The Fifth Circle (8 page)

I felt my doubts slip away. He was always so sweet. He was the only one who cared about me. “Nothing. You know. School sucks,” I said.

“You wanna get out of here?” he asked. 

“Yes, but I can’t. I’ve got a test in Chemistry, remember? Although, I’ll probably fail it,” I muttered. It was my worst subject.

“I’ll make you feel better later. Is
it
over yet?” he whispered.

“Almost. Not yet,” I said, looking around to make sure no one had picked up on our intimate conversation. I wished Sean would stop bringing it up. I was relieved when the bell rang and I could escape to English class. It was the only class I liked.

***

After school, I wanted to go to my own house, but Sean had other ideas. “Do you want to ride around with me while I pick up applications?” he asked. He’d spoken about getting a job for about three years
, but this was the first time he’d ever made the slightest effort. I was proud of him. 

“Is it wise to bring a friend when you apply for jobs?”

“You can sit in the truck and read while I go inside and pick up applications,” he said. “Please. If you don’t come with me, we won’t be able to spend any time together.”

“Should I apply for some jobs too?” I ha
d some job experience. During previous summers, I’d worked as a camp counselor at a daycare program at a local park. 

“No. Let me take care of you,” he
said. I knew not to argue. I’d look for jobs some other time. Preferably while I was alone. If that ever happened.

I sat in his truck and read my novel while he went into
the taco shop. He was back outside in about two minutes and seemed pissed.

“Assholes. Why would they have a ‘Now Accepting Applications’ sign if they’re not hiring right now?” I patted his knee and he
leaned over to give me a rough kiss. We drove all around town. Sometimes he was in and out in a matter of minutes. Sometimes he was inside for twenty minutes or more while he spoke with a hiring manager.

My dad start
ed burning up my cell-phone at about six o’clock. Sean had been inside Saint Ed’s Pizza forever, it seemed. I told my dad I would be home any minute. I prayed Sean would hurry so I didn’t incur the wrath of the man who gave me life and threatened to take it away. I also didn’t want to incur the wrath of the man who loved me beyond reason, afraid that if I called his phone, I would interrupt an important interview. 

Sean was ecstatic when he came back out to the truck. “I got it
. I start next Tuesday, but don’t worry. I told them I can’t work until five. That way I can still spend time with you in the afternoons before your parents get home. We should go out and celebrate.” He reversed out of the parking space.

“
I need to get home. My dad’s been calling constantly.”

His face fell. “Oh. Well, fine.” I hoped his anger was directed at my dad instead of me. 

“Sorry.  I…I just don’t think I can handle his mood tonight,” I said.

“Don’t be sorry. I’ll get you home. As soon as I can save some money, I’m getting us an apartment. Then you won’t have to put up
with his bullshit,” Sean promised. I couldn’t possibly see how he could support us on a part-time job, but I chose not to say anything. Why start a fight? It was nice of him to worry about me.

I couldn’t figure out why my dad wanted me home so badly. He completely ignored me the moment I walked in the door
, but really, his neglect was quite a blessing. These days, he didn’t care if I was alive or dead as long as I was under his roof. He just liked to have control over everyone and everything. He ate his dinner and drank his six-pack in front of the television. I ate dinner with my mom, then went upstairs to my room. 

The next
day was Friday and Eric, a cute Junior with a good sense of humor, approached me in the Choir room. “So how come you won’t go out with me? Is it because you have a boyfriend?” he asked, sitting down in the chair next to me. I looked around nervously. He wasn’t supposed to be sitting there and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself.

“Yeah. I’ve kinda been seeing someone,” I admitted. I felt guilty for not being able to return his affections. Even though he was just a
Junior, I might have taken him up on his offer if it wasn’t for Sean. All morning, I wondered what it would be like to date Eric, or other guys. After all, I’d never really had the chance to go out with different types of guys. I felt life’s opportunities passing me by. Guilt descended upon me for thinking about other men. It was like cheating on Sean in my mind.

I was nerv
ous about seeing him at lunch, afraid he would take one look at me and know what I’d been up to. It didn’t help that Eric caught my eye from across the lunchroom and winked at me, causing me to blush and giggle. When I sat down across from Sean, he asked, “What’s going on?” His eyes narrowed just a bit.

“Nothing,”

“You look weird. Like you’re embarrassed. Or guilty.”

My face burned and I struggled to think of something to say, something that would explain my behavior.

I leaned toward him and whispered. “I was gonna wait until after school to tell you, but…my time of the month is over.

“Oh! Thank God,” he
said.

My face burned with humiliation. What if other people knew what we were talking about?

“Well, I needed some good news. I won’t be seeing you at lunch next
week. I have ISS.” In School Suspension.

“Why?”

“For skipping, like, sixteen detentions.”

“Why did you skip?” I asked.

“Because I don’t want to waste my afternoons sitting in school when I could be with you,” he said.

My heart melted. He loved me so much. I was so lucky. So, why did I feel so relieved I wouldn’t have to eat lunch with him next week?

Chapter 8- Sean

…Come thou alone, and he begone

Who has so boldly entered into these dominions

(Canto VIII, lines
89 & 90)

I could tell Alex wa
s upset about my ISS. Our lunch period was the only thing that made school bearable for either of us. I vowed to make it up to her over the weekend. Or, perhaps that very afternoon, now that her monthly visitor had left us in peace. My body grew hard just thinking about being with her, inside her. I yawned hugely. I hadn’t slept much the night before.

