The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (19 page)

I faced away from her as I toweled off, but I heard her take a seat in a deck chair behind me. “He doesn’t love you, you know?”

I’d heard her, but didn’t trust my ears. I turned to meet her narrow eyes. “Pardon me?”

“He can’t.” She swirled the liquid in her glass as she spoke, her tone laced with pain. “He’s incapable.”

Incapable.
That was exactly what Hudson had said. Had it been his mother who had forced him to embrace such an idiotic idea about himself? The earlier hostility I’d felt toward her when I’d listened at the kitchen door returned and spilled like poison from my lips. “Maybe you’re projecting your own incapability of emotion.”

Her voice grew colder, but remained steady, in control. “Your words can’t touch me, Ms. Withers. This is
my
house, Hudson is
my
son. I’m the one in power here.”

“Fuck you.”

She smiled. “He’s had years of therapy. Extensive therapy.”

So have I. I threw my towel down and wrapped my robe around me, taking the time to make sure my tone was as level as hers when I spoke again. “He’s told me.”

“Has he? But he hasn’t shared the details.” She leaned forward, her eyes catching one of the outdoor lights, causing them to glow red. She couldn’t have looked nastier if she’d tried. “If he had, you’d know he can’t love anyone. He’s sociopathic. Diagnosed at age twenty.”

She surprised me, the lack of strength in my response telling her as much. “Hudson’s not a sociopath.” Was he?

“He’s deceitful and manipulative, egocentric, grandiose, glib and superficial. Incapable of remorse. He engages in casual and impersonal sexual relationships.” She ticked off traits easily, as if they always bubbled right there at the surface of her consciousness. “Look it up—he fits the definition to a tee. He has no concern for others’ feelings. He can’t love anyone.”

“I don’t believe that.” But my voice cracked.

“You’re extremely naïve.”

“You’re an extreme bitch.” I gathered my towel in my arms and slipped on my flip-flops, needing to be away from her and her horrible accusations. But her words had already done their job. I doubted, and she knew it.

“He’s only with you for the sex.” She stood, blocking me from the path to the house. “You’re attractive.” Her eyes skidded down to my bosom. “And clearly his type. He seems to like fucking buxom brunettes the most.”

I had nothing to say in my defense. He’d told me our relationship was only sex. I was aware enough of my obligations to my on-duty job, though, and I spoke as if we were a real couple. “If it was just sex, he’d never bring me to meet you.”

Her smile widened. “That’s an added bonus for him. He can rile me up and get his kicks with you all at once. It really has nothing to do with you. It’s about me and my son.” She took a step toward me, and it took all my strength not to cower. “You, Ms. Withers, are insignificant.”

I wanted to believe that I would have slapped her or pushed her into the pool—she deserved either, both really. But our confrontation was interrupted by Chandler and four other teenage boys boisterously entering the pool area, dressed in swim trunks and carrying towels.

“Mom?” Chandler said upon seeing his mother’s back. Sophia stepped aside and he met my eyes. “Laynie,” he said, surprised to see me or perhaps recognizing the stricken look that I must have worn. “I didn’t know anyone else was out here.”

“Alayna and I were getting to know each other.” Sophia switched gears as easily as Hudson.

Chandler cocked a brow skeptically.

I used the boys’ intrusion to escape. “The pool’s all yours. I’m done here.” Without looking back, I hurried into the house through the kitchen and up to the east wing, not stopping until I was outside our bedroom doors.

Then the tears fell, thick and heavy. I leaned against the wall, and slid down to a sitting position, unable to stand in the weight of my grief. So many emotions and thoughts warred for top billing. Sophia’s insults had hurt, but what pained me most was the possibility that she was right.

What had I seen to show me differently? We’d had instances—Hudson and I—where I believed he truly cared, that he felt more for me than physical attraction, but had I imagined them? I had my own history of making meaningless moments carry heavier weight than they were meant to.

