The Goal of My Life (21 page)

Becoming a Christian does not guarantee a trouble-free life. My faith underwent the ultimate test one night in December 1983 when Eleanor became very ill. That was – and still is – the worst night of my life. But surviving it really confirmed my faith.

Eleanor had not been feeling well at that time, and in fact had been experiencing stomach problems since June of that year. We were very concerned about her, as there had been a lot of cancer in Eleanor’s family. We were especially fearful of her having ovarian cancer, so when she developed these stomach problems, our doctor – John Faucett – ordered some tests.

John was a great friend of ours in Birmingham at that time. We spent eight Christmas Eves together, and since we both had three daughters, we became fast friends. The tests came back and the results indicated that there was some abnormal cell growth and the decision was made that Eleanor would undergo a full hysterectomy.

As you can imagine, that’s a tough situation, but as we
always did, we managed it through prayer and our faith in the Lord. We had a lot of people praying for her, including John Bradford and his wife, who were with us in her hospital room before the surgery. We laid hands on her and prayed for her, trusting that God would help her through this ordeal.

The surgery apparently went well, but later that evening Eleanor was having difficulty with her focus, she was in pain, and she was in and out of consciousness. The nurse finally had to call her doctor and tell him to come to the hospital immediately, as there was great concern.

I knew she was in real trouble when I saw her doctor perspiring as he attended to her, while she continued to slip in and out of consciousness. I will never forget holding her by the hand as she looked into my eyes and said to me, “I don’t think I’m going to make it.”

It was as if I’d been punched right in the stomach. This could not be happening – not to her, not at this time, and not like this. As three doctors now attended to her, I knew I had to leave the room and try to compose myself, as I was a nervous wreck by this point.

I walked down the hallway crying and feeling totally helpless. I had been a Christian since 1975, had given my life to the Lord, and now the most important person in the world to me was lying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life.

I was shaking my fist, staring up at the ceiling, and I remember yelling at God, “Don’t You take her from me!” It was shortly after this that I sensed God was asking me to give Eleanor to Him. As I thought about that, I realized I had given everything important to me to the Lord over the past eight years – except I hadn’t given Eleanor to Him yet.

It had taken me two full years to make the decision, but I had given my life to the Lord. As I’ve said, money was always a concern of mine, but we had started tithing and giving money generously. I had turned my finances over to Him, as important as they were to me. I knew that I had also given my three children to the Lord, but I just couldn’t bring myself to give Eleanor to the Lord. I realized that night in the hospital that He was asking me for her.

I didn’t hear a voice – not a tangible one – but a sense, a presence telling me that now God wanted me to give him Eleanor too. It was very clear to me then what He was asking for.

As I sat there crying and overcome with grief, suddenly a feeling of quietness came over me. I realized that I had a decision to make, and that the Lord was the one asking me to make that decision.

I slowly opened up my hand and said to the Lord, “I give Eleanor to You, God.” I realized that she didn’t really belong to me, she belonged to God. And I knew that there was nothing else in my life that I was keeping from Him now. At the same time, I prayed to him, “Please, please do not let her die.” I told God that I didn’t know how I could live without her, and I didn’t know how I would be able to raise our three daughters without her. I begged God not to let her die, but I was also not nearly as fearful as I had been just a few minutes before. I understood that I had to trust in God no matter what – and that I had to give Him everything in my life, including the person who meant the most to me in the world. That was Eleanor.

I went back into that hospital room much more composed. I went to Eleanor’s bedside and said, “Don’t give up. You
fight this!” I also told her how much I loved her and how much I and the children needed her. I stayed and prayed for her until the early morning hours, when she finally moved out of danger.

It was the worst night of my life by far. But it was also a pivotal experience for me, as I’ve never been the same in regards to my freedom and my relationship with God since then. There was still something in the way, something blocking the ultimate trust you need for a relationship with God … and I had to give Him Eleanor in the same way I had given Him my life, my finances, and my children.