My life had become complicated. I loved being with Alex, so I neglected my game when she was
around. The only time I played the game in the afternoons was when she was absorbed in homework. I tried to make up for lost time by staying up late at night. If I failed to log in a certain number of hours, my quad might decide to replace me. Soon I would be a working man and I’d have to choose between the game, Alex, and sleep.

The idea of working depressed me, but for Alex
, I would do anything. I didn’t want her to have to work once we got married, so I’d have to get used to supporting her. If we were going to move in together after high school, it would be helpful to have the extra income, but I was afraid I would lose her if she got a job. I couldn’t bear to let her out of my sight. Who knew what might happen to her if she was hanging out with a bunch of guys I didn’t know?

It was my last free weekend before I became a working man and I wanted to spend every waking moment with the woman I loved. She promised me she would try to escape her father’s evil clutches, but I didn’t hold out much hope.
But, it wasn’t her fault. She had a hard time defending herself against him. Or, anyone, for that matter.

On the way home from school, I shivered in anticipation. I couldn’t wait for the seduction to begin. I knew it wouldn’t take much effort to get her ready. She wanted it as bad as I did. After the last
few times, when I took her all the way, when she moaned in ecstasy, I knew she would be geared up.

Oh, she said she wasn’t in the mood, but that didn’t matter. She wouldn’t really say no. It was just part of the game. She wanted me to talk her into it—it made her feel less guilty for liking something that had only brought her shame and discomfort in the past. I was patient
. It was worth the begging and the promises to be gentle. And, if she cried afterwards, I knew it wasn’t my fault—it was the flashbacks.

Afterwards,
I fell asleep with her nestled against me. It was dark when I woke up. She was gone. I felt a flash of raw, hard anger until I looked up and saw her sitting at the edge of my bed. She was putting on her shoes. A glance at my alarm clock told me it was after five. “Don’t go, baby,” I urged. “It’s Friday.”

“I’ll be back. I’m just going to go home, start dinner, put in an a
ppearance with the parents, and I’ll come right back,” she promised.

“How long?” I asked, sitting up and putting my arms around her waist.

“Like, an hour,” she replied. 

“This is
freaking stupid. You’re eighteen,” I complained.

“And still in school and living with my parents
.”

“You could move in here,” I offered. My mom probably wouldn’t mind. She would do anything to keep me on an even keel.

“Yeah right. My dad would just love that,” she said. She turned to face me. “Kiss me so I can leave.”  

I walked
outside and watched her while she let herself into her house. Even though she lived right next-door, I would never take any chances with her safety. Of course, the biggest threat to her well-being lurked within the house she called her home, but there was nothing I could do about that. Until she agreed to move out, she was forced to return to her father time and again. I could only hope he continued to ignore her…that he’d lost interest in her once and for all.

I logged on
to OwlBane. When my mom came home and made dinner, I took the plate to my room and ate in front of the computer. The counselor told her it was essential that we eat dinner together and that I should limit my hours on the internet. I hadn’t seen the shrink since September, and even though my mom kept refilling my prescription, I never took my pills. Mom’s job as the computer police stopped when I started messing around with Alex. I guess she must have figured if I was normal enough to get a beautiful girl into my bed, I must be healed. I certainly felt that way.

I wished Alex’s parents would follow my mom’s example. They should be happy she ha
d someone to look out for her, I thought. Seriously, if it wasn’t for me, she would be sitting alone in her bedroom or hanging out with bug-eyed Chelsea. 

That was my next goal: to
get rid of Chelsea. I hated that girl and she felt the same way about me. Over the years, I’d been forced to deal with her on numerous occasions. She was Alex’s best-girlfriend, but who needed friends when you had a boyfriend? I planned to get that point across to Alex as soon as possible. I was afraid if I waited too long, Chelsea would start talking shit on me, and Alex would believe her. Alex was impressionable, so I had to protect her from bad influences.

Alex
was too good for me, and I knew it. I just had to make sure
she
didn’t find out. Then, I might lose her. Sometimes, I worried about her low self-esteem. Of course, it was her low self-esteem that led to her agreeing to go out with me. Had she displayed any confidence at all, she would have been snapped up by a football player long ago. I also worried that my constant compliments would make her realize how perfect she was, and then she might move on. But, I
had
to tell her how beautiful, intelligent, and amazing she was. It would be a crime not to.

It was after seven when she finally returned. I heard the doorbell ring and le
ft my quad-mates to fend for themselves. “Hi baby,” I sighed, hugging her tightly. She blushed and glanced pointedly in the direction of the kitchen. My mom could see us from where she sat, but I couldn’t understand why Alex would be embarrassed. It was just a hug. 

“Hi, Alex,”
Mom called out. “How are you sweetie?”

“Hi, Susan. I’m fine. Getting all ready for Christmas?” she asked,
eyeing the mountains of boxes stacked along the living room wall. A couple of the boxes were open with bits of garland hanging out. A few were clearly labeled ‘ornaments’ or ‘X-mas decorations.’ “Do you need help?” she asked.

“Well, yes. I do,”
Mom said. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“We don’t mind,” Alex insisted.

I minded—a lot. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Already, my mom and my future wife were rummaging through boxes and talking animatedly about how best to re-arrange the furniture around the freaking tree. I set about the horrific task of setting up the pre-lit Christmas tree while they totally ignored me. 

“I don’t know,”
Mom said. “It might look better in the other corner.”
The hell it would
, I thought. No way was I gonna move the freaking tree.

“No. I think it looks good where it is. You can open the blinds and see it from the street,” Alex observed. I silently thanked her for her support.