The Heart's Ashes (18 page)

“
You want one, Ar?” Mike burst in my room, holding up a Mars
bar, and stopped dead when I whipped my top down, searching the
room for the evaporating vampire. What—?” He stepped in fully.
“What’re you doing?”

“
Uh.” My cheeks flushed hot. I folded forward slightly,
catching my breath. “Just checking a mole.”

“
A mole? Ara, you don’t have any moles.”

“
I know.” I smiled. “I was just making sure.”

Rolling his
head into his sigh, he took a step forward and kept his eyes down
as he said, “Baby, I know he was here. I’m not stupid.”

“
What do you want me to say, Mike?” I cast my arms outward in
a defensive gesture.

After careful
consideration, he thrust the Mars at me; I barely caught it.
“Just—don’t let him bite you, okay?”

“
He won’t.”

“
Bull shit, Ara—he’s a vampire.”

“
Okay. I won’t let him bite me.”
Not
that I can do much if he decides to.

“
Promise.” He held out his pinkie-finger.

I linked mine
over his and smiled. “Promise.”

“
Okay.”

Before he
walked away, my hand shot and held his sleeve. “Hey, Mike?”

“
Yeah?” When I refused to speak, leaving my thoughts on the
silence between us, hoping he’d read my mind in the human kind of
way he used to, he frowned. “Ar, what is it?”

I couldn’t say
it; I don’t want to follow my desires and give myself to a vampire
who cares nothing for me. I don’t want Eric to be my first—despite
how badly I want his blood.

Mike looked
over at my open window, his arms sitting loosely out from his body,
his shoulders broad and strong, then nodded and reached for me,
tucking me into his chest. I could feel the ripples of his muscled
stomach through his black, long sleeve sweater; it fit to his body
tightly, hugging the curves of his chest like a Batman suit.

After a deep,
hot breath that touched my hair, he looked down at me. “I love you,
baby. I’m here for you, okay? I’ll stay with you all night if you
want me to.”

I hugged
closer and nodded against him.

Chapter
6

Mike sat
beside me at the piano, while the bright summer filtering through
the window made our skin glow. He looked beautiful in this light;
warm and sunny. It was hard to sit beside him, trying not to think
of how we fell asleep on my bed the other night, while he guarded
me from satiating my addictive desires.

Everything
felt like it was back to where it was before we tried to get
married. Even the humoured glint in his eye—the way he looked at me
like he had something funny to say—had returned. He seemed lighter,
in a figurative sense.

And it made my
resolve to be alone slip a little further from the edge of reason;
I didn’t know how much longer I could lie to myself about how I
felt, or how long it would be before I did something stupid—driven
by human impulses based on lust and longing. I knew it’d be better
to get that kind of thing out of the way with Eric, rather than
Mike. I could let Eric go. He meant nothing to me, really, but if I
slept with Mike, I might not be able to release him from my heart
completely—not even if David one day returned.

While my
thoughts wandered outside, beyond the glass window in front of me,
Mike reached across and ran a gentle finger over my neck. “Does it
still hurt?”

I placed my
hand on his, over the scar. “It burns when I’m in the sun, but
mostly, I forget it’s there.”

“
I’m sorry. I wish I could have—”

“
Don’t, Mike. It’s over. I don’t like to think about
it.”

He dropped his
hand, his head followed. “When you shared blood with David, did his
bite hurt you the way the attacker’s did?”

“
No,” I said, my eyes staying focused as I watched the memory.
“David never used his fangs, so what he did was nice,
intimate.”

“
How can it be intimate?” Mike leaned out a little. “It’s
disgusting.”

“
So are eggs, but we eat those.” I smiled, snapping out of my
gloom.

“
Eggs weren’t once human.”

“
Yeah, but, in the moment, you really don’t see it that way.
You should try it sometime.”

He paused for
a second, a mischievous grin lighting the corners of his eyes
before showing in his lips. He made a low, fake growl, and launched
at me, sinking his teeth softly into my neck; it tingled all down
my body and up my spine.

“
Help. Help, a vampire.” I giggled, gripping his back with my
nails.

“
Mm, delicious.” He sounded like Count Dracula, laughing as he
spoke, then kissed my neck and wiped it with his hand. “You’re
right—that is good.”

“
Told you.” I looked at his neck, becoming Mrs. Dracula as I
rose from the seat. “Now, I vunt to suck
your
blurd.”

“
Show mercy on me, succubus.” He wrapped my hips with his big,
strong hands, and held me on the stool in front of him, my waist to
his chest. I bent down and rolled my tongue across his flesh,
wishing I was a vampire—wishing I had the ability to feel his pulse
through my teeth. “Mm, salty,” I said, kissing his neck
gently.

He groaned,
tightening his grip. “That feels too good.”

I kissed his
neck more firmly, my lips delving into the sensation of his silky,
warm flesh—my Mike, my strong, loving Mike. It felt so good to
touch him this way again—so good, because he wanted me to do it,
too.

Heat tingled
through my body, making my hands, so small against his face and
neck, grip tightly, as if I could possibly hold him in place if he
wanted to break free. But he didn’t. He stayed, holding me while I
pressed his flesh between my teeth. I loved the sensation, the way
his skin went tight between them, falling softly against my tongue
on the other side.

“
Ouch. Ara, stop,” Mike yelled out, pulling me away just as I
tasted something metallically spicy.

Oops
. I smiled, wiping my mouth with
my hand. “Sorry. Guess you’re not as durable as David
was.”

“
That stings.” He winced, covering his neck.

“
I know. I know, I’m sorry.”

He pulled his
hand away, shaking his head at the tiny drop of blood on his palm;
it rose in little bubbles from under the raised bruise on his
neck—just like the one David accidently gave me in the closet under
the stairs. “That really hurt, Ara.”

