The Forbidden (27 page)
Even so, David Yoder’s loss is Nan’s and my gain,
she thought, glad they could receive Rebekah during her plight.
Spending so much time with Caleb’s dearest sister was an unexpected gift.
Sudden hilarity sprang from the second table as a customer told of putting up elderberries for the first time. “I made such a mess. I kept finding purple stains on tea towels and my clothes for months,” the woman confessed.
More ladies chimed in about harvesting and canning “like Plain folk.”
Nellie headed to the door to meet Nan, who was arriving with yet another basket of cookies—hopefully snicker-doodles and chocolate chip.
“Word has it twin babies were separated near here,” one woman said rather loudly, nearly stopping Nellie in her tracks. “The baby boy was taken from his adoptive mother by the biological mom, no less.”
“I heard that, too,” said Miss Bachman. “Evidently the birth mother changed her mind and took the boy back.”
“How awful!” exclaimed another woman.
Nellie felt awkward eavesdropping and was glad for the momentary distraction Nan provided. “Would you mind tending the store with Mamma, following the noon meal?” Nellie asked as they worked side by side behind the counter to unload the basket.
“I’ll have plenty of time, jah.” Nan explained that Rebekah had gone on foot to her job as a mother’s helper for the Amish family less than a mile away.
“What do you think’ll happen with her?” Nellie asked.
Nan looked sober. “You know David Yoder as well as anybody.”
Nodding, Nellie Mae squeezed her sister’s hand, grateful she’d confided her woes to Nan earlier.
Nan returned to the house to put the finishing touches on dinner when the crowd of customers emptied out, closer to the noon hour. Nellie Mae was happy to have a few moments alone with Mamma.
Smoothing her apron, Mamma slipped her hand into her pocket, pulling out two Kapp strings. “I found these on the floor in the cellar, near the wringer washer.”
Ever so sheepish, Nellie was reluctant to own up. “What on earth?”
“You snipped ’em off your sister’s Kapp, ain’t?”
So Mamma knew already. “Jah.” She braced herself for the reprimand. “That’s my doing.”
“Oh, Nellie Mae, you loved Suzy so. Here, keep them close to your heart, or wherever you’d like.”
Wiping tears, she put the Kapp strings safely in her own dress pocket. She would be more careful with them, not wanting to raise eyebrows with Nan or Dat . . . or even Rebekah. “Denki, Mamma,” she whispered, reaching to embrace her. “Denki, ever so much.”
When Chris and Zach arrived home from school, Zach headed up to their room while Chris made his way to the kitchen. He found his dad sitting at the table, listening to the radio and drinking a cup of coffee.
“Where’s Mom?” Chris set down his books and opened the old Frigidaire.
“We’re out of milk.” Dad glanced toward the stairwell.
“Zach barely said a word to me. Everything okay?”
Chris closed the refrigerator, empty-handed, and sat heavily in the chair across from his father.
He knows Zach’s
still taking Suzy’s loss hard. . . .
Neither spoke for a while. Finally Dad set his coffee cup on the saucer. “Things any better these days?”
“Sometimes,” Chris hedged. “Sometimes not.”
Dad took another sip of coffee. “Your mother’s quite worried. She thinks maybe Zach should see our pastor.”
Chris nodded. “He’ll be okay.”
“Do the two of you . . . talk about it?”
“Now and then.” Chris shrugged. “Hasn’t helped much, though.”
His father smiled. “I’ve attempted a few conversations, but Zach seems so closed.”
“He’s always been . . . oh, I don’t know.”
“Independent?” his father chuckled. “And stubborn?”
Another moment passed as he drained his cup. Then he got up and went to the sink. Coming back, he placed his hand
on Chris’s shoulder. “Listen, the two of you have always been close. More than anything, you’ve been the best for him, Chris.”
“His faith is strong.”
“I don’t doubt that.”
Dad headed toward the back door and turned. “He’ll pull out, stronger than before. I’m praying that way.”
“Yeah.”
I hope Zach gets past the worst soon.
A half hour later, Chris was still sitting at the table, thinking . . . praying. Zach came wandering down just as he was about to head upstairs to change into sweats.
“Wondered what happened to you.” Zach pulled some ice cream from the freezer. “Want some?”
Chris gestured toward the seat his father had vacated.
“What?”
“I’ve been thinking . . . about Suzy Fisher.”
