The Hope of Refuge (34 page)

“You better listen to him.” Lori shook her finger at her mother. “Or I’m never talking to you again.”

The screen door banged shut, and Ephraim helped Cara to her feet. “She’s not ready to leave.”

“She’ll be fine. And we can’t stay here. I’ll only make things worse for you. Your people aren’t talking to you. You can’t work. You can’t even see your family or Anna Mary. You should be shoving me into that buggy and promising Lori it’s the right thing to do. She’d believe you.”

“I won’t lie to her to make you feel better.”

“Then lie to her for her sake!”

“You’re being stubborn.”

“You’re being just as bad, insisting I stay when we both know I should go.”

“I’ve plowed the fields with mules more cooperative than you.”

Chafing with frustration and hurt, Cara glanced to Ephraim. If he had an inkling how betrayed she felt by her relatives, he’d help her get out of here before she lashed out at them and caused him more trouble in the process.

Images of Ephraim climbing the tree with her as a child floated across her mind. “I can’t stand the churning emotions inside me. It’s like someone opened a dam and I’m stuck in the pool at the bottom of the falls.”

“I don’t have to imagine it. I feel it.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest. “It’s enough to rip an ox apart, and I don’t want you facing it alone.”

Her eyes burned with the threat of tears, but she willed them away. She pulled her hand free. “Whatever it is you want from me, I can’t give it.”

“We’re not talking about what anyone wants here. That passed by so long ago nothing can repair it. You need help getting your feet under you, emotionally and financially. I give you my word, I’ll ask for no more than that.”

She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of spring: wind, birds, the distant mooing of cows. Wishing she could pray, she took a deep breath.

Ephraim placed his hand on her shoulder. “Think of the difference this could make for Lori.”

Unable to reject his reasoning, she nodded. “Okay. For a little while. But not here in your house.”

“Ada’s determined to find a place to rent. She really likes the idea of you staying with her.”

“I’ll help her get settled and paint whatever rooms she wants. But when the painting job is done, it’ll be time for me to find a place away from here.”

“In the meantime I’ll do my best to help Lori accept that and adjust.” His eyes said he meant it. “I’m sure she won’t be mad at you if we do it right.”

The need to cry seemed to vanish, and she couldn’t help but smile at him. “Using Lori to get your way? You cheat.”

“Yep, and I win too.”

But she couldn’t hold on to the faint smile. It wouldn’t be long before she’d regret going with this plan; she was sure of it.

Ada opened the oven and removed a pie. Haunting questions kept looping through her mind, but she had no answers. Not yet.

She set the pie on a cooling plate and turned off the gas stove. Her baking was done for today, and, like always, every bit of space on her kitchen table, chairs, and countertops was covered in baked goods. The bakery’s courier would come by soon, but Ada had too much to get done to wait. She scribbled a note and taped it to her front door, telling the courier to let herself in. They’d handled it this way a few times over the years.

With Mondays orders filled, she changed into a fresh dress and apron and headed out the door. It was three thirty by the time she had her horse hitched and was on her way. But she didn’t want to hire a driver. She needed time to think, and for her the gentle speed and rhythmic sounds of a horse-drawn carriage always helped.

She’d let Mahlon make decisions for her for so long that her desire to put a stop to it had her thoughts running in circles. If she could just understand herself and why she’d made the kinds of decisions she had in the past, maybe she could find a few answers for her future. Baffled or not, she had to keep moving toward helping Cara. And she knew if she wanted to ease Cara’s pain and make a difference for her and Lori, it’d begin with the church leaders and Cara’s uncles. So when she left Cara yesterday, she’d gone to see the bishop. She’d talked to him about finding a place of her own and having Cara move in with her. He listened patiently, but then he told her that her plan wasn’t a good idea, which meant no.

It would be impossible for Ada to become a church member of the Hope Crossing district without being a member in good standing in the Dry Lake district, so she couldn’t ignore his stance. After talking with him for nearly an hour, explaining that people’s reactions to Cara were based more on rumors than facts, she showed him the documents Cara had loaned her. He said little, but he decided to have a districtwide meeting tonight. In a little over four hours, everyone would gather at Levi Riehl’s farm.

But Cara was only one issue weighing on her.

Ada gently pulled on the reins, bringing the rig to a stop as she stared at a fork in the road. To her left the road headed straight out of Dry Lake. By steering right, she could stop by Israel Kauffman’s before heading to Hope Crossing.

She couldn’t keep living based on what Mahlon thought he wanted from her, but if she wasn’t that woman, who was she?

The Realtor would meet her at the rental place in an hour and a half And here she sat, feeling almost as confused as the day her husband was killed. Israel’s wife died that day too. Did he ever have times of feeling as lost now as he did then?

He probably didn’t. Grown children and even a few grandchildren surrounded him on all sides. He’d freely admit he had strong support that kept a smile on his face most days. His middle daughter, Lena, was his biggest help, not just because she handled the chores and was so good to her younger siblings, but because she radiated happiness and humor all the time.

Lena and Deborah were cousins, and aside from Amish traditions they’d been raised very differently, but both took pleasure in trying to bring joy to others. Deborah’s sense of humor was subtle compared to Lena’s more boisterous approach where she tried to make people roar with laughter. Ada remembered one night at her home when Deborah, Mahlon, and Lena were playing board games. As out of character as it was for Mahlon, Lena’s wit kept him chuckling for the entire evening.

Worry for Mahlon nagged her. He continued to search, for… something. Peace? Stability? Something that would stop him from wavering like wheat in a field. Whatever it was, Ada had begun a search of her own.

She’d never considered herself a strong woman, one who knew what she wanted and went after it. Whatever her husband had wanted, that’s what she wanted—even down to the flavor of ice cream she chose at the local creamery. After he died, her personality type had made it easy for Mahlon to lead her in whatever direction he wanted.

