The Heart's Ashes (45 page)

Is that what
David and I looked like when we shared blood? Am I really
that—deluded?

“
You okay?” Eric asked.

“
Just disgusted in myself.”

“
Why?” He laughed.

“
Because...well, I do that with David. Do I really get
that—desperate?”

“
It’s more fun in the act,” he said, “Like
karaoke.”

“
Precisely why I don’t do karaoke.”

The room moved with the beat of a heart as the vampires,
tiring of the lust, made final their bite, while the rage continued
at the centre of the dance floor for the lucky few who would go
home with their lives tonight. But the girls didn’t just drop to
the floor, lifeless and limp, which
did
surprise me.

Eric waved at
a few vampires walking past with the stumbling girls on their arms,
heading into a room I could only image was the last one they would
ever see.

“
Why are they going in there?”

“
They have to dispose of the bodies somehow.”

His words
chilled me. I didn’t want to know how they did that, or even if
they waited until the girls actually died first before either
burying them or incinerating them.

Back in the
killing pit, a few vampires, now going for seconds, remained in the
universe of wild and unconcealed ecstasy, except the one with the
red-haired girl; he held her in his arms, her curls splaying out
like ribbons, her neck bowing back, his head angled down at her
limp, oeuvre body.

“
Eric?” I leaned closer, unable to take my eyes off
him.

“
Yes.”

“
What’s up with that guy?” I pointed to him. “Is he a
newb?”

Eric laughed,
looking at the vampire, then grabbed the railing, practically
jumping a foot in the air as he leaned over it, his eyes wide. “Ah,
shit—Amara, get down.”

“
What? Why?” I pushed his hand from my head, looking back
through the iron bars as he shoved me to the floor.

The vampire
looked up from his kill, our eyes meeting, my mind becoming only
vaguely aware of the way he dropped the body to the floor, rising
slowly, his face draining of all colour.

“
David?”

“
Ara?” He appeared before me, hoisting me from the ground by
my arm—his eyes black with blood-lust. “What are you doing
here?”

Eric stood
slightly between us, his shoulder against mine, focusing intently
on David. “Amara? He’s dangerous right now. If I say run, you run,
got it?

“
Why did you bring her here?” David grabbed Eric by the front
of the shirt and slammed him against the wall.

“
I didn’t know you’d be here, David—are you crazy?” Eric
shoved David’s fists off his shirt. “If you’re seen, if anyone knew
who you were—”

David stood down, looking away as his fist clenched by his
side. “I needed to come. I
had
to come.”

“
Not here. There are a hundred places to go in this town.”
Eric pointed elsewhere, scanning the room below with his eyes. “You
need to leave before someone recognises you and notifies the
Council.”

“
Relax, Eric.” David walked toward me then, his eyes returning
to that brilliant green I loved—the green they became after he’d
had blood—usually
my
blood.

“
Relax? I’ve just subjected an innocent human girl to witness
her boyfriend suck the life out someone from her own
species.”

“
Ara?” David’s long, loving fingers, the very ones that just
took life, wrapped my arms and held me still, stopping the shaking
through my entire body with just one touch. “I’m sorry, my love.
You were never supposed to see that.”

I opened my
mouth to speak, but the shock just left an empty hole where my
words were lost.

He killed her—he killed her, and worse—he
kissed
her.

“
David.” Eric pushed him aside and grabbed my arm. “Just get
back and clean up your kill. I need to get Amara home.”

I was given no
choice; we walked away from David, who stood there and watched us
leave.

Chapter
14

As the cool
night air outside hit my skin and loosened the sweat from my brow,
I fell to the floor, barely feeling the gravel break through the
skin on my knees. Tears that had been held back around David
finally took the command to leave. “How could he?”

“
Amara, he’s a vampire.”

“
He let us leave—he didn’t try to make it okay. He didn’t even
try to explain.”

“
What’s to explain?” He squatted beside me, gently touching my
back. “Do you want him to apologise for being a vampire? Because,
kiddo, you chose to be with him, you chose to love him. How can you
ridicule him for that now—that’s not fair?”

“
Did you know?” I looked into Eric’s eyes. “Did you know he’d
be there?”

“
No.” He shook his head. “No, beautiful girl—I didn’t. He’s a
fool. If anyone from our Set was there, aside from me, they
could’ve reported him.”

“
Was there? I mean, did you see anyone?” The tears stopped as
panic overtook.

“
No.” Eric tilted his head, looking down at the small graze on
my knee. “And he’s damn lucky, too.”

The blood
pricked through my broken skin, bursting where the skin was tight
around my bent limb. “Does this bother you?”

He smiled, the single light in the alley, struggling to
exist, flickered above us, making this whole scene look like
something from an old L. A. private-eye movie. “A little. But I
won’t eat you. I promise. Besides—” he sat next to me, loosely
letting his wrists fall over his knees, “—your
friend
, David, has made it pretty
clear what’ll happen if I ever touch you again.”

Oh God, what did he do?
“Did he hurt
you?”

Eric scratched
his chin and stared at the flickering streetlamp. “Weird thing is?
He didn’t. He—” he chuckled, “—he spoke to me about it.”

“
Spoke
to you?”

“
Yeah. I think you’re making him soft, Amara.”

Spoke to
him?

“
Come on.” Eric lifted me from the ground. “Let’s get you
home.”

Sleep found me quickly, despite trying to stay awake to
either greet the morning or be there to talk with David when,
or
if
, he
returned. I felt myself slip away, waking, surprised when my hands
fell against grass, soft, like baby’s hair. I pushed my arms
straight and angled my face to the sky, feeling the glow of
moonlight radiate across my skin.

Jason’s world;
the dreamland I go to meet him.

