The Guise of a Gentleman (16 page)

Instinctively, they both glanced toward the garden where their brother had lost his life as a child. Christian’s jaw tightened and he looked away. Jared shied away from the helpless disbelief of seeing Jason lying lifeless on the ground below the tree.

He cast about for anything to change the subject. “Have you decided to truly become a man of the cloth?”

Christian let out a slow breath, his forehead creasing. “I know everyone expects it. I’m just not sure I’m meant for the church.”

“Cole won’t force you to do it if you don’t want to.”

“I know.” Christian looked miserable. “But Father wished it for me. And Mama had her heart set on it.”

Jared eyed him. “They are no longer here to disappoint. What do you want?”

Christian’s pale blue eyes briefly met Jared’s. “You’d laugh.”

“All right. Make me laugh.” Jared loosened his cravat and waited.

Christian took on that unfocused look he wore before he immersed himself in painting for hours on end, creating some pastoral scene existing at a level above mortal eyes. “I want to leave England for a time. Travel. Find adventure. Sometimes I wish I could go to sea with you.”

Jared groaned. “Trust me, Chris, you don’t.”

Christian leveled a gaze at him that came as close to a glare as he’d ever seen from his youngest brother.

Jared held up his hands. “I’m not saying you couldn’t do it. You’re bigger than half the crew. And you probably shoot and swordfight better than most of them, too. But it’s not the fun you think it is. I can’t wait to leave it.”

“You’re not really a pirate, are you?” His tone landed somewhere between fascination and horror.

It suddenly mattered a great deal that Christian might think him a true pirate with all it entailed. They walked in silence, their feet crunching on the gravel. The scent of jasmine and honeysuckle filled the air, reminding Jared of Elise and the day he’d fished with Colin.

“I tell you this in utmost confidence.” Jared waited until Christian met his eye to let him know he spoke in earnest.

Growing grave, Christian nodded.

Jared ordered his thoughts. “I’m a member of a secret government organization formed during the war. I played many roles as I spied for the crown. The one I’ve played since the war with Boney ended is that of pirate. So yes, I’m living and hunting as a pirate and have been for over three years. But it’s in order to expose a pirate ring. And I’m leaving the organization after this last assignment is completed.”

Christian silently digested Jared’s words. That he actually believed Jared came as a relief. “You’ve lived a life of adventure. A hero. I’ve lived mine as companion to Mama and Father.”

“Father was proud of you and ashamed of me.”

“He misplaced his pride. I didn’t serve in the war. I’ve done nothing to uphold the family honor. And what’s sad, is now that Father’s gone, I feel liberated. Terrible, isn’t it?”

“No,” Jared said soberly. “It must have been awful watching him decline.”

Christian made no reply, but his tension was tangible. Something dark and desperate entered his eyes.

Jared scowled at his feet. He’d missed so much at home; things that really mattered. Regret chewed a hole in his insides.

They walked in silence through the gardens designed to retell favorite Greek myths, each garden more magnificent than the rest, each holding childhood memories. By the time they’d circled back to join the others, the shadows had grown long.

After bidding farewell to the guests and having dinner together, the family gathered in the drawing room. Jared, Cole and the girls conversed easily while playing a game of whist. Alicia worked at her needlepoint. Christian’s eyes took on that unfocused look he always got when the Muse inspired him, and picked up a sketchpad and pencil. Grant sat apart from the others and silently drank.

As the evening waned, Cole caught Jared’s eye and nodded toward the door. Jared stood.

Cole turned to Alicia. “If you’ll excuse me, love, I wish to speak with Jared.”

She nodded. “Of course.”

Cole kissed his wife full on the mouth, his hand resting protectively over her abdomen where his child grew within her.

Margaret sniffed. “Don’t be vulgar, Cole.”

Cole merely smirked at Margaret as he led Jared out of the room to his private study. He poured drinks for them both and handed Jared a glass. “How long do you stay?”

Jared relaxed in an armchair. “I’ll leave in the morning as soon as the estate matters are settled.”

“So soon?”

“I have an assignment to complete.”

“And a lady to woo?”

Jared raised a brow.

Cole grinned. “I caught you staring off into space, grinning like a half-wit. No one is supposed to look that happy at a funeral.”

Still holding his drink, Jared went to the window and looked out at the sunset. “She’s out of my reach.”

