The F#ck It List: The Complete Story (12 page)

"Yeah. Well, we've all got our problems, but I'm happier now, just regretful. What you're going through has got to be awful. I can't even imagine." The thought of one of my parents dying makes it hard to breathe.

He shrugs again. "Yeah. But the doctors have a plan and seem hopeful. So, I'm trying to be hopeful too."

"Well, you have my number now. Let me know anytime if I can help."

He hugs me to his side. "I will."

I curl up against him, sensing he needs the comfort of human touch, and we turn our attention to the remainder of the movie.

We watch the bad guys get what they deserve and the good guys get the girl, and for a moment all is right with the world.

We stay there, curled up in shadows and starlight while the other cars drive off, neither of us ready to end the night. Who knew the football captain had such depth?

When the last pair of headlights fade away, Derek helps me to my feet and folds up the blanket. We return to his car in friendly silence, both of us a little bit more healed from our pain from this night. A little piece that Adam broke reattaches itself and I'm closer to being whole again. But tonight, it wasn't about the sex and fun. It was about the moment we had, where it felt like I might be able to open up my heart again one day.

Not with Derek. As hot and sweet as he is, we're still not a good match, but someone. Someday. And that day doesn't seem quite so far away now.

I
lie
on my bed that weekend, watching Scott paint my room with the right color. He's almost done, and has covered the ugly navy with minimal complaint.

He doesn't have a shirt on, declaring he didn't want to ruin one of his favorite shirts, so he painted the room in those low slung jeans of his. His back ripples with muscles as he runs the roller over the walls.

Scott has a sexy back, I decide. I've never paid much attention to backs before, but maybe I should start.

He covers the last bit of navy, and drops the roller in the tray.

"You wanna grab some food? My treat." I know it won't make up for or pay for him painting my room twice in one week, but I want to show him my appreciation in some way.

As fun as it would be to paint each other's naked bodies with the leftover blue, I don't think it would be a good idea.

He smiles at me over his shoulder. "Sure, love. Let me just clean up first." His eyes match the new wall color perfectly. Shit.

Dizzy from the paint fumes, I nod and escape to the fresh air of my living room. I grab my purse and shove my feet in a pair of flip-flops. I'm dressed like I was actually going to help paint, but more for moral support than any desire to help. Scott's good at this sort of thing. I am…not so much.

Scott comes in smelling like my soap, but his hands still have blue marks on them.

"You look a little like you fingered a Smurf."

He scowls at me. "Is that the thanks I get?"

I flutter my lashes at him. "Oh, don't be grumpy. You know I'm just playing and I am very grateful. You are the best best friend a girl could ask for."

His scowl melts away into a half annoyed smirk. 'That's right. And you better never forget it."

"Never," I vow.

He slings an arm over my shoulders as we head out to my car. It feels nice, being cuddled up into him. And we had fun while he slaved over my room. It was like everything was back to normal.

We sing along to the radio as we drive the few blocks to our brunch place. The hostess greets us by name and takes us to that same private booth.

"We've become regulars. They know us," I whisper.

My words are proved even more true when the waiter comes over and asks, "Your usuals?"

We nod, a little sheepishly, laughing when the waiter smiles and heads away to put in our orders.

"If we end up close to each other once we graduate, we should keep up our brunch tradition. And if we end up far, we need to at least meet for brunch once a month." I'm starting to grow maudlin, thinking about the next chapter racing towards us on swift feet.

Scott snorts. "Oh, we'll end up close together. We've gone through our whole lives together. No reason to stop now."

His words warm me. I want nothing more than to have my best friend beside me as I embark on the next stage of life. "I'm glad."

"You think you could get rid of me so easily?" He nudges me with his shoulder.

I consider bringing up the weirdness between us, but I don't want to mess up a good thing. "Of course not. But I don't want you to sacrifice your future for me."

"Who says it would be for you? I don't want to start our boring adult lives without you."

I smile up at him. "Me either."

Scott drops a kiss on the top of my head when I look down at the table that suddenly has food all over it. That was fast. Did they know we were coming and already have it started? Are we that predictable?

We start in on the food, making goofy plans for the future.

Suddenly, Scott turns the conversation to my night with Derek. "So, was the football god any good?"

