The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (51 page)

He shook his head slowly. “Not that I can think of.”

“She wasn’t one of your past victims?”

“Victims?” His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you call the people I played with?”

I cringed. “Maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words?”

“No. It probably
is
the best choice. That doesn’t make it pleasant to hear.”

“I’m sorry.”

His features darkened. “Don’t be. It’s my past. I have to live with it. Why are you asking?”

I took a deep breath. We were putting everything on the line, after all. This was part of it. “The last time we were at Mira’s, Stacy told me that she had some sort of video. A video that proved something or other about you and Celia. She didn’t have it with her, so I gave her my phone number so she could contact me later.”

“The last time we were at Mira’s together?”

“Yeah. She cornered me while you were finding me shoes. Do you know what she’s talking about?” I studied his face, trying to pick up on anything he might be hiding.

“No idea.” Either he was really good at acting or he truly had no clue. I’d never seen him so perplexed. “She didn’t tell you what the video was of?”

“No. Just that she had it and that it would show me why I couldn’t trust you.” I bit my lip. “And she texted me again tonight. Or sometime this past week when I didn’t have a phone, and I didn’t get the message until tonight.”

I expected him to ask why I hadn’t told him earlier, but he didn’t. “What did her text say?”

“That the video was too big to send over the phone but to contact her if I wanted to see it.”

He considered. “Do you want to see it?”

“No.” But I kind of did. “Yes.” Unless I didn’t. “I don’t know. Should I?”

“Well.” He rubbed his hands up my arms. “You know that Celia can’t be trusted already. And there is nothing that Stacy could have on me that you don’t already know. You know more about my secrets and my past than anyone. You know me, Alayna.”

“I do.”

“Then unless you don’t trust me…”

“I do trust you. If you say there’s nothing I should be concerned about…”

His eyes locked on mine. “There isn’t.”

I paused. The minute I said my next words, I couldn’t take them back. I’d have to put the video out of my mind and move on. It went against all my obsessive tendencies—could I do it?

I believed I could. For Hudson. I smiled. “Then I don’t need to see it.” It was easier to say than I would have imagined. And I meant it. I didn’t need the proof of other people to know who Hudson was, what he meant to me.

It was amazing how much better I felt having the subject of the video off my chest. It no longer felt like a weight on me, though there was still some lingering edginess that probably just needed time to distill.

Hudson leaned forward and kissed my chin. “Thank you.”

“For what, exactly?”

“For being open with me.” He tilted his head. “You didn’t have to tell me about that, and you did anyway.”

“I’m serious about being more open and honest.”

“I see that. I’m serious about it too. The only way we can move on is to decide that we’re committed to each other first and foremost.” His eyes rose to meet mine. “Are we?”

They were only two short words, but the weight of the question was heavy—heavier than when he’d asked me to be his girlfriend or to move in. And yet it was with ease and certainty that I responded. “I am.”

“So am I.” He captured my mouth with his, sucking lightly on my bottom lip before his tongue flicked inside, twisting with mine in an erotic dance of foreplay. I threw my hands around his neck, pulling myself closer into him. His cock thickened between us and my pussy clenched in reaction, wanting and needing him as much as his kiss said he needed me.

Without releasing my mouth, Hudson moved a hand to my breast. He was such an expert at handling me in the way I needed, his touch never too gentle, always just the right amount of rough. I cried against his lips as he squeezed my tit, driving me mad. I was so concentrated on his attention to my chest, I didn’t notice his other hand traveling lower until his thumb was rubbing against my clit. I jolted at the exquisite pressure, my knees clutching his hips. I was already feeling the tight sensation in my lower belly building toward eruption. So soon, too soon.

I was on top, and wanting to delay my explosion until we could go together, I pushed away his hand from my core. Hudson’s eyes closed slightly as I circled my grip around his thick erection. I stroked him once before shifting my weight forward onto my kneecaps. Positioning myself over him, I slid down his hard length, moaning as he filled me.

I sat atop him, sitting still for several seconds as my body adjusted to his size, my walls expanding to make room for him. Damn, he felt good. Just like that, without any movement—he felt made for me, as though his penis had been carved to fit my pussy and mine alone. I shuddered at the carnal thoughts that intensified the heavenly sensation of him inside me.

He shifted beneath me, his impatience evident. So I moved, riding him. Slowly at first, then more determined. My hands braced against his shoulders, pushing me off with the force I knew Hudson desired, the force
I
desired. It wasn’t long before his hands were wrapped around my ass, augmenting my movement. And then, he held me still as his hips thrust up and forward in a circular pattern, driving into me with long deliberate strokes.

