The Forest Ranger's Husband (11 page)

Carl frowned. “So you’re still married?”

Matt didn’t respond. Somehow he knew Andie wouldn’t approve of this line of questions.

Brett interceded by lifting the platter piled high with meat. “I think we’ve got enough food here to get started. Let’s eat.”

Thank you, Brett! Matt met the other man’s gaze and nodded his thanks. Brett smiled in understanding.

“Matt, since you’re the head of your family, would you like to offer a blessing on the food?” Brett asked.

Matt almost fell over flat. He felt the blood drain from his face, and a trembling that had nothing to do with being wet and cold caused his hands to shake. When he glanced at Andie, he saw that she looked as pale as he felt. He didn’t know how to pray. Not out loud anyway. What should he do?

He was about to refuse, but an overwhelming peace gave him added confidence.

You can do this. It’s time you tried.

“Yeah, sure.” He folded his arms, bowed his head and closed his eyes the way he’d seen people at church do. And then he began, a simple prayer thanking the Lord for the bounty they enjoyed each day and asking for a blessing on the meal. No long speech. No frills.

When he finished, everyone lined up at the table, talking happily, enjoying the good food. No one looked at him or seemed to think his prayer too simple and unfit for the Lord.

“Well done,” Brett whispered when he came to retrieve another pile of hot dogs.

“You could have warned me, brother,” Matt said.

Brett shrugged his giant shoulders, his cheeks ruddy from chasing the kids. “If I had, you might have refused.”

Hmm. Matt was learning not to underestimate Brett. Although he meant well, the cheerful man wasn’t stupid. And Matt felt grateful to him. Without Brett, this day would have been miserable. As it was, Matt had thoroughly enjoyed himself. He felt included. Like he belonged here with his family.

“Thanks, Brett.”

“No problem.”

Sometime later, Matt enjoyed a hamburger and hot dog, accompanied by a heaping pile of Andie’s homemade potato salad. When Andie walked by to retrieve more buns, Matt saw his chance. He let her have it. Not too much, of course. He didn’t want to soak her shirt. Instead, he aimed at her legs, and she gasped as the water balloon soaked her calves and sneakers.

“Oh, you!” she gasped.

He just laughed and tossed a second balloon at her.

She yelped and jumped away, but not quickly enough. “No
fair! I should’ve known you’d do something like this. You always get even in water fights.”

A memory flashed through Matt’s mind of a time when they’d gone on a river rafting trip down the Salmon River. They’d had a blast, playing in the water, camping outdoors, snapping pictures of big-horn sheep.

She ran for a water balloon, then chased him, catching him easily because he didn’t try very hard to get away. Why should he run when he wanted her to catch him? Instead, he wrapped his free arm around her, clasping her throwing arm. When he tickled her ribs, her sweet laughter filled his ears. She pushed away and he let her go. What he really wanted to do was hold her tight and kiss her, but he figured little steps were better at this point in their relationship. For the first time in a long time, she’d teased him back, and his heart swelled with joy.

As she sloshed back to the pavilion, she shook her head. The smile on her face brightened Matt’s day like nothing else could.

After lunch, Brett directed the kids in a game of freeze tag and red light, green light. Then they gathered the children and adults in the pavilion. Matt stood next to Andie as she lit the candles on the birthday cake. Her eyes glowed with love for their son. She began to sing “Happy Birthday,” her voice high and sweet. Everyone joined in and before he thought better of it, Matt put his arm around Andie’s back. It was an innocent, spontaneous gesture, but it drew the attention of the adults gathered around. Their curious gazes rested on Matt and Andie, and she tensed. Throwing water balloons at each other was different from this quiet show of affection.

Matt drew away, trying to look casual. Trying not to feel out of place or ashamed for touching his wife in public. For the first time in a long time, he’d felt like he belonged. Now he wasn’t so sure. The barriers still stood between him and
his wife. He couldn’t read Andie anymore. One moment she was laughing and chasing him with a water balloon, the next moment she seemed to pulse with anger.

“Make a wish before you blow out the candles,” Sue told Davie.

“And don’t spit on the cake,” Andie warned with a smile.

The boy closed his eyes and concentrated, then opened his eyes and blew out the candles. Everyone clapped and cheered.

While Matt found a place to sit beneath a crab apple tree and rest his leg, the women served large mounds of cake. Sue brought Matt a piece and gave him a tepid smile.