Zach dipped into the half-gallon container. “That’s my job.” He scooped ice cream into a bowl. “Last call. Double fudge dip.”
“Seriously, Zach.”
Frowning now, Zach sat down.
Chris took a deep breath. “I need to play older brother for a sec.”
Zach groaned. “Not this again.”
Not wanting to start off on the wrong foot, he paused. Then, he said, “We’re all starting to worry about you.”
“Who? Dad? Worry about what?”
Chris sighed. This wasn’t going so well. He rubbed his chin. “Look, Zach . . . do we really believe the Good News?”
“C’mon, Chris.”
“I mean, sometimes we act like what we believe doesn’t hold up in a world where suffering’s real. Like the Gospel works as long as things are going well, you know?”
Zach’s frown deepened, his jaw clenched. “But you weren’t in love with her, Chris.”
Chris felt the familiar tension between them. He thought of Suzy’s picture, the one Zach continually stared at. “Suzy was a simple Amish girl, right? How do you think she’d feel about that big photo hanging on your bulletin board?”
Zach nodded, glancing out the window. “She wasn’t going to stay Amish.”
“Maybe not. But it’s like you’ve created a shrine or something.”
“I just don’t want to forget her.”
Chris leaned toward his brother and Zach looked away. “Did it ever occur to you that pictures are forbidden by Amish
because
they can become like idols?” Chris locked eyes with his brother. “Maybe you’ve done that with Suzy.”
Zach clenched his teeth again. “I feel
guilty,
okay? That’s not going to go away. She was a lousy swimmer, Chris. We messed up.”
Chris swallowed hard. “Yeah, I know.”
“Well, then—what do you want from me?”
“To do what we ask others to do.”
“What?”
“To accept God’s forgiveness.”
Zach blew out a breath and looked down, shaking his head. At last he nodded, tears falling freely. “All right. I get it. And I’m trying, okay? I’m trying. . . .”
Chris cuffed his brother’s wrist. “Well, don’t try so hard, goof. Stop fighting it. Let God work it out.”
“I need more time,” Zach whispered, swallowing. “It’s not easy.”
“Take all the time you need, but don’t shut me out. And don’t push Mom and Dad away, either.”
Zach sniffed, wiping his eyes. A long moment passed until a trace of a smile crossed his lips. “You know, you can be really annoying sometimes.”
Chris grinned. “ ’Cuz I’m right?”
“No, ’cuz you’re annoying.”
“It’s my birthright, you know. The older brother thing?”
Zach sighed again, his smile fading. “Okay. I’ll take the picture down.”
Chris nodded. “Hey, I just want my brother back.”
Staring hard at his ice cream, Zach said softly, “It’s hard to feel forgiven.”
“I know, man. I know.”
Zach finished eating and then the two of them trudged up the stairs. Chris carried no illusions. Things weren’t going to change overnight, but for the first time in a long time, he sensed a glimmer of hope. The old Zach was definitely not gone for good.
Nellie Mae visited Rosanna again that afternoon and could tell her friend hadn’t slept much, if at all. Her eyes were swollen and red, and the apples of her cheeks were puffy, too.
Rosanna helped Nellie off with her coat. Then Nellie embraced Rosanna and encouraged her to sit down.
Rosanna complied, sitting in one of the chairs near the stove. “Elias went over there again last night. Your father, too, I understand . . .” Her voice was weary.
Nellie nodded.
“Kate and John won’t change their minds. We’re going to wait and see what the bishop says now.”
They sat quietly for a few minutes while Nellie got warmed up. She didn’t want to hold tiny Rosie with such cold hands. Besides, Rosie was sound asleep, and Rosanna was saying how she’d struggled to get her settled since Monday morning, when Kate had left with Eli.
“It’s not like her,” Rosanna said. “Could it be she senses my grief?”
“Guess she might.”
I sure do,
Nellie thought sadly.
“You know I lost babies before, Nellie Mae . . . before they were even born. But this . . .” She sniffled. “Oh, this is the hardest thing, havin’ a babe taken away after he’s been in my arms for nearly two months.”
Nellie’s eyes filled with tears, and she reached over and squeezed Rosanna’s hand. Then she said, “And to hear Mamma’s stories about Thomas and Jeremiah—twins are ever so close. Could be Rosie misses Eli, too.”
“Jah, I think so. Growin’ in the womb together must make them closer than other siblings.”