And her description of a sociopath did fit Hudson. I didn’t need to look up the definition—I’d been in enough group therapy sessions to be familiar with the signs. But I’d never associated Hudson with the definition until Sophia had pointed it out. Had I purposefully ignored the connection?

Or was Sophia wrong?

I’d had therapists misdiagnose me early on in my therapy. And Brian’s understanding of my problems was way off base. What if Hudson believed the worst about himself because Sophia had believed it? Maybe he’d never had a chance to prove her wrong.

Maybe that’s what I was—a chance.

The possibility calmed me, though I was smart enough to realize its improbability.

I wiped my face with my damp towel and pushed myself up from the ground. Taking a deep breath I pushed open the door as quietly as I could.

“Alayna?” I heard Hudson reach to switch on the bedside lamp. “Is that you?”

“Yeah.” I turned toward the door as I closed it, giving myself a minute to compose myself. “I wasn’t tired, so I went for a swim.” I took a deep breath then plastered a smile on my face before facing him.

“Good, I’m glad you…” He leaned forward, his body tense. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Was I that transparent? I couldn’t talk to him—not now.

“Your eyes are red. You’ve been crying.”

“No, no. The chlorine. Bothers my eyes.” I rubbed at my puffy eyes hoping to accentuate my point.

He tilted his head, as if deciding whether I was being honest with him.

I couldn’t take his scrutiny. If he pressed, I’d break, and I needed to settle my emotions about him and his mother’s claims before I spoke with him about them. What would he say anyway? He’d either deny it or he wouldn’t. If he denied it, could I trust him? If he didn’t deny it, could I trust that?

Searching for an escape, I said, “Um, I’m going to jump in the shower.”

“I’ll join you.”

I didn’t argue. But we didn’t speak as we entered the bathroom and undressed, Hudson helping me untie the back of my bikini top before he worked to remove his own clothing. I hung my wet suit on the edge of the tub and climbed into the shower, adjusting the temperature until it was near scalding.

When Hudson joined me, his penis already semi-erect, longing overcame me. I didn’t know all the truth about Hudson, and I did know many damning truths about myself. But faced with his naked hard body and the awareness that—whether or not he could love me—he could make me feel better, at least for the moment, I pulled him toward me urgently, claiming his mouth with a hunger I’d never experienced.

“Alayna?” He pulled away, his hands firmly grasped on my shoulders. “Something’s wrong. Tell me.”

“I’m fine. I just…” I loved him. That was why I was torn up over everything Sophia had said. I loved him and I wanted—needed—to believe Hudson could love me too.

Not able to say those words—not yet—I settled for another version of the truth. “I need you.”

He knew I was hiding something, but he nodded. “I’m here, precious.” Then he took over, fulfilling me in ways only he could, satisfying me as deeply as he was able.

I lost myself to it, letting myself forget that he might never be able to love me in any way but this—with his mouth and tongue and cock.

Maybe it could be enough.

Chapter Nineteen

I woke early, aware of Hudson working behind me in the bed, again on his laptop. But I didn’t let on that I was awake, allowing myself to process the events of the night before.

Maybe because it was a fresh day, or perhaps because I wasn’t face-to-face with Sophia, the facts didn’t seem as overwhelming as they had. The truth was, whatever the reality of our relationship, it didn’t change the fact that I was in love with Hudson Pierce. And being in love with Hudson Pierce put me on his side, whether he was capable of returning my feelings or not. His side meant proving to Sophia that her son was not the unfeeling sociopath that she believed he was, a task that might very well be impossible, but I resolved to give it my best shot. After all, that was the job I’d been hired to do.

And, if I played it right, the work might even be enjoyable.

Determined, I stretched, sat up against the bed frame, and leaned into Hudson. I needed to get him out of his computer and on board.

“Good morning, precious.” He glanced over, his eyes pausing on my bare breasts before he returned his focus to the screen, a twinkle in his eyes. “Did you get enough sleep?”

“I did.” The alarm clock on the nightstand read a few minutes past eight. It was early for me, but I felt rested, adapting somewhat to his traditional sleep schedule.

