The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (9 page)

I reached into the bag and picked up a loaf with sesame seeds baked into it. It cracked a little as I squeezed it. I should not worry myself so. These were concerns for my sisters. Merytaten was observant and smart. She would make a great leader. It was in her blood.

I breathed easy, content that would never have to be me, and flung a loaf to the hungry crowd below. I wondered what I looked like to those far below us.

O My Heart,
Which I Had Upon Earth
1322 B.C
.

Hunting was ripe this season. It was our favorite time of the year to spend together. I could see the animals outside grazing, all plentiful and fat. Fishing was a favorite of mine as well as hunting birds. We had spent wonderful days together out on the Nile, the river rocking us gently like a mother holding a newborn baby. Being out on the river felt like a natural extension of life. It was a magical time where the wildlife would be tamed by our skills with a bow and throw stick.

I had become quite skilled with the throw stick. To throw the weapon at just the right angle as to hit a bird in motion was a thrill like none other. I liked to think that my skills had bested my beloved’s, but he could have been only letting me have the moment. He was thoughtful to me in so many ways.

There were throw sticks that would return back after a throw, their design more curved in nature, but these were not used for hunting. Instead, we liked to see who could throw them out the farthest over the Nile. Catching them on return proved difficult at first, but I was sure I would have it down by this season’s hunt. I had wanted to impress Tutankhamun out on our reed-spun raft. I had been practicing outside since his departure for war. I had been so excited to surprise him and for him to see my improvement. Yet here I found myself a year later, alone, with slices of wood resting in my hands inciting fantasies.

I was probably just kidding myself. We had parted as strangers would. I had hoped when he returned, things would be like before. But with the death of our baby girl, it was as if our connection had fallen into Duat as well. Those memories we shared with laughter being our song seemed as if they belonged to someone else. We were not those children anymore. We had aged. Our innocence had been shredded. Our melodies had faded into the night’s unforgiving darkness.

We had a great collection of throw sticks made especially for us when our hunting trips were beginning. Some were engraved so beautifully that I did not want to smear bird organs and blood all over them or risk losing them to a poorly timed throw over the river, so I kept them in my bedchamber as decorations. Often I would now find myself tracing all the carving marks with my fingers, so fine and so precise were the lines.

This had become a season of politicking. I had to make sure General Horemheb did not claim the throne. I did not trust him or my grandfather, Ay. And Ay was the immediate danger. Horemheb was still traveling back with my husband’s body. I had no doubt that his stake on me would be just as strong; the military would be behind him. Ay had the priests though. I could not fathom what would happen when Horemheb returned. In my dreams, I was standing alone on a crumbling pedestal. Each of the men would push on the sides, teetering me back and forth between them. Each of them held a blade in their hands ready to strike if I got too close. I would wake up with a sickness cramping up my belly.

Was my Tutankhamun’s death merely an ill break of his leg? I thought there was more to the story. His chariots were strong and carefully tested before each march against the Hittites. But initial reports that had come back stated that his chariot’s wheel broke. How? How could it suddenly break and toss him heartlessly into a slow, creeping, and deathly infection?

I could only wonder. I could never say.

We had so looked forward to our children throwing with us, my grand pharaoh teaching them precision with a bow and myself with the throw stick. Our child was to arrive at the start of our favorite season, but she came too soon and without enough breath in her tiny body. My family seemed cursed with stillborn babies.

So full of remorse was my husband that he left to fight against the only people he could.

And it killed him…

Chapter Three

Behold the Aten

1338 B.C.

I woke up screaming, but this did little to scare away my dream.

The slaves quickly went to get a nurse. My mother arrived first. She walked into the room and sat next to me on my bed. I was shocked when my eyes beheld her face for I could not figure out why she was still awake. Her eyes looked as though they were not colored with sleep. The surprise quickly wore away, and I reached around my mother to hold her tight, feeling her flesh and blood to remind myself that I was back in my home. I laid my head on the top of her belly swollen with child.

