asked her to come hiking with us.”

Instead of questioning when this conversation happened, I take the bait to try and get Candace to step out of her comfort zone a little more and go with us. I never asked her before ‘cause I figured she’d shoot me down, but since apparently Ryan has invited her, I add, “Oh yeah? You coming?”

She lies to me when she says, “I have a lot of studying to do before finals.”

I’m not gonna let her avoid this, so I don’t let up. “Please, we both know you are way ahead in all your classes. You should come. We are hiking up to the Tolmie Peak Lookout.”

She looks over at Ryan, and I am sure she doesn’t want to fight in front of him when she lets out a sigh, saying, “Fine.”

She shakes her head at me when I smile in satisfaction.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Mark says as he barges through the door with his guitar case slung across his chest. “Let me put this up, and I’ll be ready to go.”

Candace stands when Ryan and I get up to toss our bottles in the trash. She walks over to Mark when he heads to the door, and we join them as I hear her ask him if she can stay over. He tells her it’s cool and draws her in for a hug as she looks over his shoulder at Ryan, and he’s staring back at her.

Not too comfortable with what’s happening, I say, “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go,” and open the door. I give Candace a kiss before the three of us head out.

I’ve been uneasy since we left my place, so after Ryan racks the balls on the pool table, I ask, “So when did you see Candace?”

Chalking his cue, he says, “What?”

“When you mentioned our hike.”

“This morning.” He lines up the cue ball and breaks. “She left her scarf at the concert. I stopped by her work to drop it off.”

He looks at me while I stand there, and I’m curious about how she handled that.

“You’re up,” he says.

Lining up my shot, I hit the five into the side pocket.

“You guys want another bucket of beers?” Mark asks us, and when I look up at him and nod, he heads over to the bar.

“So, what’s her story?” he asks, as I line up my next shot.

Being cautious and territorial, I leave it at, “No story.” Distracted, I miss my shot and watch Ryan as he walks around the table. I wanna know where his head is at and what he’s thinking when it comes to Candace. I’m not nervous about him as a person; he’s a good guy. I’m nervous about what his intentions might be.

He continues and asks, “You’ve known her a long time?”

He’s obviously interested, so I just come right out and let him know, “She’s not like that, man. Not even close.”

Leaning over the table about to take his shot, he peers up at me, and I tell him, “She’s like a sister to me.”

Mark walks over, setting our drinks down on the table, and Ryan takes his shot, knocking his ball into the corner pocket. He doesn’t ask any more questions, and I’m relieved. I like Ryan, but he’s older and used to getting what he wants out of women, at least from what I’ve heard, so I wonder if he is looking for something quick and easy with Candace. I hate having the feeling that I would need to protect her from a guy who has become a pretty good friend.

We hang out for several hours, drinking and playing pool, but we decide to call it a night when Ryan gets a call from his bar, and has to run up there. Mark and I leave, and instead of dropping him off at his car, I ask him to come home with me.

“I told Candace that I wasn’t going to stay and that she could,” he says.

“I think we should tell her about Ryan. He was asking a lot of questions about her earlier tonight, and I’m just worried.”

“You weren’t the other day. What happened?”

Turning into the parking garage, I tell him, “I don’t know, but I can tell he’s into her. He stopped by to see her at work this morning.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me. He invited her to go hiking with us on Saturday.”