“The only daughter of a duke? Or married?”

Jared set down his glass and tugged at his cravat. “She’s a proper lady. She’s also still in love with her deceased husband.”

Cole said nothing.

“She’s brave and beautiful and kind.” Jared tore off the cursed cravat. “She’s too good for me.”

“Her opinion or yours?”

Jared uttered a sharp laugh devoid of amusement and collapsed into a chair. “She has no idea what I really am.”

“The son of a respected earl?”

“A pirate!” he said tightly. “Deuce take it, Cole, I’m a thief and a liar. I’ve committed atrocities that give me nightmares. I’ve lied, deceived and betrayed my way through the years. I’ve killed more men than I can remember. Some even my own countrymen. And I did it to keep the image of a pirate for some greater good I don’t even believe in anymore.”

No sound beyond the ticking of the clock interrupted. Resting his forearms on his knees, Jared hunched over and absently wound the cravat around his hand.

Finally, he glanced at Cole, half fearful of the truth. “That makes me a monster, doesn’t it?”

“No. It makes you a loyal Englishman.” Cole sounded so convinced. If only Jared could be that sure.

Jared raked a hand through his hair. “My superior officer has promised after I complete this last task, I’ll be free. But I swear, there are days when I think I should have chosen the noose instead of this partial exile.”

Cole said quietly, “No seventeen-year-old should have to make that choice.”

Jared closed his eyes. At seventeen, facing hanging seemed more terrifying than war. Rebecca’s offer to join the Secret Service in exchange for escaping the noose seemed easy at the time. He’d had no idea he’d be enslaved by them for the next twelve years of his life, engaging in acts of villainy no gentleman would ever dream of committing.

“What are you going to do about the lady?” Cole’s voice brought him back to the present.

“Elise Berkley, a friend of Lady Standwich. I’ll do nothing, I suppose. Complete my assignment and then try to figure out what civilian life is all about. She may never remarry. If she does, she’ll probably wed a proper English gentleman who understands and appreciates her orderly life.” He let out his breath. “She deserves a husband like Christian.”

The thought left Jared with an intense desire to go plant his fist in Christian’s perfect nose.

“She seems too tame for you.” Cole got up and refilled his glass.

Jared grinned in spite of himself. “I wouldn’t call her tame. The first time I met her, she threatened Leandro with a gun.”

Cole coughed into his drink. “I think I want to hear this.”

Jared recounted the events of their first meeting and each encounter since. Cole refilled their drinks and encouraged Jared to keep talking. Jared even related the night he’d gone to her after receiving word of Father’s death.

“You know, it’s odd, but I’ve played so many people, I’m not sure who I really am.” He stood and went to the fireplace. Resting an arm on the mantle, he stared down at the floor, absently following the patterns on the carpet with his eyes. “But I like the man I become in her presence. She brings out a noble side of me I didn’t know existed. I didn’t even seduce her that night.”

Cole chuckled. “That is noble of you.”

“And when I’m with her and her son, I actually feel, well, relaxed. I can truly let down my guard and say whatever I think.”

“Maybe who you are when you’re with her, is who you really are,” Cole suggested.

“It’s all a pretense. If she knew….”

“I think she does—not what you do for the government—but she sees the man you are. I sailed on your ship for a year, remember? I know how you acted as a pirate. You had opportunities for ruthlessness that you didn’t take. You never allowed torture. Or rapine. And when your prisoners cooperated, you set them free. Unharmed.”

“Even I have scruples.”

“Exactly. Despite the colorful rumors we spread about you, you were rather gentlemanly about piracy.”

Jared snorted. “That has to be the worst contradiction in terms I’ve ever heard.”

“You have much to offer a lady. She already knows your character. If she likes the man you are, she’ll accept your sordid past, especially since you did it for king and country.”

“But there were times when I enjoyed it,” Jared confessed. “Having my own ship, men at my command, the freedom to go anywhere, do anything, not worry about the censure of society….”

“Of course you did. I enjoyed it
, too. It was fun. How many men get to do anything they want?”

Jared grimaced.

“You told me once being an effective operative means throwing yourself into the role. You excel at that. Being a good man doesn’t mean you have to hate every second of a distasteful assignment. If you murdered just for fun, or abused your captives or women, then yes, I’d say you’d become the monster you fear. But you didn’t. So stop torturing yourself.”

