The Future Has a Past (7 page)

Corrine felt like crying for her friend. “Oh, Luella, sweetheart, ask yourself a few things. You have a good life here. Someday some man will come along who will really love you. He’ll help you keep what you have and help you build on it. You are a nice-looking woman. You are plump, but you are built real nice. You are going to be loved for yourself.” Luella turned her face away again and Corrine knew she did not want to hear about some other day. She kept talking anyway.

“Luella, you talk about love. Let me tell you . . . You know all those plants in your yard? Your trees? Well, the seed came first, long, long before the leaf or the fruit. Learn a little about what it is to love. First the seed, then the soil, then the rain, then the sun, then the care, and even after all that, it still has to ripen so when you put it in your mouth to chew, the taste is not bitter, does not make you want to spit it out. Kindness, honesty, truth all go into making love. You don’t know the first thing about Silki after he leaves your yard. Have you been, ever, to his house? Has he ever handed you a dime and thanked you for doing what you do for him, by doing some of it for you? He could take you out to dinner.”

Luella hastened to say, “Oh, he don’t like that cafe food.”

Corrine hastened to say, “Well, let him take you and let you see if you like it! Instead of you always in that kitchen, no matter how hot or cold, cooking your food, bought with your money, cooked on your stove in your pots served on your plates which are later washed with your hands. What does he do for you?”

“He . . . loves me.”

Corrine didn’t want to hurt her friend, but the truth is the light. “I bet you if you don’t do any of all the things I just said to you, you givin him, I bet he won’t come back.”

Luella didn’t want to hurt Aunt Corrine. She wanted to tell her to get out of her house, but couldn’t, so she cried. Aunty took her into her arms. “Oh, baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you. But it’s some things you just have to think about. If Mr. Silki so sharp and smart and hot, what’s he doing in this little town? Why isn’t he in some big city already? Why you have to feed him? I bet he has to use your money to even get to the big city.”

Luella spoke into Aunty’s shoulder, she didn’t want to move from the warmth of Corrine’s love. “Married people do that.”

Aunt Corrine lost some more of her patience. “Fools do it too! And you are not married to him yet! All you got from him is talk! He gets good food and you even wash his clothes. He bathes in your tub and sleeps during the day. What he do at night, Luella? All night?”

Luella didn’t want to think about that. This was love walked into her dead and dreary life. LOVE, and she was going to hold on to it if it was the last thing she did! She straightened herself out of Aunty’s arms and made up her mind to go see that Preacher Watchem and get her money . . . before Silki decided to up and leave without her.

And that’s what she did . . . the next Sunday. She sat through the sermon and when church was out and Preacher Watchem was standing in the wide-open doorway, shaking hands with his parishioners, Luella was in line and when it came her turn, the crowd was still milling around.

Luella frowned and said, “Preacher Watchem, I have waited all these months for you to bring me my money my poor dead mother left with you for me. You promised her, and you promised me, my five hundred dollars! I need my money! I am all alone now. I’m washing clothes to live, just like my mother did. I need my money!”

Silence dropped on the crowd like fog and everybody turned to hear his answer.

Preacher Watchem sputtered and spit as he tried to find words to make everybody look some other place, but Luella stood her ground.

People mumbled, “Five hundred dollars?”

Other people, women said, “That chile sure is washing clothes for a livin!”

So they closed in around him, their beloved preacher, and he said, “I am truly sorry, daughter, the Lord’s work keep me so busy, I forget sometime. I will be there directly tomorrow.”

Luella didn’t move, said, “No, Preacher Watchem. I need my money today. Can’t wait no more. You said that three, four months ago. I waited for you every evening after I got through my hard work. Today, Preacher Watchem, today!”

Now, I will tell you something; it was her love of Silki and his needs that gave Luella such attitude and nerve. She might not have done that to the preacher if it was just for herself.

Preacher Watchem made a few quick a’hems and a’haws and said, “I’ll be there today, then, directly, daughter. You must forgive me for taking so long, but so many people in my flock need so much. I just didn’t—”

Luella interrupted him. “I’ll wait right here, Preacher Watchem. I won’t go home til you repay me what is mine.”

Wasn’t too much going on in that town anyway, so for some reason the whole congregation waited with her. Well, it was something new to talk about, “how that Luella talked to the preacher! that way! My, my, indeed.”

