The Holly Project (18 page)

I didn’t look at Ryan, I just turned on my heel and walked away, trying not to break into a flat-out run.

“Thanks for meeting me, Holly.”

It had been five days since my mortifying airport experience. Ryan had called my phone a number of times. I ignored them all.

Jessica Davenport had called me yesterday asking if I’d meet her for a coffee in the botanical gardens café. She and I had forged an unlikely friendship over the last few months. I’d even been out to dinner with her and Jonathan a few times. She reminded me of my own mother. My friendship with her was how I imagined my relationship with my mum would have been. Jessica had called me the day Ryan had arrived with Rachael, to see if I was okay. Like me, she had been blindsided by Rachael’s presence.

“Does Ryan know you’re here with me?” I asked.

“No. I’ve only seen him once since he arrived. He came over for dinner two nights ago and was clearly miserable. He was smart enough not to bring Rachael. She’s a gold-digging bitch. Always was.”

“What do you mean, ‘always was’?”

“Rachael and Ryan dated for about a year in London. I met her a couple of times when I was over there visiting. I disliked her immensely.”

I freaking loved this woman!

“Oh! He mentioned a long-term relationship. He told me she wanted to take it to the next level, but it never felt right, so he broke it off.”

His words, which had meant so much to me at the time, came flooding back.

And now I know why nothing ever felt right. They weren’t you.

“He’s hurting, Holly. It’s my fault, and Daniel’s, for being such horrible role models for him growing up. We were always arguing.” She was silent for a few moments. “It’s no wonder he’s so against commitment.”

“Maybe Rachael is good for him. Maybe she’s what he needs right now.” I didn’t want to believe that, but he was with her. Not me.

“Look, I’ve found the love of my life now in Jonathan. I don’t want Ryan making the same mistakes I did. I’m begging you, please come to the party tomorrow night.”

“I can’t come to your engagement party, Jessica,” I stated firmly. “I’m really happy for you. I am. But I can’t face seeing him with Ra… with her.”

“You need to look at this from another angle.”

Now she was really speaking my language. Actually, she was speaking my mother’s language.
Shit.

“What do you mean?” I asked tentatively.

“It’s New Year’s Eve tomorrow. We chose the date for our engagement party for a reason. It’s the end and the beginning in one night. I’m going to say goodbye to my first marriage and welcome in my new one. I’m starting afresh.”

Tears welled in my eyes. I couldn’t speak.

“You need to come to the party. You need to say goodbye to this year. It’s been life-changing for you in so many ways.” She reached across the table and held my hands. “I’m not your mother, Holly. But I care about you. I want you to welcome in the new year, with or without my son. I’m hopeful it will be with him, but if not, get some closure so you can move on with an open heart.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that, Jessica.”

“Please think about it. I’d really like you to be there.”

“Okay,” I conceded. “I’ll think about it.”

“Great!” She waved the waiter over for the bill. “Now let’s go and find you something incredible to wear. At the very least, you can knock him sideways.” She laughed, and I couldn’t help laughing too.

We spent hours at the shops. Jessica made me try on about a thousand dresses – she was even worse than Audrey. I loved every second of it.

“This is the one!” she exclaimed when I came out of the dressing room in a gorgeous red dress. “You are going to outshine every female on the island.”

“Oh God, I hope not!” I exclaimed. “No one should outshine the bride to be.”

“Oh please. I’m too old to be a bridezilla.”

Jessica looked absolutely incredible. She was tall and slim. Her dark blonde hair appeared to have silver highlights, rather than being grey. Her olive skin, whilst showing the inevitable signs of ageing, glowed. She was the poster girl for ageing gracefully. “I do really love this dress.” I smoothed my hands down the fitted gown. It had my favourite asymmetrical neckline. It hugged my body all the way to the floor, with a slit up the side – sexy, with a little mystery. Even I could admit the dress was made for me.

“Well, that’s settled then. This is the dress you’ll wear. Rachael will disappear into the background and Ryan won’t stand a chance.”

“I still haven’t decided whether I’m even coming.”

“You’ll be there.”

New Year’s Eve

“Why aren’t you dressed?” Audrey asked. “It’s New Year’s Eve and you’ve got a party to go to. Hurry up or you’ll miss the boat.”

