The Game Changer (19 page)

“I don’t know. I don’t even know what to say about it. She’s my friend; I can talk to her about anything and, most of all, I trust her. It’s the first time I’ve ever had all of these weird feelings inside, especially when I’m around her. I don’t know what to do about it; this is
really
new to me.”

She smiles. “Does she know?”

“A little. We sort of talked about it. I think she feels it, too.”

“Well, that’s good. What did you decide to do about it?” she asks.

“We both decided it was more important for us to just be friends. She worries that De wouldn’t be happy about it and I just feel like she’s so young, she’s only sixteen. I mean, I know I’m only a year older, but she really hasn’t had any experiences yet. This is her first time dating and having fun with friends. Besides, it would be selfish of me to start something now. I mean, the draft is in June and who knows where I’m going to end up, I could be on the other side of the country, for all I know.”

“I know honey, but let me just say a few things. First, don’t worry about your sister. She’ll be fine. She cares about both of you and would want you to be happy. Second, if Jesse makes you happy and you make her happy, I’d hate to see you let her go. You’re not willing to take a chance because you’re worrying about what may or may not happen down the road? That’s silly. And third, Jesse is the same age as me when I started dating your dad. We were in the same situation. I’m not going to tell you it was always easy, love never is, but we made it through.”

“Whoa! Who said anything about love?” I ask; half kidding, half serious.

“You didn’t have to.” She smiles.

She gets up from the table and kisses the top of my head. Leaving me there to think about what she has said. I’m probably more confused than before, but I’m not about to change the rules on her again. This is what I did last time, we decide one thing, and then
I
decide to change it. It’s not right. No, if she wants it to be more, I’m going to wait for her to let me know.
I’ll wait forever for her if I have to
. I know what I want. It is now up to her.

I finally call Mikey, he picks me up and, of course, I fill him in on everything that happened. So much for keeping it between me and her. It feels good to talk about it. I feel bad for JJ; she doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Her best friend happens to be my sister. She doesn’t have her mom to talk to. I don’t know if she will confide in David or not. Now I feel like crap for telling them, I shouldn’t have said anything.

(Jesse)

When I step out of my house to meet Deanna, like I do every morning before school, I’m surprised to see Luke and Mikey with her. They usually leave for school before us.

“Hey, guys,” I say as I catch up to them in the street. “How come you two aren’t lifting this morning?” I ask casually, although my heart is racing since it is the first time I’ve seen Luke since yesterday morning.

Mikey answers, “Someone was lazy today and didn’t feel like getting up early.” He looks at me as if he knows why. I can kill Luke sometimes.

“De, how was your weekend?” I ask, ignoring him and changing the subject.

She tells me that they placed second in the competition and that it was a lot of fun. “I talked to Timmy when I got home last night. He said Stephen was disappointed you didn’t show up at the party Saturday. Timmy’s thinking maybe the four of us could get together this weekend?”

I feel my face get flushed. Luke is to the left of me and Mikey is to the right of De. Out of the
corner of my eye, I see Mikey and Luke exchange glances. Of course De has no idea because she doesn’t know the situation. I don’t respond.

“Well?” she asks.

“What?” I reply stupidly. I don’t know what to say.

“Do you want me to set something up for the four of us this weekend or not? He’s been trying to get together with you since the night you met him at
Game On
a few weeks ago.”

“Um... Let me think about it. I’ll let you know later today,” I finally answer.

“JJ, I thought you said you liked him, what’s up?” she asks.

This is not a conversation I want to have right now in front of them.

“Yeah JJ, what’s up? He seems like a nice guy,” Mikey adds sarcastically as he smirks at me.

“Then why don’t you go out with him?” I shoot back as we enter the school building.

“I gotta get to class, I forgot to finish something from Friday,” I lie. “De, I’ll talk to you later.” I start to rush off in the direction of my homeroom.

“Wait up,” I hear Luke call out as he tugs the back of my ponytail. “You okay?” he asks hesitantly.

“Yeah, fine. I just remembered I have to finish something before class starts,” I lie again.

We walk the remainder of the way in silence till we get to my class. “See you in a little bit,” he says, flashing me that beautiful smile as he walks away.

“See ya.” I smile back awkwardly.

He meets me after class and we make small talk as we walk to my next one. Luke is trying to act normal, but I think I’m the one making it awkward. At least third period we have Study Hall, we will be able to sit and talk. I didn’t know how to react to De’s question this morning. Will he want me to go? Does he not want me to go? I want to know his thoughts before I answer. Technically, we agreed that everything goes back to normal, which would mean I’m free to see other people. The problem is, I’m not interested in anyone besides him.

When we get to Study Hall, I sit a few seats further from our usual spot to give us some privacy from the others at our table.

“Did you finish what you needed to this morning?” He smiles knowingly, he has me figured out. I’m glad he brought it up, though.

I smile back. “I didn’t have work to do.”

“I figured... I guess this is the point where I let you off the hook and tell you to go, right?” he asks.

“I don’t know, do you?” I would like him to say he doesn’t want me to see anyone besides him.

“Look, the other night was awesome, but we agreed it was just one night, right?” he asks, looking at me to confirm my own words.

Okay, so we both seem unsure of what it is that we want this thing between us to be. I know once I agree with him, it will be the end of the conversation. Things will go back to usual. I can’t imagine seeing him with someone else, but we make a deal to stay friends and not let anything come between us. I’d rather play it safe.

“Hello, JJ. Are you listenin’?” he interrupts my thoughts.

“Yeah, the other night was great, but you’re right, it was one night,” I finally answer, agreeing with him.

“I guess I can live with that, as long as you always love me best.” He is joking as he leans in and gives me a nudge.

