The Hidden Girl (18 page)

He drove through Tornley and around the bend, speeding up, needing to see Hannah.

When he turned up into the driveway, however, Tornley Hall lay in darkness.

He parked and opened the front door.

It was bloody freezing here. Hannah’s words about the broken boiler came back to him. This was bad.

‘Han?’

No answer.

The hall smelt of paint and wood smoke, and when he turned on the light he was amazed to see the hall not just clear, but the cracks filled and painted, too. In the fireplace there was evidence of a fire. How had she done all this?

‘Han?’ He tried the study and the sitting-room doors. Still locked.

Flicking on the lights, Will checked the kitchen.

‘Han?’

A blast of cold air hit him. The big window above the sink in the scullery was wide open. He shut it, and went upstairs.

‘Han?’

Each bedroom lay in darkness.

Where was she? She didn’t have a car.

A new thought sent panic through him. Had she left him?

He went to check her clothes in the wardrobe, knowing it was his fault if she had.

Just as he opened the door there was the sound of a car outside. Will ran downstairs and out of the front door.

A red pickup with full-beam headlights skidded to a halt in the driveway, one foot from his car, scattering gravel everywhere, a radio blaring.

The passenger door opened and Hannah jumped out, looking at Will’s car.

Their eyes met.

‘Oh shit! Will.’

In the truck headlights her cheeks were pink. Her eyes were that soft navy blue they used to be, before they hardened last summer.

‘Where’ve you been?’ he asked.

The driver’s door opened and a cocky-looking geezer climbed out, a cigarette in his hand.

Instantly Will knew his type. He’d met enough of them, fronting bands.

Hannah stood in front of the man. Her voice sounded flat.

‘Will. This is Dax. Our neighbour.’

The tosser nodded. ‘Saw you in the Fox the other night.’

Will avoided Hannah’s quizzical look.

‘Dax’s been helping me with the house,’ she said.

I bet he has, Will thought. He regarded the guy.

‘Right. You’ll have to tell us how much we owe you.’

The tosser waved and got back in the truck. ‘We’ll sort it out.’ He shouted to Hannah, ‘Tell Jim: Dax says to get his arse down here tomorrow and sort that boiler out.’

‘I will – thanks.’

The guy slammed the door and drove off.

Hannah glared at Will and put her hands on her hips. ‘That was necessary, was it? To speak to him like that?’

‘Who the fuck is he?’

‘Oh!’ she growled. ‘Don’t you dare!’ She marched past him. ‘I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing here anyway, after last night.’

‘Han.’ He put out his hand. She swerved, but he grabbed her coat and grappled her backwards.

‘Get off me!’ she shouted, pushing him away. This time, though, he didn’t let go. He pulled her close as she struggled. He could feel that she’d lost weight around her waist and shoulders, even in a few days. Her hair smelt greasy, and of paint and the sea.

He buried his nose in it.

‘I was wasted,’ he said. ‘Sorry.’

‘Really?’ she snapped. ‘I’d never have guessed.’

She wriggled again, but he kept holding her tight, like he should have done a week ago, when he saw the fear on her face at the state of the house.

‘After what we’ve been through,’ she said, ‘it’s unbelievable. If that’s what you want, Will – if you want to have your own kids – then fuck off! Go, now. I don’t want you here.’

He kept her tight in his arms. ‘I don’t. I want a kid with you.’

He felt the fight go out of her and realized in that moment how much he’d scared her. He kissed her head. ‘I was being a dick. Sorry.’

She shook her head. ‘You can’t do that, Will.’

‘I know.’ He kissed the side of her face and held her for a moment. ‘Han?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You need a bath.’

She shivered and to his happiness, he felt her arms creep around his back. ‘I’m so cold. The heating’s not working.’

They stood there, swaying, for a moment.

He kissed her strange-coloured hair. ‘Han, it’s not easy for me, either. The waiting.’

She nodded. ‘I know.’ She pushed back from him, and he let her go this time. ‘Barbara says she has news. Can we go for it? Please.’ She pointed at the house. ‘I know it’s a dump, but we’re here now. Can we just do what it takes to make it work?’

He nodded, and put his arm around her shoulders.