But . . . Preacher Watchem paid Luella that day.

Five hundred dollars seemed like a million dollars to Luella so she gave Corrine one hundred dollars to keep for her and put one hundred dollars in the bank. Then, Luella put the rest of the money away in her grandmother’s trunk. Her heart was full and ready to tell Silki they could get ready to go.

Part II

Silki’s life was at one of its lowest ebbs. He had lost his last $1.50. It was 9:30 P.M. on Friday night. It would be nine and a half hours before he could go to Luella’s. He had lost his job a week ago because he was never there anyway. His last woman had moved her new man in and put his own suitcase, not on the steps, but on the walkway by the gate near the street. He was ready to cry, but, instead, told himself, “I am a man and a man don’t cry.”

Mattie had been back several times to borrow money from Luella and the woman could beg so good, Luella had relented and loaned her neighbor some money. Five dollars, then ten dollars and once, when Mattie cried so hard about feeding her grandchildren, twenty dollars. So, now, it was a regular item on Mattie’s list to go over there once or twice a month to borrow whatever she could.

Mattie had, also, been at church when Luella spoke with Preacher Watchem and knew Luella had five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars!! But she had had too many gins and beers the night before and had slept late on this day. She had stuck empty, sour milk bottles into the mouths of her grandchildren, three and four years old, so they would be quiet and let her sleep. “Shet your mouf up so Granny get to sleep one more minute.” Around eleven o’clock the four-year-old got up and went to see what he could find in the dirty kitchen on the greasy stove; the three-year-old followed him, leaving Granny in bed on the gray pillow, her mouth open dribbling saliva from the corner of her mouth.

The persistent sounds of pots falling, dishes breaking, finally woke Granny Mattie up. She was angry. She reached out a hand, feeling for the babies in the bed and they were not there. “What the hell you basta’ds doin in there?!”

So, Mattie’s day had begun. She had intended to go over to Luella’s and get “a little money to feed these kids, they hungry!” She was hungry, too, and had left last night’s beans on the stove all night in the warm weather. “Sour! Ugh!” Mattie sat down a minute to get her thoughts together.

Silki had picked up his suitcase during the night, out of sight of prying eyes. He washed up in the cafe bathroom and smoothed out his clothes as best he could, put on his freshest shirt and made it on over to Luella’s house, carrying his cardboard suitcase in one hand, a large paper sack in the other hand and two cheap suits, on hangers, over his shoulder. “Hell, if she love me, she gon help me or I’m gonna leave her ass alone, too!”

You cannot imagine . . . the fear that flew out of his mind and the joy that flew in and took its place when Luella met him at the door, throwing her arms around his neck saying, sweetly, “Silki, my darlin. We can leave and go on way from here. Now! Preacher Watchem gave me my money! Five hundred dollars! We can get married!”

You already know Silki had never even seen, much less had, five hundred dollars at one time. Nor two hundred, not even one hundred dollars. The most money Silki had held at one time was seventy dollars, which he took to bed with him, clasping it to his chest and thinking all the night about how his future was changing, looking up, getting somewhere. At last! This, until he went out that night and lost it back to his world.

Now, Silki said, “Five hundred whole dollars?! Baby? Darlin!”

The plans for the trip rushed right on in.

First, Silki wanted to go down to the little town section and buy a few things for the trip on the way to pick up the tickets to some place he hadn’t decided on yet. “Baby, I . . . we need to pick up a few things for the trip! This gonna be the best thing you ever done. This place too small for the life I want to give you!”

Luella blushed to her toes because he had never held her so tight before. It was love! “I know it. Aunt Corrine gonna take this house until we decide where we gonna live. There’s gonna be much better jobs in the new city for us and we got to get married right away so our dreams can start coming true!”

With the money on his mind, Silki continued, “Baby, we got to take care of first things first. First, let’s go get something to pack so when we get to the city they don’t think we are country folks. We got to look good! I want my baby to be the best she can be; you already beautiful. We . . . you just need some clothes that fit your looks. So, arm in arm, hand in hand, we can get off the bus lookin good!”

At that moment, Mattie knocked at the door. Luella peeked out of her window, “That’s Mattie!” Silki answered the door because, now, he was the man of the house and he was sure he knew what Mattie was after.