I am not perfect, that’s for sure. Since then, there have been times when I have taken her back, only to have to apologize to God and give her back to Him again. I now believe that God asks us for things when He knows we are mature enough to surrender them to Him, no matter what they may be.

The question is, “Do you trust God, or do you not trust God?” If you do, then you must surrender to Him completely, and that’s what I did under the toughest circumstances for me imaginable.

For the past twenty-eight years I have worked for a Christian ministry now called Power to Change. I was given permission in 1985 to start a men’s ministry under their umbrella that is now called LeaderImpact Group (
LIG
).

I felt a calling to reach out to men the same way Mel Stevens and John Bradford had done for me. I knew there were plenty of men just like me with little or no spiritual background looking for a place to discuss and get answers to help handle the stresses, pressures, and issues of life as they related to career, marriage, family relationships, and spirituality. I wanted to create a safe and friendly environment where
men would have the freedom and confidence to talk about their own personal questions about life and how spirituality, from a biblical perspective, could answer many of their questions and needs.

I started with three men in downtown Toronto – two doctors and a businessman. We expanded to twelve men in a couple of months as they invited their friends or acquaintances to join our once-a-week sessions from 6:30 a.m. to 8:00 a.m. in a boardroom. I started another group in Hamilton doing the same thing. I simply replicated what John Bradford had modelled and taught me for three years in his group. The bottom line is we try to help men figure out who Jesus is and how He can influence their lives, which allows them to live life with purpose, direction, and fulfillment.

When I felt I had some men who could capably lead a group on their own, we would have a breakfast and ask the men in the group to consider asking some of their friends to come to a breakfast meeting and hear about what we were doing in our group. I would talk about my faith journey and the affect John Bradford had on me in his group. I would then ask three of the men already in the group to tell the audience why they came out to the group and how it was helping them. We would encourage the new attendees to consider joining a group. We asked them to come and “kick the tires” for four weeks and see if they were comfortable and if they found it beneficial.

Most of the men who came for the four weeks continued, and that is why we now have hundreds of men coming to groups in Toronto, Mississauga, Oakville, Burlington, Hamilton, Vaughan, Markham, Newmarket, Huntsville, Bracebridge, and Ottawa. As we have grown and others
joined the staff, we have become a national organization with groups in other provinces as well.

We have developed some very gifted and talented mentor leaders over the years, and the ripple effect continues.

No one ever gets to the point where they know it all or don’t need encouragement and support. The Bible says, “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens the other.” When you get twelve gifted men in a room, there is great discernment and insight, and everyone benefits from the collective wisdom. Many men will give their small group the credit for their development and spiritual maturity.

Eleanor and I have spoken at weekend marriage conferences for the last fifteen years teaching couples about biblical principles that allow couples to have a game plan to achieve oneness and harmony within a solid marriage. I believe having a great marriage is one of the most difficult and challenging tasks that we take on; everyone needs help and instruction to get through the tough times. All marriages go through difficult and challenging times, but many couples have no clue how to deal with them and keep the marriage together. We are able to give them hope and solid principles to work through their issues and develop love and deep intimacy with each other.

I have had the opportunity to speak about my faith and ministry hundreds of times in every province in Canada and in more than twenty other countries.

Many of the men in our groups have also joined us on international projects and have spoken on how they operate their business with biblical principles and what part their faith plays in allowing them to handle the challenges of their business world.

I also love the many and varied motivational speaking opportunities I get to address corporations about leadership, teamwork, mentoring, making it happen, and winning.

Needless to say, I have spoken at more fundraiser and charity events than I probably should have, at least from my wife’s perspective.

W
HEN YOU DECIDE TO GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE
L
ORD
, that is what you do. I have tried to serve Him in every way since I made that decision, and that has been the goal of my life’s work since then.

I have had the opportunity to help other people with their own spiritual searches since then, in the same way that my mentor, John Bradford, did for me many years ago.

Some of the men I have worked with over the years were kind enough to provide their thoughts on their own journeys with me, and I am honoured to share some of their observations with you in this chapter.