The Fountains of Silence (51 page)

139

Daniel watches Ana’s graceful steps and bright smile. He would follow her to Retiro Park or through a seam in space. He feels like he already has. And suddenly, it all feels worth it.

By the time they arrive at the park, their conversational ease is reestablished. They hold hands as if they never parted.

“Since Nick and Ruth are at the Prado with your sister, I thought this would be convenient. It’s very close.”

“Yes, I want you to meet Cristina.”

Ana’s lips give a small smile. “Let’s find a quiet spot to talk. It’s such a beautiful afternoon.”

The sun shines amidst a clear blue sky. Ana leads him to the El Parterre section of the park and chooses a bench under a bouquet of sculpted cypress trees.

“I’m sorry. I can’t stop looking at you.” She laughs, putting her hand on the side of his face. “Yes, you’re older, but you look the same.” She weaves her fingers up the back of his neck. “Your hair’s a bit longer.”

Her hand on his neck is silent yet breaking. “You look the same too. Better.”

“No more gold tooth. That was a happy day,” she says.

“Have you had a lot of happy days?”

“Some. I’m lucky for the ones I have. After you left, I got a job. Do you remember Paco Lobo?”

“The quiet man who lived at the hotel and adopted a village?”

“Lives at the hotel,” corrects Ana.

“Still?”

“Yes. Paco needed a bilingual assistant for a project team. He hired me and put me through business school.”

“That’s fantastic! That guy was a mystery to me. I couldn’t figure out if he was retired or what business he was in.”

“Ben didn’t tell you?” Ana’s voice drops to a whisper. “Paco hunted Nazis.”

“What?”

“After the war, some Nazis received new identities in Spain. Paco came to track them down and report their locations. He reported to Ben and Ben reported to someone in New York. Speaking of Ben, I was so sad to hear of his passing.”

The mention of Ben calls emotion to the surface. “Yes. It was so unexpected, just knocked me to my knees. We’d grown close over the years and he was a great mentor. He even visited me on overseas assignments. I had just seen him the month prior.”

Ana nods. “I’ve always wondered if Ben was responsible for Paco hiring me.”

They sit, silent in the memory of Ben. Ana softly traces her finger across a large, angry scar on Daniel’s forearm. “That’s new.”

“Not recent, but new since we last saw each other. I don’t mind admitting, that one hurt. It cut straight through to the bone. Twenty-two stitches and two infections.”

Ana lifts his arm and kisses it. She then takes both of his hands. “Daniel, your mother. I’m so sorry.”

He nods, the electricity of Ana lingering on his arm. “Thank you. Mom’s death wasn’t a surprise, like Ben’s. I was able to spend time with her. She was sick for several years, in and out of treatment, always trying to hide it. Cristina was just twelve when Mom died. My father was completely lost. I stayed home after the funeral
to pitch in. He begged me to move back to Dallas to help with my sister.”

“Did you want to move back?” asks Ana.

“Initially no. But I knew it’s what my mom would have wanted. So, I left the magazine, became second father to a teenage girl, and now work with Dad in oil. It sounds crazy, even as I hear myself describe it.”

She holds both his hands and heart, full of compassion.

“But, Ana, what about you?”

“Ask me anything. I think we’ve waited long enough. And just in case you’re curious, no, I’ve never dated Nick,” she laughs. “Admit it, you were wondering.”

“Well, maybe.” He smiles. She knows him so completely and he loves it. “Do you still live in Vallecas?”

“No, I live in the city now. But I still live with Julia’s family. Do you live with your dad on the estate?”

Daniel shakes his head. “I have a place of my own nearby.”

He looks at her face, so open and eager to talk. “Rafa?” he asks.

She takes a breath, smiling. “Rafa works for the Las Ventas arena. He loves his job. He married the sister of a bullfighter and they have three beautiful children. Rafa still lives in Vallecas. It’s changed quite a bit but Rafa would never leave. He helped build a new church there.”

“And your cousin? What was her name?”

Ana gives an awkward chuckle. “Puri. Yes, Purificación is well.”

She adjusts her posture and again takes his hands. A bird chirps from the tree above. “We’ve been apart for so long. Much has changed in Spain over the years. Since the 1940s each decade has been different. Now that Franco’s dead I don’t know if anyone outside of Spain could ever understand what it was like. It’s so complicated.”

She looks into his eyes. “Daniel, I was so foolish. I pushed you away. I said that you could never understand me, yet years have passed and I think you’re the only person I can truly feel myself with. You
saw my life. You saw my fear. You do understand me. I’ve imagined and dreamed of being able to speak to you. To apologize and set things right.”

“Trust me,” he says, brushing a lock of hair from her eyes. “At this moment everything feels really right.”

She shakes her head. “Not exactly. There’s something you don’t know.”

Certainly, there is an argument to be made that, because of our close association with Franco, the kinds of economic and financial support that we’d given Spain, in return for the bases, we had prolonged the Franco period. It might have died a more natural death, in the minds of many people in Spain, if we’d not been there to support that structure. But you had the whole spectrum of views on the U.S. role.

—C
URTIS
C. C
UTTER
, U.S. political officer, Madrid (1970–1972)

Oral History Interview Excerpt, February 1992

Foreign Affairs Oral History Collection

Association for Diplomatic Studies and Training

Arlington, VA www.adst.org

140

Ana shakes her hands out in front of her. “I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous. Just tell me.”