“I’m not sure I can go,” I replied, not taking my eyes off the television coverage of the Sydney Harbour festivities.

“Of course you’re going.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me up. “You have to see him, Holly. Otherwise you’ll just mope for the rest of the holidays.”

“I’m happy here on the couch.” I knew I was being a chicken but the truth was, I was terrified of seeing him with her again.

“Well if you’re not going to Jessica’s engagement party, you at least have to come with us to Moon. Corey and his mates are coming. Jake is DJing. He gave Zara a bunch of spare tickets.”

“I don’t know, Aud. I feel bad for not going to the party, but I think I’ve hesitated too long.”

“For God’s sake, girl.” She clapped her hands and waved me towards my bedroom. “Get up, grab a quick shower and throw on that killer dress. I’ll help you with your hair and makeup.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going!” Jumping up, I raced for the shower. Audrey’s nudge was exactly what I’d needed.

Jessica had become important to me, and I was genuinely happy for her and Jonathan. I wanted to be there for them. If I’d learnt anything this year, it was that I was strong. Much stronger than I gave myself credit for. Of course, I was devastated that Ryan had moved on. However, I was rebuilding my life, and part of that was being honest and being brave. Tonight, I would have to be brave.

Looking in the full-length mirror, I took confidence from the beautiful dress hugging my body. I felt really good in it. Audrey advised me to leave my hair out, so I just swept it over my shoulder. She worked her magic on my face, somehow highlighting my eyes without it looking like I had makeup on at all. Black strappy heels completed my outfit. Well, almost. I reached for my charm bracelet and carefully attached the clasp around my wrist. I couldn’t help holding the tiny hummingbird between my fingers. Despite the fact that Ryan had moved on, it was a tiny reminder of our connection, and I would never take it off.

“If you’ve missed the boat, you can take a water taxi from East Circular Quay. They’ll take you directly to Fort Denison.”

“Okay, thanks Aud.” I looked her in the eyes. “Tell me I can do this.”

“Of course you can do it, Hol.” She hugged me, then pulled back. “You
need
to do this. Show him the confident, strong and caring woman you’ve found these past few months.” She looked at my reflection in the mirror. “Show him what he’s missing.”

“Okay, I’ll go – for Jessica and Jonathan. If Ryan wants to talk, I’ll have my game face on.” I winked at her reflection.

“If it all goes pear shaped, call me. I’ll leave a ticket at the door at Moon.”

“Deal.”

Audrey drove me down to the quay. Getting a cab on New Year’s Eve would be impossible, and I couldn’t walk that far in heels. I settled into a seat in the water taxi and took in my surroundings. There were thousands of people lining the shore, all jostling for the best vantage point. It was just after eight o’clock, so the first round of fireworks would kick off in under an hour. The atmosphere was electric.

Fort Denison fascinated me. Originally, it was just a small rocky island in Sydney Harbour. It was used to isolate convicts back in 1788. Then in the mid-1800s, the island was flattened and a defence fort was built. Now it’s a restaurant and function centre.

As the water taxi drew closer, I could see a crowd of people milling around on Battery Lawn in front of the restaurant. My nerves kicked up a notch.

Breathe in, breathe out.

When we docked, the driver helped me out onto the small jetty. I deserved a medal for this level of bravery. Arriving solo to an engagement party for the mother of my ex-fling? Ex-boyfriend? Ex-God knows what?
What the hell am I doing here?

Panicking, I turned back to my water taxi, but it had disappeared. I was stranded.

Right, Holly. Shoulders back, hold your head high. Go forth and be fabulous!

The sandstone steps led up to the lawn, where partygoers were sipping cocktails. I was sure I could blend into the crowd while I searched for Jessica. When I reached the top of the stairs, a waiter offered me a cocktail. I took it gratefully. I was going to need more than one.

The other guests were preoccupied with their own conversations, so I was fairly sure I could slip through the crowd unnoticed. Spotting Jessica at the other end of the lawn, I took a deep breath and started to make my way over.

“Why are you in such a hurry?”

A hand on my arm stopped my progress and I looked up to see who the culprit was. I was relieved to see Toby, one of Ryan’s mates.

“Oh, hey Toby. How are you?”

“I’m good.” He looked me up and down and smiled. “You look fucking incredible. Does Ryan know you’re here?”