“My darling, why were you screaming?” she asked, her voice smooth like the finest-woven flax.

“I saw a woman in my dreams. I have never seen her before.”

“Why should this woman scare you?”

“She was not a woman at first…” I sat back and looked up at her face, “…she changed into one. And I was afraid my ka would not escape. She held me captive!”

Mother ran her fingers through the loose hair on the side of my head, “Please, tell me of your dream. Sometimes our God will speak to us through dreams. Sometimes telling them releases the fears. Let your fear go, my sweet girl.”

It was not often I had these moments anymore with my mother. When I was younger, she and Father spent what time they could with us. There had been much laughter between us. It is what inspired my father to suggest such intimate carvings to our stonemasons. But as we grew, the laughter had seemed to evaporate from my parents’ lips. Their faces became lined, and their closeness seemed to drift away like clouds breaking in the sky, the arms of Aten pushing them apart.

I took in a deep breath as I remembered. It was so clear, and I told my mother everything.

I had been standing in marshlands though it was not in our city. It was somewhere else. The buildings in the distance looked much older. The paint was fading, and there were chips in the stonework. I started walking toward what looked like a palace, only it was in ruins the further inside it I got. I could see a bright light as if Aten had sat down right in the middle of the overgrown courtyard. The rest of the sky was night, but the stars were dull and muted above me.

As I crossed under an arched gateway and into an overgrown garden, there was a great beast waiting for me. The beast looked similar to a cow but was far too large to be one. Its horns were long and sharp. And there was a round, shining disc in between those spiked horns, which was the light I had seen. Wrapped around the disc was a snake. Its head reared up when it saw me and hissed as I approached. It looked like the snake from Father’s crown, but this one looked at me with real eyes and not ones made from jewels.

I was about to turn around and run when lotus blossoms sprang up from underneath my feet and wrapped themselves around my legs. The marshlands were coming alive where I stood. I could feel an earthy touch slither up my skin underneath my sheath. I was terrified, but I could not move or even speak. The lotuses grew further up my legs, then wrapped themselves around my hips and circled my belly, stopping there. When I looked down at them, their blossoms were the most beautiful and delicate I had ever seen. As the scent caught my nostrils, its fragrance calmed my heart.

I noticed morning dew sprinkled about their petals as I watched them rock on a gentle breeze. As the breeze picked up, it caressed my body and my face. I then realized I no longer wore a youth lock. I had long black hair that was layered in multiple ringlets and interlaced with silver, the Gods’ bones! It was the rarest of metals.

Then I felt a pain in my belly. As I touched where the pain came from, I felt my stomach expand. Suddenly I appeared ripe with child. I could feel something move within me. How could this be? It was then that the animal spoke to me.

“Young princess, everything is about to change.”

When I looked at her, the cow form began to wither away. On the ground instead was a long woman, the cow skin slipping away from her body like it was made from honey melting in the hot light of day. When she stood up, the horns were still on her head and were sprouting out from her soft hair. She had on a dress that was the deepest crimson which flowed down from beneath her henna-colored breasts. Her straight hair framed her face. It was a face that was so smooth and perfect it looked as if it was made of alabaster. Her lips were plump and so red color in color they looked like they were ochre instead of flesh. Her eyes were shining. They were bright as if they were made of stars. I found I could not look directly at her.

Then she spoke to me again, “You will come to know me one day. I present myself now to tell you that everything is about to change. You will feel love and pain like you have never felt. It will fill you with unimaginable joy and make you want to cry out in terror.”

I tried to speak, but my lips would not part. Had the lotuses sewn them together?

“I will protect you as long as I can, but he will claim you for himself. He will forget your past and only think of his future.”

I did not understand. I shook my head, trying to loosen my tongue or move my lips.

“One is coming. Her blade is sharpened by loss and anger, and she will cleave through your walls. Be warned. Hold close to those who look into your eyes without fear.”

Suddenly my swollen belly cramped up.

