The Heart Knows What the Heart Wants (18 page)

It was almost ten o'clock when Star's taillights disappeared down the street. Shane shoved his hands into his pockets and trudged up the sidewalk. He hated that she was going to West Memphis without him, but he had to trust her not to take unnecessary chances.

He didn't feel like going back to his cold, empty apartment alone, so hung out at the house and waited for Michael and Neona to return home. He wanted to talk to Michael to see if he could use his law enforcement contacts and check things out. He couldn't shake the gut feeling he had that something was wrong about the whole "sick mom" story.

One of the problems with staying at Neona's was that there was nothing for him to do. All of his laundry that needed to be done, his guitar, his telescope, everything important was at his apartment. The other problem was that it allowed his active imagination to run wild and think of all the things that could go wrong. His biggest fear was that she was walking straight into a trap, and he had let her go alone.

By the time Neona and Michael walked through the door carrying Chili Dog, Shane was nearly climbing the walls. "Where have you two been?" he said, his tone indicating his distress.

Michael put Chili Dog down on the kitchen floor and gave Shane a funny look. "I didn't know you were keeping tabs."

"Sorry, I'm just worried about Star," he sighed leaning against the counter, patiently waiting for them to take off their coats.

Michael blew a hot breath into his cupped hands to warm his freezing fingers. "Why, what's going on with Star?" he asked, concern lined his forehead.

Shane folded his arms in front of him. "Her mom's in the hospital.
Allegedly
."

Neona frowned and said, "Oh, what a shame. I hope she's all right."

"Yeah. If she's even sick," Shane said. "I'm not so convinced her ex was telling her the truth when he called. I wish I could have gone with her."

Michael and Neona both snapped their attention in Shane's direction. "You mean to tell me she left already? And that you let her go all the way back to West Memphis alone?" Neona asked incredulously.

"I didn't
let
do anything," Shane said. "It's not like she asked for my permission."

"What time did she leave?" Michael asked.

"Around ten. She's supposed to call me as soon as she gets there," Shane said. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a soda.

"What's her mom's name?" Michael asked.

Astrid Lambert," Shane said.

"Let's try not to assume the worst," Neona suggested. "No sense inviting trouble and worrying about stuff before it even happens.
If
it happens."

Michael checked his watch and kissed Neona on the cheek. "I've got to get to the station," he told her. He put his hand on Shane's shoulder and said, "I'll see what I can find out. In the meantime, try and relax. I'm sure Star won't do anything foolish to put herself in danger. Think positive, son."

"Easier said than done," Shane grumbled. "You'll call if you find out anything? I'm staying here tonight."

"You know I will." Michael nodded.

Shane rubbed the back of his neck and stalked out of the kitchen. He jogged upstairs, and instead of going into his room, he went to Star's. He collapsed onto his stomach and buried his face in her pillow, inhaling her warm vanilla scent.

He rolled over, turned on the TV, and flipped through the channels a few times before he decided there wasn't anything interesting enough to get his mind off Star. He stared up at the ceiling and drummed his fingers on his chest. Even though he knew it was still too early for Star's call, that didn't stop him from staring at his phone. After a while, he swung his feet off the bed, got up, and went back downstairs.

Neona smiled up at him and laid her book aside. "You want to play Scrabble or something? It'll help to pass the time," she suggested.

"I don't think I'd be able to concentrate on anything right now," he said. He poked the fire and sat down in the recliner. "I wish I could have talked her into waiting until tomorrow and gone with her."

"Why couldn't you go today?"

"I'm supposed to talk to Coach Barnhill in the morning about helping out with the team," he said.

Neona's eyes crinkled at the corners. "That's some good news, Shane!"

He nodded. "I hope it doesn't feel weird being back there."

"I'm sure you'll be just fine," she said. She reached over and patted his knee. "You're not going to make me find someone to work your shift at the store are you?"

"No, Aunt Neona, I'd never give up working for you. You know it's the highlight of my day," he said with a grin.

"Is that sarcasm I detect?" she asked with a laugh. "All joking aside, if you need any time off, we'll work around it. I've got an ad in the paper for some more help anyway, with Ami going on maternity leave soon. That and I know Star kind of wants to do her own thing at Piper's store."

Shane tugged his hair back into a ponytail and nodded. "That reminds me, speaking of Star. Do you still have that old laptop?"