Nellie remembered all the talk among the English customers earlier. “Some folk say it’s unhealthy to separate twins.”
The words slipped out before she could stop them.
“Oh, I believe I know as much.” Rosanna glanced toward the playpen, which was just out of reach of the woodstove.
“You don’t have to tell me Rosie’s missin’ Eli, in her own way. Either that, or she’s got one fierce case of colic.”
It felt so good to spend time with Rosanna two days in a row, like they had as girls. Under different circumstances, of course, they would be working on a quilt or sewing dresses and aprons all afternoon. She didn’t dare ask if Rosanna had a quilt in the frame, or if the frame was even set up. She
knew better. Lately Rosanna’s time had been wholly spent tending to Eli and Rosie.
Nellie had an idea. “I’ll make supper for you and Elias, if you’d like to go up and rest a bit.”
Rosanna brightened. “Oh, would ya?”
“Whatever I can do to help.”
Rosanna smiled, nodding. She showed her where Rosie’s next bottle was kept in the refrigerator. “The formula is all ready. Just shake it up a bit and warm it on the stove if she wakes up.”
“I’ll look after Rosie. Not to worry.” Shooing her dear friend off for a nap, Nellie watched her amble over to the stairs and climb them slowly.
She’s clearly exhausted.
If her coming could provide Rosanna even a small respite, Nellie was ever so glad.
When Nellie returned home from Rosanna’s that evening, Nan and Rebekah were curled up near the cookstove, reading the Bible Nan and Rhoda had purchased some time ago. Nan encouraged Nellie to join them, but Nellie declined, using as her excuse the recent circle letter. Then, when she had finished updating her cousins on recent happenings, she wrote a private letter to Cousin Treva, as well, hoping to mail both at the same time.
That done, she looked up and found solace in observing Dat and Mamma, their heads together as they read Scripture, like two lovebirds. Dat still read aloud to all of them every night, but increasingly he and Mamma took extra time to study further.
At moments like this, Nellie missed Rhoda the most. Things were out of kilter here without her oldest sister. It seemed strange knowing Rhoda was staying at James and
Martha’s, though Nellie was glad Rhoda was living with family, even if that family had “fallen into the world,” as Dat complained.
She hoped the rumor mill was mistaken and that James hadn’t bought a car like Rhoda had.
If Caleb’s heard there
are two cars in the Fisher family, no wonder he’s pursuing
Susannah!
By midmorning the next day, the fertile farmland, long since buried beneath more than a foot of snow, looked hemmed in by heavy clouds. Nellie Mae pulled on long johns beneath her dress and wore boots and several layers for the jaunt out to get the day’s mail. She breathed ever so lightly on the walk back to the house so that her lungs wouldn’t ache with the below-zero temperatures.
When will all this ice and snow begin to thaw?
Spring would arrive eventually, but a thaw in the attitudes of the People seemed less likely. The impending fate of many still hung in the balance, and they all knew what was coming. Would the split succeed in destroying the unity of families and the community despite Uncle Bishop’s decision to temporarily stay the Bann?
Nellie glanced through the letters as she carried the thick stack of mail toward the house. Her heart leapt up, then sank nearly as fast when she saw Caleb’s handwriting. A sad little groan escaped her. Was he writing to break things off? She must hasten to read this, not waiting as she sometimes had before, wanting to savor his words of devotion.
She looked to see if Mamma might need her at the bakery shop. For a change customers were scarce, so she went to the house and tugged off her boots. Still wearing her coat and scarf, she ran up to her room and closed the door before opening the letter. She scanned it quickly and was relieved to see it was a letter of explanation.
So the encounter with Susannah Lapp had been a requirement of his father’s? What sort of man demanded such things, especially when aware of his son’s love for another?
Despite Caleb’s attempt to explain, she couldn’t dismiss the troubling realization that her beau would do nearly anything for his father’s land. He’d taken a terrible chance with their love, even though things must not have gone well with Susannah or he would have invited her to ride home.
Instead it was Caleb’s sister Rebekah by his side following the Singing that night, not the flirtatious Susannah.
She read the telling line again:
Talking once with Susan
nah was the only way for me to say I’d obeyed my father’s
bidding, something I was anxious to be done with.
As skeptical as she felt about Caleb’s motives, she tried not to cry. She’d spent enough time weeping over Caleb Yoder; loving someone so deeply seemed to involve pain.