She takes a breath, gathering strength, and begins to whisper. “This was many years ago and I’m not sure you’ll even remember. But Rafa told me that you took photos at the cemetery.”

Daniel nods, remembering his pictures. The picture of the nun with the dead baby anchored his winning contest entry for the Magnum. He tried to share the story of the empty baby coffins with news outlets in the U.S. but no one seemed interested.

“Fuga convinced Rafa that children of Spanish Republicans were being stolen from maternity clinics around Spain. They suspected children were sold to fascist families.”

Ana looks over each shoulder, making certain no one is nearby. “But what they didn’t know is that it involved my sister, Julia.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Julia was pregnant,” begins Ana.

“What do you mean? I took pictures of her baby,” says Daniel.

“You took pictures of one of her babies,” whispers Ana, trying to bind her emotion. “Julia had twins. The birth was premature. Both infants were small, but one was stronger than the other. The doctors told Julia and Antonio that one of the babies had died. They both had deep suspicions but were too frightened to speak of it. The nuns and doctors were so adamant, and given that our parents were considered Reds, Julia was fearful to say anything.”

“Are you saying they stole Julia’s baby?”

Ana nods.

“Jeez,” breathes Daniel, pulling Ana into his arms. “And how is Julia’s daughter now?”

“Lali, she’s okay. When she was little, she had a terrible phobia of being separated from Julia. Growing up in Vallecas had its challenges. I have a recent photo of her . . . but I’m not sure I should show it to you.”

“I’d like to see it.”

Ana opens her mouth to speak but then shakes her head. She leans in to Daniel and kisses him. “I’ve missed you so much, you could never imagine how I’ve felt.”

“Believe me, I can.”

“I don’t want to ruin things.” A tear falls across her face. “But there can’t be any secrets between us.”

“Ana, why are you crying? You won’t ruin things.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” he assures her.

She nods, choking back tears, and reaches in her purse. She hands a photograph to Daniel. “This is Lali.”

Daniel looks at the photo. It’s not Lali. It’s his sister, Cristina.

141

Daniel stares at the photo. “I don’t understand. This is my sister.”

“No, that’s Lali. Your sister is Lali’s twin.”

Daniel leans back against the bench, trying to absorb what Ana’s telling him. Cristina is a twin. Cristina is Julia’s daughter. His parents adopted Julia and Antonio’s daughter? He’s in love with his sister’s aunt?

“Daniel?”

“I’m sorry.” He pauses. “I’m completely thrown for a loop. Of course I knew she was adopted, and I figured one day she might wonder about her birth parents.”

“No, you can’t tell her. Please, not yet. This is complicated. I’ve known of Julia’s suspicions for years—that she thought Lali’s twin was alive—but Rafa doesn’t know.”

He stares at the photo.

“Daniel, please think carefully. No one knows how Spain will transition, if things will change or stay the same. Julia and Antonio have endured a lot over the past eighteen years. Cristina is their daughter. They’ve had two more children so Cristina is a twin but she also has two other siblings. Think of the difficulty in explaining to Lali and her siblings that there’s a twin sister in America. The whys, the hows. Please, promise me you won’t say anything. Not yet. Julia must take the lead here.”

Daniel nods and hands the photo back to Ana, struggling to make sense of it all. How did this happen? “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to speak to my father, to see what he knows.”

“
Sí
, I understand.”

There’s a part of Daniel that wishes she hadn’t told him, not yet, that they could have vanished inside their reunion and enjoyed one blissful day together. But there’s another part of him that feels overjoyed to share this connection with her. He’d tried so hard to manage his expectations, but the moment he saw Ana in the Sorolla courtyard, his heart exploded.

Ana bites her lip. “Your mind is racing. Are you angry?” she asks.

“No, I’m not angry. I’m just shocked. And selfishly, I’m worried this might be the only reason you wanted to see me.”

Ana takes his face in her hands. “No. As I said, I’ve wanted you for years. I didn’t know the truth until yesterday. Nick phoned after seeing Cristina at the airport. He was rattled and said he had seen a ghost. He felt certain you knew something was awry, that you could tell his behavior was odd.”

“Nick’s behavior has always been odd.”

“Only because we tried to stay silent. Silence warps everything. I can accept if there’s silence around us, but not between us. Not anymore, Daniel. So I had to tell you right away. But I promise, this is not why I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you”—she leans in close—“because I want to be with you and I hope you might feel the same.”

She wants to be with him. Ana runs her fingers across his back. Her touch is both soothing and stirring. It pulls things into focus. He thinks of Fuga and their handshake in the cemetery.

If someone had told him that he could have Ana but it would be complicated—he wouldn’t have cared. The endless days and nights on assignment, looking into the sky for her. And now she’s right beside him. Her head is on his shoulder. Her hand is washing across his back. Who cares if it’s complicated. Life is complicated. He lost his mom, he lost his career, he lost Ben, and for eighteen years he lost the woman he
loved. But being with her now has brought everything close again. He hears Ben strike a match.

This is your time, Dan. Grab it and run. Do the stuff you see in the movies. It’s the stuff no one gets to do. But you can do it, Matheson. I don’t want you calling me in ten years whining that you should have done this and should have done that. As the saying goes, it’s later than you think.

He turns to face Ana. He kisses her. He kisses her again, holding her close and summoning his every strand of strength to remain decent in public.

“Do you want to meet her?” he finally whispers. “She’s a beautiful, strong woman.” He smiles. “Like you.”