“Do you always have to take over?” I asked, breathless. Not that I minded. I enjoyed being on the other end of his control.

His lip curled at the edge. “If you want us both to come, then yes.”

I laughed, the action causing him to twitch inside me, bringing me to the brink. When I could speak again, I asked, “And who is it that wouldn’t come if I stayed in control?”

“You.” His fingers tightened at my hips and, as if to prove his point, he pushed deeper into me, brushing against a spot—
that
spot, the one that always did it for me, the one that only he could find and that he found each and every time.

My orgasm came suddenly, taking me by surprise. I gasped, digging my fingernails into his skin as I rode the wave of ecstasy that passed through my every nerve, shooting down my limbs and clouding my vision.

Hudson’s tempo didn’t abate as I crumpled on top of him. He continued to thrust towards his own climax, driving toward that intangible goalpost. And then he was crossing the finish line, grinding against my clit as he spilled into me, causing another shudder from my already limp body.

While he settled, he kissed along my neck, along my jawline, finally making it to my lips where he sweetly lingered, adoring me with his mouth until our heart rates returned to a more normal pace.

Then he pulled away and met my eyes. His brow furrowed. “Alayna.” Hudson cradled my face. “What is it, precious?”

It took me a beat to understand his question. Then I realized that tears were leaking down my face. And then they were more than tears. Uncontrollable sobs broke through me as though a great well of grief had been released.

Embarrassed and unable to explain my outburst, I pushed away and climbed out of the tub.

“Alayna, talk to me.” He was behind me, wrapping a towel around my body as he dripped onto the floor.

I shook my head and ran to the bedroom.

Hudson followed. He grabbed my upper arms and turned me toward him. “Talk to me. What is it?”

My body heaved with the anguish. It wasn’t a new pain, but one that had been with me for the better part of a week. I just hadn’t fully expressed it yet—not to Hudson, not to myself.

“You. Really. Hurt me,” I managed. The words were broken and hard to get out between sobs.

“Just now?”

“No.” I swallowed and tried to calm myself enough to speak. “You really hurt me. With Celia. When you believed her. Instead of me.” The pain was so raw, so fresh. Even though he’d made amends and we were together, the remnants of that betrayal still clung to me. I’d tried to move on before the scar had formed, and now, unexpectedly, the wound reopened.

“Oh, Alayna.” He pulled me into his chest. “Tell me. Tell me all of it. I need to hear it.”

“It hurts, Hudson. It hurts so much.” I took a ragged breath. “Even though you’re here. Now. And we’re together. There’s a hole.” My sentences were short and broken. “A deep, deep hole.”

His body tensed around me and I felt the degree to which he shared my grief. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, if I could change how I reacted…I would have chosen differently.”

“I know. I do. But you didn’t choose differently. And you
can’t
take that back.” My voice strengthened as the ache inside surfaced. Like I was throwing up. Once it started, there was no stopping, and the process was uncomfortable and suffocating.

I pulled away from him, still in his arms, but no longer buried in him. “You can never take that back.”

“No. I can’t.” He pushed my wet hair off my shoulders.

“And that changes things. It changes me.”

He paused, worry etching his face. “How?”

“It makes me vulnerable. Exposed.” I suddenly became aware that he was wearing nothing. It was fitting. Because, even though I was wrapped in a towel, I’d never been more naked in front of him. “And you know now. That you can hurt me.” I choked as my tears returned. “You can hurt me real bad.”

“Alayna.” He pulled me back into him, his voice thick with emotion. “My precious girl. I never want to hurt you again. Will you ever be able to…forgive me?”

I nodded, unable to respond verbally. Yes, I could forgive him. I already had. But it didn’t change how much it hurt. It didn’t change how much healing still had to occur.

Hudson rocked me in his arms as I cried, intermittently kissing my head and apologizing. After a while, he swept me into his arms and carried me to the bed. He curled up with me, holding me against him.

When I’d finally finished with the tears, I sat up against the headboard with a hiccup. “Huh. I don’t know where that came from.”

He sat up next to me, wiping my cheeks. “You needed to let it out. I understand.”

“You do?”

“I do.” He put a tentative arm around me. “Is it okay that I’m here?”

“Yes! Please, don’t leave.” I clutched him, afraid that he would go.

“As long as you want me, I’m here.”

