The Girl Who Came Back (15 page)

Andee’s eyes danced. ‘She’s cruising at the moment, with my husband’s mother.’

Jules nodded. ‘It makes a big difference when both sides of the family get along,’ she commented, thinking of how close her and Kian’s mothers had always been. ‘Your mother-in-law is Carol Farnham, the old mayor’s wife, isn’t she?’

‘That’s right.’

‘How is she?’

‘OK. She still misses Dougie, but I guess that’s to be expected. They were very close and married a long time.’

‘The whole town misses Dougie. He’s the best mayor we ever had. I expect you hear that a lot.’

Andee smiled. ‘He enjoyed working with Kian, I know that. Do you remember how excited they used to get about their projects? We’d hear all about them every time we came to Kesterly on holiday, and I remember my kids forever begging to go to Daisy’s shows, or be in one of her films if they could.’

Making herself smile, Jules said, ‘Were they ever?’

‘A couple of times. Small parts.’ Moving away from Daisy, Andee said cheerfully, ‘We were all at the reopening of the old cinema. Do you remember that?’

Jules did. ‘Everyone was allowed in for free that day,’ she reminisced, ‘and the film was … What was the film?’

‘Bend It Like Beckham.’

‘That’s right, and a couple of the cast came to add a bit of glitz to the occasion. It was quite a party after.’

‘One of Kian’s and Dougie’s many strong points, parties.’

‘I hear Dougie even stage-managed his own funeral.’

Andee’s eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘You weren’t there?’ Then remembering, ‘No, of course not. Sorry.’

Jules swallowed and picked up her coffee again. ‘So is your name Farnham, now you’re married?’ she asked after a moment.

‘Yes, but I still tend to use Lawrence.’

Jules tried imagining not using Kian’s name, but it wasn’t somewhere she wanted to go so she let it drop. ‘Does it feel different to be married after you were living together for so long?’ she asked curiously.

Andee shrugged. ‘I suppose it did, at first. It felt quite romantic, in fact, but now it’s … I guess the same as it always was.’

Jules frowned. ‘That sounds …’ She shook her head. ‘Sorry, it’s none of my business.’

‘It’s fine. I know I sound disillusioned, and I suppose in a way I am, but not because of Martin. He’s a great husband and father, generous, attentive, wanting to make up for leaving me when he did … The trouble is, I can’t help wondering … Well, I suppose what life would have been like if I’d taken up with someone else during the time we were apart.’

‘Were you apart for long?’

‘A couple of years.’

‘And did you meet anyone else in that time?’

Andee’s eyes drifted as she nodded. ‘Yes, as a matter of fact I did. It wasn’t serious, but I think it could have been if Martin hadn’t come back on the scene.’

‘Do you ever see this person now?’

‘We run into each other now and again at various functions. It’s a small town.’

Jules couldn’t deny that. There wasn’t anyone in Kesterly who didn’t know what had happened to her. Most of the country knew about that. ‘Is it awkward?’

‘A little. To be honest, it still feels like unfinished business, which is crazy when I’m married to someone else. What do I think I’m going to do, have an affair?’

Jules regarded her closely. ‘Would you, if you had the chance?’ she dared to ask.

Andee smiled as she shrugged. ‘In my dreams, maybe, but I wouldn’t want to hurt either of them, or myself, so I guess the answer has to be no.’ Seeming to shake it off, she said, ‘How about you? Have you ever …? No, you and Kian were always so close …’

Jules’s heart contracted. ‘Yes, we were,’ she said quietly, ‘but I almost ruined it all once with a moment of madness. I’ve never been able to forgive myself for it. Sometimes I even wonder if what happened later was my punishment. It was how it felt for a long time, but I don’t think it works like that, does it?’ She wasn’t sure about that, but it was hard to be sure about anything now.

‘Did Kian know about the … “moment of madness”?’

Jules shook her head. ‘No, I never told him, but it changed things between us anyway. It was like, because I knew I couldn’t be trusted, I no longer knew if I could trust him. That’s crazy, isn’t it, but it’s how it was. It made me love him more too, like I wanted to protect him, and I was terrified I was going to lose him … Sometimes I felt so desperate when I looked at him. It was very muddled. I guess I was a bit of a basket case, although I think, on the surface, I seemed fine to everyone else.’

‘Do you know if he was ever unfaithful?’

