The Far Side of Lonesome (3 page)

Not much moved along the canyon except
the whiz of grasshoppers and an occasional jackrabbit or two. The
rattlesnakes were out and about too. Jeb kept his eyes peeled for
them. A few willows dotted the dry landscape as they passed the
dried up watering holes. The land was barren and lifeless. The
summer had been too dry. The grasses had long turned brown, and the
trees were losing their leaves.

* * * * *

That evening Jeb took out the bedroll
and made the woman as comfortable as he could. But instead of
sitting, she began to rummage through the gear and found some food
to prepare for them at the campfire. Beef jerky and canned beans
seemed to be the best she could do as the waterhole offered little
fishing.

No one complained. She served them as
she had obviously been used to doing for some time. They nodded and
smiled at her.

As they all settled back, and she
uncradled her child, Jeb glanced at her. He noted the way she laced
and unlaced his cradle so easily, as though she’d done it many
times. He wondered how many things she learned in the Indian camps.
Such an unusual woman.

He admired the spunk in her to stay
alive and to survive any circumstance.

“Sarah, I don’t want to bring this up,
but it has to be said before we get there and it has to be decided
upon now. Those people in town….they will accept you and take you
in, but they won’t allow that baby to come with you. I think you
already know that. Just the site of him will change their opinion
of you too. Now, Hoot and I, we know it ain’t natural to separate a
mama from a calf, but those refined townspeople ain’t gonna see it
that way. So we gotta figure out what to do. You got any notion
where you need to be headed?” Jeb asked her.

Sarah let the baby sit up and play with
a stick, and then looked at the two men. “I had two babies by my
first husband, two girls. I want to get them….and then I’ll go it
alone…I expect.”

“Alone? Fool woman, don’t you know…you
can’t do that.” Jeb frowned at her. Just because she had survived
with the Indians didn't mean she could tackle life
alone.

“My husband is dead, I have no
relatives to speak of…I’m alone now. That’s part of the reason it
was easier to keep livin’. I knew my man was gone, and there was no
one else to care for me. The only hope I ever had was those two
girls. Just thinkin’ on them kept me goin’ at first. Seein' them in
my head, knowin' maybe someday I'd be back with them. My baby
girls. It kept me going, kept me sane all during this time. I know
I won't be accepted, but I can get my girls and we can go make a
life somewhere.”

Jeb and Hoot both nodded, but they both
doubted it somehow. Her children might not understand any of
it.

She saw their faces of concern though.
“I know you are right about the town. My husband told me to use the
gun if those Comanche’s got too close, but I when the time came, I
just couldn’t do it. I knew what he meant. I saw the arrow pierce
his chest, saw the glazed look in his eyes as he lay dying. He
urged me to use it. But I just couldn’t do it…..” she let a tear
escape down her cheek. “The good book don’t respect takin’ your own
life. It’s God given, and takin’ it away is a sin. I couldn’t do
it.”

“It’d be hard to do alright, ma’am.”
Hoot nodded and handed her his bandana.

“Maybe I should have…because there is
no place for me now…I'm an outcast, and I know it.” Sarah announced
sadly, her shoulders slumping and she flopped on the ground hard as
though she just realized how futile to go on might be. “I guess you
two are kinda sorry you brought me, too….”

“No, ma’am. We’d of done it anyway. But
don’t you have family somewhere…? Isn't there someone you can go
to?”

Sarah stared at them, her eyes
searching their expressions.

“Do you honestly think my family would
be any different than the townspeople? Knowing I’d been a captive
that long—and bore a child. It's the child they won't accept and I
won't accept living without him….When I got married, my father
disowned me. I’d been an old maid, all of twenty-one and never
married or had children. He wanted me to marry the banker’s son. A
fat, spoiled son of a rich man. We didn’t even like each other. I
refused and when John Litton asked me to wed and go west, I jumped
at the chance to get away. I hadn’t known him over a week or so,
but we didn’t have time for proper courting. He was moving west.
That’s the last I seen of my folks. I never looked back. Never
regretted it. There are more than one kinds of prison, and I've
been in several. But…I do have a sister; if I got word to her…she
might come for me. A sister and two daughters. She’s more than
likely got my kids with her. In fact, I'd bet on that. Where else
could they go?”

Jeb shook his head. “Family can be down
right intolerable sometimes. But don’t you reckon they would be
happy to have you returned safely?” Jeb asked.

“I don’t know, I don’t have any idea
how she would feel seein’ me now, with him…,” Sarah admitted
glancing toward her son. "I knew when I had him, my life had
changed. But I loved my Indian husband…I grew to, and I'm not
ashamed to say it. And I was proud to give him a son. Little good
it does him now."

"Did he approve of you goin' off with
us?" Jeb asked.

"No…" she closed her eyes in a prayer.
"They tied him to a tree and bound his mouth so he could not speak.
He fought it like a tiger. I cried for him, but the chief had made
up his mind. He said it would bring peace to the valley and that
the white man would learn to respect the Shawnee for giving up
their own. The old chief was a dreamer…it would never happen. His
grandson will likely be an outcast most of his life. But at least I
will be there for him….He will always be loved."

“Yes, ma’am. I understand.” Jeb watched
her closely. The baby played happily at her side with the stick. He
was a cute little chunk. Jeb smiled at the boy, and another strange
feeling entered his heart. He had no family and deep down somewhere
in a dark corner, he knew he wanted a family of his own. He had
squashed it so deep he forgot those feelings, until now.

“Goin' back now, to live with the white
family seems strange. Strange and almost unfamiliar. I hope I do
not embarrass myself.” Sarah admitted. "It's been so long. I am not
sure I can act or think like a white any longer."