"No, I don't. Why, what did you have in mind?" she asked.

"Star wants to sell her jewelry online and said something about getting a computer program to do astrology charts with. I just thought if you weren't using the laptop anymore, she could use it," Shane said.

"I've got a better idea," Neona grinned, "let's buy her one for Christmas. What do you think about that?"

"I think that's the best idea ever," he said. He got up and poked at the embers in the fireplace again before throwing on a couple more logs. "That's provided she comes back."

"What do you mean? Are you worried she won't come back?" Neona asked.

"I don't know. I mean what if her mom really isn't sick? What if she just wanted to go back to West Memphis and didn't want to tell me?" Shane said quietly, the firelight shining in his eyes.

"Oh, honey, Star wouldn't do that. Shame on you for even suggesting something so crazy," Neona scoffed. "I have a feeling the only way that girl's going to move out of this house is when the two of you get a place of your own. Mark my words."

Shane laughed. "I'll do that. I learned a long time ago to trust your feelings."

Finally, around four-thirty, Star called. "Hey, Blue," he answered. He was relieved to hear from her. "You're there?"

"I'm right on the outskirts of town. I'm going to get a room for the night and make some phone calls. I just wanted to let you know I'm here," she said. "As soon as I know what's going on, I'll give you a call. Okay?"

"Okay," he said. "I'm glad you called. I've been worried half out of my mind."

"Relax! You'll get permanent frown lines in that handsome face of yours," she teased, hoping to relieve some tension. "Listen, I'm pulling into the motel right now. I'll call you soon."

He paused. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but feared that it might freak her out completely.
Was it too soon? What were the guidelines for that sort of thing
? He said, "Goodnight, talk to you soon."

Neona watched him expectantly. "Well?"

"She's there. She's getting a room for the night and is going to call me as soon as she knows what's going on," he said.

He sank into the recliner, breathing a little easier at having heard her voice, though he still couldn't shake the feeling of dread sitting like a bag of wet cement in the pit of his stomach. He switched on the TV and surfed through channels for a few minutes until Neona's phone rang. His quickly muted the TV and watched her as she answered the call.

Her eyes darted in his direction, and she said, "Here, I'll let you tell him yourself." Neona handed Shane the phone. "It's Michael."

"Michael, what did you find out?"

"Shane, I've made some calls, and there is no Astrid Lambert or Astrid Falconé registered at any of the hospitals in either West Memphis or Memphis. Have you heard from Star yet?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, she called a few minutes ago," Shane told him. "She was getting a room for the night."

"Did she happen to tell you where she's staying?" Michael said.

"No, she just said she was at some motel on the edge of town," Shane said, dragging his fingers through his hair. "I'll try calling her back to find out."

"Okay, good. In the meantime, I'll reach out to my buddy down there, and get to the bottom of this, I promise," Michael said before ending the call.

Shane took out his phone and dialed Star's number. The call went straight to voicemail. "Star, call me as soon as you get this," he said.

It was late afternoon when Star pulled into the Perkins Motel on the north side of West Memphis. Other than filling the car with gas once, she hadn't stopped during the drive, and her legs felt like rubber by the time she got out of the car. The motel had seen better days, but she didn't plan to spend more than a night or two.

At first, she thought she'd get right to the point of her visit the moment she arrived in town, but decided to wait until the morning; she didn't want to be caught out after dark. Derek had left a brief message earlier, checking to see whether or not she planned to make the trek. She figured that information was on a need to know basis...and he definitely did not need to know.

After a long relaxing shower, Star pulled on one of Shane's t-shirts that she'd snatched from Neona's. She inhaled his familiar scent and closed her eyes. She smiled as she remembered how he'd held her down and tickled her until she nearly peed herself that morning.

The battery in her cell had died, and she realized that in her haste to leave earlier, she'd forgotten to pack her charger. Remembering the one in her car, she zipped barefoot out of the motel room and plugged it into the cigarette lighter for the night.

***

The next morning, Star dressed in a pair of jeans and a well-worn hoodie, going for comfort rather than glamour. She left her things in the room and walked down to the office to ask them to hold it for her for another night, just in case she wanted to stay. When she climbed in her car to leave, she unplugged the phone and saw that she had a couple of missed calls, one from Shane and one from Derek.

