The Hairball of Horror! (9 page)

‘Oh, I’ll put you down,’ chuckled Fluffkins, her second claw spinning on the end of her metal arm like a giant drill. ‘And this time I’ll make sure you stay
down!’

The empress used the spinning tool to drill three holes into the ground before dropping the dogs in one by one. She then took two steps back and hissed an abrupt order in Russian. The blue cats
immediately surrounded the holes, turned their backs on the Spacemutts and began kicking up hairballs with their hind legs, filling in the holes until the three dogs were buried up to their
necks.

Rocket, Butch and Poppy tried to dig their way out of their hairball prison, but their bodies were packed in so tightly they could only move their heads. The captain didn’t even have a
free paw to activate his collar and send an SOS to WOOF.

‘Now that’s what I call a captive audience,’ chuckled Lady Fluffkins, teasing her prisoners and making the cat army purr as they poured around her metal ankles. ‘And what
an amazing show we have for you tonight!’

‘A show?’ frowned Poppy.

growled Rocket.

drooled Butch.

‘Of course not, you stupid fleabags!’ hissed the empress, pointing a mechanical claw towards the bright blue ball that was glowing far in the distance. ‘I’m giving you
all front row seats for the total destruction of planet Earth!’

‘About that,’ said the captain. ‘I’m afraid we’ve already foiled your plan.’

‘Really?’ hissed the empress, flinging her metal arms in the air dramatically as they passed by a red planet. ‘Because that looks like Mars to me, which means the hungry
hairball will impact Earth in less than twenty minutes.’

‘It won’t get anywhere near Earth,’ said Rocket.

‘A well-placed bomb is set to detonate in ten minutes’ time, sending your horrid hairball off course and straight into the surface of the sun.’

‘HA! HA! HA!’ laughed the empress, clapping her metal claws.

‘What’s so funny?’ asked the Spacemutts.

‘This has worked out even better than I’d hoped,’ chuckled Lady Fluffkins. ‘When the hairball hits the sun and takes you three along with it, Earth will be mine for the
taking and there will be no more meddling mutts to stop me!’

‘T-t-time is getting on, M-M-Mistress,’ stammered Baldy, deciding that interrupting his mistress in mid-rant was only slightly less perilous than a fiery death on the surface of the
sun.

‘I’m quite aware of that, you feline abomination,’ said the Persian, smiling at the three doggy heads glaring up at her. ‘It is time for me to flee this flea-filled
hairball and begin planning a brand new phase two.’

‘Phase two, M-M-Mistress?’ said Baldy.

‘Yes,’ hissed Fluffkins. ‘The merciless invasion of planet Earth!’

The empress turned and stomped back up the hill with her sleek blue army trailing behind her, and then stopped halfway when she saw that the
Mouseship
had completely vanished!

‘WHERE’S MY BEAUTIFUL CLOCKWORK MOUSESHIP?’ roared Lady Fluffkins, grabbing Baldy by the scruff of his neck and giving him a good shake. ‘What have you
done with it, you clammy imbecile?’

The quivering minion pointed to the hill of hairballs where he’d left the craft, and then frowned. The hill seemed significantly higher than when he had landed and as the mechanical
spotlights scanned the area, they all saw something grey and grubby standing on the summit.