“Always.” I smile back. The way I feel now, it seems that this will always be true. I can’t imagine ever feeling about anyone the way I feel about him. This scares me. I can’t help but think of my dad and how he lost the one person he loved most.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

“My dad,” I answer.

“Is everything okay?”

“I just worry about him. It’s like his life is over and he’s not even forty. I used to feel the same way, I still miss my mom every day, but since we moved here and I met all of you, I feel happy again. I have things to look forward to now. Sometimes, I feel guilty about that.”

“JJ, it’s crazy to feel guilty about being happy. I think one of the things that keeps your dad going is seeing you happy. What about your mom? What would she want for you?”

“I know... you’re right.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You always do,” I reply.

“How would you feel if David met someone?”

“Oh, God, Luke, I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.” I laugh, but then, I think more seriously about it. “I think I would be happy for him. I don’t want him to be alone.”

“He’s not alone. He’s got you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You know, JJ, David’s a pretty good catch. He looks much younger than he is, he’s got a good job, he’s good looking, and he’s cool to hang out with. I probably could introduce him to a few girls I know that are in their early twenties.” He laughs.

I push him. “Leave my dad alone, I don’t need you corrupting him!”

“Why not? I’m already corrupting his daughter.” He pushes me back.

The bell rings. I’m still laughing at him. “Not anymore. See you later,” I say, rolling my eyes at him.

Later that night, while finishing up my homework, I begin to think more seriously about what Luke asked me before all of the joking had started. Will I be happy if my dad meets someone? My mom has been gone for almost two years now. I
don’t want my dad to be alone for the rest of his life, especially since I will be leaving for school in another year, but at the same time, it makes me sad to think that we both can move on without her.  I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes, I still believe it’s wrong for us to be happy without her. My thoughts are interrupted by my dad calling me for dinner.

I want to know if my dad feels the same way as me, so I decide to bring it up at dinner. “I was thinking of something today and I want your opinion,” I start.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Sometimes I feel guilty about being happy. I feel I should always feel sad about Mommy not being here with us. I’m not saying I don’t miss her every day, but I am happy right now. Is that wrong?” I ask.

“Absolutely not. Of course we miss her every day, but you should be happy. Your mom was a happy, fun person and she liked being around people that were fun and happy. She wouldn’t want to be around someone that was sad all the time. It would devastate her if she thought her daughter was always sad. You honor her more by being happy. That’s who she was,” he says.

“What about you? When will you be happy again?” I ask.

“Oh JJ, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m happy. I love watching you grow up, I like watching you with your friends, I’m happy you’re drawing again and I’m really proud of you.”

“What else Dad? That’s all about me.”

“That’s what brings me the most happiness right now, but JJ, there are other things, too. I’m really happy about my job. I enjoy my work. Not too many people are happy with their job.”

“Do you think you will ever meet someone again?” I can tell by his face that I just shocked him with this question, but I want to let him know that I think it is okay.

“What? That’s not even something I think about right now. I’m fine just the way things are. I don’t need to find someone else to be happy, if that’s what you’re getting at.” He smiles at me.

“I know, but if you did, it will be okay. You don’t have to feel guilty. I know how much you love Mommy, but she’s not here.”

“I know that, JJ, but you really don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”

I let it go. I just needed to let him know it was okay to find someone else to make him happy.

(Jesse)

It seems as if last Christmas was a million years ago, I hardly have any recollection of it. My dad and I are determined to make new memories. This time last year, I thought I’d never smile again, but here we are. I’ve made some really good friends, I like school, and I’m actually looking forward to the holidays. My dad and I decide we will have an open house on Christmas Eve. My Aunt Kathy and Uncle Billy, a few neighbors, including Lucca and Maria. A few of my dad’s friends are invited, along with a few of my own.

I’ve done a little babysitting, the last couple of months, to save up money for Christmas shopping, plus my dad gives me money to buy some things for myself. He tells me to consider it part of my Christmas present since he doesn’t know what type of things to pick out for me. Deanna, Lori, Cathy and I go shopping the week before Christmas. De helps me pick out some clothes for my dad. I buy a basket from
Bath and Body Works
for De; we love that store. Even though it is my favorite drawing, I have the picture that Luke likes so much framed for him. He did say it is his favorite as well. I think it will be nice for him to take with him when he leaves. It will remind him of home.

After the four of us finish shopping for our gifts, we decide to do some shopping for ourselves. I want something new for Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. The girls have no problem picking out their own clothes; they always look good. Me, I’m still having those confidence problems; I still need help in that department. De loves the chore of dressing me up and so do Lori and Cathy.

For Christmas Eve, they decide to go more casual; skinny jeans with an off the shoulder red sweater that belts around the waist and high black boots. It is so not me, but that’s what I like about it. For New Years Eve, they go more dressy; a black mini dress. From what I hear, someone from our school has a huge beach house. I was never there, but I hear it is awesome; windows and balconies off every floor face the ocean. The guy who lives there is hosting the New Year’s party. Apparently, his father will be in the Cayman Islands for the holidays and he has the house to himself.

My dad and I spend the rest of the week decorating the house, it looks very festive. On his days off, I help him prepare the food for the party. I’m looking forward to being off from school for a while, but I’m disappointed that De, Luke and Mikey will be leaving the day after Christmas for Florida. Mikey and Luke have one of their showcasing events and they decided to make a vacation out of it. Lucca and Maria rented a three bedroom house with a swimming pool. They invited me to go with them and as much as I would love to go, I can’t leave my dad the day after Christmas by himself. The three of them are flying back on New Year’s Eve. Maria and Lucca are staying a couple of extra days.