“Hey, Sister Mattie! How you doin?”

Taken aback for a few seconds, Mattie answered, “I ain doin no good, Silki. I need to talk to Luella for a minute.” She winked at Silki, but he didn’t wink back.

Silki stepped back to let her in, but said, “Well, we in a important talk right now. You got to come back some other time.” He had a second thought, “Or you can tell me what you want.”

Mattie thought that might be encouraging because she had told Silki about Luella in the first place. Mattie asked, “Silki, my kids is hungry and I am sick and I ain got no food from the city for the week and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I need five or ten dollars . . . just til I get some money from my daughters . . . a day or two.”

Silki answered, “Oh, Sister Mattie, you have caught us at a bad time. We just sittin here tryin to figure out our own way. We wish we could help you, but we just sure can’t . . . right now. Try again in a few days and things might be better.”

Mattie got angry, “Well, she just got . . . Preacher Watchem just . . .” but she couldn’t say it for some reason. So she decided to say, “Well, okay. But, you know how it is to be hungry!”

Silki smiled, “Not for a long time, since I . . . Mattie, we can’t do you no help today. We’ll see you in a few days.”

Mattie frowned at her former friend, then turned to walk slowly away. She looked back at the closed door. Her mind was going more than a mile a minute. “I am goin to come back! That’s my friend’s money, not that Silki’s money! I hope she ain no fool bout him cause he sure don’t mean her no good!”

It is so hard to look, talk and think between the people that pass through your life leaving sugar, sometimes, and shit, sometimes. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what and who have thoughts that will not hurt you, will not take from you your life, or the pieces of things that make up your life. Like your love, your heart and your mind. Must you, yourself, become hardened? Do you need a certain amount of larceny, malice and greed in your mind to perceive it in others? And even then, you are still only human, subject to error. So Luella was not smart . . . nor was she a fool. Luella was human.

When Luella and Silki returned from shopping in the late afternoon, he was already dressed in his natty, cheap, new suit and was stepping gingerly along the dusty street. Luella was loaded down with a box and several bags of her new finery, including nightwear for her wedding night. They were both smiling, but only Luella was sweating. She was proud of Silki.

She was proud of her house when it came into view. Proud of herself. She was a woman. Still shy, but excited, she spoke, “Let’s go in the front door this time. We goin first class, like you say, so we’ll go in the front door!”

They turned in the front gate and there on the front door was a black, funereal wreath; forgotten because the front door was seldom used. Silki pointed to the wreath as he hesitated on the front steps, “I don’t like them things to be nowhere round me. I gets the creeps or somethin!”

Luella laughed, happily, juggled the packages and loosened the wreath. The wreath fell to the floor of the porch. She stepped over it, looking back at Silki, who had taken his new handkerchief from his pocket and was dusting off his shoes. She said, “Come on in, Silki. That wreath ain gonna bother you none. It’s just a sign my mother is gone; rest her soul. This gonna be your home now.”

Silki stepped over the threshold, looking at the wreath distastefully. “Just the same, I don’t like bein round death.”

Luella, still laughing happily, “Well, close the door, darlin, and you won’t see it. Sides, ain’t no death in here, only me and you, and we full of life and gettin ready to live.” She set her packages down and reached to hug him.

He let her touch him a moment, then backed away looking at his new watch. “Yeah, baby, yeah, and we don’t have much time. That bus leaves at five-thirty this evenin and it’s three o’clock now. You shoulda done your shoppin by yourself, cause I got plenty things to do fore I leave here.”

Luella turned back to her packages, opening them. Still happy. “I just wanted my new travelin clothes to have some class, like you say.” She held up the red dress he had picked out. “And with you there to pick em out. I’ma look good for you, Silki, you ain’t gonna be shamed of me.” In a softer, placating tone, she said, “You ain’t gonna be sorry.”

Silki shook his head as he looked over her shoulder at the mirror, “I know I won’t be sorry. I’m too young to be sorry.” He smiled at his image in the mirror.

While Silki and Luella had been talking, Mattie had come from her house next door and was creeping around the side of Luella’s house trying to hear what was going on inside. Adjusting his new shirt collar, Silki was oblivious to everything else. At the same time, that little something at the back of Luella’s mind was worrying her.

