The Guide to Getting It On (42 page)

Focus in Muff Diving vs Focus in Video Games

Nina Hartley, who has given oral sex to many different women and men, talks in her book about how she sometimes struggles keep focus when giving a woman oral sex. While she doesn’t mention this, it might be instructive to compare muff diving with playing a video game.

There are few pursuits in life that are more polar opposite than gaming and muff diving. While each can require precise fine-motor muscle movements, video gaming is visual feast. With muff diving, the lights are often low, or you’ll have your eyes closed so you can better focus on your partner’s subtle clues.

Gaming invites you to lean into the action with every cell of your body. Muff diving requires a calm, deliberate focus, although with muff diving, your penis might be hard while this is seldom the case with video games.

With gaming, the better you do the more feedback you get. With muff diving, the better you do, the more likely she’ll be to fade off into her own space. Sometimes you’ll get hip-bucking feedback, but other times, you might as well be alone.

With muff diving, your joy is in helping your partner go into a world of intense pleasure. That’s what you need to stay focused on. Once you get her there, you pretty much stop existing, which is it’s own special joy.

Positions for Giving a Woman Oral Sex

With time and experience, each couple will find which oral sex positions work best for them. For starters, it’s hard to beat the classic missionary-style position, which many consider to be the default position. This is where the woman is on her back and the man is on his stomach with his face between her legs. This position allows her legs to flex comfortably, which helps her pelvis to tilt up for better access. Her thighs can be over his arms or shoulders, or under them.

A great thing about the classic missionary-style position is how comfortable it is for the woman and how it doesn’t interfere with her ability to take long, deep breaths. It’s also a position where your bodies are both pointing in the same direction. This means you tongue has clear access to the tip and shaft of her clitoris. You will be licking in an upward direction, which works well if your partner likes you to retract her clitoral hood and lick the underbelly of her clitoris. It also allows you to lightly suck on her clitoris or to wrap your mouth around her entire vulva if that’s what she prefers.

A disadvantage of this position is your head is looking up, which causes your neck to bend backward. This can be uncomfortable after awhile.

A variation of the missionary-style position is when you are kneeling at the edge of the bed. This can allow your neck to be less bent, depending on how the two of you position yourselves.

Another comfortable oral sex position is when you are in the classic missionary like position but turned on your sides. This allows the man to rest his head on the side of his partner’s thigh. It can feel a bit claustrophobic. Then again this allows her to apply the ultimate head scissors if she’s a fan of wrestling. One disadvantage of the “sides” position is that you don’t have as much access or control as when her legs are spread apart. Some men will start off in the first position, when a woman’s clit might be more sensitive and mouth and tongue control are critical. Then they ask the woman to roll on her side so they can get into a more comfortable sides position and keep going for as long as she likes.

Another oral-sex position is where your partner is sitting on your face. However the term “sitting on your face” is rife with deception. While it might look as if she is sitting on your face, the human face isn’t the most comfortable object to sit on. As an alternative, she might want to stay on all fours, with you propping your head and upper body on pillows. This will give your face the necessary altitude to make the contact you need with her crotch.

Another position some couples enjoy is when the woman is sitting in a chair or on a stool with her partner sitting or kneeling between her legs. She may need to slouch so he doesn’t get a mouthful of chair cushion.

Some couples enjoy a 69 alignment where your head is pointing in the opposite direction from hers. Unfortunately, the alignment of your face to her vulva is not necessarily optimal.

Lock Jaw & Tongue Cramping

Tongue cramping and jaw paralysis are common side effects of giving oral sex. These often occur just moments before the woman blurts out, “There, that’s perfect, don’t stop!” Being able to continue when every ligament and muscle fiber from your neck up is screaming for mercy is what separates the oral-sex men from the oral-sex boys.

Protect Your Neck—You are not a Crash-Test Dummy

If your neck is in a strange position or making a strange angle, you won’t have the stamina to do a good job. First and foremost, make sure your neck is comfortable. Always assume that you may be in this position for longer than anticipated. Sometimes much longer.

