The Frenzy Series (Book 2): Frantic (19 page)

“She’s still...?”

“Crazy?” he supplied. “Yep. All day and all night. She only sleeps for short spurts before starting all over again. Fun times.”

Ford stumbled over a tree root. “You need a break?” I asked, sensing his exhaustion.

“Yeah.” He plopped down on a flat stone that jutted out from the hillside and Saul leaned his back against the trunk of a large oak.

“I’m doing better,” I told them, watching their eyes lock onto me. “Actually, I plan to ask Roman for my own place.”

“You sure you’re doing that well?” Saul asked.

“I think so. But I also think that putting some distance between me and Dara would be wise. Most of the time, I just want to tear her throat out.”

“There’s nothing between us, Porsch,” Saul said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I know, just like there’s nothing between me and Tage.” And there really wasn’t…most of the time. When I could control my emotions and contain myself, there was absolutely nothing there.

“His feelings are not brotherly, Porschia,” Saul spat.

“And Dara’s aren’t sisterly. So where does that leave us?”

“Right here,” he swept his hand across the air. “We’re right here. We just need to remember that. It’s you and me, not us and them.”

“I know.”
Except when I lose myself.

And with perfectly screwed-up timing, Tage stopped in front of us. “Where have you been?” he asked.

“Enjoying the brisk night air,” I replied, trying to smile. It wasn’t Tage and Dara driving a wedge between Saul and me; it was the change. He was human. He was prey. He was
my
prey.

Tage’s shrewd eyes narrowed on mine. “Let’s get out of the forest.”

He left out the part about ‘before you do something stupid or that you will regret for the rest of your life’. “Yeah.”

Ford and Tage chatted amiably as they walked in front of me and Saul. I reached for Saul’s hand, only to have him squeeze it once and let go.

I built another layer of stone around my heart. When the two ahead were at a considerable distance, Saul asked, “Are you really thinking about moving out?”

“Yes.”

“Could I move in with you?”

My brows shot up. “What?”

“If you’re really doing so well, maybe we could give this a shot?”

I wasn’t doing that well. Okay, I wasn’t doing well at all, but he didn’t need to know that, and if he was with me all the time, he would see. I didn’t want him to see me for what I was.

“Maybe so,” I offered with a smile that I prayed looked genuine.

“You still crave me?”

My feet stilled. “What?”

“My blood,” he replied, a challenge in his eyes.

“Of course. I crave you in every way, Saul.” His hand tightened around mine.

“Then take some.”

“What?” My heart skipped a beat before it began to gallop.

He nodded. “I want you to take a sip and then stop.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t want blood.”

“You do.”

“It makes me sick.”

He nodded slowly. “But you need some. Not much, just a drink.”

Tage and Ford stopped a few hundred feet ahead along the trail on which we were walking. With the slightest shake of his head, Tage urged me not to drink from Saul. But I wanted it so badly. I wanted him. I wanted to taste him, to taste normal. Just for a moment.

“Maybe just one drink?”

His fingers sank into my hips as he jerked me toward him, my chest hitting his, my heart matching the rhythm of his own. “Can you do it?”

“Mmmmm,” I could smell what I wanted. Coppery, tangy, sweet.

He leaned his head toward his shoulder, offering himself to me. One slow, agonizing drag of my tongue over his pulsating flesh was all it took. “NO!” Tage yelled as I sank my fangs into Saul’s neck.

One sip and then...ecstasy.

My God.

Mmmm.

Right after I eased my fangs out of his throat and swiped the wounds with my tongue, my shoulder was yanked backward and I stumbled to the ground, only to look up at the angriest Tage I’d ever seen. “You fed from him!” It was an accusation.

“Only a sip, and why does it matter?”
What the hell?

Ford jogged over and helped me up while Tage pointed at Saul meaningfully. “You’ll kill him!”

I shook my head. Ford steadied me. “I didn’t hurt him. I only took one drink and then I stopped myself. I
stopped
.”

Tage looked from me to Saul, who was shaking with rage. Saul bumped Tage’s chest with his own and said, “Don’t you ever touch her again!”

“You tempted her. You wanted her to fail!” Tage was wrong. No – Saul wouldn’t have tried to test me like that.

A shadow of guilt fell across Saul’s face. “No,” I argued. “He wanted to help me, to show me I could do it. Right, Saul?”

Tage laughed bitterly. “He was baiting you. He wanted to see you fail so you wouldn’t leave Roman.”

“That’s not true,” I said, looking at Ford, but his eyes were focused intently on Tage. Ford’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

“Did you want me to hurt you?” I asked Saul.

His eyes flicked to mine. “No, but you aren’t ready, Porschia. You need Roman’s help, and—”

“I do
not
need Roman’s help. As you can see, I am able to feed from a person without killing them.”

Tage smiled and put his hands on his hips. “Wait, did the Elders put you up to this? Did they ask you to test her?”

I gasped when Saul’s eyes widened guiltily. “They did?”