“Good.” I relaxed, letting my heartbeat return to a normal pace. “All that?” I gestured abstractly, referring to my sob scene. “That was just…”

“Healing?”

“Yeah. Cathartic. The last step of all that before stuff. I think I have some closure now.” I felt cleansed—inside and out. I smiled as I traced Hudson’s lips with my finger.

“I admire your optimism, but old pain has a way of showing up from time to time, even when life is going well.” He caught my finger in his hand. “I’m sure we’ll both feel this way every now and then.”

I took a long breath in. I couldn’t stand that I’d hurt him too. It almost pained me as much as his betrayal.

“Don’t dwell on it.” His voice was soft. “We have the future to make up for the hurts we’ve caused each other.”

Right then, I was ready to dedicate my life to making up. Was I really thinking of us as forever? Well, at least long term.

I twisted my lips at the thought. “This is a new beginning for us, isn’t it?”

He leaned forward to brush my nose with his. “No. This is better than a beginning. This is what happens next.”

“I like that.”

He leaned in and kissed me, sweetly and luxuriously, with promises of all the other things that would happen next. As if there was nothing in the world to do but lavish me with love.

Chapter Three

Hudson called into the office the next morning, deciding to work from home. I’d already made arrangements to be gone from the club for the next several days so I didn’t bother going in either. We spent our time in the library, each of us working on our own projects, not talking much, which was fine. Exhausted from jet lag and lack of sleep, Hudson was in a mood. Even grumpy, I was glad for his presence. It was comforting just to be with him.

I did leave the apartment but only to get a wax and attend my group therapy that evening. When I returned, Hudson was passed out in our bed. I let him sleep.

Before I joined him, I got a run in on the treadmill and texted Stacy. Thanks, but no thanks, my message said. I probably didn’t need to respond at all, but it gave the issue finality. I slept soundlessly the whole night through.

The next day was a holiday—the Fourth of July. Hudson surprised me by taking me to brunch at the Loeb Boathouse in Central Park. Afterward, we walked through the park, holding hands and enjoying each other’s company. We were good—it felt right being with him. Easy.

Yet there was a tangible fragility between us. We were cautious with each other, handling one another with kid gloves. Hudson’s lingering fatigue didn’t help the situation.

Later, getting ready for the evening’s fireworks display, Hudson came up behind me as I primped in the bedroom mirror. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed along my neckline. “We’ve been pussy-footing around each other all day,” he said at my ear. “I’m warning you now that I’m done. It’s time for me to start treating you like what you are: Mine.”

My breath caught sharply.

“And yes, that means that you’ll be fucked later. Hard.”

Just like that, our tentativeness was over. And I needed a change of panties.

***

Except for a few casual strokes and caresses, Hudson kept his hands to himself during our ride to the Firework Cruise. I had a feeling the minimal contact was purposeful. He was building the anticipation.

And, god, was it working.

The air between us was charged. His sexual promise remained ever present in my thoughts, turning me into a powder keg waiting for that one spark to light me on fire. He, on the other hand, seemed completely unaffected—as though he hadn’t uttered those carnal words to me only an hour earlier.

It was late evening, the sun just beginning to set, when we arrived at the pier. Hudson didn’t wait for Jordan to open our door. He stepped out of the Maybach and reached for my hand to pull me out behind him. He was striking in his tan pants and dark suit jacket. He’d forgone the tie, leaving his white shirt unbuttoned to expose the top of his chest. The wind blew across the river that shared his name, mussing Hudson’s hair into sexy chaos. As always, he took my breath away.

The moment was short lived. Cameras clicking and people shouting Hudson’s name interrupted the reverie. Having been to only one other event with him where media was present, I wasn’t used to the attention.

But Hudson was.

Like he had the last time when I’d gone with him to his mother’s charity fashion event, he put on a show, pulling me into his side to pose for the cameras. He tactfully ignored many of the questions, only answering some with a simple
yes
or
no
.

“Is it true you’ve bought back your old company, Plexis?”

“Yes.”

“Are you planning to break the company apart?”

“No.”

“Is this your current girlfriend? Alayna Withers, is it?”

“Yes.”

“What about Celia Werner?”

This was one Hudson didn’t answer. The only betrayal that he’d even heard the question was a twitch of his eye. The man had stoicism down to a science.

I did not. The mention of Celia’s name threw a shiver down my spine. It hadn’t only been his mother who thought he and Celia should be together. Even the press had thought they were more than friends. Hudson, not caring what people thought or said about him, never bothered to correct the assumption.

