The Improbable (18 page)

           
I did as I was told, keeping eye contact with him as I did so.
Am I doing
the right thing
? I wondered to myself. If anything, I knew that I didn’t
want to have such an experience with Ray and that David was the one who truly
cared about me. By thinking that, I had convinced myself that, yes, I was
indeed doing the right thing. But then I had to wonder,
am I ready for this?

           
“Lay down, relax.” David laughed slightly through his nose as he got on top of
me.

           
“Sorry,” I apologized. I tried to relax but I couldn’t! All the nerve-endings
in my body were on alert.

           
David rested his hands on either side of my head, hovering over and staring at
me. “Are you sure you’re ready?” He asked.

           
I nodded.

           
David lowered himself to kiss my neck. The sensation on my neck drove me wild,
pulling me away from my thoughts that were making me question my actions. I was
breathing heavily as I pulled his face to mine, making deep eye contact with
him before he leaned in and kissed me on the lips. His hands traveled as our
mouths were locked together. Oh, my body was on fire! David grew more
aggressive the more he touched my body, he grunted as he reached under my dress
and removed my underwear…nearly ripping them off. I unbuttoned his shirt and
trailed my hands down his very well-defined torso. It was as if this man had no
flaws! Unexpectedly, David groaned and pulled himself away in the middle of
positioning himself to get inside of me. He collapsed on the bed next to me
with his hands over his face.

           
My body went stiff. What had I done wrong? Heat prickled at my body as it
always did when I was embarrassed. “David…what’s the problem?” I asked in a
small voice.

           
“I can’t do this to you, Eva-Marie. I
won’t
do this to you.” He answered
without looking at me.

           
My eyebrows came together. “No, what do you mean?” I asked, worry leaking into
my voice.

           
He rubbed his hands over his face before removing them and looking over at me.
“This isn’t how you deserve to lose such a special part of you.”

           
“This is what I’m choosing to do. I don’t want to have this moment with Ray, I
want to have it with
you
.” I told him.

           
“I don’t feel right.” David shook his head and sat up.

           
What was he talking about? I could feel tears poking at my eyes. Ugh, I had to
keep it together! “I don’t understand.” I said in a voice weakened by oncoming
tears.

           
“Hey,” he said in a soothing voice when he caught sight of my expression. “This
doesn’t change the way I feel about you, at all. I just want you to be sure
you’re ready and I want it to feel right. Is that okay?” David gently rubbed my
shoulder.

I
nodded and wrapped myself up in the cover, turning away from him. I wasn’t
upset with him, I just wanted to be left alone so I could think about the
situation…and cry by myself…and be embarrassed by myself.

“You
sleep in here, I’ll be on the couch if you need me.” David got up from the bed.

Need
you? I always need you
,
I thought to myself.

He
walked over to my side of the bed and leaned down to kiss me on the forehead
before exiting the room.

           
Immediately after he left, I let the tears fall and cried silently into the
pillow making sure he couldn’t hear me. I was irritated because he was right,
something
had
felt off and I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to take
things that far. I was sad because I knew that deep down he was the one I
wanted to experience it with. So why didn’t it feel right?

I
couldn’t sleep even if I tried.

As
much as I tried to ignore the quiet sniffling in my room, I couldn’t. My inner
self was beating me alive.
She said you could do it! You haven’t had sex in
years! What the fuck is wrong with you!
A voice in my head shouted at me.
Growing frustrated, I banged my fist into a pillow and turned onto my side. I
had really fucked up.

On
one hand, I was completely and honestly more aroused than I’d ever been in ages
and wanted to go a few rounds with Eva. I mean, it had been a
long
time
since I’d had sexual relations with anyone! However, on the other hand I was
taking her into consideration because I truly cared for the girl. I knew that
she wasn’t someone that I could just sleep with and forget about. I wanted her
to have the best of everything and she didn’t seem too sure about being ready.
The last thing I wanted was to cause any disappointment in her life, I couldn’t
live with that on my conscience.

A
mean, possessive spirit took over me when I thought of
who
would be the
lucky asshole that she ended up giving her virginity to. The spirit grew even
darker as I thought of it being Ray. I hated him. I didn’t like him around her,
he was always so forceful and treated her like an object. He didn’t deserve
such an outstanding woman like her. I just didn’t understand why he was in the
picture. She. Was.
Mine
.