Jared lifted his head and eyed Cole hopefully. He wanted to believe Cole. He wanted him to be right. He wanted to go back and tell Elise everything.

Yet a niggling fear whispered that the truth would drive Elise away.

That would be better for her anyway. She needed someone who deserved her. Not that he’d be introducing her to Christian.

Still, perhaps Cole was right. Perhaps he could be worthy of her. He’d served king and country diligently. He’d braved death and terror and laughed in its face.

Did he have the courage to place his heart in the hands of a woman?

Jared thought of Lord Druesdale; wealthy, titled, deeply entrenched in society, unsullied by war and death. He thought, too, of Mr. Bradford; young, sober, stable.

The idea of either of them winning her heart and hand made him want to go sharpen his sword.

He wanted her. He loved her.

Jared went utterly still. He loved Elise. Loved her! The truth did not leave him feeling trapped, but freed. Hope and optimism swelled in his heart.

Cole was right. Determination overcame him and Jared straightened. He refused to be the gentleman and step aside. He’d fight for her. Even though he didn’t deserve her.

He’d confess his love and lay his heart at her feet.

And hope she didn’t grind it beneath her heel.

Elise sat in the parlor sewing and humming. For the first time in years, she felt truly alive. Colors were more vivid, and she noticed details she had missed before; the lemon scent of the furniture oil, the maids’ soft chatter in the room across the corridor, the shimmering dust particles in the slanted sunlight streaming in through the windows, the birds’ sweet songs.

Her heart felt light. She’d been kissed—and awakened—by the most handsome and passionate man of her acquaintance. He’d needed her on many levels. He’d trusted her enough to reveal to her his heart. He’d touched her with unsurpassed gentleness and passion. He’d needed her comfort, needed her solace, needed a safe place where he could share his grief and unload his sorrow, his regret.

He’d needed her.

That knowledge filled her with wonder. After he left that night, she had thrummed with such vibrancy that she’d doubted she would ever sleep again. Instead, she’d burrowed into her empty bed, smiling, and drifted off into a dream world where Jared held her close all night.

Could it be possible she was falling in love with this man?

It had only been one day since he’d paid his unusual visit but she already missed him. Still, the tenderness in her heart filled the void left by his absence. And surely, after all he shared with her, he’d pay her another visit soon.

“Mrs. Greymore to see you, madam,” the butler intoned.

Elise clasped her friend’s hand when she entered the room.

Charlotte smiled broadly. “Why, you look positively radiant. I’m glad to see you so well.”

Elise smiled. “I am well. And you?” She peered at Charlotte’s pale face.

“Very well, thank you.”

“Charlotte,” Elise said quietly.

Charlotte waved away her concerns. “I had a bad spell but I am quite well now, not to worry. I simply had to get out of the house and I wanted to see you.”

Elise felt a twinge of guilt. She’d neglected her friend and hadn’t known she’d been ill. She made a mental commitment to visit her more often. They chatted over tea and cakes.

“I received an invitation from Mr. Bradford for a family picnic,” Elise said.

Charlotte nodded. “We received one just this morning.”

Elise let out her breath. “Oh, good. Then it’s just a gathering of families in this area.”

Charlotte looked at her curiously. “Were you concerned it would be a large affair? Or a small one?”

“Mr. Bradford paid me a visit yesterday afternoon and he’s never done that before. Then he mentioned that he’d decided to remarry. I suspect he thinks I’d be a suitable wife.”

“Would you?”

Elise laughed uneasily. “Charlotte, you know I will love Edward to the grave.”

“I know you will, but you don’t have to spend the rest of your life alone. If I died, I’d expect Charles to remarry. After a respectable period of mourning, of course.” She smiled faintly.

“I couldn’t do that.”

“Even if the offer came from Jared Amesbury?”

Elise leveled a sober gaze. “I have no understanding with Mr. Amesbury. Besides, he’s too much a man of mystery. I liked the predictability of my Edward. It made me feel safe.”

“Don’t you ever long for adventure?”

Elise swallowed the desire to reply with a resounding yes. “I have too many duties to indulge in adventure. Colin deserves a prosperous estate when he comes of age and inherits.”