‘I don’t think so. I used to wish he would be, in the hope it might make me feel better, but I don’t think he ever went past the flirting stage. Even that changed after I …’ She broke off, suddenly not wanting to go any further, and yet the words were there, needing to be spoken, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. ‘I got pregnant,’ she said shakily. ‘We’d always found it so hard to conceive, me and Kian, and then, after that one encounter I found I …’ She swallowed hard. ‘I had no idea which of them was the father.’

Andee’s eyes were dark with feeling. ‘So what did you do?’ she asked gently.

‘Actually, I didn’t have to do anything, because I miscarried. I guess that was a blessing, but it was still my baby, and it might have been Kian’s … Of course he thought it was, so he was as devastated as I was when I lost it.’ Her heart burned with all the anguish and deceit she’d felt at the time. She couldn’t think now how she’d managed to get through it, but somehow she had. ‘I let him grieve for a child that might not have been his,’ she said dully. ‘I don’t know if you understand how that makes me feel, even now.’

‘I can only imagine,’ Andee whispered truthfully.

‘He thought it was the reason for my depression, and I suppose it was, but mostly it was about deceiving him. He didn’t deserve that, and yet he didn’t deserve to be hurt either.’ She took a breath. ‘I sometimes wonder …’

When she didn’t elaborate Andee simply waited, allowing her to decide whether she wanted to continue.

‘You remember Joe, Daisy’s American boyfriend?’ Jules said in the end.

Andee nodded. ‘Of course.’

‘It was his father that I … So I sometimes wonder, if Joe hadn’t stayed in our lives, would I have found it easier to put it all behind me? Not that I ever saw him. We never met again after that day … He was tactfully somewhere else whenever Kian and I were in Chicago, and he never came to England with Joe. Of course Daisy stayed with him and his wife during her visits to the States, and on a couple of occasions, when she was younger and she and Joe were first together, Kian would fly over with her for the weekend, so he’d stay there too.’

‘That must have been hard for you.’

‘I hated it, but what could I do? Daisy and Joe were besotted with one another. I kept telling myself it would burn itself out as they got older, but it never did. They spent every summer together, usually with us at Em’s lake house, and every Christmas here in Kesterly, at the Mermaid. The half-terms in between were either in Chicago, Kesterly, or sometimes for a special treat someone would take them to New York or London. There was no point trying to split them up, having an ocean between them was already taking care of the physical distance, but they never allowed it to be a problem. And the way kids use social media these days, it’s like most of them have virtual relationships anyway. It could even be said that they spend more time together online, FaceTiming, instant messaging, texting, or whatever, than if they were in the same town, or even the same room. I’m not sure how old they were when they started to talk about getting married, probably only fourteen or fifteen. It was crazy, a kind of dream with no real understanding of what it all meant, so we didn’t take it seriously. On the other hand I used to worry about there being a wedding and what it would be like to see Nicholas again.’

‘Did you want to see him?’

‘I guess there’s no point in denying that a part of me did, but I dreaded it too. If they did end up together it would become harder than ever to avoid him …’ Her voice ran dry as all the useless worrying faded back into the waste of time it had been. ‘Joe’s coming here in a couple of weeks,’ she said.

Andee’s eyes narrowed. ‘I take it you’ve told him about Amelia’s imminent release?’

Jules nodded. Her eyes were distant, her thoughts spiralling downwards into a very dark place. The only way to rescue them was to think of Daisy and the way she lit up the world with her laughter, her kindness, her sense of fairness and determination to see good in everyone, even Amelia Quentin …

Jules flinched; everything kept coming back to the Quentin girl. It seemed impossible to escape Amelia no matter how hard she tried, but even if she managed it there was always the guilt of Jules’s betrayal …

‘There’s definitely something wrong, Mum, I can tell,’ Daisy insisted, skipping backwards against the wind so she could see her mother’s face. ‘If something’s upsetting you then you must either tackle it, or put it out of your mind. It never does any good to let it fester. So now, what’s getting to you? You know you can tell me anything. I won’t be shocked.’

Smiling, Jules raised a hand to shield her eyes from the winter sun. Her darling leggy daughter, who was growing into a stunning young woman with her father’s wayward blonde curls, violet-blue eyes and irrepressible good humour, was never backward in throwing out a challenge.

‘All that’s bothering me right now,’ Jules declared, ‘is working out the staff rota over Christmas, and will we get all the deliveries on time.’

