The Hope of Refuge (18 page)

Half asleep, Lori raised her head, easily shifting from Cara’s arms to Ephraim’s. As the pressure of carrying Lori lifted, the aches and pains running through Cara’s body eased.

Ephraim took her elbow and helped her onto the wooden bench. A paperback book titled
The Whole Truth
lay on the seat beside her. A bookmark peeked out about midway through the pages. She used to love reading before life took every minute of every day just to survive. Ephraim had to be a reader.

He climbed up easily with Lori and placed her in Cara’s arms.

“Thank you.” Her words came out hoarse.

“Not a problem.”

For reasons that made no sense, tears threatened, and she licked her lips. Trying to gain command over her emotions, Cara rubbed her lower back. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Me either, at least not when I dropped you off this morning. I meant to be here earlier. Since we can’t go to my place until after dark, I thought we’d go to a secluded spot near the creek. I brought some food and blankets.”

“And a book.” She held it up.

“Ya.”

The dog nudged her with his nose.

“And Better Days.”

“I figured it was about time somebody brought you better days.” He chuckled at the joke and slapped the reins against the horse’s back.

Cara stroked Lori’s head, realizing she’d fallen back to sleep. “Any word from social services?”

“Not yet.”

“What if your father sees them when they show up? Or someone else sees them and tells him?”

“I don’t know. Like you, I don’t have many answers right now.”

“No wonder you keep toting the dog all over the place. You want Better Days to stick around.”

The lines on his face curved upward, but seriousness made the hint of a smile fade. “We need to talk about a few things. Can I ask you some questions?”

A memory flashed in front of Cara. About two decades ago she’d stood in front of a boy who’d asked her the same basic thing. “The barn Lori and I hid in and the house that used to sit on that now-empty foundation—they belonged to an old woman, didn’t they?”

He nodded. “Levina.”

“Levina was the one Mama and I stayed with?”

“Ya, that’s right.”

“And you asked me if I was a boy or a girl.”

Under his tanned skin his face flushed a pale pink. “Well, you were a skinny eight-year-old kid who wore jeans, and your hair was cut shorter than most newborns.”

She ran her fingers through her hair, tugging at the end of the short crop. She liked her hair like this, regardless of what he might think of it.

“Nobody would mistake you for a boy now.”

“No, just a thief, a drunk, and a troublemaker.”

He winced. “Sorry.”

A small burst of laughter escaped her, catching her by surprise. “Well, I feel so much better now.”

“Then my work is done, because I came to make you feel better.”

“Don’t quit your day job.”

He laughed, and she understood why that sound had stayed with her all these years. But why had the memory of Levina’s name returned to her but Ephraim’s hadn’t, even when she stood inside his home and he told her?

“Remember seeing the creek for the first time?”

“No. But I do remember cool water rushing over my feet. And someone…”

“If there’s a boy in that memory, it would’ve been me. I don’t think you saw anyone else that week. Other than Levina and the bishop.”

“What’s a bishop?”

“The head church leader over several districts. He helps us stay strong in our faith and reminds us of the meaning of the vows we’ve taken.”

“Like a guild master in World of Warcraft.”

His brows crinkled. “Like what?”

“It’s an Internet game. I’ve never played it, but I worked with people who do.”

He chuckled. “The bishop would take exception to using the Internet or playing any type of war game.”

His amusement skittered through her. “I remember your laughter. It was one of the first things that came to me last week. You laughing when you jumped into the creek or into a pile of hay in the barn.”

“Do you remember our playing for hours in the trees?”

“Not really. Although part of me must, because I knew about the chains on the tree before I saw them.”

“That was your favorite tree. We hung those chains there ourselves, wrapping them around and around the branch for you to use as reins. I’d say we did a good job since they’re still there.”

“I guess so. It just seems like I’d remember your name if we spent so much time together.”

“You never called me Ephraim. You called me Boy, said it was something about a Tarzan movie.”