“Silki? You sure you don’t think I’m too . . . old for you? For to be your wife? After all, you are only twenty and I am twenty-four.”

Still looking at himself in the mirror, “If I did I would’na fallen in love with you, would I?”

Looking at him with all the long, unused yearning in her eyes, Luella asked, “Say it again, Silki . . . Do you really, really, really love me?”

Silki finally gave Luella his attention and took her face in his hands and lied. Anyone else in the world might have seen the lie, but Luella was blinded by her need and feelings for him. Yet . . . it wasn’t really him; he was just handsome and the first man to really give her even such attention as he had. He stood to her for a chance at life. He said, “I really, really, really love you!” as he stepped back from her.

Luella held the red dress to her breast and in a pathetic voice only a lukewarm, hard heart could ignore, said, “Nobody . . . just nobody ever said that to me before. Not one man. Not nobody.”

Silki let her hug him again. “Well, you got the man of all men now, baby! When I say it, it’s enough to last you the rest of your life!”

Overcome, Luella dropped the dress and tried to hug him closer, saying, “I blive I love you . . . I KNOW I love you!”

Disentangling himself from her embrace, Silki said, “Look babe, I better get on down the road and get some things done so our trip to the big city will be what I planned for ya! You know, when we get to the city bout nine o’clock tonight, we gonna check into the hotel, then I got a special club I want you to see and a whole lot more things.” He kissed her forehead, then stood back to see how that worked. He had never been intimate with Luella. At all.

It wasn’t that Luella was not attractive . . . she was. Even her plumpness was not fat, it just gave her a fuller, softer look. But Silki had never asked her to sleep with him, nor touched her in any way suggestive of making love. It was a perverse thing that he had no interest in making love to someone who was not trying to use him in some way. Like a hustler would do.

Now, he said, “Oh! I forgot; you got all the money ready?”

Luella frowned because she had promised Corrine not to tell him all her business until he proved hisself and she hates to lie. “Well . . . Preacher Watchem didn’t give me ALL the money. And they wouldn’t let me borrow on this old house, like you said. All the money you said we needed, seven or eight thousand dollars.” Her eyes and mouth opened wide at the very thought of such an amount of money. She hadn’t needed Aunt Corrine to tell her about that! “Til Mama’s business is all settled and everything is in my name, they wouldn’t lend me nothin.”

Silki’s face was distorted with disgust.

Luella hurried to tell her man, “They let me have three hundred dollars and we done spent over one hundred of that, but we got bout two hundred left, and that will hold us til we get married and find out for sure that we want to move to Memphis,” she almost whispered, “won’t it?”

Silki’s face was two folds full of disgust and chagrin. “Awwwwww, I wanted to show you the best time of your life. I want to be the first one to make you really live. Really show you bout life!”

With stars trickling all over her eyes, Luella grabbed Silki around his neck, but Silki pulled away, angrily. “Well. . . . that’s messed up! I betta go!” Then he had another second thought and put his arm around her waist. “Say baby . . . you betta let me carry that money.” He laughed softly. “That’s a man’s job, you know.”

With Aunt Corrine’s words ringing in her brain, Luella looked nervous and said, “I don’t have it all with me. I was scared to carry ALL that money cause I ain’t never had more’n five or ten dollars with me all the time Mama was living and then I was goin to get somethin for her.”

Silki took his arm away, abruptly, “How much you got wit cha?”

“Bout a hundred and fifty dollars left from shoppin and the tickets.”

“Where is the rest of it?” Silki held out his hand for the money.

“Aunt Corrine is holdin it for us til I come by.”

Silki rolled his eyes to heaven, “Well, you betta hurry on by there then! We got to be at the bus station at five o’clock straight out! I’ll meet you there. Now . . . give me the money you got.”

Mattie had been listening at the door and chose that moment to knock on the door. “Ooooo, Luella? You home?” She knocked again and said, “It’s me, Mattie!”

Annoyed, Luella whispered unnecessarily, “That’s Mattie!” She started to put the money back into her purse, hurriedly. Silki heaved a great disgusted sigh, and said, “I know,” still holding his hand out for the money.

Mattie decided to try the back door knob and the door opened. With an obvious, deceitful smile on her face, she says, “Oh, I didn’t know you had company! I could come back another time.”

Silki said, “You still can.” But Mattie ignored him.