Jeb listened to her story and glanced
at her and the baby several times.

He’d been worried all along what they
were gonna do with this white woman. But the minute he rode into
town with her, heads would turn and they’d all be in danger.
Negroes didn’t belong with whites anymore than Indians. The woman
had no chance to survive. That was the truth. What were they gonna
do?

He whispered a prayer because he knew
he couldn't solve this himself.

If you got any ideas, now's
the time to show us the way!

But once he’d made the decision to take
her from the Indian camp, he’d put everyone’s life in danger and he
knew it. Yet what else could he do? He couldn’t leave a white woman
with the Indians, it just wasn’t done. And the white people
wouldn’t appreciate him and Hoot bringing her back.

And as old as her children were, they
might not even want her, then what?

Even his own people would frown upon
his decision. He had fowled things up and he didn't know how to
make it all come right.

Hoot was upset and nervous and Jeb
couldn’t blame him, for he hadn’t thought much about what they
would do once they got to civilization again. Now that decision
bore down on him like a rattlesnake about to strike.

Chapter Two

Bone weary and tired Sarah refused to
complain. She suddenly realized how these men must feel. They had
rescued her, and put themselves in a quandary. Everything they said
was the truth and she knew it.

They were both Christian men she mused,
while her eyes took them both in as they rode in front of her. She
hadn't been around many Negroes before, but after living with the
Indians it no longer seemed odd. Black or Indian, what did it
matter, her white friends wouldn't approve. The funny things was,
she no longer cared whether they approved of her or not. She was
finally free once more and somehow that freedom had to
matter.

She looked to the heavens suddenly, for
the first time in a long time, and then closed her eyes, “God show
me the way to go…for I am lost.”

Jeb turned to glance at her just then
and she saw his face, a face of awareness, not of lust, not of
hatred, but pure awareness. Her heart fluttered heavily in her
chest, and she turned her eyes away.

Her eyes lowered until he turned
around, then she looked at them both. Hoot was a big man, tall and
broad and quite strong, with a gentle heart. Jeb was not as tall,
not as big, but strong nonetheless, muscled and capable of handling
almost anything, except maybe this situation. Both men were close
to her age.

Fear didn't enter her feelings. These
men would not harm her, she knew that instinctively. Fear could be
smelled, she was familiar with it.

But it was the instant understanding in
their voices and eyes that told her she was safe for the time
being.

She sighed. But for how long? Jeb was
right, the women in the white settlement would despise her. Would
the white men respect her like Jeb and Hoot? It played on her mind,
heavy like. Did she have a choice now? The Indians had given her
away, it would be wrong to go back to them, yet where did she
belong?

Maybe she should convince these men
that she could go it alone. She might even have a better chance if
she was alone.

As they broke for camp that evening she
decided she would talk to Jeb.

She took her bedroll from her horse and
unwound the beef jerky she had stored there. Jeb offered some
canned beans and peaches and she licked her lips and
smiled.

“Peaches, I love peaches. I haven’t had
any in so long…” Sarah laughed, hearing the sound of her laughter
startled her. Such a simple thing to make her laugh.

Jeb and Hoot smiled and continued to
build a fire and unload for the night. After seeing to the horses,
Jeb came into the camp and watched her as she prepared them
food.

Sarah figured it was time to talk to
him.

“I was thinkin’. It might be best if I
go on alone.” She cleared her throat as she unlaced the baby from
his cradle and let him play in the dirt.

“Alone?”

“Well yes, as you pointed out, it might
be safer for us all. I can find my sister’s place and go see
her…then…there won’t be any trouble,” Sarah explained, as Hoot came
into camp and took his hat off.

Jeb shook his head, “We can’t just turn
you lose out here in nowhere. We need to at least see you to
safety.”

Sarah realized that these two men were
really worried about her, and the fact that they cared made her
feel things. Like an unfrozen heart, she looked at them with raw
emotions. Tears welled in her eyes, but she had long ago learned to
keep them there and not let them fall.These two men changed things,
melted her cold heart and made her feel once more.

“Then see me to my sister’s and just
let me go about my own way, from there. I don’t want to cause
trouble for either of you. It's not my intention to put you in
harms way. I understand what the white men would do to you if you
showed up with me. I won't put you both in that kind of situation.
You don't deserve it, you had no choice in the matter.”

Hoot glanced at Jeb.

“The Lord himself put you in our path,
ma’am; we’ll see you to safety then be on our way.” Hoot assured
her.

Jeb reluctantly nodded. “Have you
thought about what we talked about, though? About them not
accepting you?”

“I was thinking on that all along. It’s
a chance I’ll have to take….” She stared into his warm brown eyes.
"What choice do I have? It is something I must face and find out
for myself. I cannot go on until I do. I will collect my children,
and that alone will give me the greatest of pleasure…."

He nodded again. “And if it don’t turn
out?”

She still stared, but there was a smile
on her lips and in her eyes, “Then I’ll have to find the two of you
and hook up.” She laughed for the second time in a long
while.

Hoot looked at Jeb and broke out into a
big smile, then Jeb’s mouth quirked too. “All right…I guess that
much is settled then.”

Sarah felt warm inside now, as she knew
these men would not hurt her and that they meant the best for her.
She felt almost…happy.

“So where does your sister live?” Hoot
asked as she dished them out some beans and jerky.

“Down in a place called Round Rock….”
Sarah said.

“We’ve been through there, got this big
ole rock in the middle of a stream. Looks mighty peculiar all
right.” Jeb laughed.

“That’s it.”

“All right then, guess we’re headed for
Round Rock. We’ll keep to ourselves, out of the way of the main
trails, to avoid troubles and when we get close, we’ll see you get
to your sister’s and be on our way, then…” Jeb said.