She chuckled. “Ah, I probably came up with that because of the trees and rope climbing stuff.”

“Makes sense.” He pulled to a stop, got out of the wagon, opened a cattle gate to the pasture, and led the horse through it. After closing the gate, he climbed back in. “I’ll park at the grove of trees near the creek bank. We can eat and rest there until it’s dark. I… I’m sorry about needing to hide and sneak around.”

She scoffed. “I’ve been hiding for as long as I can remember.”

The wagon creaked as he drove over uneven ground. “I remember Malinda telling Levina about hiding you from your dad.” He drove to the far side of a stand of trees. “She tried her best to get you somewhere safe. I don’t really know what stopped her, but I know she wanted you to have a good life.”

Embarrassed at all he knew about her, she whispered, “Yeah, well, that didn’t happen.”

Ephraim drew a long, slow breath. “Cara, I can’t afford to get caught off guard. I need to know. Is Lori’s father likely to show up looking for her?”

Now she knew why he’d gone out of his way to pick her up. And why he was being so friendly. He wanted answers to personal questions.

“What you’re really asking is whether I have a no-good boyfriend or husband somewhere, right?” She snarled the words, not caring how angry she sounded. The insult made her skin burn.

Without saying anything else, he climbed down, took a blanket from the wagon, and placed it in a clearing ahead of the horse before returning to her. As he lifted Lori from her arms, his eyes met hers. “I meant no offense.”

She bit back her sarcasm, reminding herself that it didn’t matter what he thought of her. Her mistake had been allowing the easy banter between them to make her think he had any sense of who she might be. But attitudes like his got old fast.

He took Lori to the blanket on the ground and gently laid her there. She didn’t stir. He returned to the wagon and grabbed a basket from it. He held out his hand, offering to help her down. She turned and climbed out the other side.

When she glanced across the wagon, he was watching her, and she couldn’t keep her thoughts silent any longer. “I was married to Lori’s father. In spite of what your kind might think, he was a decent man. If he’d lived, I’d never have set foot in this stinking place.”

“My kind?”

“Yeah, the ones who were born having it all. You dare judge the rest of us by a standard you claim to be God’s. And just to prove your greatness, you create a God who favors you over us.”

He stared at her as if sizing her up. She wanted to lash out until his high-and-mighty eyes opened. All humans were equal. Some started out with more because of their parents, but that wasn’t through their own skill or worthiness. She’d started with nearly nothing and continually lost more as life went on. He’d been given everything. And yet he thought he was better than her?

“Mom?” Lori called, waking.

Cara hurried to her. “I’m right here, Lorabean.”

She rubbed her eyes, searching her surroundings. “Where are we?”

“On a picnic.” Ephraim set the dog on the blanket beside her.

“Better Days!” Every trace of fear drained from her, and she scooped the puppy into her arms. “Thanks, ’From.” She grinned. “Me and Better Days are hungry. We got any food?”

Ephraim tapped the top of the basket. “Fried chicken, potato chips, lemonade, and cake.”

“You do way better picnics than Mom.” The puppy licked her face. She giggled and jumped to her feet. “Can we go to the creek? Better Days would love it.”

“I thought you were hungry,” Ephraim said.

“First I wanna see if he likes the water.”

Cara pointed to a sandy area that sloped to a shallow section. “No deeper than your ankles, and don’t get out of my sight.”

“Come on, Better Days.” Lori took off running with the puppy dancing around her feet, half tripping her as they went.

Cara sat on the blanket. “You are better at doing picnics.” She peeked into the basket. “All she’s going to remember of her childhood is what I couldn’t provide.”

Ephraim sat beside her. “You’re a good mother, Cara. She’ll remember how much you loved her.”

The gentleness in his voice made guilt run through her. All he’d requested were a few reasonable answers, and she’d been defensive and rude. Tears threatened, reminding her how weary she was. “Sometimes I can barely remember my mother. Other times the memories are so strong I can’t break free of them. I think she died not long after we were here. Then life became an endurance test.”