They walked into the house, and he knew then that he couldn’t tell her about Clare. Not now. Not till after Barbara’s visit.

That evening was the first time Tornley Hall began to feel like home to Hannah.

She and Will made dinner together from the shopping he had brought, and she ate ravenously. He put on music and she lit candles.

Later she showed him the work she’d done in each room, and he made a good effort to look impressed. In the sitting room he glared at the Horseborrows’ books, as she had done.

‘Don’t ask,’ she said. ‘It’s getting sorted.’

‘OK.’ He threw a blanket on top of her head, which made her smile, then helped her pull the sofa to the fire, as she wrapped it around her shoulders.

‘Do you want a coffee?’

‘Please.’

Hannah stretched out in front of the fire. With Will out of the room, she allowed herself to think about her strange afternoon with Dax.

This morning she’d been terrified that Will had flaked out on her. Now she knew it was going to be OK. He was back.

They’d just had a crisis. It happened.

What mattered was that they were going to move forward again.

Will returned with her coffee.

‘Thanks,’ she said, lying back.

Will disappeared again, and she watched the flames flickering in the grand fireplace.

It was fine. Just a panic. They would carry on now. Put everything bad behind them.

She finished her coffee and watched the fire, drifting off. Next thing, Will was back, shaking her gently awake.

‘What?’ she said.

‘Come on.’

He led her upstairs.

She saw steam coming out the bathroom door. The kettle was outside.

‘What have you done?’

The bath was full. In lieu of bubble bath he’d used the lemon shower gel to create the illusion of bubbles, and had lit a red Christmas candle that he’d found in a box.

‘Oh God,’ she groaned. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to get in a bath as much as I do now.’

Will lifted up her arms and pulled off two jumpers, three layers of T-shirts and a bra.

‘Bloody hell, mate,’ he said, wrinkling his nose.

‘Shut up.’

She lifted her feet to help him remove the rest of her clothes, kissing his head as his hair brushed her breasts. Then he held her hand as she climbed in.

The sensation of warm water on her frozen bones was almost unbearable.

She lowered herself, eyes half-closed, and dipped her head under. When she sat back up, Will was putting a towel on the toilet seat.

‘Are you coming in?’

‘In a minute. I’m just going to turn everything off.’

Hannah dipped under again and washed her face in the bath, forgetting about the shower gel.

Blinking as it went in her eyes, she felt for the towel and saw Will’s outline in the doorway.

‘I can’t reach it. Can you pass it?’ She held out her hand.

Will didn’t speak. She washed her eyes with fresh water from the tap and rubbed them with clean fingers.

‘Will? The towel?’ Her eyes cleared.

The doorway was empty.

‘Will?’

There was a distant clashing of pots, and then footsteps. ‘Yeah?’ his voice came from downstairs.

Hannah sat up. Alarmed, she jumped out of the bath, grabbed the towel, then peered down the corridor. Will appeared at the top of the stairs, with a glass of wine.

‘Why did you get out?’

‘Were you just up here?’ she asked.

‘No.’

She checked the hall again.

‘What?’

‘Nothing. The house has been creeping me out.’

‘That’s not like you.’

‘Hmm. Well, talking of that, there’s something I need to tell you.’

‘What?’

She re-immersed herself in the bath, trying to think how to say it in a way that wouldn’t lead to more stress for either of them. She’d already decided not to tell him about Farmer Nasty, in case Will marched over there and started a neighbour dispute.

‘OK, well, don’t overreact,’ she said as Will put her wine by the tap, ‘but Dax thinks we’ve had visitors.’

‘Who?’

‘Will, seriously. I don’t want you telling anyone. Definitely not Barbara.’

‘OK.

‘Somebody was sleeping here – casual workers. The ones who come for the season. Probably last summer. When I opened the sitting room, I found an old blanket and some food packets. And in the garage.’

‘Did you call the police?’

‘No – Dax said there was no point. Apparently a few of them sleep in the sheds round here to save money, or because they’re illegal. They’re not criminals. They must have realized the house was empty and broken in.’

Will frowned. ‘Lucky you weren’t here.’

‘Hmm.’ She took the wine, avoiding his eye. Will pulled off a T-shirt she’d never seen before. ‘Where did you get that?’ The tracksuit trousers were odd, too. They hung off his waist.