I frown, confused and surprised. I'd already told him most of what happened. I hadn't gone into quite as gory detail as before. The fact that we both know Derek made it a little weird. And I hadn't told Scott about Derek's dad. It wasn't my secret to tell even though I knew Scott would never tell anyone.

I swallow my mouthful of food and clear my throat. "Uh,,,yeah. He was pretty good. Definitely better than Adam."

Scott scoffs. "Based on what you told me, a dead person would be better than Adam."

I laugh. "Fair enough."

"Did he make you come?" Scott asks.

Red sweeps across my cheeks. "Um, yeah."

"How many times?"

"I guess, uh...four?" How many had Scott given me? Or the Professor or stranger? I've lost count.

Scott hasn't. "That's all? Everyone else gave you way more."

I have a strange need to defend Derek. No, he hadn't been quite as skilled as the others on my list or Scott, but he wasn't shitty in the sack. "Well, we were sort of in public, not in a bed or private office."

"Not that public. It was nighttime, you were in a car with tinted windows and then the woods. It's not like what we did here."

My cheeks heat up with flags of red. "No, but it still wasn't private. Dude, why are you asking me all this? I already told you what happened."

Scott savagely stabs a sausage link with his fork. "Not as much as you have before. I was wondering if there was a reason."

I shake my head, reaching for my mimosa. "No, I just thought it was weird. I mean, you know Derek. It just makes it kind of awkward."

"It's not like he and I were friends or hung out. It was just weird. You went into extreme detail with the others, but with him you just gave me the basics. He finger fucked you, you exchanged oral, and then you went out to the woods and fucked."

His voice was a little too loud. "Shhhh. Fuck, Scott. What the hell?"

"Sorry. I just thought maybe you were hoping for something more with him. I don't want you to get hurt again."

I'm not sure I believe him. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he is jealous. "He and I both made it clear we have no interest in a relationship right now. It was just a fun night. We both got to fulfill some teenaged fantasies."

Scott rolls his eyes. "Of course he had a thing for you, Amanda. Everyone did. Hell, everyone still does."

"What are you talking about?" I scowl at him as my food turns to stone in my stomach. How do we keep ending up back here?

He points at me with his fork. "Do you have any idea how beautiful and sexy you are? I've watched tons of guys fall over themselves for you. I've also had tons of guys try to buddy up with me, thinking it'll help them get to you."

I can't believe my eyes don't actually fall from my head and land in my napkin covered lap. "I had no idea."

Scott shrugs. "You were in love with Adam. You didn't notice anyone other than Derek."

"Derek was just a schoolgirl crush. Everybody crushes on the football captain. It's almost required." Is that what this is about? Every guy wants to know how they compare to the guy the girls all swoon over.

Right?

"I know. I just thought maybe the experience lived up to the fantasy. This one was as dangerous as the stranger. Just for your heart this time. I can't watch you go through that again." He stares down at his plate, scowling at it like it has personally offended him in some way.

I put my hand over his clenched fist. "You're not going to. After everything was over, I realized this whole thing? It may seem stupid, but it's been putting me back together after everything with Adam happened. It's not like I'm heartbroken and want him back. I'm more pissed at my own judgment. And I have no plans to get back into a relationship, especially with someone as wrong for me as Derek. But I started to feel like it was actually possible again. Not because of him or a relationship with him, but it's given me hope again. I'm starting to feel like myself again."

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling that way?" He releases his hold on his fork and turns his palm up to intertwine our fingers.

"Because I didn't completely realize I was. I've been full throttle on this list without really understanding why. And granted any other sort of list would probably work just as well, but I'm having fun with this one. I want a life with no regrets."

"And you're sure this won't end up in regret?" he asks.

I shoot him a small smile. "Well, no, but I know it would if I quit out of fear or worry."

"I get it, love. I'll try to stop being such a worrywart." He sighs.

I tighten my hold on his fingers. "I'm glad you're looking out for me. You always have."

"I always will." His eyes are more serious than I've ever seen.

"I know."

Yeah, he was just worried about me and probably needed a slight ego stroke. I decide to give it to him.

I lean over and whisper, "He's the smallest out of everyone I've been with other than Adam. And so far, you've been the biggest, overall."

He grins down at me and I roll my eyes. Men.