Charlotte’s smile turned mysterious. “One can be both responsible and a bit unpredictable. Charles manages to do it.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s always here for me when I need him, and he’s as attentive as I’d hoped. Yet, there is still an aura of mystery about him, and he manages to surprise me on occasion.” Charlotte leaned back against the settee, smiling.

Perhaps Jared had more in common with Charles Greymore than Elise had previously realized. Could it be possible Jared would be a steady and faithful companion the way Charles Greymore was to Charlotte?

Elise imagined herself married to Jared. The ways he’d make her laugh. The times he’d play with Colin, guiding him as he grew into adulthood. The unrestrained passion they’d share.

It was not an unwelcome thought.

****

Luncheon at the Bradford home took place at the edge of a lake spanning the border between the Bradford’s land and the Berkley’s land, the same lake Edward and Mr. Bradford had good-naturedly argued over who owned what percentage of the lake.

After greeting the host and his sister, Elise accepted lemonade from a passing tray and scanned for Colin. She found him skipping rocks. Several servants hovered nearby, keeping a sharp eye out on the children near the water.

“Elise, I’m so glad to see you.” Charlotte Greymore clasped her hand. Her china blue eyes shone.

Elise noted with relief that her friend’s face had more color than the last time they’d visited a few days’ past. “How are you feeling?”

“Never better.” She smiled and put a hand over her abdomen.

Mr. Greymore came to her side, and greeted them both. “Mrs. Berkley, how lovely you look. Is that a new gown?”

Elise looked down. “Yes.” She’d had new gowns made now that she’d officially come out of mourning, a step which had a liberating effect on her spirits. She wondered if Jared had a favorite color.

Lord Druesdale greeted them all cordially. His eyes rested longer on Elise. “What a fetching bonnet, Mrs. Berkley. It’s fitting for such a beautiful lady.”

Elise couldn’t remember when she’d had so many compliments all in the same day. Yet a compliment from Lord Druesdale sounded empty. She looked away and murmured an appropriate reply. They spoke of trivialities and exclaimed over the uncommonly fine weather and then she politely asked about his interest in Egyptian artifacts just to get him talking. As he talked, he required minimal input from her.

Each time a new person arrived, Elise looked for Jared. She chided herself. He’d made no effort to contact her in the week since he’d come to her grieving for his father and kissed her in a way that brought heat to her face each time she recalled it.

Perhaps Jared had merely needed the companionship of another person to comfort him that night. His kiss may have meant nothing more. Yes, he’d kissed her the first moment they met, and again after he’d had dinner with her and Colin but he probably kissed any female within reach. She’d been foolish to believe his heart had been engaged. A hollow ache sank deep inside, weighting her until she could hardly lift her head.

Jared arrived. He drew her gaze like a magnetic pull. Her breath stilled. Was it possible he’d actually grown more handsome since she’d seen him last?

Jared’s gaze slid first to hers, then to Lord Druesdale standing next to her. Jared’s eyes narrowed. Then he returned his focus to Mr. Bradford and whatever anger she thought she’d seen vanished. All that remained was calm aloofness. Disappointment flooded her.

Hers was a foolish, wayward heart!

“Good day, Mrs. Berkley.” Lord Druesdale withdrew.

With embarrassment, she realized she’d been rudely neglecting Lord Druesdale. She made a vague reply and immediately, like the fool she was, sought Jared again. Wearing a black mourning armband, he spoke at length with Mr. Bradford. As Jared posed questions and listened to the replies, his intensity gave Elise the impression he remained completely focused on the speaker. Then, in fleeting instances, his gaze would flick about. Though his stance appeared casual, watchfulness remained just below the surface.

She drifted toward him, trying to appear merely strolling rather than being so unladylike as to approach a gentleman. When Jared glanced at her a second time, her heart fluttered in response. He nodded to her once impassively, and returned his attention to Mr. Bradford.

Stung, she swallowed against the hurt swirling inside and drifted away as if he had not been her goal.

Mr. Bradford called to his guests. He welcomed them again and bid them be seated at the long tables set up near the terrace.

“Mrs. Berkley, please join me.” Mr. Bradford offered his arm and seated Elise at his right. She faltered. Seating her so close to him could be viewed as an announcement, yet to refuse would be an insult. She murmured her thanks and lowered herself into a chair. Jared sat across the table from her and further down.

An ice carving of a swan graced the table in an impressive centerpiece. Crystal and silver sparkled in the sunlight.