‘Borrowed it.’

‘What, off the World’s Biggest Man?’

When Will’s face emerged from the T-shirt, he wasn’t smiling. He was clearly still thinking about the intruder. It was a while since she’d seen him naked. His shoulders were still naturally muscular, his torso lithe. She knew the effect he had on women. The irony of him being married to a woman who didn’t want to have sex was not lost on her.

Will climbed in behind her. She leant back into his warm, wet stomach, and his arms wrapped round her, resting across her breasts.

‘Maybe we should get an alarm,’ he said, ‘if you’re here on your own. We’ll need one for the studio anyway.’

‘Maybe. Though it’s not like they’re here to steal stuff. They just need to sleep somewhere.’

Will put handfuls of water on her hair and reached for the shampoo. ‘Where were you today then?’ He poured shampoo on her head.

She stiffened as he washed it. ‘I needed to get out of the house. I thought you’d flaked out on me.’

He kissed her shoulder. Instinctively she jerked away.

Will sighed. ‘Han, I’m not doing anything.’

She grabbed his hand and held it between hers. ‘I know. Sorry. I can’t help it. I don’t know why it’s happening. It’s just: all the treatment, and the social workers and the waiting. I just feel like this . . .’

She clenched both fists and shook them in the air.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘No. It
does
matter. I know it does. I just don’t know what to tell you. It will be OK. I promise. You’re just going to have to be patient. You know, if I’d got pregnant, you’d have had to get used to it for a while.’

He rinsed her hair with cupfuls of water. ‘I said it’s fine.’

‘It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here, though,’ she said, pushing back into him. She pulled his arms tightly around her. ‘Can you do that?’

‘Hmm.’

They lay in the hot water. The tap dripped in the sink.

She glanced at the doorway, glad that Will was here.

She wouldn’t say it to anyone because it was stupid, but sometimes it almost felt as if Tornley Hall had a ghost.

Miraculously the sky was blue the next morning. After five days of heavy snow, spring appeared to be on its way.

‘Where are they?’ Hannah murmured, rooting around the sitting room.

‘What?’

Will was at the window checking the radiator. Jim the plumber had arrived twenty minutes after they’d rung him this morning and had managed to fix the boiler, temporarily at least. Sunshine flooded through the windows. Within twenty-four hours Tornley Hall had been transformed from bleak into a place full of warmth and light.

Hannah perused the bookshelves.

‘You know those three photo albums I showed you last night in the bedroom?’

‘Hmm.’

‘Have you seen the others? There were four more. I must have put them somewhere.’

‘No.’

‘That’s annoying.’

Hannah checked under the bottom shelf and behind the sofa cushions. Where were they?

She and Will had decided together, over breakfast, to trim down her manic schedule. She’d accepted his suggestion that their bedroom was fine, despite the shabby wallpaper. They’d leave it, and spend the weekend giving the upper and lower halls a quick coat of paint, and would bleach the floor tiles. Next Monday and Tuesday Hannah would pack up the books in the sitting room, while Will was finishing ‘Carrie’ in London, and would make a start on painting it, which they’d finish together in the evenings.

They would also ring Laurie, to see if she knew someone they could pay to cut the grass, and then use Wednesday evening to hang some pictures and tidy up. As for the second bedroom, they would be honest with Barbara. They would tell her how difficult it had felt to tempt fate, after last summer. They’d promise that the room would be decorated when they were definitely matched with a child.

Already Hannah felt less overwhelmed.

‘Where did you find the key?’ Will asked, nodding at the sitting-room door.

‘In the scullery.’

‘Where’s the one for the study?’

‘It’s the same one.’

She removed it from the door and gave it to Will, then headed upstairs. The study door clicked open. She was on the top step when there was a commotion.

‘What the fuck!’

‘What?’ she asked, running back down.

Will stood in the study doorway, looking stunned.

All four vinyl shelf units had fallen over and Will’s precious vinyl collection had been catapulted around the room, as if there had been an earthquake. A thousand albums lay ten-deep, many of the fragile black records ejected from their sleeves by the force of the fall.

‘How did that happen?’ Hannah groaned.