The Future of Us (30 page)

THE SKY IS DEEP PURPLE with a thin streak of amber above the treetops. Most of the light down here comes from six flickering bonfires dotting the shore. On the other side of Crown Lake is the public beach. I can barely make out the shadowy outlines of the concession stand and pavilion.

“Anyone want a beer?” a guy asks. He’s a senior. Scott, maybe? He pulls himself a can from a six-pack and dangles the rest in front of us.

“No, thanks,” I say.

Kellan holds up her Sprite. If Scott gave her a beer, I might be tempted to whack it out of her hand to keep her from drinking tonight and making any bad decisions.

Tyson eyes the cans of beer, but Kellan lowers her palm on his scalp and makes him shake his head no.

“Don’t even think about it,” she says. “You’re driving.”

“You’re right,” Tyson says. “My dad would murder me.”

“And I’d hide the body in wet concrete,” Kellan adds.

Scott shrugs and continues down the beach.

The three of us move closer to the fire. Tyson reaches for a log from a nearby pile and tosses it on. It smokes for a minute before flames start licking around the wood.

I run my fingers through the cool sand. Dozens of people are gathered around each bonfire, but I haven’t seen Josh or Sydney yet. The entire time we’ve been here, I’ve watched couples peel away and head into the trees. Imagining Josh in there with Sydney makes my stomach twist up tight.

I look across the water at the quiet shore of the public beach. When Kellan and I were there the other day, I spotted Josh and Sydney’s future house somewhere on this side of the lake. It’s probably just a short walk down the beach. In a way, it feels sadly appropriate that the bonfire is here. Tonight, Josh will begin disappearing into a future where the only place he and I remain friends is on the Internet.

I notice Graham sitting at the next fire over, roasting two marshmallows on a long stick. As Graham pulls his stick from the fire, he catches me watching. He waves at me, and I nod back.

“There he is!” Tyson points down the beach.

I follow Tyson’s outstretched arm. Two bonfires over, I see Josh. He’s sitting with Sydney and her friends on a thick log. Josh is staring into the fire, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweatshirt.

“Josh!” Tyson shouts.

I pull my knees up to my chest and whisper, “Let’s not.”

“Not bother him?” Tyson says. “Seriously, if that boy’s getting too A-list for us, I might have to kick his ass.”

Kellan puts her hand on my back and rubs in slow circles.

“Josh!” Tyson yells again.

Josh lifts his head, but only to look out across the lake. Sydney is talking to a friend. I think it’s Shana Roy, but I can only see the back of her head.

“He’s kind of far away,” Kellan says. “Maybe he doesn’t hear you.”

I grab onto Tyson’s sleeve. “Just let him be, okay?”

“This’ll get his attention,” Tyson says. He cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, “
Yo, dumbass
!”

In a delayed reaction, Josh turns our way.

I WAIT FOR SHANA to start laughing again. That’ll be my chance to cut into her conversation with Sydney. The drunk college guy sitting next to Shana leans in, makes some remark and . . . there she goes!

“Sydney?” I say.

She turns toward me, her lips pressed softly together.

“I’m going to say hi to my friends for a minute.”

She looks down the shore to where Tyson, Kellan, and Emma are sitting in the sand around a medium-size fire. “Was that your friend who just shouted ‘yo, dumbass’?”

“Tyson,” I say. “I’m sure he meant it with love.”

“I’ll go with you,” she says. She stands up and shimmies the top of her dress higher on her chest. There’s no denying that she looks amazing tonight.

As we start walking, Sydney steps closer to me. “I haven’t really talked to Kellan or Emma since fifth grade.”

“I’ll be fine,” I say, both to Sydney and to myself. I know Emma will behave, but there’s no telling with Kellan. Earlier this week, she was calling Sydney a skank.

We pass the largest bonfire, where twenty or thirty kids from school have gathered. Most are drinking beer, and a few are smoking. Several girls wave at Sydney as we pass, and then quickly lean into each other and whisper.

When we approach the next bonfire, Emma is resting her head against her knees. I wonder what made her decide to come here after all. She acknowledges me with a faint nod, and then gazes into the flames. Kellan is sitting beside her, rubbing Emma’s back. Tyson glances at Sydney’s chest, and then jumps his attention to me.

“Hey there,” he says. “I didn’t realize you two were here already.”

“You mean the ‘yo, dumbass’ was for someone else?” I ask.

Tyson grins and slaps me five.

“Thanks for letting me borrow Josh for the night,” Sydney says. “I know you guys are really close. Did you all drive out here together?”

Emma and Kellan don’t respond, but Tyson shrugs and says, “I drove my truck. Some seniors needed help bringing out the firewood.”

“Then thanks for keeping us warm,” Sydney says, leaning against my arm. As she does, I catch Emma’s eyes flicker in our direction.

“It’s your
dad’s
truck,” Kellan says to Tyson. She stands up and wipes the sand off her jeans. “So, Josh, who are you two hanging out with?”

It feels like she’s challenging me, even though I’m not doing anything wrong. “We’re with Sydney’s friends.”

“Shana’s my friend,” Sydney says, “but I’ve never met those other people before. They go to Hemlock State.”