“Thank you.” He accepted the plate.

“You’re welcome.”

He picked up his fork, but she hesitated beside him and he looked up. “Is something wrong?”

She wrung her hands together, looking nervous. “I owe you an apology. I’m sorry, Matt. For everything. I deleted your messages when you called Andie a few weeks after you left. I thought you would only break her heart again. I’ve told her what I did. But you have to understand, she fell to pieces when you left. With a baby on the way, she didn’t know what to do. You hurt her. Badly. And I just couldn’t stand the thought of seeing her hurt again.”

He closed his eyes for the count of two. She’d erased the evidence that he’d called Andie. That he’d made a small attempt at reconciliation. But it didn’t matter anymore. Two small phone calls weren’t enough to exonerate him from abandoning his wife. He should have done much more. Coming home to Andie should have been his first priority. At the very least, he should have tried to call Andie again and again until she answered, but he hadn’t. He’d stopped trying.

He met Sue’s gaze with all the intensity he could muster. “You needn’t worry, Sue. I’ll never leave Andie again, no matter what. Not ever.”

“I hope not. Brett has helped me see that it’s not my place to judge you. Andie’s been happier since you returned, no matter what she says. I can’t explain the difference. It’s like she’s come back to life. And I started thinking how I’d feel if I lost Brett. You can’t love each other and create a child together and just look the other way. You and Andie need to work out your problems together with the Lord. I won’t intercede in your marriage again.”

Whew! What a large concession coming from Sue.

“I appreciate that.” What else could he say? Things were difficult enough between him and Andie without him also having to fend off his sister-in-law. If God could soften Sue’s heart, He could surely soften Andie.

Susan turned toward the pavilion, but then stopped, tilted her head and gave him a sidelong look. “But if you hurt my sister again, I’ll hunt you down like a mangy dog.”

His mouth dropped open in surprise. She simply smiled sweetly and left him there to eat his cake in silence. As he watched her go, he chuckled to himself. And then he thought about what she’d said.

Andie was happier with his return. Could it be true? Maybe he still had a chance, in spite of her anxious expressions whenever her friends were around.

Please help me, Lord. If You really exist, please help me show Andie that I’m truly sorry and deserve a second chance.

Again, his silent prayer was simple, with no embellishments. A pure expression of the desires in his heart. If only God could soften Andie’s anger. If only she’d give him a second chance, he’d spend the rest of eternity striving to make her happy.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Andie rolled up a plastic tablecloth before stuffing it and a pile of used paper plates
and cups into a large, black garbage bag Matt held open for her.

Brett was carrying a cooler to the car while Sue had taken Rose to the restroom to change her diaper. Davie was occupied on the other end of the pavilion with his new gifts.

“Done what?” Matt asked.

She didn’t look at him. “Put your arm around me or hugged me.”

“We were having a water fight, sweetheart.”

“And you shouldn’t call me sweetheart.” She continued busying herself with cleaning up. How could he have put his arm around her in front of all her friends and family? She’d seen their looks of surprised curiosity. She was tired of people asking and having to explain her relationship with Matt. And she didn’t want to tell them how he’d left her years ago. Or how he’d broken her heart and then returned to her life. Instead, she’d just have to tell them it wasn’t their business. She had no intention of airing her marriage problems to other people.

He placed a finger beneath her chin and tilted her face so she gazed into his eyes. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, Andie. I didn’t even think before I put my arm around you. I was just having fun with my family.”

She pulled away, knowing it wasn’t Christian to feel angry about what he’d done, but she did. She’d had a lot of fun with him today, and she didn’t want to feel this way. “That’s just the problem. You didn’t think. Most of my friends believe I’m divorced.”

“But we’re not. You’re my wife, Andie.”

She tried to ignore the look of sadness in his eyes, which made her feel even worse. “In name only.”

“Not to me. You’ll always be my dear wife.”

The shattered look in his eyes wrenched her heart. For years she’d wanted nothing more than to hurt him the way
he’d hurt her. Now she felt childish and ugly inside for causing him pain.

She moved away, jerking streamers of crepe paper and balloons off the wood siding of the pavilion. He shook out another garbage bag and followed her, his presence a cloying reminder of her own flaws. He didn’t limp as much as usual. After a busy day of running around the park, she would have expected him to be in a lot of pain. Obviously his leg was getting better.

