The Far Side of Lonesome (5 page)

“The name's Tate, Raif Tate. Got a
wagon train we’re movin’ through to California, about three miles
back. I’m scouting ahead for trouble. I guess you wouldn’t be
trouble, now would you.”

“No, sir, no trouble at
all…”

“Okay, if you're wise you’ll be
getting’ out of here, there was a Comanche raid about fifty miles
north of here the other day and that’s why I’m scouting so far off.
You run into trouble, tell your man we are three miles back…all
right?”

“Sure…and thanks…” Sarah called as the
man glanced around once more and rode off.

Sweat trickled down her back. Why had
she been so scared? Then she realized, she was scared for Hoot and
Jeb. If that man had seen they were black he might have strung them
up at the nearest tree and took off with her himself. Thinking on
it, she began to realize why Jeb and Hoot were so
concerned.

She had to get over this fear. She’d
lived with fear for nearly two solid years when the Indians first
captured her. But she’d learned to stifle it and go on. Now it was
back with a vengeance and she wasn’t sure how to handle it. She
feared for her son’s life, and for the life of the two men who had
rescued her. She feared facing her sister with her son, but one way
or another she had to do it.

She ran into Jeb’s arms when he came up
to camp, and Jeb held her with both trepidation and care, careful
not to show his true feelings for her.

His eyes straying to Hoot with
question.

Hoot lowered the baby to the ground and
she turned to both of them to tell them what had
happened.

Her voice shook as she
spoke.

Jeb nodded, “Its okay Sarah. These
things happen. He didn’t see nothing and he won’t. We’ll stay out
of his way.” When Sarah didn’t understand his calm, Jeb explained.
“Don’t you see, it’s God’s way of lettin’ us know to stay clear?
And that’s what we’ll do, stay clear.”

Jeb smiled, Hoot smiled, and then Sarah
smiled.

“God’s way…” she whispered and picked
her son up to hug him to her. He laughed, a glorious sound to
Sarah.

Chapter Four

Each day’s travel, Sarah began to feel
more comfortable with Hoot and Jeb. They shied away from all the
towns and communities. They kept to the wide-open spaces of
country.

She felt herself relaxing for the first
time in a long time. The only thing troubling her was how her
family would feel about her walking back into their lives. And the
fact she would eventually have to say goodbye to these two men who
had helped her so much. They had helped in so many ways, slowly
bringing her back into a world she had once known.

When Hoot picked her some berries one
afternoon, Sarah was so happy she kissed his cheek. Tension seemed
to electrify the moment until Hoot chuckled and walked off, but she
didn’t feel quite as friendly with Jeb. She knew in her heart why,
and she couldn’t voice that either.

If Jeb noticed, he said
nothing.

Around the campfire one night, Sarah
asked, “How’d you get a name like Hoot?”

Hoot smiled real big. “Well…that fella
over there, he’s the one that give me that name.”

Jeb nodded.

“You see when we was living at the big
house, sometimes we’d get our chores done and sneak off and go
fishin’. That one, he give me the name Hoot, cause every time I
wanted to let him know I was free to go, I’d hoot like an old barn
owl. So he started callin’ me Hoot. Pretty soon everybody around
there called me Hoot. It just sorta stuck.”

“What’s your real name?”

“Henry Tyler Dibbs.”

“That’s a good name…” Sarah smiled.
“But I like Hoot, it fits.”

After a long silence, Sarah gave the
baby a mud ball to play with and looked at them both.

“Did the white people at the plantation
treat you well?” Sarah asked innocently.

Hoot nodded, “As well as they could. If
we didn’t do our work, we paid the price, but as long as we got
things done, there was no trouble. There was always some that
fought the system. But we learned early on, it just didn't
pay.”

“I’m glad… We never had slaves, my
folks didn’t believe in it.”

“We had it better than some...except
when Jeb’s mother was sold, that hurt. He stood there watchin'. His
mother was cryin' for her baby boy. Tears streamed down her eyes
like a flood. Every woman there cried for her. So I sorta took Jeb
into my family.”

“At least he had you…” Sarah
smiled.

The baby seemed to be getting used to
them too. He smiled at them and wanted Jeb or Hoot to carry him
when he wasn’t in his cradle.

It was early one morning, before Hoot
woke up, that Sarah saw Jeb shaving and marveled at him. It wasn’t
the shaving that startled her—it was because he wasn’t shaving his
face but his head. She’d never known a man to shave his head and it
was a curious thing to watch.

When he was through, his head shone. He
saw her watching and put her hand atop his head to touch
it.

She laughed shyly.

“Why do you do that?” she asked,
pulling her hand away quickly.

“Well,” he glanced at her with a smile.
“We used to have bugs a lot where I lived. I hated them. So my
Mama, she started shavin’ my head real regular. I never
quit.”

He watched her a moment, “Does it
bother you?”

“Oh no, some of the Indians would cut
their hair in different patterns and shapes, but none of them
shaved. But I like yours, makes you look so clean.”

Jeb laughed until their eyes met, and
then he cleared his throat and moved away.

He was obviously keeping his distance
from her, and she wondered why.

* * * * *

One afternoon they broke for a rest and
the men went hunting to find some meat. They hadn’t eaten anything
but jerky in days. The sound of a bobcat brought Sara awake from a
quick nap she stole with the baby.

She heard the screeching of the cat
from the bushes. She got out the rifle and put her baby behind her.
The cat cry seemed to echo against the valley floor. She couldn’t
see him, but she felt his presence.

Sweat trickled down her breast and
back. She shaded her eyes to see, and then pushing the baby back,
she stood and aimed as the cat came boldly closer. He hissed and
scratched and showed his teeth. Sarah moved backwards, hiding her
baby as best she could. She would not let her child die. The cat’s
screech was alarming, though.