“Err… thanks. And no. He doesn’t know I’m coming.” I stared at my shoes, feeling the heels sinking into the grass. “I’m here for Jessica and Jonathan.”

“Right, sorry. I heard you guys split. He’s a fucking idiot. Rachael’s a drag.”

“Yes, well. It’s his life.” I feigned being fine with it.

“Can I get you another drink?”

I’d catch Jessica later. “Sure, why not? Thanks.”

Toby waved over one of the roving waiters, who promptly delivered another cocktail.

“Happy New Year, Holly,” he said, raising his glass to mine.

“Happy New Year, Toby.”

“Will you excuse me for a second? I’ve just seen Aspen and I need to speak to her.” He stepped forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Before I had a chance to respond, Toby was wrenched backwards. Shocked, I wobbled backwards on my heels. I somehow managed to pull them out of the grass before I fell over.

Ryan.

“What the fuck?” Toby shouted.

Ryan didn’t say anything in response. He was staring straight at me and appeared dumbstruck.

Toby shook his head then disappeared into the crowd.

“What are you doing here, Holly?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “That seems to be all you have to say to me these days.” I stopped laughing and looked directly into his tortured sapphire eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m not here for you. I’m here for your mother.”

“What do you mean? You don’t even know my mother. You met her once – the day we walked in on her having an affair!” Suddenly the party went quiet.

Jonathan appeared behind Ryan, closely followed by Jessica.

I had hoped to slip into the party. Instead, I was causing a scene.

“Darling,” Jessica said, pushing past Jonathan. “Holly and I have become friends. I invited her tonight.” She turned to me and gave me a hug. “Thank you so much for coming. You look amazing.”

“So do you.” She was wearing an emerald green cocktail dress that perfectly suited her figure and complexion. She looked beautiful. “Congratulations.” I glanced at Jonathan, then back to her. “I’m sorry for causing a scene.”

“Sorry, what the hell is going on here?” Ryan glared at Jessica as if she’d committed some sort of heinous crime. “How dare you invite her without telling me?”

I felt about two inches tall. He was seriously pissed off that I was there. Perhaps he was worried it would upset his girlfriend. Seething, I turned and started walking towards the restaurant. I needed to get away from him.

“Where are you going?” Ryan asked, sounding more upset than angry.

I didn’t turn around. “Away from you.”

I located the ladies restroom and quickly entered, grateful for the relative sanctuary. I plonked my clutch on the vanity and stared at my reflection, shaking my head. I’d known it would be a mistake to come here. I briefly considered calling a water taxi to retrieve me, but decided to soldier on. Touching up my lip gloss, I smiled to myself. Ryan wasn’t going to take away my confidence. He had no right.

Opening the door to the bathroom, I walked directly into a warm, firm chest. Looking up, sapphire eyes ripped through my steely resolve and I was momentarily mesmerised.

Ryan didn’t speak. He just took my hand and led me down the corridor and then out a door on the opposite side of the restaurant. We emerged in a private area at the western end of the island, looking directly back at the bridge.

“Why did you bring me out here?” I asked, barely able to look him in the eye.

Before I knew what was happening, I was enveloped in his embrace. He held me as if I was the most precious thing in the world, and for a few moments, I just enjoyed being close to him again. I pulled out of his arms and his hands immediately cupped my face.

“You look…” His eyes took in my body while his hands still held my face. “You look drop dead fucking gorgeous, Holly.”

“Thank you,” I croaked.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming tonight? I’ve tried calling you every day since I flew in.” His hands went into his pockets. I took a quick moment to appreciate Ryan Davenport in a tuxedo. He had never looked so handsome. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him senseless. The attraction between us was alive and well. If anything, it had never been stronger.

“I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how you’d react to my friendship with your mother. And seeing you at the airport with
her
.” It was as if her name were poison. I just couldn’t say it out loud. “I just didn’t think we had anything to talk about.”

A loud bang scared the living daylights out of me. Ryan didn’t flinch. He kept his gaze on me. His back was to the Harbour Bridge and he was suddenly backlit by fireworks exploding everywhere. Rockets shot off from the bridge and the sky became a smoky mass of colour and light. The display was choreographed to match the music blaring from all the boats bobbing on the harbour. Ryan stepped forward and again, cupped my face. My heart raced and my breathing slowed. I thought I might pass out.