The Future Has a Past (11 page)

He removed his arms from around her and stepped to the door, opening it. He said as he was leaving her, “Don’t you go way, you hear?”

Luella moved quickly to the door, beside him, “Don’t be long. Don’t be long. Not just . . . just because . . . Not just for that. But I want you to come back. Really.” Her last words were said sadly, “Really. Really.”

Turtle began to have doubts of his own, his own past hurts forced him to say, “Look, Ms. Luella . . . I’ll give you the money to pay your bill here and get your ticket . . . and you don’t have to do nothin with me. You don’t have to lie to me. I just am enjoying your company. You a real woman.” He paused to look down the hall, then he looked back at Luella. “I know I ain’t handsome. I know what I look like. It’s just I ain’t never been with no woman I could talk to, eat with, drink champagne with . . . like I read about! I read books and magazines, too, just like you do. I want to do that! I want to do all them things. But, you don’t have to do nothin with me because I pay them things for you! And I am comin back! I might not never get nowhere else in my life, but I am gonna get back here.”

As he left, Luella caught the door before it closed and called softly to him, “Say, what is your real name. I don’t like that Turtle name.”

He turned completely around, but did not return to her. You could hear the pride in his voice as he answered her. “Sidney Wish Wayes.”

She smiled at him and repeated, “Sidney Wish Wayes. I like that. From now on, you are Sidney to me . . . or Wish. I like that.”

“I better go, now.”

“You better come back.”

They laughed together, again, and he was gone. She closed the door, repeating his name, softly. Then she went straight to the hazy mirror, asking it, “Is he lyin to me?!” For some reason the mirror was kinder this time, it answered, “You know, you do look kinda alright. You could try to do something with your hair though.” So she took the wig off and brushed and brushed her hair until it was smooth and she tied it back with a string and pulled a few strands across her forehead to make bangs.

She went down the hall, rushing, and took another bath. Rushed back to her room and splattered the cologne over her body and put fresh lipstick on her lips and smiled. Then she went to sit in the chair by the window, looking for Sidney. “Lord, I must look like a picture frame to people, I be in this window so much.”

The time seemed to pass so slowly. So slowly.

The sky was darkening. After another hour or so, Luella began to worry that Sidney had changed his mind about coming back. Her mother’s words flooded into her mind. The golden halo that a promise had placed around her heart was banished by the doubts her mother’s words and her past life had put there. Tears threatened to flow. She hung her head, and thought, “My happiness always turns into a pain.” She sighed heavily and gave up another dream.

But, then, a knock sounded at her door. Her door. She didn’t answer at first, because she was struck dumb. Then he said, “Luella? It’s me! Sidney!” His happy heart felt a sudden fear. He thought, “Did she change her mind? Was she just foolin with me?” But the man in him bade him knock again and say softly, “Luella?”

Luella jumped up from her chair and, suddenly happy again, she opened the door. “You back!”

He was grinning as he came in with bags and a large package. He handed her a lovely bouquet of flowers. Her first gift of flowers. Luella took them directly to her nose, looking at him over the petals. The fragrance delighting her senses as well as thrilling her heart.

“Sure I’m back! . . . I ran all the way!” He set the bags down, opening them as he spoke. The first was a bottle of champagne. “Now . . . we gonna drink like kings and queens.” The second bag held a bar-b-qued chicken, steaming hot. “And . . . we gonna eat like plain folks!”

Then he picked up the package, from the department store he had gone all the way downtown to purchase, and opened it. “And you gonna let me see how you look in the best shade of the night . . . twilight blue with the pretty pink roses embroidered on it!” He held up a beautiful, thin gossamer nightgown. Luella pressed her hand to her breast, speechless, and set down on the bed.

While she caressed the beautiful, soft nightgown, Sidney opened another bag, taking out two crystal glasses. Then, opening the champagne, he poured them full. “Have a little glass of champagne? Please?” He kneeled down to her. “And let’s talk . . . and dream together.”

Sidney’s eyes were bright with happiness. This was the first time he had done this with a woman! His mind flew in all directions. “Let’s even dance! Ain’t nobody here to look at us or say nothin. This is the happiest time in my life . . . Ain’t gonna be nothin to spoil it!” He saw the happy tears in her eyes. He set on the bed beside her and placed his arm around her as she turned to look into his eyes. He pursued his dream. “We have a few hours of a quiet, peaceful . . . lovin life, after all the sadness. We together!”

When they had finished the champagne in the glasses, he poured more. “Here . . . have a little more champagne.” They sipped and said little small things, giggled, laughed and he hugged her a lot.