Who was she to criticize him when she had so many failings? He’d been trying so hard to be there for her and Davie. And yet she still couldn’t find it within her heart to let him in all the way.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you, Andie.” His voice carried a sincere tone she couldn’t deny.

“I know. Let’s just drop it, okay?”

What was wrong with her? She didn’t understand. She’d made room in her life for Matt to be a father to Davie. She admitted to herself that she still cared for Matt. How could she not? She knew he wanted more, but she didn’t know if she could give him that. Not now. Maybe never.

A
ndie collapsed into the overstuffed chair in her living room and heaved an exhausted sigh. Thank goodness Davie’s birthday came only once a year. The party in the park had gone off without a hitch and they’d had a fun time, but it’d been tiring work. She’d gratefully accepted the help of Susan, Brett and Matt.

Matt. Despite her harsh words at the end, she couldn’t help smiling at the way he’d come prepared for a water fight. She should have known he’d bring a water pistol. She’d laughed so hard her sides ached. And then he’d put his arm around her. The touch of his hands on her arms ignited memories of love, which reminded her that he’d abandoned her once. She felt torn in two different directions. How could she love a man she also hated?

She stared at the pile of gifts Davie had received, most of them from Matt. A microscope, digital reader, telescope, walkie-talkies and a cookie bouquet with balloon-shaped cookies decorated with colorful frosting. All gifts from Matt.

When she and Davie had arrived home two hours earlier, they’d discovered an aquarium of fish set up in Davie’s bedroom. No doubt Matt had found the spare key she kept hidden
in a potted plant at the back door. He’d remembered where she kept it. He still seemed to know so much about her.

And he’d spoiled Davie rotten. To top it off, Davie had confided to her his birthday wish. He wanted his mom and daddy to get back together again.

Shaking her head, she draped an afghan over her shoulders and curled her legs beneath her. Sue had confessed about erasing Matt’s phone messages years earlier. Two small phone calls. That’s all. Yet it was more than she’d done. At least he’d picked up the phone and called her.

The music box he’d given her many weeks ago lay in her lap. She’d retrieved it from the top of her closet, not really knowing why she got it out. As she lifted the lid and listened to their love song, she sang along softly. Memories flooded her mind. Matt raking leaves in their front yard, working on the car and kissing her beneath the mistletoe on Christmas Eve. She missed the intimacy they’d once shared as much as the camaraderie.

When Sue had told her about the voicemails, Andie didn’t have the heart to refuse her sister’s apology. They all needed forgiveness. Andie didn’t want to carry a grudge around in her heart against her loved ones. Not when she had so many faults of her own. Who was she to withhold her forgiveness from her family members?

From Matt?

Most of her friends now knew she and Matt were still married. Carol Gardner had been to Andie’s house numerous times when she brought her son, Ronnie, over to play with Davie. The woman knew Andie and Davie lived alone. Yet Andie was still married. With her forward manner, Carol had bluntly asked Andie if she was separated from Matt. To which Andie had made a pretense of dropping a plate of food so she could pretend not to hear the question.

Andie groaned. She had no desire to answer her friends’
unasked questions about her marriage to Matt. It wasn’t their business.

Laying her head back against the chair, Andie picked up the remote and flipped on the TV to watch the news. She’d just put Davie to bed and realized they had church tomorrow.

Matt would probably be at church, but that didn’t bother her anymore. Ever since that first difficult Sunday when Matt had shown up unexpectedly, she’d decided she kind of liked him sitting on the bench beside her and Davie. It provided a good example for Davie. It also gave Andie an odd sense of security and peace…until church ended, and she faced going home alone with Davie.

No one doubted Davie adored his daddy. The boy had even started gesturing and crossing his little legs like his father. More and more, Davie’s smile and expressions reminded her of Matt. Even Sue seemed to be getting along well with him.

So why didn’t Andie want to go to church? Yes, she was tired. But a good night’s sleep should cure that problem.

No, this went deeper, into her soul. To her relationship with her Heavenly Father. In all honesty, Andie didn’t feel worthy of God anymore. Over the years, she’d pulled away from the Lord, filling her heart with anger and self-pity. She realized she’d crowded God out, and she longed to change that. To rebuild her faith in the Lord.