Hudson still in bed at that time of morning was what was surprising, even awake and working. I’d learned during our get-to-know you game that he usually got up around six. I suspected that this morning he lingered because of my behavior the evening before. He’d sensed my distress and he cared that I felt that way. Didn’t that show capability of love?

Now wasn’t the time to analyze. I filed it away to ponder later.

I skimmed his shoulder with my lips, running my fingers through the soft hair at the base of his neck. “Hudson? Are you going to work all day?”

He stopped typing and rubbed his rough chin against the side of my forehead. “Does my working bother you?”

“Not really. But I was thinking...” I took a deep breath then plunged in. “I didn’t really see your mother yesterday. Shouldn’t we try to spend some time with her today?”

He tensed. “I don’t know if that’s necessary.”

I had guessed he was keeping his mother and I apart on purpose, that he meant to control the animosity between us. While I appreciated the gesture, it was counterproductive. We’d come to the Hamptons because of her. “Isn’t she the person we need to be impressing with our fabulous relationship sham?”

“Being here together is enough.” He straightened his head and returned to his screen, the matter settled in his mind.

But it wasn’t settled for me. I moved to kneel in front of him, demanding his attention. “No, it’s not enough.” He lifted his eyes to meet mine. “I think we should go at her gangbusters. Throw ourselves in her face. You need to ignore your work to make it really convincing, though. Show her that you’re so in love you can’t even concentrate on business. You can only think of me.”

Hudson rubbed a hand over his stubbly face and shook his head.

“What? Not a good idea?”

He shrugged. “It could be a good idea.” He closed the lid of his laptop and placed it on the nightstand. “But do you really want to spend time with my mother? She can be...”

“A total bitch?”

“I was going to say abrasive, but your words fit as well.”

Of course I didn’t want to spend time with Sophia. But I’d realized that she hated me even more than I hated her. Spending time with her would bring more misery to her than to me. “It’s only two more days. I can handle it.”

Hudson reached a hand out to cup my cheek. “You’re pretty incredible, you know?” His eyes wandered down. “Actually, I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything but your beautiful naked breasts.”

He pulled me in for a kiss, licking his tongue greedily into my mouth.

When his hand circled around my breast, I pulled away. “No, no, no. We can’t stay locked up in here all morning. We have to be downstairs, in the public eye. Or the Sophia eye, anyway. What time is breakfast?”

He sighed. “Eight-thirty.”

“Damn, I’ll have to shower afterward then.” I hopped out of bed and began rummaging for clothes in my suitcase. “Hope no one minds me smelling like sweat and sex.”

Hudson crossed to his own suitcase. “I’m not going to complain.”

As I pulled out an outfit, I remembered the night at the symphony, how Hudson reacted to my hand on his thigh. “I’m warning you right now—I’m playing this full out.” I slipped on some pink panties. “Expect lots of fondling and touching and kissing and such.” A pair of tan shorts followed.

Hudson dressed quickly too, pulling on a pair of jeans, not bothering with underwear. “Thank you for the warning. Though it should probably be me that initiates most of the fondling and touching and kissing and such.” He paused to pull a plain dark t-shirt over his head. “Since it’s my emotions we’re trying to convince her of, not yours.”

I stilled. Did he know my emotions ran deeper? Was he trying to hint that he knew?

No, I was reading too much into his words. I reached behind my back to clasp my bra. “Good point.” I turned to face him. “But can you bring it?”

“Are you challenging me?”

“If it helps.” I pulled a blue sleeveless blouse over my head.

“I don’t need a challenge. I can totally bring it.”

I slipped my feet into flip-flops and swallowed back a laugh, his words sounding so out of character. When I’d composed myself, I met his eyes. “Game on, then?”

“Game on.”

God, he was adorable.

