The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (89 page)

To find out more about the Free Speech Coalition, visit
www.freespeechcoalition.com
.

Endnote

We hope you’ve enjoyed reading this book, that it made you laugh and turned you on. Most of all, we hope it inspired you to expand your own sexual boundaries. By this, we don’t mean we’ll feel like failures if you don’t want to tackle at least four new sexual positions or try at least six new sex toys as soon as you finish the last page. We would be happy if you simply felt encouraged to communicate more about sex.

The most revolutionary aspect of our work is not the nature of the products we sell or the way we sell them—it’s the fact that we talk about sex. Enthusiastic, forthright, frank talk about sex is in desperately short supply in our society, and our customers tell us they’re grateful for the opportunity we provide to speak freely about a subject that is shrouded in mystification. If you’ve felt similarly gratified by what you’ve read, we’d like to ask a favor of you in return.

You can help advance sexual expression on a grassroots level if you’re willing to take some personal risks. It takes courage to identify your sexual feelings, fantasies, and fears without apologies or rationalizations or excuses. One of the biggest contributors to sexual shame and ignorance is people’s reluctance to stand up and name what brings them pleasure. It’s easier to fall silent than to ask a lover to touch you in specific ways. It’s easier to dismiss activities as immature, dangerous, or politically incorrect than to examine the source of your preconceptions. It’s easier to make assumptions about somebody else’s sexual preferences than to acknowledge what fuels your own fantasies. It’s easier to critique that “tedious” X-rated movie or that “trite” porn magazine than it is to identify the moment during viewing when your pulse speeded up or to point to the photo that made your juices start flowing. It’s easier to pretend that your siblings don’t have sex than it is to compare notes on how you’ve been influenced by the cultural messages you all received while growing up. Yet if you take the risk of speaking up about sex, a whole new world of perceptions and possibilities will open before you.

Why not try talking to a lover, a friend, a coworker, or a relative about sex in a way you never have before? Tell your lover the plot of your most powerful fantasy. Ask your best friend to take your kids to the movies so that you can stay home and masturbate. Interview your mother and your father about how they learned about sex. Present a vibrator at your sister’s baby shower. Swap condom recommendations with a coworker. You may be surprised at how exhilarating it is to acknowledge yourself as a sexual person, and at how eagerly those around you respond to any encouragement to express sexual feelings and opinions.

We understand that many people feel that sex is a private matter, and that public discourse threatens to devalue it. The truth is, our society’s tacit agreement to keep silent about where and how we get pleasure has created a situation in which the individual right to privacy is under siege and the right to free expression is subject to constant legislative threats.

The enjoyment of sex is a basic human right that we’d like to see guaranteed to all. When we were first working on this book, we used to joke that the final chapter should be entitled “We’d Like to Teach the World to Come,” but perhaps a more accurate title would be “We’d Like to Teach the World to Communicate.” Better communication leads to increased sexual pleasure, which, in turn, promotes health, self-esteem, intimacy, creativity, and joy. The world would unquestionably be a better place if sexual pleasure were more abundant. While we can’t necessarily realize our dream of putting a vibrator into the hands of every U.N. representative or penetrating the nation’s corridors of power with dildos and lubes, we can offer you encouragement, praise, and our heartfelt wishes for a lifetime full of all the sexual pleasure you desire.

Let’s Talk About Sex—Take Our Survey!

We’re inviting all our readers to fill out as much of the following survey as they wish. Feel free to skip any questions that don’t inspire you. We hope these questions will encourage you to identify what gives you pleasure. We’re not looking for statistics—we simply want to get a sense of what sexual activities you’re enjoying, so that we can best represent your experience in future editions of this book. We want to know what kind of sex you like and why you like it! If you’re willing to share your responses (anonymously, of course), send your completed survey to: [email protected].

We may choose to quote anonymously from portions of these surveys. If you do not wish to be quoted, even anonymously, please tell us.

Sexual Arousal and Response

1. Please describe your experience of any or all of the following:

women:
orgasm, multiple orgasm, ejaculation, G-spot stimulation

men:
orgasm, multiple orgasm, orgasm without ejaculation, prostate stimulation

2. Please describe how your experiences of desire, arousal, and orgasm have (or haven’t) changed over the course of your lifetime. For instance, how have your experiences changed with age, during pregnancy, upon becoming a parent, while on medication, after surgery,
etc.

Self-Image

3. What factors have had the biggest influence on your sexual self-esteem?

4. How has your sexual self-image changed over your lifetime?

Masturbation

5. What’s your earliest memory of masturbating (consciously engaging in sexual self-stimulation)?

6. Describe your single most powerful masturbation experience.

Coming of Age

7. When did you start having sex with a partner, and what were these early experiences like?

8. What specific resources did you find most useful in learning about sex and sexual technique (books, partners, sex-ed class)?

9. What were the most positive and most negative messages you received when learning about sex?

Sex Play

10. What are your favorite sexual activities that don’t involve intercourse (massage, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc.)?