I realized then that the media would never let her out of our life. She’d always be asked about, always be linked to him in the tabloids. I’d have to get used to it if I planned on staying with Hudson long term. And I planned on exactly that.

But just because I had to live with it didn’t mean I couldn’t fight back.

Forcing a smile, I did something that surprised even me—I spoke to the onlookers. “Don’t you think it’s rude to ask that when I’m standing right here?” I paused but didn’t let the reporter get a word in before continuing. “He’s with me now. Bringing up another woman in front of me is completely distasteful. If stirring up gossip is the only way you can write a decent story, I feel quite sorry for you. Don’t bother rebutting. We have a party to attend.”

Hudson’s eyes widened. “You heard the lady.” He took my hand and pulled me with him toward the dock where
The Magnolia
, a two hundred and fifty foot yacht, waited for us.

I squeezed his hand. “That wasn’t so bad.” I needed his reassurance. Needed to know I hadn’t pissed him off.

“It was mostly terrible,” he hissed.

Immediately I felt guilty for my outburst. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“Why? You were the only reason it wasn’t all terrible.”

“Well, then.” My smile widened. “Maybe I should talk to the press more often.”

“Don’t push it.” Hudson’s smile was brief. He quickly returned to his somber mood. After our pleasant day together, I had hoped that his crabbiness was over. Not the case. It was understandable. Dealing with the press and having to attend a big social event were not Hudson’s favorite ways to pass the time.

I, on the other hand, didn’t mind parties. Though I would have been just as happy to watch the show on TV from our bedroom. Or skip the viewing altogether. “Why are we going if you hate these things so much?”

He paused, mid-stride. “Good question. Let’s not go.”

“Hudson…” I tugged at him. Now that I’d gotten all dolled up, we might as well go through with the evening. Besides, even though he didn’t want to be there, I sensed he wouldn’t abandon the Firework Cruise so easily.

He sighed and let me pull him toward the ship. “I’m here because Pierce Industries sponsors this event. I have to go. If I don’t, it reflects poorly on the corporation.”

I put on an exaggerated frown. “Poor Hudson Alexander Pierce. Born into responsibility and obligation. Oh, and money and opportunity.”

He looked at me, an eyebrow raised. “Really?”

“A little, yeah. If you’re going to throw a pity party, H, I’m not planning to attend.” Frankly, I was tired of his cranky mood. I wanted fun Hudson for the evening.

The edges of his mouth relaxed ever so slightly. “I’m not throwing a pity party. It’s impossible for anyone to feel sorry for me when you’re at my side.” He pulled me closer to him so his arm could circle my waist.

“Yeah, that’s why people envy you.”

This got me a smile. “If it’s not, it’s the reason that they should.”

At the end of the dock, a man dressed in naval attire stood waiting by the plank leading to the yacht.

“Good evening, Mr. Pierce. We’re ready to cast off whenever you are, sir.”

Hudson nodded. “Then let’s go.” He motioned me ahead of him, but I heard the man, who I assumed was the captain, whispering something else to Hudson behind me.

I stepped off the plank onto the boat deck then looked back to see Hudson’s expression had grown grim.

“I’d rather not cause a scene,” he said, his voice low. “But have the crew keep an eye out for any trouble.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hudson climbed aboard, putting his hand at the small of my back when he’d reached me.

“Is everything okay?”

“Fine.” His tone was terse.

Dammit. Whatever the captain had said to him seemed to have undone the progress I’d made at ridding Hudson of his bad mood.

I knew from experience that pressing the matter would only make him grumpier. But I couldn’t help myself. “Hudson, honesty and transparency…remember?”

He glared at me for three solid seconds before his features softened. “It’s nothing. An uninvited guest arrived. That’s all.”

I suddenly felt guilty for teasing him about his obligations. Even on a holiday night when he should be enjoying himself, he couldn’t relax. He’d always have to take care of something, manage someone. No wonder these events were such a pain in the ass.

Making up my mind to try to give him the best night possible, I let the subject of the uninvited guest go, even though I was itching to know more of the details. The last thing Hudson needed was me badgering him.

Instead, I worked again to make him more amiable. I leaned into him and whispered, “By the way, I meant to tell you that I got waxed yesterday.” Since he’d been asleep when I got home, I hadn’t gotten a chance to show him. Which was probably best since the recommendation was to wait twenty-four hours after waxing before having sex.