Arriving to an empty dining room, we sauntered into the kitchen where Millie promptly pointed us to the veranda before hustling to get together plates and utensils for us. Hudson took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine and squeezed, a silent reassurance before we stepped onto the battlefield. Then he pulled me outside through the open French doors where we found Mira, Adam, Jack and Sophia already dining on eggs, potato casserole, ham and fruit cups. Chandler, I guessed, was sleeping in after his late night adventure. He was a teenager, hardly expected to be out of bed before noon.

Sophia noticed us first. “Well, well. They managed to leave the bedroom.”

Mira’s expression turned puzzled then embarrassed when she saw us. “Mom!”

Adam mumbled a half-hearted greeting, consumed with whatever he was reading on his phone. Jack nodded at us, adding a wink, then sat back in his chair as if about to watch something entertaining.

Sophia set her fork down and dabbed at her lips with a napkin. “It’s a fair observation. I didn’t expect them down this early.” Her eyes bore into me. “Especially when Alayna was up so late swimming.” It was meant to be a reminder.
I’m in control. You’re insignificant.

I fidgeted as Hudson stole a glance at me, probably piecing together that my mood the night before had been because of Sophia. She knew I hadn’t told him about our conversation—if I had, Hudson and I would have likely been out the door first thing that morning. She had gambled, and had won the hand. But I still had cards to play.

I kept my features even and lifted my chin slightly. “Hudson and I wanted to make sure we got to spend some time with you.” My words spread like honey, but underneath they were hot pepper. “Are you feeling up to it? I mean, you were up late, too. And you had that nasty headache.”

“You’d have fewer of those if you’d lay off the sauce,” Jack jabbed.

Sophia ignored her husband. “I am feeling better. Thank you.” Her stiff tone belied her insincerity. “And I never turn down time with my son. Please, join us.”

On cue, Millie set two more place settings and Hudson pulled two chairs closer to the table, Mira and Adam already occupying the loveseat. By the time I sat, spread a napkin on my lap, and accepted a mug of coffee from Hudson, a plate of hot breakfast had been placed in front of me.

We ate in silence for several minutes, the usual noises of dining the only sound. Hudson and I exchanged several looks, both of us eager to demonstrate our supposed romance, neither of us knowing how. Under the table, my knee bounced with anxiety until he stilled it with a firm hand. He kept his hand there, resting while we continued eating, my skin tingling under his touch.

I closed my eyes and drew in a breath. The smell of summer flowers wafted through the air, the breeze warm and pleasant. It was a gorgeous day in a beautiful setting, and the atmosphere relaxed me enough to break the quiet. “So.” I waited until all eyes were on me to continue. “What’s on the agenda for the day?”

Mira beamed as if grateful for conversation. “Adam and I want to hit the beach. Don’t we, sweetie?”

“Uh huh,” Adam mumbled without looking up from his phone. What was with the men around here? Always sucked into their electronics.

If Mira minded Adam’s distraction, she didn’t show it. “It’s perfect weather for it. We can relax and soak up some rays. Millie could pack us a lunch. Want to come with us?”

I’d been in the Pierce estate for more than a day and still hadn’t ventured down to the ocean at the edge of the Hampton property. The beach sounded wonderful. “I’m up for it. Hudson?”

Hudson grinned a little too wide, but I was probably the only one who noticed. “Wherever you are, baby, I’m there.”

I surprised myself by not cringing at his choice of endearment.

“Hudson, you’ll get sand in your computer,” Sophia said. “And we don’t get great Wi-Fi down there. Wouldn’t you rather work up here?” Her assumption that Hudson would spend the day working fit right into my scheme. Now, would he follow through with his part? He’d never quite agreed.

He set his fork down and looked directly at Sophia. “Actually, I’m not doing any work today, Mother.” He moved his hand from under the table to my neck, stroking gently under my hair. “I promised Laynie I’d give her my full attention for the rest of our trip.”

I would have preferred that he’d played it like he couldn’t even concentrate on work because of me, but, besides his version being much more believable, his use of my nickname was perfect. Even Adam looked up long enough to exchange a surprised look with his wife.