“I am sorry.” Then the woman turned around. Ra’s Great River which rippled in the night sky flowed down to her feet. It looked as if it rode down on the breeze, floating to the earth like a feather caught up in the winds. It was darker than the Nile and blinking at me with a thousand eyes. She began to walk up it to the heavens using the lights as her staircase. As she stepped upon each one, the light appeared to be absorbed into her feet. All the sky’s illumination was fading away.

It was then that I felt a moistness between my legs. I looked down, and there was blood. It was all around my feet. The flowers wilted. My feet were stained red. Then the light left my eyes.

And that was when I had screamed.

Just as I had finished retelling the story, the doors to my room burst open as Maia rushed in, one of the few nurses who slept in the palace. She stopped when she saw my mother sitting next to me. She fell to the ground and began to apologize for her tardiness.

“You may go back to your rest, Maia. I will watch over my daughter tonight. I’m sure your needs are great with Pharaoh’s son.”

Looking up at my mother, I felt tears drain from my eyes. As Maia quietly got up and left, mother looked down and caressed my cheeks. It almost felt like the breeze in my dreams. When my doors again closed, she spoke.

“I should not tell you this, but you have seen a goddess that has been denounced by your father. Her name is Hathor. But despite Pharaoh’s ban of her worship, she has continued to bless me with lovely daughters.”

“Who is she?”

“She is made from love, beauty, music, motherhood, and joy. She is the guardian for all women. Now listen to me, my little one, you cannot speak of this dream to anyone.”

“There are other gods?”

“There is one god in this city. That is all you need to know. The other gods have left us.” She replied sadly.

“But I don’t understand. What does she mean she will protect me as long as she can?”

Mother did not respond to my inquiry. “Men took over the temples. They were driven by gold and not by their god. Pharaoh wisely saw this and has freed us from their corruption. The gods were lost by man, and so in return they left us. They began to leave our lands after Pharaoh’s brother and first heir to the throne departed. And please do not ask me anymore of that.” Mother looked at my bed, then at my clothes. “You dreamed of blood, yet I do not see it on your bed sheets. You are not a woman yet. Perhaps she has intervened.”

“What do you mean?” I felt hopelessly lost as if trapped in a sandstorm, the earth swirling about me and blinding my sight from all clarity.

“Your first blood has not come as you dreamed it. Perhaps it has been taken from you for now.”

I was beginning to feel the stirrings of womanhood, but I had not become one yet. I found myself disappointed. Then I remembered something.

With my heart pounding furiously, I told her more, “Mother, I met someone at the market. He told me a story about his mother. I touched him as my nurse comforts me. Meket was mad at me, but his story was so sad. He has no mother. I hugged him and felt his breath on my neck, and my face went all red when I felt it. What does this mean?”

Mother looked down at me seriously. “If this was Merytaten talking to me, she would be punished for such behavior. And while you are not Mayati, you
are
still the future of this kingdom. You have seen a boy, you felt a connection with him, and you showed him kindness. For that, I am happy. Aten would be pleased by your compassion. But you also felt something from your heart. Something that usually stays bound until your first blood comes. And because you are a princess, you should not see him again.”

Mother’s look softened. “Have I ever told you, you look so much like my mother… I look at you and am happy when I see your face.”

I had never met my grandmother as she had passed into the Afterlife before I was born. The thought that we were connected in some way warmed my heart, and she wiped a tear trailing down my cheek with her thumb. “I know that when you are meant to become a woman, you will be a beautiful one. You will have so many suitors. Don’t rush into this just yet.”

As the pieces seemed to connect together, a new idea struck me, “Was it love, mother?”

She laughed softly at my question. “No, darling, it was something much less powerful. But it could grow into love, and that is why I must ask you not to see him again. It is not the path of a princess.”

My heart sank a little, and I decided not to tell her that he was the son of the jeweler Meketaten had gotten her bracelet from. I still had to apologize for embarrassing him. I felt terrible for the way Meketaten had snapped at us. After I had accomplished this, then I would tell her.