What had made her be someone who never trusted her own thoughts or desires or dreams? Why had she feared being wrong so much that she let others be wrong for her?

She didn’t know, but she had a fresh chance to follow her heart, especially where Cara was concerned. It was time to trust her gut and find a way to follow her heart.

If she went to every Amish home in Dry Lake and asked their opinion of what she should do next, some would think one way and some the other.

But what did
she
think?

Finally ready to trust her own desires, she slapped the reins against the horse’s back.

It was time to talk to Israel. As a former homebuilder, he knew housing structure and probably some of what it’d take to expand her business. He had a way of giving sound advice when asked without trying to sway the person one way or the other. That was Israel—state the facts and let the person decide.

When she pulled onto his driveway, she saw him and several of his children sitting on the porch, casually visiting on this warm Monday before suppertime. She knew his family tended to have an early meal and then he’d return to his work of building furniture.

He rose from his chair and walked to her, studying her face intently.

Ada.” He nodded. “This is a first.”

“You may wish for it to be the last too.”

He cocked an eyebrow, looking rather amused. “Doubtful. What’s up?”

“I know this is awfully bold of me, but I got some things on my mind, and I need a man’s… No, I
need your
opinion.”

Of course. I thought maybe you’d come by to make sure I’d heard about tonight’s meeting. Care to come inside?”

She shook her head. “I’m going to Hope Crossing to look at a place. I was wondering if you might go with me.”

“You’re thinking of moving to Hope Crossing? That’s quite a piece from here.”

“About an hour by carriage.”

“You want to find a home that far away?”

“I’m aiming to do what I should have done ten or more years ago—find a place where I can expand my baking business. Better to get started at forty-three than not at all.”

He smiled and took a step away from the buggy. “Lena, I’m going with Ada. I’ll be back in about three hours.”

“Supper will be ready in twenty minutes.” Lena stood. “Do you and Ada want to eat with us first?”

Ada fidgeted with the reins. “The Realtor is meeting me there in about ninety minutes.”

He looked back toward his house. “We need to go on, Lena.”

“Can I fix you some sandwiches to take with you?”

He looked up at Ada. “Are you the least bit hungry?”

Although she’d spent her day baking, she’d eaten almost nothing. As she began to make her own decisions, she already felt stronger. “Ya, I think I am.”

“Good. Wait right here.” Ada stayed in the buggy while Israel went inside. It wasn’t but a few minutes before he came back out with a basket in one hand and a toolbox in the other. As he set the items inside the wagon and climbed in, she noticed he’d changed from his more casual clothes into pressed ones.

Tempted to pass him the reins, she clutched them tighter. She needed to steer her own buggy, even if she made mistakes and didn’t handle it as smoothly as the person next to her would. Then again, maybe she’d handle it better. When she thought of all Cara had gone through—fighting to hold on to Lori and not caring if people misjudged her and yet seemingly remaining tender-hearted in so many ways—it did something inside Ada.

Israel propped his arm on the back of the bench seat. “So Mahlon’s up for moving to Hope Crossing?”

Ada tapped the reins against the horse’s back, trying to gain some speed for the upcoming hill. “I didn’t ask him. I’m doing this on my own. And even though I’m not sure what
this
is, I want Cara Moore, Malinda Riehl’s daughter, to be a part of it. When I have a set plan, I’ll talk to the bishop again about allowing Cara to live with me.”

As he asked a few questions about Cara and she answered, he pulled a couple of sandwiches out of the basket and passed one to her. The conversation flowed easily although Israel acted a bit nervous. He’d never seemed that way before. Maybe she should have let him guide the rig.

Once they were in Hope Crossing, Israel read the directions to her until they stopped in front of the saddest-looking house she’d ever seen. It sat on a large corner lot, with roads and sidewalks on two sides and a cornfield on another side. She couldn’t see what was behind the home. It was huge; she’d give it that much. Two stories of unpainted clapboard with crooked black shutters and one half-fallen column holding up a wraparound porch.

“You say that girl paints?”

Ada nodded. “With a brush and roller, not a magic wand.” They stepped out of the rig. Israel grabbed his toolbox, and they headed for the front porch. It only took her a moment to find the hidden key the Realtor had told her about. “The windows and doors have been redone recently, don’t you think?”

Israel nodded. “Ya, I do.”

When she pushed the door open, she saw newspapers and boxes scattered everywhere. A ladder stood near a half-painted wall. “Somebody began renovating the place.”

“Ya. And left it worse off for it, I think.”

They slowly climbed the wooden stairs, which had a swatch of old carpet running down the center. At the top of the landing, they found four bedrooms and two baths—all with the most hideous wallpaper she’d ever seen.

Ada ran her fingers along a broken strip of wainscot. “Look, somebody tried painting over the wallpaper.”

“I can’t say as I blame them.”

Ada laughed. “The Realtor said it was bad, but I hadn’t expected this.”

Israel got out a flashlight and some odd-looking tools before he stepped inside one of the bathrooms. “The tub is filled with junk.” He went to the faucet. “And there’s no running water.”

After he’d poked around under the sink of each bathroom, he grabbed his toolbox, and they walked downstairs. When she opened the swinging wooden door to the kitchen, chills ran over her skin. “I…I had a dream about this kitchen years ago.” She looked inside the sink and saw the pipes were missing.

“You sure it wasn’t a nightmare?”

Ada opened a door to discover a huge walk-in pantry. “That’s bigger than my whole kitchen.”

“Ada.” He pointed to the glass on the back door.

She walked over to him and stared at what appeared to be a trash pit. “The barn at the far end of the yard and the pasture behind it come with the house.”