‘Pfft!’ Daisy scoffed. ‘You never stress over stuff like that. Anyway, it’s Misty’s job, so sorry, not buying it.’

Amused by her certainty, Jules said, ‘OK, I’m wondering if Dad’s bitten off more than he can chew with this new pleasure-cruise project.’

‘Sorry, still not doing it for me. Dad’s always biting off more than he can chew but when does it ever not work out? Shall I tell you what I think it is?’

In spite of the fear that Daisy might actually know, Jules made her eyes twinkle.

Daisy said, ‘OK, here goes. You’re worrying about me and Joe and how our relationship has gone on to the next level, but honestly, you shouldn’t, because there’s nothing to worry about.’

Jules’s eyebrows rose. In her opinion there was plenty to worry about where that relationship was concerned, not least how long it might be before Daisy left them to go to the States. However, all she said was, ‘Well that’s good to hear,’ and grabbing Daisy’s arm she steered her away from a slimy pile of seaweed.

‘Look at it this way,’ Daisy continued. ‘You and Dad are soulmates, right?’

Since Jules had always thought so, she wasn’t going to deny it now, when they’d surely come good again one day, please God. ‘Yes, we are,’ she confirmed.

‘So that’s just like me and Joe. All that’s different is that we met when we were younger, and we live in different countries, which actually makes it even more meant-to-be if you think about it.’

Jules didn’t argue, since there was every chance Daisy was right. She was sixteen now, Joe was seventeen, and Jules and Kian had long ago given up telling themselves that the friendship, which had become a fully intimate relationship back in the summer (though Kian didn’t know that), wouldn’t last.

‘We’re using contraception,’ Daisy assured her, ‘if that’s what’s worrying you.’

‘I’d assumed you were.’

Daisy grinned. ‘It’s just amazing, Mum. I mean, I had no idea anything could feel like that. He’s so …’

‘My darling, love you as I do and happy for you as I am, I really don’t need the details.’

With a choke of laughter, Daisy said, ‘OK, so here’s the big question, are you going to let him sleep in my room when he comes for Christmas?’

Jules’s eyes narrowed playfully. ‘Why don’t you ask Dad that question?’

Daisy collapsed into a groan. ‘Mum!’

‘What?’

‘He’ll say no.’

‘Are you sure?’

Daisy tilted her head as she considered it. ‘I guess I just have to go about it in the right way,’ she decided. ‘If I remind him of how young Romeo and Juliet were when they fell in love …’

‘Not a good idea. Think how it ended.’

Daisy bubbled with laughter. ‘OK, so how about I ask him how old you were when you first got it together. How old were you, by the way?’

‘Old enough.’

‘You mean legally? So am I.’

‘Not in the States.’

‘But we won’t be in the States.’

‘I’m not sure that counts in Joe’s case. Under American law you’re still a minor.’

‘You’re just confusing things now. I need you on my side, Mum, so tell me you don’t object.’

‘I’m fine with it, but how do you think he’s going to like sharing you with Ruby and the mermaids?’ Though the mermaid collection was much pared down these days, and certainly more tastefully displayed, neither it nor Ruby had moved out altogether.

‘He
loves
Ruby and the mermaids,’ Daisy insisted. ‘Did I tell you that he’s promised to take me to Copenhagen to see the Little Mermaid one of these days?’

‘Did you tell him your grannies took you when you were ten?’

‘No, because I didn’t want to spoil it. By the way, are you going over to Granny Marsha’s later? Oh hang on, who’s this?’ and taking out her mobile she checked her texts. ‘Two from Stephie, one from Dean wanting to know …’ Whatever had been asked she didn’t share as she rapidly sent messages back. ‘Great. So where were we? Oh, I know …’

‘Is that your phone again?’

Daisy was already reading the next text. ‘Cool,’ she muttered as she dealt with it. ‘About six of us are going to be here for breakfast tomorrow,’ she informed her mother. ‘There’s this film project we’re working on for college … Oh yes, and Stephie’s auntie’s got three tickets for her, me and Dean to go and see the Kaiser Chiefs in Birmingham while Joe’s here, so we need Dad to find out if he can get an extra one.’

‘I’m sure he’ll know someone. He usually does.’ Jules’s eyes returned to Daisy’s phone as another text arrived.

‘Oh, how sweet,’ Daisy smiled as she read it. ‘It’s from this girl at the gym who … Oh my God, I forgot to tell you about her. You’ll never guess who it is.’