“
Don’t be such a big baby.”

He laughed,
gripping my hips again to pull me closer; I should’ve moved, but
stayed on my knees, on the stool, really close to him. “Well, I’ll
stop being a baby if you stop playing the vicious succubus.”

“
Fine. But, you liked it, right?” I said.

“
Yeah, just until the end when you ripped my throat
out.”

“
Shut up.” I slapped his chest with the back of my hand. “I
did not rip it out.”

He looked at
my neck then—at the scar Jason left. “I guess I understand now, how
that would’ve felt.”

“
Try adding venom to it—it burns like fire.”

Mike dropped
his hand heavily onto mine as I sat back down next to him.

“
I’m glad you didn’t change into a vampire, Ara.”

“
Me too.”

“
Really?”

“
Yeah.” I frowned at him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged.
“I just thought—”

“
You thought what?”

“
I thought you wanted to be.”

I do.
“Well, then you don’t know me
very well.”

Mike tried to
hold back a laugh. “Yeah, or maybe I know you better than you
think.”

Hmpf.
“I just wanted to be with
David. It’s not like I fantasise over killing or biting, or
anything.”

“
I know.”

“
Do you?”

“
I know what you are, Ara. I know you’re messed up and
confused, quite frankly, you’re damn hard work, but I know you’d
never want to hurt anyone.” He looked into his lap. “Not
intentionally.”

“
Not intentionally, huh? Didn’t I just
rip your throat out
?” I
laughed.

“
Well,” he said, “you already did that to my heart, guess you
got the whole collection now.”

I upheld a
momentary vow of silence. Ouch.

“
Sorry, Ar, I didn’t mean’ta say that.”

As he touched
my shoulder, the insult inside me forgot to be insulted; I grabbed
his face and twisted my body until my lips found his.

“
Ara?” he said, stopping me for only a breath before the
hesitant searching of his lips was gone, giving way to an intense
pull of passion—the strong, unyielding desire to make me
his.

His firmness
melted my defensive heart, making it race, while I fought for a
breath of composure. I wanted to throw him down on the couch and
get this tension out of our systems, once and for all, but in the
very same beat of my heart, wanted to stop.

I pulled back
and slapped him across the face.

“
Ow.” He covered his cheek, his maple eyes laced with shock.
“You slapped me. I can’t believe you just slapped me.”

“
You kissed me back!”

His mouth hung
open a little. “I—of course I kissed you back. What did you want me
to do?”

“
Not
kiss me back!” I stood
up.

“
Ara, for God’s sake.” Dropping his hand, he gave a brisk
headshake. “Girl, I just don’t get you. This isn’t some old
black-and-white movie. You can’t just kiss a guy then slap
him.”

“
Why not?”

He groaned.
“You have a lot of growing up to do.”

“
And you’re supposed to be moving on from me—you should’ve
pushed me away. You should’ve said no.”

“
So, I’m supposed to help you control yourself against urges
you don’t want to have, but, despite wanting not to want me, still
do have?”

I paused, lost
in double negatives. “Yes.”

The ring of
the doorbell forced Mike to swallow his next sentence. “Are you
expecting anyone?” he said instead, looking behind him.

“
Yep. That’ll be Eric.” I looked up at Mike, relieved for the
break in the moment. “He’s right on time.”

“
Why is
he
here?” Mike stood taller, squaring his shoulders.

“
Be nice, Mike. He means well.”

“
He means to have sex with you.”

“
Mike?”

“
Sorry. It’s just—I’m a guy. I can read his
thoughts.”

“
Well, then you must be able to read mine, too, and I am never
gonna do that with him. If I’m not willing to give my heart to you,
what makes you think
he’s
going to get it?”

“
He’s a killer—it’s his job to entice you.” Mike grabbed my
arm as I walked away.

“
No, his job is to fix bikes, his
talent
is to entice.”

“
Where’re you going, anyway?”

“
Something called Karnivale. It’s at this fair-ground, with
rides and stuff.” I shrugged him off and headed for the
door.

“
How come I’ve never heard of it?”

“
Um, I don’t know.” I stopped in the front hall, keeping my
eyes on the ground.

“
Well, I’ll go get Em. We’ll come with you.”

“
Uh, actually, it’s kind of just a thing for vampires,” I
said, turning to face him.

“
What! He’s taking you to a blood-bath? Ara?” Mike grabbed my
arm again.

“
It’s fine, Mike. There’re other humans there.”

“
Then why can’t I come?”

“
Because I don’t need a babysitter.” I pulled my arm free. “Go
hang out with Em—she’s been sulking in her room all day anyway. She
needs perking up.”

“
Sulking? Why?”

“
Because of some guy she likes, who hasn’t noticed her or
something.”

“
Guy?” Mike’s brow lowered on one side, his body turning
slowly to look down the hall to Emily’s room. “What
guy?”

“
Bye,” I called, closing the front door behind me, walking a
little faster in case Mike decided to physically stop me from going
out tonight. He didn’t.

“
So, I’m not getting your heart, ehy?” Eric grinned as I
climbed into his four-wheel-drive.

“
You already know that. I made it very clear.”

“
I know. It just hurt to hear you say it.”

“
Shut up, Eric. It’s not my heart you want.”

“
Very true.” He winked as we turned the corner.

“
God, my heart is still pounding.” A pulse-steadying hand
rested against my chest as we headed away from the Big Top. “That
was the best circus show I’ve ever been to.”

“
I’m going to assume you liked it, then.” Eric, pinning his
arm to my waist, dipped his long fingers into my popcorn bucket,
his grin brightened by the flashing lights of carnival
rides.

“
It was freaky—but very amazing. I can’t believe some of the
tricks you vampires can do. I can see why us humans have believed
in magic for so long.”