Sophia’s reaction, though, was priceless. She gaped.

As much as I would have liked to take in every second of Sophia’s shock, I slid my focus to Hudson. “Thank you, H.” My gratitude extended deeper than the superficial show we were performing. I appreciated that he’d listened to my suggestions, that he heard me and then acted on it.

Hudson’s deep gray eyes erased our spectators from my view. “It’s nothing,” he murmured. “You’re worth it.” Was his response as genuine as my thanks? Or was he just an excellent actor?

“Mom? Join us at the beach?” Mira practically bounced in her seat, the idea of a family outing right up her alley.

Sophia’s expression was unchanging, her voice level. “Sure. Why not?”

Jack guffawed. “Sophia spending the day in the sand? This I have to see.”

Again Sophia ignored her husband, but Jack seemed pleased all the same.

“Adam,” Mira elbowed her husband in the ribs. “Go wake up Chandler. We can take the Jet Ski out.”

“Uh, okay.” Adam stuffed his phone into the pocket of his khaki carpenter pants, crumpled his napkin into a ball, and stood, appearing grateful for the excuse to leave. It occurred to me that I’d never seen him around Sophia. Perhaps he had buried himself in his phone to avoid interacting with her. Smart.

Mira turned her attention to Jack. “And Dad, if you wear a thong again, I swear to God…”

“Fine.” He leaned back in his chair. “I’ll dress like an old man. But only for you, ladybug.”

While her family conversed around her, Sophia sat solemnly, her eyes calculating. At least, that’s how I interpreted her narrow gaze, fixed at nothing in particular on the table in front of her, her hands laced together.

“Hudson,” she said finally. “The Werners are arriving at their Hampton house this evening.”

“That’s nice.” He poked at what was left of his ham with his fork, his features even. “Why are you telling me this?”

I put my hand on Hudson’s knee, bracing myself for where this conversation was going.

“Celia’s coming, too.” And there it was—Sophia’s bombshell. “I know how long it’s been since you’ve gotten to spend time together so I invited her for brunch tomorrow.”

Hudson’s face was steel, his jaw tight as he set his fork down with a noisy clink.

I imagined my heart plummeting through my chest, landing in my stomach with the same clink. Celia was a weak spot for me. She fueled my jealousy in ways that were absurd and unreasonable but real nonetheless. To keep from betraying my emotions, I bit my lip. Hard.

Mira’s face went red. “Mom! Why would you do that?”

Jack, who had rolled his eyes at Sophia’s announcement, now leaned toward his daughter, his arm resting on his knee. “Honestly, Mira, does this type of behavior from your mother surprise you?”

Sophia’s eyebrows raised in mock innocence. “What did I do?”

Mira groaned in response. Hudson remained silent, anger rolling off his body in waves.

Sophia either delighted in her son’s rage or didn’t recognize it. “Anyway, we’ve been talking about redecorating the main rooms. I figured this was a great opportunity for her to show us some ideas while catching up with her dear friend.” She turned up her sickening sweet smile. “Alayna, you’ve met Celia. Did you know that she did all the decorating for Hudson’s offices and penthouse?”

I glanced at Hudson who was barely containing his fury. “I did.”

I took a sip of coffee, preparing my next words. The loft above his office wasn’t where Hudson lived. I’d never been to his penthouse, but, of course, Sophia assumed I had. Anything I said I’d have to phrase carefully. “Celia’s got excellent taste. I think she managed to capture Hudson’s style quite well in both his living and working space.” It was true of his office and the loft, anyway. Hopefully it held about his penthouse.

“Which is your favorite room?”

“Sophia.” Jack’s tone was a warning.

Hudson tensed beside me, and I shoveled a mouthful of eggs into my mouth to stall. He’d hinted that he never took women to his penthouse, which had seemed like a good safety net for me—I couldn’t stalk a man’s house if I didn’t know where it was. But did Sophia know he didn’t take women there? Was she trying to trap me or was I being paranoid?