“Not long after…” The hurt in his eyes surprised her.

He dropped his sentence and looked out over the fields. While they rested on the blanket, waiting side by side for night to come, an unfamiliar pull to talk openly tugged at her. Her anger at him still rumbled, but she’d finally met someone who’d known her mother, someone who had enough honor to do what it took to keep her and Lori from being separated.

A leaf floated downstream, drifting powerlessly on the creek’s current. That’s how she felt—caught by a desire as normal and natural as water flowing and a fallen leaf. Rather than treat him like she did everybody else, she decided to ignore her offense and give in to her need. “I…I met Johnny when I was seventeen. He was a huge, burly man, and he became my shelter. Of course that safety came with a price, and we married a year later. He believed in your God too. Said he met him in prison.” She shrugged. “Somewhere during the first years of our marriage, I fell in love with him.”

Ephraim grabbed a Mason jar out of the basket. “I’ve never heard of anyone falling in love after they got married. Although I have known a few who fell out of love.”

“We got married at the courthouse, but we went to upstate New York for a honeymoon in the Catskill Mountains. The first day we hiked and canoed and had a picnic. It was the most wonderful day I’d ever had…or at least remembered having. That night he said his stomach hurt, so he slept on the couch. Much to my relief.”

“He knew how you felt, didn’t he?” Ephraim loosened the lid on the jar.

“He knew. I guess he didn’t care about the time it took to change my mind about him. By the fifth night of our honeymoon, he was still making up excuses to sleep on the couch, but I invited him to stay with me.” In her mind’s eye she could see him clearly as he eased into bed next to her. How many times since he’d died had she wished he’d come to her bed again or been there for meals or watching Lori grow?

Ephraim held the jar of lemonade out to her. “Sounds like you found a truly good man.”

She took a sip of lemonade and passed the jar back to him. “I did. When I got pregnant a couple of years later, I thought he’d be furious. But when I told him…”

The memory haunted her, and regrets twisted her insides. “I watched all this worry cross his face, and I realized he really did love me. I mean, he’d said he did even before we were married. But I hadn’t really believed it.” She sighed. “We thought we could give our child more than either of us had growing up. But before her second birthday…he died.” She rubbed her forehead. “I never have a cigarette when I need one.”

Ephraim leaned back, propping his elbow on the blanket. “I’m so sorry. I… I just needed to know whether to expect someone to show up looking for you and Lori.”

She bit back saying,
Whatever
. In spite of how badly his words had stung, her anger wasn’t completely justified. As her bitterness shrank back, she realized the obvious. What he’d been asking was, did she have someone looking for her?

“‘From, look,” Lori called. “What kind of fish is this?”

He rose from the blanket and went to the creek bank.

Relaxing a little as he left, Cara exhaled slowly. She dug the toy horse out of her backpack, trying to remember owning it. But whether she ever remembered it or not, the past wasn’t her goal. She only had today and the opportunity it afforded her to give Lori a better life than she and Johnny had.

Of course, she hadn’t told Ephraim about Mike. But hadn’t he earned the right to know the reason she fled New York?

A swath of crimson sky touched the horizon, signaling that nightfall was close at hand. Ephraim and Lori sat in the middle of a fallen tree that stretched from one side of the creek to the other. With their feet dangling several feet above the surface of the water, Ephraim passed the last bits of bread to Lori to toss below. Catfish circled, snatching the food as soon as it hit the surface. Better Days sat on the creek bank, watching their every move.

In spite of telling himself to do otherwise, his eyes kept returning to Cara. She sat on the blanket with her legs pulled to her chest, his sister’s dress flowing around them like a large sheet. She watched the horizon as daylight drained from the sky. She looked like something out of a movie or a distant dream—a curious mix of delicate softness and unyielding stone.