Tyson throws another log onto the fire. As Kellan looks between Sydney and me, there’s an awkward silence. I shouldn’t have come over here.

Finally, Sydney smiles at Kellan. “The last time we hung out was at your fifth-grade birthday party, wasn’t it?”

Kellan pulls her head back. “You remember that?”

Sydney nods. “We were on the same team for the water balloon toss.”

Tyson pokes at the fire with a stick.

Emma remains facing the fire, slowly rocking her chin between her knees.

“We didn’t win,” Sydney says, “but I take full responsibility for that. It was a bad throw.”

Kellan smiles. “You’re forgiven.”

Tyson slides over, patting the sand next to him. “Why don’t you guys sit down?”

Emma pushes herself up. “I’m getting something to drink. Does anyone want anything?”

Without waiting for an answer, she walks down the beach.

KELLAN APPROACHES ME at the coolers. “Are you okay?”

“I just want to leave,” I say. “Has it been an hour yet?”

Kellan dips her hand into the cooler, fishing out some ice. “I’m so sorry. It was stupid to make you come out here,” she says. “I was hoping things would be different.”

“They’re not,” I say. But in truth, they’ll never be the same.

Kellan throws an ice cube into the lake.

I glance over to our bonfire. Josh and Sydney aren’t there anymore. Tyson is laughing at some guys who are spitting beer on the flames.

“It was a dumb idea,” Kellan says, “but I was hoping you and Josh might—”

“Josh is with Sydney now,” I say firmly. “Didn’t you see them? If I had a chance with him, I missed it. No, I didn’t miss it. I threw it away.”

Kellan stares at me, but there’s nothing for her to say.

“Please,” I say. “I just want to go home.”

“Who’s going home?” Tyson strolls over and slings one arm around each of us. “No one’s going home yet. We just got here.”

Kellan looks from Tyson to me.

“You should stay,” I tell her. “I’m fine driving home by myself.”

“No way,” Kellan says, touching my hand with her cold fingers. She turns to Tyson. “We’re going to head out, maybe go over to Emma’s to watch a movie.”

“Why?” Tyson asks. “Aren’t you having a good time?”

“I’m just not feeling—” I catch a glance between Kellan and Tyson. She’s not ready to leave, but she’s too loyal of a friend to tell me. “I’m too tired for a movie. When I get home, I’m going straight to bed.”

Kellan studies my face. “I can leave right now if you want.”

“You should stay,” I say. “I’d feel bad if you left.”

Tyson grins at Kellan. “I can drive you home.”

When I was grabbing wood from the back of Tyson’s truck, I noticed a couple of rolled up sleeping bags. On their way home, what if Tyson and Kellan pull onto a side road in the middle of nowhere? What if they hop in back and unroll the bags beneath the night sky?

Ta-da.
Lindsay is conceived.

“Are you okay?” Kellan asks me. “You made this weird face for a second.”

I point a finger at Kellan and then Tyson. “Don’t move. Seriously. Don’t go
anywhere
.”

I turn and sprint up the beach.

I STOP RUNNING as I near Sydney’s group.

Behind the log Josh and Sydney are sitting on, the pine trees cast huge shadows. I walk through the darkness and tap Josh’s shoulder. He shifts his body around. When he realizes it’s me, he smiles.

Sydney turns around, too. “How’s it going, Emma?”

“Hey, Sydney,” I say. “Sorry to bother you guys, but I . . .”

Everyone around the bonfire is staring at me now.

Josh scoots over to make room on the log. “Want to sit?”

“I can’t,” I say. “I was just wondering . . . would you mind . . . can I borrow your sweatshirt?”

As he unzips it, I lean close to his ear and whisper, “And your wallet, too. I’ll bring it back in a second, I swear.”

Josh must realize everyone’s watching because he sets his sweatshirt on the log before slipping his wallet into it, and then he passes them both to me.

“I’ll be right back,” I say.

I disappear into the shadows. Draping Josh’s sweatshirt over one arm, I slowly open his wallet. I slide my finger into the fold behind his student I.D. and . . . there it is!

I pull out the condom, its wrapper creased and worn, and stuff it into the pocket of Josh’s sweatshirt. Then I sneak up behind him again. I press the wallet against his side and he casually takes it.

“I’M STILL HERE,” Kellan says when I get back. “But Tyson went down to spit Mountain Dew into the fire. That boy is hard to control.”

Kellan tries sounding annoyed by Tyson’s antics, but I know she loves it.

“So why did you want me to wait?” she asks.

I look down at Josh’s sweatshirt in my hands. I feel stupid for what I’m about to say, but I don’t know what else to do. “It’s getting cold,” I tell her, lifting the sweatshirt between us.

Kellan stares at the sweatshirt, and then at me.

“I just thought . . . you’re going to need this,” I say.

She raises one eyebrow like I’ve gone insane. When I don’t move, she takes the sweatshirt and slides her arms into the sleeves. If Kellan and Tyson are going to have sex tonight, she needs to at least have the option of using protection. Of course, she may not discover the condom in time. Or she may find the condom but decide not to use it because it’s too ratty. But if I can’t warn her about the pregnancy, this is the best I can do.