“Waxed?” Hudson said too loudly, his brow furrowed in confusion. Then understanding set in. “Oh.” Immediately his expression lit with interest.

Behind us, a crew member that was helping the captain draw the plank into the ship looked up, obviously also getting my meaning.

Hudson glared at the man, and ushered me further onto the deck with him. “Tell me more.” This time his volume was appropriately quieter.

“I’m talking
waxed
. Like, all the way. Bare.” Normally, I kept a little more than a landing strip. This was the first time since I’d been with Hudson that I’d gone clean.

Hudson’s eyes narrowed as he adjusted himself. “Are you trying to make this the most uncomfortable night of my life?”

“I was trying to give you something to look forward to, Mr. Grumpy Pants.”

“Mr. Strained Pants, I think you mean.”

I laughed. “Is that going to be a problem?”

“For you.” He pulled me against him so that I could feel his erection against my belly. “It’s going to be a long evening. By the time I finally get to be inside you, I’m going to need to be there for a long time. And I don’t expect that I’ll be able to be gentle.”

Okay, wow.
“No complaints here.”

“Good girl.” He stared longingly at my lips, but he didn’t kiss me. Finally, he said, “I’ll try to improve my mood. Let’s go. The sooner the socializing is over, the sooner I can bury my face between your thighs.”

Hudson led me up the stairs to the main deck. I’d never been on a yacht before, but I was pretty sure this one was more luxurious than most. I looked up the side of the boat and counted four decks, plus the mini one that we’d entered on. The deck furniture was simple but in good taste. Amazing taste, actually. At least what I could see of it. Most of it was covered by bodies. Dozens and dozens of bodies. There were at least forty people already in full party mode on this deck. Above me, more people leaned on the deck railings. And we hadn’t even gotten to the inside yet.

I followed Hudson through the throngs of people and inside to a grand lounge. This area was even more packed then the decks. “How many people are here?” I asked.

He nodded at a server across the room who immediately headed our way. “There were two hundred invited. They were each allowed one guest. We only take this many people out for the annual Macy’s fireworks. There are fourteen staterooms, so we’d never actually travel with this many aboard.”

Hudson took two champagne glasses from the server and handed one to me. He clinked his glass to mine before taking a swallow. “Except for a few other important people, we’ll be the only ones sleeping here tonight.”

“Hopefully there won’t be much sleeping.” The bare skin between my thighs was aching for the attention it had been promised.

“You’ll pay for your teasing later.”

Just then, the boat launched smoothly into the river. I grabbed Hudson’s arm to adjust to the motion as the crowd erupted into cheers. The place was utter chaos. Definitely not my boyfriend’s usual type of scene. No wonder he’d been anxious.

We made our way up the grand staircase to an upper level, stopping every so often so that Hudson could greet a guest. He introduced me to all of them, sometimes as his girlfriend, sometimes as the promotions manager of his club. I guessed he chose my title depending on how it would benefit me and my career. Always looking out for me.

The next room we ended up in looked like a large living room. A bar curved around the wall and an abundance of couches and armchairs filled the space. A giant flat-screen TV graced one wall. It was turned onto the telecast of the pre-fireworks show though no one seemed to be paying attention. This room was also crowded, but I heard my name called through the buzz of conversation.

I turned toward the voice and found Hudson’s sister sitting on a couch in the corner. She stood as we approached her, and I bent to embrace the petite woman I’d grown to love nearly as much as her brother. It was amazing how tightly she could hug with her pregnant belly between us.

When she released me, I checked out her dark blue maxi maternity dress. “Mira. You look adorable!”

“Ugh, thanks. I feel like a whale.” She reached to give Hudson a hug, which he tolerated. “Hello, brother. Glad to see you back in the States, though you ruined all my amazing planning.”

Before Hudson had shown up at The Sky Launch on Sunday night, I’d planned to fly to Japan and surprise him. Mira had helped make all the arrangements.

“Not that I’m complaining,” she added before Hudson could respond. “You did good. I’m proud of you.”

Hudson glowered at his little sister. He wasn’t the type to accept praise. And Mira was the type to give it anyway.

I decided to come to Hudson’s rescue before Mira could continue. “Did Adam abandon you?” I looked around for her husband.

“Nah, he’s finding me something nonalcoholic to drink. It’s surprisingly difficult.”

“Ah.” More like he was probably hiding from the crowd. Adam was another antisocial member of the family. At least Hudson knew how to fake it.