Her pulse pounded in her ears when she heard Shane's voice. He sounded strained, almost agitated but didn't elaborate why. He merely asked that she call him as soon as she could. When he didn't pick up, she left a message telling him she'd try back later.

She didn't fare any better at reaching a live person when she tried to call her mom. When Astrid didn't answer, Star decided to drive over to the house and see for herself what was going on. As she coasted to a stop in the driveway beside her mom's car, she could have sworn the front curtains moved, as though someone was watching out the window.

Star sighed and turned off the ignition. She walked up the steps and rang the doorbell. When no one answered, she knocked and then tried the handle. Finding it unlocked, Star stepped inside and called out, "Mom? Hello? Anyone home?"

"Back here," called her mother, followed by a couple of feeble coughs.

Um, yeah like that wasn't totally fake
. She walked down the hall toward Astrid's bedroom, and the door was open a crack, so she stuck her head inside. "Mom?"

"Oh, Estelle, hon, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock. I've just been awful sick," Astrid said.

"I thought you were in the hospital, Mom," Star said, folding her arms in front of her chest. "In fact, Derek made it sound like we should be asking Father Connelly to give last rites."

"Derek's just been so lost without you. He means well, I know he does," Astrid said. "I'm afraid he might have exaggerated a teensy bit, hoping you'd come home, give him a chance to talk to you. Set things right between the two of you."

"Yeah, Mom.
Not
going to happen," Star said. She threw her hands in the air and groaned. "I can't believe you guys lied to me."

"Now, baby doll, we didn't mean no harm," Astrid protested.

Star tugged her fingers through her hair and sighed. "God! How could I have been so gullible?"

Astrid gave her daughter a thin-lipped smile. "It's good to see you, honey. Now that you're here, won't you at least talk to him?" Astrid asked.

Star spun on her heels and narrowed her eyes. "When are you going to get it through your head, Mom? Derek and I are
never
getting back together. In fact, I wouldn't wish that man on my worst enemy."

"You could do so much worse than Derek," Astrid said. She threw back the covers and padded across the floor where Star stood glaring at her. "He has a good job; he brings a paycheck home every week. He'd take care of you in your old age. You're not getting any younger, you know. The older you get, the slimmer the pickins."

Star's jaw unhinged. "I don't believe you. Seriously, do you even hear yourself? I should stay with him, because being with a raging alcoholic is
so
much better than being alone? Do you realize how pathetic you sound?" Star was furious, and she was yelling by the time she'd said her piece. "I'm leaving now, Mom. Do me a favor? When you really are on your death bed? Don't call me."

"Now, sugar, that's just hateful!" Astrid whined, following Star as she stalked toward the front door.

Star held up her hand and said, "Save it, Mom. You know what? If you think that no good sonofabitch is so great, maybe the two of you should hook up. I mean, after all, he is a hard worker, and he could provide for you. You're not getting any younger, you know."

With that, Star stormed out of the house, slamming the door in her mom's face.

Astrid was taken aback by Star's behavior and jerked open the door to follow her out to her car. "I raised you better than to be so ungrateful!" she sniffed.

"I don't even know what to say to you right now." Star laughed bitterly and leaned against her car.

"What was I supposed to do? You took off, didn't bother to tell me where you were going. I had to find out from my own sister that you lied about Iowa. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me?"

Star closed her eyes and shook her head. "When the hell are you going to realize that it's not all about
you
? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I didn't tell you where I was going because I didn't want to be found?" Star turned to leave. "Go back inside, Mom, you'll catch your death out here in that nightgown."

Astrid hugged herself, and for once, she was left speechless. She watched her daughter back out of the driveway and speed off down the street.

Star dialed Shane, and he answered on the first ring. "Blue, thank God. I've been going out of my fucking mind with worry."

"I'm okay, and so is my mom, apparently," Star said. "Other than being totally insane, anyway."

"You've talked to her then?" Shane asked.

"I just left her house, and yeah, she's not sick. Not physically, anyway. It was just some bullshit story that her and Derek cooked up to get me to West Memphis so they could try and talk me into moving back," she said.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone," he said softly. When are you going to be home?"

Star could almost imagine the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her. "I'm going to swing by Crow's Landing, say hi to Sandy and Taylor, and get a quick burger before I head out. I should be home by six. Seven at the latest," she promised.

"Stay safe, Beautiful," Shane told her.

"Don't worry, I will. See you soon!" she said.