Memories
flashed at me, like light through a fan blade, and I watched the
images fade, one by one; a breath, a touch of skin, warmed by the
orange glow of candlelight. It was like each memory of things we
did the night I kissed Jason came back; a welcome gift from the
sentry of this world.

I smiled,
watching them happen—gaining so much of our past, all at once,
though I was sure he’d not shared all of it. “Thanks, Jase,” I
whispered quietly, standing up.

The silvery
grass dipped under my snaking fingertips as I walked through the
field. With the full moon lighting my way, I could see further than
ever before—all the way to a tree-covered hill in the distance,
giving this place a kind of life, or maybe truth to it I never
wanted to admit.

Feeling more
comfortable being here for the second time, that I remembered,
anyway, I took more in, wanting to remember more—answer some of the
questions I’d had in my head all week. I only took notice of such a
small area last time, and wondered how far this world truly
went—how much life it had of its own.

Somewhere in
the distance, a sound like waves crashing on rocks, mixed with the
subtle burn of seaweed in my nose, reminded me of my visit to
Connecticut when I was a little girl.

But other than
the noise, the smells and the feel of this place, I was the only
other life form. A part of me wanted Jason to be here, wanted to
talk with him about everything. I felt more alive here tonight,
like I’d finally been given my wits back, or like I was awake with
new eyes. Perhaps that drug was still in my system, or maybe I just
felt so safe in this world that, for the first time, I felt total
control over something.

“
I’ve been waiting for you.”

I turned to
look at him, Jason, so ruggedly handsome in his white button-down
shirt—almost looking younger than his brother. Maybe it was a kind
of innocence behind his eyes that David had lost long ago, I wasn’t
sure, but Jason, even on the night he kidnapped me, always held so
much depth behind his eyes. It made me want to ask him what he was
thinking. “Did you know I was coming?”

He shook his
head at a half a turn. “I just hoped you would.”

Awkward
tension rolled across my shoulders. I gripped the edges of my
skirt, wishing I could fight the urge to apologise for freaking out
last time.

“
You don’t need to apologise, Ara. I shouldn’t have put that
on you—you weren’t ready.”

I nodded. “It
was a shock.”

He smiled
sympathetically. “I know. It was for me, too.”

I took a
breath, relaxing into the dream.

“
Is David back yet?” he asked.

“
Oh, you mean you haven’t been stalking me?” I said, laughing,
then sat down by the tree, scooping my skirt under my legs as I
landed in the grass.

“
No, not today anyway.”

“
Then how did you know he was out?”

“
I can read your every thought.”

The only one
that really played, though, was David kissing that girl. “No. He’s
not back yet. I’m not sure he will come back.”

Jason landed
beside me. “He will.”

“
You don’t know that.”

“
Yes, I do.”

When he took
my hand, I pulled it away abruptly. “Don’t do that. I can’t be with
you like that, Jason, I still haven’t—”

“
Okay. Let’s not have this talk.” He raised a palm between us.
“Not now, okay. Can we just...” He looked up at the night and
pushed his hands apart, making the daylight enter as if melting
through a crack in a wall. “Let’s just enjoy today.”

My mouth sat
open. “That was cool. What else can you do?”

He took my
hand, helping me to stand. “Many things.”

“
Can you fly?” I asked, hopeful.

“
For you?” He raised my hand, bowing to kiss it. “I can do
anything.”

We both looked
up then, hearing a voice.

“
Ara?” it said again.

Darkness
surrounded me. I moved my hand, suddenly laying down, and tried to
rub the night away from my eyes, unable to make the daylight
return.

“
Ara, you awake?” David said softly into my hair.

“
I am now,” I said, groggy and tense from the sudden absence
of my dream. “You’re back?”

“
Was it ever a question I would be?”

“
Yes.”

“
Do you want me to be here?”

I sat up.
“What kind of question is that?”

He leaned back
against the bed, staring ahead. “I hurt you tonight.”

“
No. You woke me up.”

“
I’m sorry. I should let you sleep.” He went to stand; I
grabbed his arm.

“
I didn’t mean now. I meant...I meant that when I saw you
tonight—kill that girl—you woke me up, David.”

He sat back
down. “Why don’t I like the sound of this?”

I looked at my lap. “Look, I always knew you were a vampire—a
killer. But I’d...I might’ve seen death, David, but never at
your
hands. It’s real.
That girl is dead because you killed her. And for what—for
blood?”

He nodded, his
soul falling away inside; I could feel it.

“
But I love you,” I concluded with a shrug. “I know it’s bad
and I know I should burn in hell for this, but I love you, David,
and I can’t stop loving you just because you’re a
vampire.”

He smiled so
softly, like he was at peace. “I wish you had come to this
conclusion last year. But this—” he seemed stuck, tossing his head
in a jerked movement, “—this life I live, it’s more than I can ever
expect you to have to put up with—any human to put up with.”

“
I
have
to
put up with it, because I
can’t
let you go. Not yet.”

He sighed
heavily, his shoulders dropping, his posture sagging, as if he were
utterly exhausted. “I can’t live without the bite, sweetheart—it
hurts. My teeth crave it, my body craves it. I need you to know
that. I just—”

“
You don’t want me to hate you.” I took his hand; he let
me.

“
I couldn’t live if you hated me, and I physically
can
not
die, so I
need you to love me, Ara, for all my faults and horrors. I just
need you to love me.” His eyes met mine with a depth inside the
questioning that caused my heart to stop short.

I inched forward, a rise of desperation moving me, my eyes
wide as I reached for his face. “I love you. Don’t ever question
that. I love you for everything you are, David. I won’t give this
up, not while I can still touch you, see you, feel you. I won’t
think about the death. I won’t think about the blood. I just—I just
want
you
.” I sat
back and dropped his hand, staring across the room to my mirror.
“But...I can’t ignore—”