It wouldn’t be easy to begin. First, she’d need to ask the Lord for forgiveness. Then she’d need to forgive Matt. Even if they never got back together, she had to forgive her husband and let her anger go. She couldn’t carry it around inside anymore. It’d gotten too heavy to bear. She wanted to let it go, but did she dare? If she forgave Matt, she would have to recognize that she loved him still. She’d always loved him. And that created a new dilemma.

Trust.

She would need to start trusting Matt again. Frankly, it
had been more than difficult being a single mother, even with Sue’s help. For years, she’d hungered for the closeness she’d once shared with her husband. She couldn’t say how much she’d missed his strength and support, both emotional and physical. But how did she dare trust him enough to tell him how she felt or let him back into her heart? What assurances did she have that he wouldn’t abandon her and Davie again?

None. And that scared her most of all.

“Matt, this is Andie. When you get this message, can you call me as soon as possible? I have a small problem and need your help.”

Matt pressed the save button on his cell phone, then promptly dialed Andie’s work number. This was a first. She needed his help.

Sitting back in his office chair, he glanced at the clock on the wall and listened to the ring tone. Two-fifteen on a Friday afternoon. Her call had come in twenty minutes ago, while he was in a staff meeting. A giddy feeling of euphoria crowded his heart. Except for the day Davie ran away, this was the first time she’d called him. What would cause her to ask him for help?

“Hello.” She sounded breathless.

“Hi, Andie. It’s Matt. What’s up?”

“Oh, Matt. Thanks for calling back. I’ve been called out on a small brush fire.”

He tensed, wishing she didn’t have to work on any wildfires, but knowing it was her job. “Anything serious?”

“No, but I don’t have anyone to pick up Davie from school at three. Sue and Brett left town early this morning to visit his brother for a few days. Are you able to get time off work to take care of Davie—?”

“You bet. Am I on the list at school as someone who can pick him up?”

“Yes. I just went by and took care of it, so they shouldn’t hassle you. But they may ask you for ID.”

Wow! Maybe she was finally starting to trust him after all. “Thanks—any idea how long you’ll be gone?”

“It shouldn’t be more than a day. It’s just two hundred acres, but you know how small fires can escalate into big ones. You can stay at my house, if that’d make things easier for you. All of Davie’s clothes and toys are there. There’s plenty of food. Can you fix him a decent dinner?”

“Of course. Pizza hits all the main food groups.” He chuckled, unable to ignore a buzz of excitement. This was the first time she’d let him visit Davie without supervision, and he was determined not to let her down.

“I don’t think so.”

“Sure, pizza has pineapple, which is fruit, and onion and peppers, which are veggies.”

“Davie will just pick all of that off. How about adding a can of string beans?”

“I was thinking about eating in a restaurant. Will the salad bar work if I talk him into eating some carrots?”

She hesitated before relenting. “Well, it is a Friday night. I’m sure Davie would love to get pizza with his daddy.”

He caught a bit of humor in her tone and couldn’t help feeling like they’d made a lot of headway today. He was going to enjoy a boys’ night out with his son. “Don’t worry, Andie. I’ll take good care of our boy.”

She paused. “If you have an emergency, our list of doctors is on the corkboard by the phone in the kitchen. They have my insurance information on file. I’ve got to go.”

“Okay. And Andie? You take care out there, will you? I want you to come home safe.”

“Of course.”

“Good. I’ll see you when you get home.”

“Bye.”

He waited for her to hang up before he did so. He’d wanted to tell her he loved her, but figured that was pushing things. He didn’t want her to go. A feeling of absolute terror clogged his chest, making it difficult to breathe. What if something went wrong? What if she were hurt out there?

As it was, he couldn’t wait to pick up Davie. Looking at the clock again, he realized he had just enough time to finish the report he’d been working on, let Cal and the front receptionist know why he was taking off a bit early today, then drive over to Davie’s school.

Maybe they’d catch a movie tonight. He wondered what was playing at the theater in town. If it was a grown-up picture, he might take Davie over to the video rental store to pick up something for kids. If all else failed, pizza and a baseball game always hit the spot. He’d been working hard on the treadmill and figured he could afford one day off from his exercises to spend time with his son. His work-capacity test was in two weeks and he’d be ready.