But as the cat sprang at her, a rifle
shot echoed from behind the cat. The cat fell to the ground with a
thud before her. Jeb stood there just a few feet away, as he
lowered the gun.

Sarah instinctively ran towards him.
She threw herself in his arms and held on tight. She was shaking
like a leaf in the wind.

He caught her to him and hugged her,
“It’s alright now…,” he whispered.

But as he would have pulled away, she
held on to him, and in an instant he kissed her forehead. He meant
to pull away, but she pulled his head down to meet her waiting kiss
and their lips touched, tentatively at first then hungrily. Warm,
moist lips covered hers softly. She felt herself melt like butter.
She'd tolerated her white husband, she'd learned to care for her
Indian husband, but this…this was something she knew nothing about.
Her heart actually swooned as his lips explored hers
tenderly.

Everything inside Sarah came to life
now, as though he breathed life into her body. She would have
stayed there all day, but the rustle of the bushes told them Hoot
wasn’t far behind. They pulled away, shocked and
breathless.

*****

It was a full two days before Jeb had
the courage to broach the subject to her. He didn't know how to
begin, he didn't want to hurt her, but they couldn't let it happen
again. It came in a moment alone as Hoot had already fallen asleep
by the fire.

“I’m sorry Sarah, that should have
never happened, and it won’t again…,” he murmured as he came up
beside her.

She nodded silently, unable to speak it
seemed. And then she turned tearful eyes on him, “Please don’t
spoil it with words…I don't know why it happened, but it was such a
special moment, trying to figure it out, takes away from
it.”

“Sarah…I never meant to….”

“It was bound to happen, from the first
moment…I saw you….” She turned away from him. "There was something
about your eyes, the way you looked at me, no man has ever looked
at me like that."

He looked at her, with shock. What was
she saying? But he let it go; it was not the time to talk of it…was
it? His mouth opened to say something, but he couldn’t.

“I love you Jeb…,” she said softly, her
eyes meeting his. “I'm sorry I shocked you…And I’m sorry, because
it only makes matters worse. I love Hoot too—in a different way.
You're…” Her eyes took on a far away look as she turned to look at
him. “Like family to me now… Only…what I feel for you goes deeper
somehow. Even I know that now. And I know it shouldn’t. I guess I’m
not a very good person…for feeling as I do. But when you kissed me
I knew…”

He walked up to her and pulled her to
face him squarely. “I don’t want to hear that kind of talk. You are
such a strong and good person, to open your heart so…,” he
gasped.

“My family would never accept you,
Jeb….” She shook her head. "And yours…if you had any, probably
wouldn't either."

“I know that…it’s enough that you do…”
he whispered and pulled her to him. He felt her heart beat quicken.
He held her tight, not wanting to let her go, yet knowing he had
to. "What we feel…can't be…you know that as well as me…"

She pulled away, looked into his dark
eyes and smiled. “Just remember, when I leave you, I leave part of
me here, with you…”

He backed away from her, his mouth
open, his eyes staring into hers and his head nodding, “Yeah…I know
exactly what you mean….” Then he smiled and moved away.

Chapter Five

When they reached the town of Round
Rock, they stopped along the edge to camp and talk about the
leaving.

Jeb firmed his lips and looked at
Sarah, “You can’t go into town looking like a squaw. We gotta get
you a dress. A white lady dress. It'll give you time to figure out
how to talk to them without them jumping to
conclusions.”

Hoot nodded, “He’s right…”

“Where are we gonna get a dress out
here?” Sarah frowned at the two of them as though they’d lost their
mind.

“Hoot will go into town to get one and
bring it to you. Then you can ride into town and find your sister.”
Jeb decided.

“Why me? Why don’t you go get a dress?
I don’t know nothin’ about women’s things,” Hoot
hollered.

“’
Cause I want a minute
alone with her,” Jeb whispered for Hoot’s ears alone.

Hoot looked at Jeb seriously, then
Sarah, and nodded. “Okay…I’ll go.”

Sarah told him the size dress she would
need and to go to the general store. She explained to pick out
something simple, a gingham or just a plain skirt and
shirt.

“But what are we gonna use for
money?”

Jeb squinted in the sun then got her
horse, “We’ll sell the horse for it. She won’t need it once she
gets to her sister. She can ride my horse and leave it somewhere
about the property. Then we’ll go get it and be on our way,” Jeb
announced the dullness in his voice spoke loudly.

Sarah’s eyes clouded with tears, but
she didn’t argue.

Hoot kissed Sarah on the cheek and rode
off.

Jeb pretended to be tending to chores,
so Sarah went to feed her baby. She had just pulled her breast out
to give the baby her nipple when Jeb came around and saw her. She
jumped a little, but he threw up his hand in the air. His eyes
fastened on her with a unspoken hunger.

“Don’t, don’t hide it from me. Let me
stay here and just feed upon the beauty of it. A momma feedin’ her
young, like God intended, a beautiful site. I won’t hurt you Sarah.
I won’t touch you. But don’t rob me of this one pleasure,” Jeb
said, his voice torn with agonizing emotion.

Sarah nodded and settled the baby
against her. Although Jeb stared and his facial expression told her
he felt the same about her.

She saw Jeb staring and tried to smile.
She’d never been this pulled to a man before and it was scary,
especially since she’d had two other men in her life. But somehow
this seemed so special. Her white husband never once thought the
act of feeding his children beautiful. Her Indian husband never
watched.

When she was done, the baby had gone to
sleep and she laid him on her bedroll in the shade.

Jeb came around to her; he looked at
her sadly.

“Well, Sarah, this is goodbye. I wanted
a few minutes alone with you before you left. I wanted to tell
you…I love you, too…”