A
fter throwing yet
another outfit back into my closet, I try on the black dress, but shake my head and groan as I check myself out in the mirror. I look great in it, but it’s just not quite right for where I’m going tonight. And it’s not like I make enough at the coffee shop to afford going out and buying a new dress just for the night. I already spent enough cash redecorating my room so I could have my dalliance with Derek. Though I do love the bright pop of blue on my walls. It really made the room come together. I just need some new sheer, flowy, gray curtains for my windows.

I peel off the black dress, standing and staring at the pile of clothes on my bed clad in only my bra and underwear. Ugh, forget it. I’ll call Scott and get his outfit figured out before I worry about mine. I need to let him know about tonight anyway. He better be available.

My trembling fingers dial Scott’s number, and I listen through four full rings with impatience. What’s he doing?

His deep voice fills my ears. “Hello?”

About time. “Hey, it’s me. I need you tonight.” My voice is high-pitched with excitement and nerves.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

“Out!” I exclaim, laughing. I want to surprise him, keeping it a secret until we arrive.

He chuckles, and in a smart move, doesn’t press me for more info.

“You need to be extra hot tonight.”

He snorts. “Uh…I’ll try my best. Do you have any specific requests?”

I love how he just goes along with the flow, willing to go on any adventure with me. And I love that he’ll let me dress him, knowing how much I enjoy it. “Of course I do. Your charcoal dress pants and matching jacket, that sexy royal blue button up shirt. No tie.” That suit fits him like a damn fine glove. He’s going to look like Tom Fucking Hiddleston, and I can’t wait to see him.

He sighs dramatically. “Fine. Are you going to tell me what we’re celebrating, at least? Clearly we’re going somewhere nice. Did you get a raise or something?” Fuck yourself out of a final?” His last question turns teasing.

I giggle, covering my mouth and shaking my head. “I decided on my next list item. Our local celeb—Brennan Jones.”

“I see.” His voice is no longer teasing. Instead, there’s a disappointed and resigned note tinging it.

Too excited to ask him about it, I ignore it for now. “Well, I gotta go and get ready. Pick me up at eight!”

I barely give him the time to say his goodbyes before I hang up and stare again in dismay at the pile of shit on my bed. After blowing out a massive breath so hard it makes my lips vibrate, I try on my last option. This dress is a shimmery gold that hugs me on top, but hangs loosely at the bottom. I’d worn it to a Halloween party when I went as I flapper once upon a time.

Adam had been out of town and I’d gone with Scott. It had been such a great night. Looking back on it, I feel like a bit of an idiot. How did I not notice how much fun I had without Adam there? How free I felt. I’d assumed it was the mix of booze and the magic of Halloween, getting to pretend to be someone else.

I grin at my mirror, swinging my hips so the fringe flows and sways across my legs. This is the one. Very Gatsby. Which is perfect because Brennan is absolutely the Gatsby of our town. Well, other than the whole mysterious air. Everyone knows who Brennan is. His secrets are all out in the open for everyone to see.

The rich playboy spreading his daddy’s money all over town, dripping charm and charisma and a little bit of crazy. The rich playboy who constantly has photos on the cover of rags, a new girl at his side in each one. It shouldn’t be too hard to get into his pants. He doesn’t seem too picky. The women are all different shapes and types. But I’ll have a lot of competition tonight, a ring of women I’ll have to fight my way through. From everything I’ve heard whispered around town, it sounds like the freaking Hunger Games when it comes to getting to him. And the other items on my list were almost too easy, so it’s probably time for one to become impossible.

I look damn sexy in this dress though, and I have a plan to attract the most eligible in town. If it doesn’t work with him, the other local celebs aren’t quite as exciting. Brennan is hot in that Colin Farrell way. Grungy and dark and a little bit dirty. And I am totally going with plenty of condoms in my purse because I do actually have an idea of where he’s been. Basically everywhere.

Not that I have any room to judge based on the way I’ve been going. Who can blame him? Or me? It’s fun as hell, making my own way around. We were bound to meet.

Before he became a club owner, there was his turn as a side character in a couple movies right after college. There was the widely publicized inheritance from his father that brought him back from Hollywood. There was the rapid realization that Brennan was not cut out for owning a chain of dealerships, just for driving the cars from them.

And more often than not, crashing them.

The gossip pages love to feature him and his incredibly popular and exclusive club, Indigo.

And by total chance, I’d covered a morning shift at the coffee shop for a girl who cocktails there and had been slinging gin until 4am, too tired to come and make coffees right after. She’d put me on the list as a thanks.

Score.