After turning off his computer, he walked outside to the parking lot. No cane. Barely a limp. Not much pain. Truly God had blessed him in his recovery. He felt euphoric, like he could conquer the world. The Lord had performed a miracle for him, bringing him home to his family. Now if he could just forget about the wildfire and win over Andie, he’d be a happy man.

The drive to Davie’s school took less than ten minutes. He arrived just as the final bell rang. Inside the office, he reported to the receptionist.

“So you’re Davie’s father. Your wife told us you’d be by. Let me call Davie for you.” She picked up the phone and dialed what Matt assumed must be Davie’s kindergarten room.

Had Andie told the receptionist she was his wife? Or was
the receptionist assuming? He almost asked, but didn’t want to create fodder for gossip.

Matt stepped over by the door to wait. He felt nervous, unable to get Andie off his mind. He hated the thought that she might be hurt on the wildfire. He flipped open his cell phone, thinking to call her just to check in, but knew now wasn’t the time to distract her from her job. She was a highly trained professional and knew what she was doing. But he’d been highly trained also, and look where that had gotten him.

No, he couldn’t bother her right now. He pocketed his phone, determined to be patient. But he couldn’t help saying a silent prayer and holding it there in his heart until she came home safe.

Children swarmed the hallway, some dragging their jackets behind them, others carrying lunch pails and books. Their happy chatter filled the hall. It felt odd, yet comfortable to be in a school waiting for his son.

“Dad!”

Matt turned as Davie launched into his arms. At the age of six, Davie wasn’t embarrassed by hugs and kisses. Yet.

Matt squeezed his son, enjoying the show of physical affection while he could. “Hi, hotshot. How was school today?”

“Great! Where’s Mom?” He wore his jacket zipped up to his chin and carried a handful of papers with his name scrawled at the top along with smiley faces and gold stars.

Davie took Matt’s hand as they walked outside. “She’s been called out on a wildfire, so she asked me to pick you up. How do you feel about pizza and a movie tonight?”

“Yeah!” Davie punched the air with his free hand.

The rest of the evening was indescribable for Matt. They laughed, ate pizza and ice cream, played video games and watched a movie. True to his word, Matt ensured Davie ate three carrot sticks and several wedges of apple. Davie fell asleep snuggled beneath a blanket against Matt’s side on
the couch in Andie’s living room. Right where Matt wanted to be.

Around midnight, Matt carried Davie to his bed. In spite of the fatigue weighing his body, Matt’s mind remained active. For some reason, Andie being on a wildfire troubled him more than he could say. What if the winds changed and she was caught in the fire? All sorts of horrific scenarios played out in his mind, making him shake with fear. He couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not ever.

His thoughts returned to the wildfire that had taken the life of his crewman. Night had become his enemy, haunting him with what had happened and what he should have done differently.

In spite of the cool night air, sweat beaded on his brow and his hands trembled. How he wished Andie was home safe instead of out fighting fire.

He prowled the house, feeling closer to Andie as he skimmed his fingers across her bottles of perfume, hair-brush and pictures of her laughing with their son. Someday he hoped she included pictures of him on top of her dresser. As he concentrated on these tangible items, he was able to calm his troubled mind. Surprised appreciation filled him when he saw the music box he’d given to her sitting on the nightstand beside her bed. At least she hadn’t thrown it away.

In the bathroom, he noticed the laundry basket filled with dirty clothes. Andie worked hard. Since he couldn’t sleep, maybe he could make himself useful.

Picking up the basket, he carried it to the laundry room and started a load of clothes in the washer. By 3:00 a.m., he’d completed two loads and finally felt drowsy. Out of respect for his wife, he opted to sleep on the couch.

Davie awakened him once in the night, asking for a glass of water. While Matt got a cup, the boy stood in his pajamas and bare feet in the glow of the night-light and rubbed his
weary eyes. Matt’s heart squeezed. How he loved this innocent child. How he loved his beautiful wife for giving him this wonderful gift.

“Here you go, sweetheart.” Matt handed the cup to the boy, then rubbed Davie’s back while he gulped the water down.

Davie handed the cup back to Matt and murmured sleepily, “Thanks, Dad.”

The boy turned and padded back to his room with Matt following. After Davie climbed into bed, Matt covered him up with a blanket and kissed his forehead.

“Daddy?”

Matt paused at the door, peering at his son through the dark. “Yes, son?”

“I’m glad you’re here.” Davie yawned and rolled over, his gentle breathing filling the silence.