I
gave up trying to go to sleep and just stared at the ceiling. Noticing that the
sniffling in my room had ceased, I furrowed my eyebrows and wondered if Eva was
asleep. It hurt me to know that I had made her cry due to the fact that I
hadn’t agreed to have sex with her, but I didn’t know if she wanted me around
to comfort her. It felt off with me being on the couch and having her in the
room, so far away from me. It was as if I…
needed
to be near her, to calm
myself down and finally fall asleep.

           
Making sure I kept quiet just in case she was sleeping, I moved slowly toward
the bedroom. I peaked my head in first, only to see that she was still turned
away from me. I frowned, I didn’t like that. Steadily, I walked into the room
and as I got closer I could hear light snoring. It was adorable to the point
where I wanted to laugh but I didn’t want to wake her up. I walked to her side
of the bed and looked down at her. Such a beautiful creature awake and at rest.
There was just something about her... that drove me absolutely wild and always
left me begging for more of her presence. I sighed and walked to the other side
of the bed. As if I’d just entered a warm bath, my muscles instantly relaxed
once I laid down next to her. That’s what she did to me. I rubbed my eyes and
stared at the ceiling as I listened to her snore.

           
Eva stirred around a bit but didn’t face me. “Couldn’t sleep?” She asked in a
soft voice.

           
“Not quite,” I answered.

           
She was silent, making me desperately want to know what she was thinking about.
I was glad she wasn’t crying anymore, but I couldn’t rest thinking I made her
feel unwanted! I just wanted her to understand that I didn’t want to mess our
relationship up.

           
I cleared my throat and began. “I didn’t know how to handle the world before I
met you.” I admitted. “Well…you remember how I was when I first met you.” I
laughed lightly through my nose, remembering how unpleasant I was to be around
when Eva and I first met.

           
“Yes sir, I could never forget.” Eva giggled quietly. “You shouted at me every
time we ran into each other…like an angry troll. Attractive, but angry
nonetheless.” She said softly, still facing away from me. I could hear the
smile in her voice.

           
“Exactly.” I sighed, mentally preparing to reveal a side of myself I’d never
revealed to anyone besides my two best friends. “When my mom passed at
seventeen…I didn’t know what to do. My dad became very bitter and made it
extremely hard to have a relationship with him; the only way to get through to
him in any way was doing what he wanted me to do. It made him happy, and I gave
up all that I wanted to do in life to make him happy, so I could feel like I
still had one parent left. That’s how I grew so cold and angry; by forgetting
how to live by making myself happy and not my father.”

           
Eva turned on her side to face me and laid looking up at me with her dark eyes.
The moonlight from the window was illuminating her face, making the sight of
her in my bed that much more heavenly.

           
“The day you yelled at me in the elevator was a real wakeup call.” I told her,
not looking down at her, instead keeping my eyes fixed on everything but her.
Those deep eyes would make me lose my focus. “You told me I spent a lot of my
time being mad at the world for no reason, and I needed to hear that. From that
point on, when I saw you at the city club and the ball…I just wanted to be
different. You made me want to change. Because I saw a light in you that I was
jealous of…I wanted to enjoy life just like you do. The night of the ball, I
just knew there was something drawing me to you that I can’t get enough of…and
still can’t get enough of. You excite me and you bring my world back to life
again.”

           
She gasped. “What a grand compliment to give little ole me, Mr. Finley.” Eva giggled
giddily and squeezed the sheets around her tighter.

           
I laughed lightly through my nose. “My reason in explaining all of this to you
is so that you know why I couldn’t do this tonight.”

           
Eva was silent.

           
“It didn’t seem to me that you were fully ready and I don’t want to take any
risk in disappointing you and destroying our relationship. I care too much
about you for that.”

           
After a few beats of silence, Eva sighed. “Thank you for clarifying.”

           
“My pleasure.” I nodded.

           
There were a few moments of silence. Then there were a few minutes. Finally,
her soft snoring returned. I was glad I had gotten that off of my chest.

           
Somehow, that damn Ray snuck back into my mind. He was so full of himself and
so rude. I thought back to the New Members’ Ball when I had seen how he grabbed
her by the elbow and spun her around. I was close to choking him out right then
and there. I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of everyone. It angered me
that there were so many obstacles in mine and Eva’s relationship. If I had it
my way, both of our parents – and society – would approve of us being together
and Ray wouldn’t even be in the picture. She deserved so much better, she
deserved to be treated like fucking royalty and he didn’t understand that. He
wasn’t good enough for her. Was I? Ugh, competing with him was a fucking
hassle, but who would win?