Elise turned to Mr. Bradford. “This is beautiful.”

He smiled. “I admit I imposed upon my sister a great deal to help me prepare.”

To his other side, his sister beamed. “It was a pleasure.”

He turned back to Elise and touched her hand. “I’m so glad you like it.”

Startled at the familiarity, Elise looked up, but he only smiled benignly, no hint of the suggestiveness or rakishness Jared often displayed. Mr. Bradford was the picture of propriety. Comfortable. Familiar. Safe.

At the moment, the prospect of spending her life with a man such as he seemed empty instead of comforting.

She shook her head at her own loss of reason. When did she begin to like danger and the unexpected?

Since they came in the form of a grinning, impertinent man of passion. Her gaze moved down the table to Jared who conversed animatedly with his dinner companions, generously flashing that lethal smile.

As the first course arrived, Elise removed her gloves and draped them over her lap. The men discussed hawking and the races. Lord Von Barondy admitted to an enjoyment of cock fighting, which made Elise shiver. Mr. Bradford described a recent trip to Scotland where distant relatives introduced him to a game called golf. His dry humor, as he described his rather unimpressive game, kept Elise and the others laughing.

Time and time again, her eyes moved to Jared’s. He often met her gaze briefly but his expression could not be deciphered.

She swallowed against the lump in her throat. He regretted his kiss. He regretted coming to her. He regretted the way he’d bared his emotions that night.

She looked farther down the table toward Lord Druesdale. He caught her gaze and lifted his glass to her with promise smoldering in his eyes, a promise which failed to incite a physical reaction.

She’d always prided herself on her ladylike reserve, her lack of immoral desires. Now she knew her restraint sprang from the lack of a man capable of inspiring passion, not from her self-control.

Stunned by that revelation, Elise stilled. Even her breath froze. Perhaps here lay the real reason she’d chosen not to remarry. Yet, she’d been happy with Edward. Hadn’t she?

“Mrs. Berkley?”

Her eyes shot to Mr. Bradford who watched her in polite concern. She forced her lips into a semblance of a smile and took a bite of her lemon ice. Forcing air into her lungs, she glanced at Jared and found him watching her.

Perhaps there was still hope. Perhaps the kiss was not entirely meaningless. He broke eye contact and returned his attention to the lady at his side.

Perhaps she was a fool.

After a superb luncheon, Mr. Bradford stood and announced a game of bowls on the south lawn. Cricket for the children would be held on the east lawn.

Again Jared met her stare. Uncertainty glimmered around the edges of his façade.

She knew it! He regretted kissing her. Too bad she didn’t share the sentiment. Once again, she’d proven herself an idiot. She bit the inside of her lip.

“Do you care to play, Mrs. Berkley?” Mr. Bradford bestowed a winsome smile upon her that did little to lift her spirits.

She tried to muster a modicum of enthusiasm. “I’d love to.”

Gentlemen and a few ladies called wagers. Jared stood talking with Lord Von Barondy, his focus intense.

Elise glanced toward the east lawn where the children were choosing teams. Colin darted away from his friends to Jared and grabbed his hand. Jared grinned at Colin, and after another quick word with Lord Von Barondy, allowed Colin to lead him to the cricket field. The children danced around Jared who laughed and called out taunts to the other team.

Soon, other men joined the children at cricket, shedding their frockcoats to allow greater freedom of movement. Some of the older, more proper adults criticized this lack of decorum.

Elise managed to play a respectable game of bowls, despite dividing her attention between her own game and cricket played on the next lawn.

Several spectators wandered over to watch the animated cricket players. Mrs. Carson watched raptly and Elise realized it was Jared, not the game, that Mrs. Carson watched with such enthusiasm. Elise couldn’t blame her. His athletic grace mocked all the other men present.

His smile flashed, brightening his stunning face, and his easy laugh rang out. He heckled the other players, and accepted their jeers in return with equanimity.

“Your son is a fine player,” Mr. Bradford said, mistaking her
interest in the game.

Guiltily, Elise dragged her gaze off Jared and found Colin among the players. “He does love to play that game.”

“He’s a delightful child. My girls adore him.” The game ended amid cheers and groans. Mr. Amesbury hefted Colin on one shoulder and another boy on the other. The rest clamored around him.