A strategically placed pillow under your partner’s bum can provide better access to her genitals. It can also raise her pelvis and crotch so the angle of your neck isn’t so severe. Also, don’t hesitate to put a pillow under your head if it makes you more comfortable.

With experience, you will discover which positions land you in traction. Do not suffer in silence. Discuss this with your partner so you can find positions that are mutually pleasing. That way you’ll be able to give her more of what she likes. And don’t hesitate to give your mouth a breather by gently replacing the tip of your tongue with the tip of your wet finger.

Also, it is not unheard of for a woman in the heat of oral passion to grab a man’s skull and yank it one way or another with enough force to cause whiplash. If she grinds your face into her crotch with a nose-flattening swoosh, she probably wants you to up the tempo or pressure a bit. But don’t be silly and let your tongue go full throttle, because this might cause her to whip your head in the opposite direction. Learning to shift tongue-gears gradually can add years to the life of your neck.

The Thermal Envelope of a Woman’s Crotch

Besides porn, the second worst source of information on how to give oral sex is the movies. When you see an actor with his face between a woman’s legs in the movies, his head is almost always covered by sheets or a blanket.

This might be fine if your partner’s crotch could double as a winter home for penguins. But once a woman begins to feels sexually excited, the heat signature between her legs rapidly increases. This means you will start sweating like a pig if you put a blanket over your head while giving a woman oral sex. It will help ruin what should be a very enjoyable experience. So be sure there is plenty of air circulating around your face and head.

Avoiding Beard Burn

When receiving oral sex, one thing that women often complain about is men’s beards. Their advice: grow a full beard or keep your face clean-shaven. Grunge is not good on a woman’s thighs. Five o’clock shadow is even worse on a shaven or bare vulva.

If you are the kind of guy who grows a five o’clock shadow ten minutes after shaving, find a favorite set of towels and drape one over each of your partner’s legs, like mechanics do on the fenders of cars when they are working on the engine. Talk to your partner about this and see if it would help.

On the Tip of Your Tongue

Some women complain that men confuse sticking their tongue out like when the doctor tells you to say “ahhh” with oral sex. During oral sex, your tongue can be hard or soft. To understand the difference between a soft and a hard tongue, spend a few minutes licking the palm of your hand. This can be a good way to learn about subtle variations in oral-sex technique.

Notice how quickly the end of your tongue goes dry. So much for the fantasy that the human tongue is always wet. A dry tongue creates drag or friction. Nature did not create the clitoris with a high tolerance for friction.

This is why you’ll need to coat your tongue with saliva before licking a woman’s vulva. After a few minutes, saliva from your mouth should automatically run down your tongue and keep everything well-lubricated, but not at the start. (There’s nothing wrong with keeping a bottle of water or good-tasting lube by your side.)

Try licking your hand again. You may find that your tongue is somewhat taut with the tip hard and pointed. Try to let it go soft, in a way that would cause you to slur your words if you were attempting to speak. You may need to push your hand closer to your face to accomplish this, since a soft tongue is not as long as a hard tongue. Some women will prefer a softer, more rounded tongue when you are licking the underbelly of the clitoris, given how it isn’t insulated by the clitoral hood. On the other hand, if she’s highly aroused, she might want the tip of your tongue to feel like an arrowhead.

Northern Route or Southern Route? Stomach Down or Knees Up?

Once your partner is sexually aroused, there are two main routes to reach to her labia: from her stomach down and from her knees up.

With the stomach-down route, you might begin kissing the skin over the bones that stick out on the sides of her hips. Start on one side and kiss and caress the skin with your lips and tongue. You’ll eventually start moving down to the crevice between her labia and inner thigh. Then return to the hip bone on the other side, kiss circles around it, and work your way down.

With the knees-up route, start on the inside of one knee. Smother it with kisses and work your way up her inner thighs with kisses until you reach her outer labia. Then return to her other knee and start smothering it with kisses until you work your way up her inner thigh and reach ground zero.

By this time, she will hopefully feel that life as she knows it will stop if you don’t begin giving her oral sex.