I
looked over at her and wondered what I’d do if I lost her to him. It wouldn’t
happen. It
couldn’t
happen. I turned on my side and placed my arm over
her, pulling her body close to mine, letting go of the thoughts that were
keeping me awake. The sound of her light breathing and the heat of her body
were enough to soothe me right to sleep. I loved falling asleep to the woman
that was mine.

All
mine.

F
or
the first time all summer the temperature had dropped to the low seventies and
it felt
incredible
! The sun was shining but the heat wasn’t too harsh
and the breeze had a slight chill to it, which soothed my minor hangover
perfectly. I had a newfound sense of hope for David and I’s relationship; what
he had revealed to me about his mom passing away and how he felt about me made
me realize that everything between us was getting very serious.

David
laid out a blanket in his backyard so we could enjoy the weather together; I
was leaning across his lap with my elbow propping me up as I read
Giada
while he trailed his fingers up and down my back and pulled at my curls gently.
When I had asked him if he would be bored with my reading he chuckled and said
he was never bored in my presence. However, I could tell he was getting fed up
when he starting sighing more frequently and tugging on my hair more
aggressively. I wanted to laugh at him but I just could not stop reading!

           
“What’re you reading, Eva?” He broke the silence.

           
“Hmmm?” I responded, not paying attention. I was at the point in the book where
Giada had just escaped the kingdom and was beginning to fight the beasts in
order to get to her prince.

           
David sighed. “Why are you always reading that?”

           
“Uh huh.”

           
“Well it must be interesting if it’s got you
ignoring
me. But you’ve
doodled all over the margins, how can you concentrate on what you’re reading?”
He asked.

           
Sighing, I finished reading the last sentence and closed the book. “Here, why
don’t you take a look at it yourself?” I handed the book to him. “I’ve read it
seven times, anyways.” I left his lap to lie on my back and look up at the
clear sky.

           
David laughed lightly. “Seven times? Why do you like it so much?”

           
I closed my eyes, deciding the sun was too much, but even with my eyes closed I
could tell he was looking at me. “Well I’ve always loved love stories,” I
explained, “and it’s very relatable for me. Promise me you’ll read it, David.
It’ll teach you about how I see life.”

           
“I promise. Will it teach me more about
you
?” He asked.

           
“Sure.” I shrugged.

           
I could hear David get closer to me. When I opened my eyes he was on top of me.
His fingers traced along my collarbone and shifted to gently holding the back
of my neck. Those heart-stopping blue eyes traveled from my neck, to my lips,
and finally into my own dark eyes before he leaned down to kiss me.
Instinctively, my hands cupped the sides of his face, the slight scruff
tickling my palms. I couldn’t help but smile as he kissed me over and over; it
was just a sensational feeling!

           
“Will
this
teach me more about you?” He breathed huskily into my ear.

           
David’s voice alone was enough to make me swoon – goodness, I wanted to shake
my head at how inexperienced I was! I giggled and playfully pushed him away.
“Maybe, maybe not, sir.”

           
He laughed and rolled onto his back. “It was worth a try.” He shrugged.

           
“What time is it?” I asked. Oh how easy it was to forget time existed when I
was around David!

           
He checked his watch. “Around one-thirty.”

           
I sighed. “I almost forgot I agreed to have brunch with Ray at his place
today.”

           
David shook his head. “I hate him.”

           
“Hey now, ‘hate’ is a strong word.” I furrowed my eyebrows while scolding him
lightly.

           
He looked me in the eye. “I feel strongly about you.”

           
I nodded. “You know I do too.”

           
“Skip the brunch, Eva.” David commanded.

           
I smiled weakly at him. “We both know I can’t do that, he’d run and go tell my
parents.” Of course I hated the fact that I had to divide my time with David
for Ray, but I was just trying to keep everyone happy.

           
David sighed and rose to his feet. “Okay, okay. Then let’s go, don’t want you
on punishment again.” He held his hands out to help me up.

           
Once I was on my feet I jumped up, wrapping my legs around him and kissed him
repeatedly, just wanting to show how much I hated leaving him. I rested my
forehead on his. “You don’t understand how happy you make me, David.”

           
He half-smiled. “I think I have a good guess.”

           
I raised my eyebrows. “Oh you do? Well you don’t know if you make me this
happy,” I held out my arms. “Or this happy,” I expanded them further. “Or
this
happy!” I spread my arms as far as they could go.

           
“How about this happy!” David spun me around.