Then, for a moment, he looked into his glass where the champagne sparkled and bubbled and became serious. “When I was young . . . I didn’t have to struggle, like I seen some people do, for the truth about life. I knew . . . that those of us with strange bodies, faces other people call ugly, people who just weren’t pleasin to the eyes of the ‘normal’ people, we long and yearn for the cemetery. Just want to die and end all our misery. But, you know, I have found out, it ain’t all good, like it seems, for nobody. Sometimes those people who look like they got everything? And look like they gonna win those games we was talkin about? Sometime they lose the love and happiness they really want. And need! It goes away from um.”

He took another sip of champagne. “Nobody, right now, couldn’t be no happier than me. We got as much chance as anybody has.” He turned to look at her face, into her eyes. “But, Luella, even if this is a dream . . . let me . . . please . . . let me dream til I die.”

Then, they danced a little, slowly, to the music only they could hear. All Luella could say in the haze of the golden halo around her heart, clouding her sight, that had returned twice as strong, was “Ohhhhhhhhhh, Sidney.”

Later, she stood up, picked up her new gown and, stepping to the door, said in a low, melodious, mellow voice. “I’ll be right back in a minute.”

Sidney watched her with starving eyes until she closed the door behind her. He looked proud. He looked happy. He stood, he had to, because of all the nervous energy pulsating inside of him. From love. He was a sensible, practical man, always showing good sense. But. He was in love.

When Luella returned, her shyness made her come in the room sideways through the door and hit the light switch that turned the light off from the ceiling. The only light left burning was the small lamp by the bed. She was not trying to be sexy, she was simply shy. She had never been seen in front of a man in only her nightgown before.

Sidney ohhhhhhed and ahhhhhhed, then took her by one hand and turned her around so he could see all of her. He pulled her into his arms. She fit just perfect. They fit in each other’s arms perfectly. They moved, unhurried, savoring each new moment, toward the bed.

Then, a knock was heard at the door. They looked at the door, but neither one answered. The knock came again. They still didn’t answer. Sidney smiled down at Luella, so she would not be alarmed. Finally, a voice was heard: the voice of the landlady.

Ms. Ready said, not too loudly, “Hey in there! It’s gettin to be another day. You gonna owe me for another day.”

The new lovers laughed softly at Ms. Ready, then Sidney answered loud enough for the landlady to hear. “Take your little pencil, Ms. Ready, and write on. Let her roll, Ms. Ready, just let the good times roll on and on, forever.”

Ms. Ready didn’t say anything else and they heard her walking away.

They were laughing, softly, at the very idea of themselves being happy . . . as they clasped each other tightly, holding on to the happiness and the moments.

Part VI

Luella had planned to leave as soon as she was able to obtain a bus ticket home, but after the first night with Sidney, she was delirious with her joy and Sidney was overwhelmed with his joy and happiness. Ms. Ready was happy, also, because she was paid even though she had to lower the price of the room back down to three dollars a night because Sidney knew better than five dollars.

On the third day later, as Sidney was coming in with more flowers and the bags which he brought every day, Ms. Ready asked him in a playful way, “Man, ain’t you workin no more?” They laughed at her meaning.

As he passed her on the fourth day, with more flowers and new packages, she asked, “What y’all doin up there locked up in that room all the time? You gonna wear my room out! And she done already got every vase and jar to put them flowers in I had!” They laughed.

So, on the sixth day Sidney took Luella out. He had bought her three new nightgowns, one each day, and now he had bought her some daywear; two blouses, two skirts, some smart, comfortable shoes, one nice yellow cotton dress. She brushed and brushed her hair every day, tying it neatly back. The wig was thrown away.

They walked all around the city, even down by the water. They went to the parks they were allowed in and, once, to a picture show. But, by evening, they rushed back to their flower-filled room. She met Dora and her family. Dora liked her, as sisters do when they love their brother and want to see him happy, and Luella liked Dora. Luella petted Sidney’s dog all the while when he showed her his part of the house. “I built all this myself!”

“Ohhhhhh, Sidney! You can do all this kinda work!”

They never talked of marriage. Each one wanted to, because they were in love. But each one still had doubts about their self. Each one thought the other might like them, but not enough to marry.

Luella thought, “He might like me enough to do all this, but he ain’t gonna want to live with nobody like me for the rest of his life.”

Sidney thought, “She bein awful nice to me, but ain’t no way she gonna marry up with no hunchback man and worry bout what kind of children we gonna have.”

So it was their time passed. Finally Luella just had to go home. “I have left my house and my pets with my Aunt Corrine, she’s a neighbor, and I really do need to go back and see about em.” His sister, Dora, had been taking care of his dog. Luella didn’t want to go. Sidney didn’t want her to go. But life was life.