Saul shook his head and reached around Tage toward me. “Don’t touch me!” I hissed angrily. “Who put you up to this?”

“My father,” he replied. “But listen, it’s not like you think.”

It was exactly like I thought. “Why?”

“He thinks you’ll kill me. He said you couldn’t control yourself, but you did! You did – don’t you get it? This proves them all wrong!” Saul pleaded, but Tage resolutely stayed between us. Smart thing, too, because I didn’t know whether to tear his head off or cry. His father might have told him that, but he was the one who decided to test me. He fell headlong into his Dad’s trap and if I’d have lost it, the Elders would have...they would kill me.

The water of the river roared ahead of us; the only sound other than betrayal. I wasn’t even sure if he realized what he’d done. “Go home, Saul.”

“What?”

“Go report back to Daddy about how I’m doing. I’m done with you.”

“No, Porsch, I love you. I was just proving them wrong! I was on
your
side. Not theirs.”

“You were testing me. You were just a tool for them – for the Elders – whether you realize it or not.”

He reached for me. “Porschia?”

The divide between the two of us was no longer a fissure, it was a chasm.

“Just go,” I said, turning my back to Saul. “You need to get some rest too, Ford.”

Ford pressed his lips together and gave me a quick hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered before walking toward the river. I listened as his boots slid across the fallen tree, but refused to watch as Saul walked away.

Tage’s arm stretched out, warm around me. “I’m sorry.”

“No you aren’t,” I sniffled, swiping the tears away.

“Anything that makes you hurt, makes me hurt. And it isn’t the damn bond, Porschia. I care about you,” he said, frustrated, pulling me tightly against him.

“He didn’t know what he was doing,” I told him, excusing Saul. I really didn’t think he realized that his father’s challenge was a test. What kind of person did that? He knew Saul was stubborn, he knew he would test the boundary, and he sent him anyway. His own father knew he was putting himself in grave danger, and he sent him anyway. Anger poured from my eyes. It seemed all I did lately was scream or cry!

What kind of father planted seeds of doubt into their son’s mind and led them into a potentially deadly situation? The kind of father who was like my mother, I realized. Only, Saul’s dad wasn’t insane in the same way Mother was. But maybe being sane and indifferent was more frightening.

Did the Elders make him do it? All the times I saw them together as father and son, they seemed to have a healthy and loving relationship, something I craved and coveted.

“They’re across,” Tage said. Roman and Julian, Tim and Victor, Saul and Ford. They spoke across the swirling torrent.

I turned to Tage. “Thank yo—” I started to say, but Tage’s mouth met mine. Lips, soft but strong, explored and melted. One hand wound into my hair and pulled me closer as his other hand found the small of my back and reeled me in. It felt good, and for once since becoming a monster, I felt like a girl; a normal girl. So I let him kiss me. I moved my lips in turn and took out all of my frustration and confusion on his.

His body wasn’t as tall and lean as Saul’s. He didn’t feel the same. Though it physically felt amazing, my heart wasn’t in it. My heart knew it wasn’t right. And it wasn’t fair for me to treat Tage that way. Despite the rocky start we’d gotten off to, he was my friend. I eased my body from his, pinching my lower lip and stepping away.

“That was wrong,” I whispered.

“That…was the only right thing that’s happened to you in days. You just don’t realize it yet.”

And with those words, Tage stalked away, leaving me alone in the forest. For a long moment, I considered leaving the Colony on my own. It would be so hard, yet so easy. Behind me, I’d leave Mother, Father, and Ford. Maybe someone would find a way to help Mother, and then maybe Father and Ford would find happiness. I would be leaving Maggie, the most positive influence in my life. Saul could be free to find a wife who would make him happy, who wouldn’t want to drink him dry. He could have children and keep them safely tucked inside the Colony; tiny versions of him running around, digging in the mud and making mischief. One day they might even help him in the carpentry shop.

I would leave the other night-walkers. I would leave Mercedes and the Infected behind.

But out there were legions of other Infected, other night-walkers to contend with. And I wouldn’t be free because my heart was here, even if it was torn to shreds. It was here, with these people and this place. Somehow, Blackwater itself had become my home.

I climbed a tree and draped myself between two branches.

Stalking toward the house, I left the night-walkers and the other volunteers behind. Ford yelled after me, “It’s almost sun-up!” but I ignored him and kept walking. He was the one who needed to stay with Porschia.

Just hours ago, I’d spoken to Dad and Mom over dinner.

“Has Porschia left the Colony, son?” Dad asked.

“No. They can’t make her leave.”

“She’s dangerous,” he said, stabbing at his potatoes. Mom um-hmm’d in agreement. “The Elders banished her. I know that both you and her family have told her about their decision, so why does she not respect it?”

I sat my fork down. “She does, but this is her home. She doesn’t want to leave. And where would she go?”

Mother took a drink from her glass of water. “That really isn’t our concern. Until she’s out of Frenzy, the Elders have made it clear that she’s a threat to everyone. She isn’t welcome here.”