11. What types of online sexual entertainment or communication do you enjoy (cybersex, chatrooms, reading/writing erotica, etc.)?

12. Please describe your experiences with sexual power play.

Penetration

13. Please describe what types of vaginal and/or anal penetration (fingers, fist, penis, dildo, plug, vibrator, anal beads, etc.) you particularly enjoy.

14. What are your favorite positions for penetration?

15. Do you use lubricant; why or why not? If you do, what type do you prefer?

Sex Toys

16. Please describe your most enjoyable, amusing and/or disappointing experience with a sex toy.

17. What sex toys do you wish existed?

Fantasies

18. Please describe your (current) favorite fantasy.

19. Have you identified certain recurring themes in your fantasies, or have your fantasies changed over your lifetime?

20. What specific books, magazines, or videos reliably fuel your fantasies?

Communication

21. What have been some of the most difficult subjects to raise with a sexual partner?

22. What techniques have you found to be most (and least) successful in discussing sex with a partner?

Safer Sex

23. Please describe your experience with safer-sex accessories (condoms, dams, gloves, Saran Wrap, etc.)? If you do not practice safer sex, why not?

24. How has your attitude about safer sex changed (or not) over your lifetime?

Feedback

25. Are there any other specific questions or issues you’d like us to address in future editions of this book?

26. What comments and/or feedback do you have for us?

Resources

Shopping Guide

Adam and Eve
Catalog of toys, videos, and lingerie

PO Box 800
Carrboro, NC 27510
(919) 644-1212
or
(800) 274-0333
www.adameve.com

Adam and Gillian’s Sensual Whips and Toys
Catalog of bondage gear and whips

40 Grant Avenue
Copiague, NY 11726
(631) 842-1711
or
(888) 476-8697
www.aswgt.com

Aslan Leather
Online catalog of harnesses, bondage gear, and whips

Box 102, Station B
Toronto, Ontario
Canada M5T 2T3
(416) 306-0462
or
(877) 467-1526
www.aslanleather.com

Blowfish
Catalog of toys, books, and videos

PO Box 411290
San Francisco, CA 94141
(415) 252-4340
or
(800) 325-2569
www.blowfish.com

Come as You Are
Retail store and online catalog of toys, books, and videos

701 Queen Street West
Toronto, Ontario
Canada M6J 1E6
(416) 504-7934
or
(877) 858-3160
www.comeasyouare.com

Condomania
Retail stores and catalog of safersex supplies

647 N. Poinsettia Place
Los Angeles, CA 90036
(323) 930-5330
or
(800) 926-6366
www.condomania.com

351 Bleecker Street
New York, NY 10014
(212) 691-9442

Betty Dodson Productions
Online catalog of Betty’s books, videos, and select toys

PO Box 1933
Murray Hill Station
New York, NY 10156
(866) 877-9676
www.bettydodson.com

Dream Dresser
Retail stores and online catalog of fetish clothing,
shoes, and toys

8444-50 Santa Monica Boulevard
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(323) 848-3480
or
(800) 963-7326
www.dreamdresser.com

1042 Wisconsin Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20007
(202) 625-0373

EroSpirit New School of Erotic Touch
Catalog of erotic massage videos by educators,
including Joseph Kramer and Annie Sprinkle

PO Box 3893
Oakland, CA 94609
(510) 428-9063
or
(800) 432-3767
www.erospirit.org

E-Sensuals
Catalog of books and videos related to sex and
spirituality; national directory of Tantra teachers and
workshops

PO Box 1818
Sebastopol, CA 95472
(707) 823-3063
or
(800) 982-6872
www.tantra.com

Eve’s Garden
Retail store (woman-oriented) and catalog of toys,
books, and videos

119 West 57th Street, #1201
New York, NY 10019
(212) 757-8651
or
(800) 848-3837
www.evesgarden.com

Femme Productions, Inc.
Candida Royalle’s erotic videos from a woman’s
perspective

(800) 456-5683
www.royalle.com

Forbidden Fruit
Retail store and online catalog of toys and fetish
clothing

512 Neches Street
Austin, TX 78701
(512) 478-8358
or
(800) 315-2029
www.forbiddenfruit.com

Glyde Dams
Online catalog of safer sex supplies

PO Box 9783
Seattle, WA 98109
(206) 283-7664
www.sheerglydedams.com

Good For Her
Retail store and online catalog of toys, books, and
videos

175 Harbord Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canada M5S 1H3
(416) 588-0900
or
(877) 588-0900
www.goodforher.com

Good Vibrations
Retail stores of toys, books, and videos

1210 Valencia Street
San Francisco, CA 94110
(415) 974-8980

1620 Polk Street
San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 974-8985

2504 San Pablo Avenue
Berkeley, CA 94702
(510) 841-8987

Catalog of toys, books, and videos

938 Howard Street, #101-GB
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 974-8990
or
(800) 289-8423
www.goodvibes.com

Publishing/Production

Down There Press: sexual self-help and erotic books
Passion Press: erotic audio tapes
Sexpositive Productions: erotic and educational
videos