At last, she just had to go home. Her last night with him they stayed in the room, eating carryout food as they set in bed listening to the music from his radio. They made love because it was their last night, but they would have made it anyway whether she was leaving or not. Then they fell asleep in their spoon position.

In the middle of the night he woke her up, saying, “You were cryin in your sleep. What’s the matter, baby?”

She didn’t answer, just moaned and turned around closer to him, and they just, naturally, slipped smoothly into making love again. They were both so emotional and anxious, Luella thought her eyes would just roll right out of her head from all the beautiful feelings he made her feel, and her ears might just fly off from all the beautiful, loving things he was saying as they shared their last loving. (I’m not gonna tell you what he said.) But, one time, Luella said, “Oh, Sidney, I’m so . . . wet . . . down there.”

And Sidney answered, “Just drown me in your love, baby, drown me.”

When they made love, Luella rubbed his back in her passion. All of his entire back. She made love to that hump in his back that he hated. He had not expected that touch. To say it thrilled him to the tip of his curling toes would, indeed, be an understatement.

The morning came and he left to get her ticket for the bus while she packed. Alone, she cried as she packed.

Ms. Ready knocked at the door, but didn’t come in until Luella said, “Come in.”

Since Luella was moving around the room gathering things, Ms. Ready set down in the chair. “So . . . you gettin ready to leave us, Luella?”

Sadly, Luella answered, “Yes, mam, I am.”

“Well, I hope your trip to Memphis turned out better than it looked like it would.”

“Oh, Ms. Ready, I just don’t know how to say ‘thank you’ for bringing Sidney to me, introducin us together, and all.”

Ms. Ready laughed a little, “Don’t thank me for the ‘and all’ stuff. You all did all that yourself!”

Embarrassed, Luella nodded her head as she turned away, smiling.

Then, Ms. Ready got serious, she was usually laughing one minute and being serious the next. “Turt—Sidney is a good man, good as they come. I like a workin man. So, now you know there is better men than that Silki fool brought you here. And, next time, you keep your own money. You not no fool if you holdin on to your own house and things, so don’t nobody need to count and carry your money for you! You told me once you was a Christian woman, so I know you heard that the love of money is the roots of all evil. So you ought to know right off when you see somebody lovin money too much; your money. Somethin bound to go wrong. Bound to! Cause the Bible don’t lie.”

Luella agreed, naturally, because it was true. “You sure are right, Ms. Ready. You right about Sidney, too. He is a good man. A good man; honest and lovin.”

“Close as you all was, did you talk about marryin?”

“Oh, Ms. Ready, no. Sidney didn’t mind helpin me and all, but marryin me? I wouldn’t spect him to ask me that.”

“Lord, Lord, what fools people can sure be. Well, you all knows your own business. And I’m glad you leavin! Cause Sidney bout to wear out my front steps and you all bout to wear this room out!”

Luella blushed, then they both laughed. Ms. Ready got up to leave her to her packing, saying, “You take care yourself and come see me when you come back.”

Luella shook her head sadly, “Oh, I prob’ly never will get this far away from home again.”

Ms. Ready left her with a “Humph!” and a “Honey, you’ll be back! I been round the block a few times. I know you will be back!” Then she left.

All things done, they were finally standing in the bus station, in the colored section. Luella was shedding tears, without a sound, and Sidney kept pulling her to him and rubbing her back. He had handed her the last flower. A gardenia. She kept smelling it and smiling at him over the petals.

Over his shoulder she could see a few people staring at his back. She almost hated them, but she hugged him tighter and kissed him with a loud smack on his cheek.

After everything seemed to have been said and there was silence between them, Luella asked, “We prob’ly won’t see each other again, huh?”

Sidney sighed and looked worried, “It’s hard to tell about the future. You got a house there, I got a place here. And my work is here where people know me and what I can do.” He sounded so despondent.

They both looked like little, lost, miserable orphans who didn’t have a friend in the whole world.

Luella pushed Sidney away, saying, ‘Don’t wait with me no more. I can’t stand all the hurt from knowin I’m goin to be leavin you. Just go on away. I’ll be alright.”

But Sidney reached and pulled her back to him as he wondered if she was ashamed of him or something. “Oh, baby, I can’t leave you til I just have to and that bus takin you on away from me. I got to keep my hand on you long as I can.”

At last her bus call came over the loudspeaker. She dragged herself to the line. He stood beside her til they went through the doors to the outside loading area. He held her hand til she got to the steps of the bus and she began to step up. Then she got out of line and hugged and kissed him, one more time, quickly. Then Luella rushed up the few steps into the bus.

The driver started the motor when the last passenger was aboard and Sidney stepped back from the hot air caused by the bus engine. But Sidney did not leave. He walked to the bus exit, stood on the sidewalk and watched the bus for several blocks until it turned, out of sight at last.