           
I couldn’t stop laughing as he set me back down. “Okay, I get it, you have a
good guess!” I caught my breath.

           
He kissed me on the forehead and threw his arm around my shoulder, leading me
back down to the stream. David helped me down onto the makeshift bridge but I
lightly swatted his hand away when he tried to help me up onto my side.

           
“No, no sir I can do it myself.” I said proudly.

           
David shook his head and picked me up anyways. “Oh don’t be silly Eva, I’d help
you even if you were kicking and screaming telling me not to.”

           
I rolled my eyes but smiled at him. “Such a gentleman.”

           
“I’m anything for you.” He smiled warmly.

           
I began retreating toward my house. “Well until next time, David, since you
love the element of surprise so much.” I teased with a half-smile.

           
“Oh shoot! I almost forgot to tell you!” He exclaimed

           
I stopped and looked at him questioningly. “Forgot to tell me what?”

           
“My father wants to meet you, Eva.” David looked at me cautiously.

           
My heart fell to my stomach – I didn’t know whether to be ecstatic or
terrified! “What? You told him about us?” I asked.

           
David shook his head. “No…uh…he heard some things.”

           
“Oh.” I was unsure of what to say. “When?”

           
“Tomorrow for dinner, maybe?” He looked at me expectantly.

           
“Does he know…?” I trailed off.

           
“Know what?” He asked.

           
I motioned to myself as a whole.

           
David sighed and nodded. “Yes. That’s actually what I wanted to discuss.”

           
I knew bad news was coming, the anticipation made my stomach twist. “What is
it?”

           
“As we predicted, he doesn’t approve…and he wants me to end it with you so I
can focus more on work. He told me to invite you to dinner so he can make sure
that it’s over.” He watched me intently.

           
My heart began to race and I became worried instantly. “What’re you saying
David? You’re not making any sense.”

           
“Of course I don’t want to end it!” David held his hands up and shook his head.
“I just need your help in making him think that I’m ending it.”

           
I calmed down and pondered it. “What do I need to do?”

           
“You’ll just have to follow my lead…and promise, oh God Eva you have
got
to promise that you know nothing I’ll say is true.” David said.

           
“As long as you don’t get out of line,” I looked at him with a serious
expression and then sighed, “then I’ll help you. It’s only fair since I’m
hiding you as well.”

           
David beamed. “Great, I’ll let him know. Have fun with Ray, Eva.” He teased.

           
“I’ll be thinking of you!” I called and blew a kiss to him before heading to my
car.

           
I grew nervous as I made my way to Ray’s place – I was going to meet David’s
father! I never imagined I would be introduced to someone’s parents in such a
manner. Why did everything with David and I have to be so backwards? My mind
raced aimlessly as I drove. Would David’s father believe that David was
actually ending our relationship? How would his father treat me? If it was
anything like how the kids at the ice cream parlor treated me, I would’ve had
to rethink my decision…

           
Pulling up to Ray’s, I tried to shake off any thoughts that were making me feel
uneasy but I always felt that way in Ray’s presence. It wasn’t getting any
easier being around him, but I was doing a damn good job at faking it! He rose
from his seat on the porch and came to greet me. I plastered the fake smile on
my face and prepared myself to endure numerous conversations about his success,
his work, and his future. Excuse me,
our
future. Ugh.

           
“Hello love, it’s a pleasure to see you. How are you feeling since getting
sick?” Ray asked as he opened my door and helped me out of my car.

           
“I’m fine now, it’s a miracle Kate got me up this morning.” I lied.

           
Ray nodded. “Well I’m glad you’re alright, I have a lovely brunch waiting for
us on my back patio.” He pulled me close and kissed me on the cheek.

           
I smiled tightly, groaning in my head and wishing I could leave already.

           
The table on Ray’s back patio had been covered with a white tablecloth and a
vase with a single pink tulip, two covered plates sat on the table in front of
the seats across from each other. If he was trying to impress me, it didn’t
work; I walked in and took my own seat before he could pull it out for me. My
stomach growled and for the first time I was thankful for Ray for only one
reason – he was going to give me some food!

           
“A little anxious, aren’t we?” He stood behind my chair and squeezed my
shoulders. “But not so fast, dear.” Ray picked up the plate in front of me and
switched it with the one at the other end of the table before opening a bottle
of champagne and filling our glasses.

           
I stared at the bubbling liquid, not in the mood for alcohol. “Water will be
fine, thank you.”

           
“You’ll enjoy the champagne Eva, dear.” Ray took his seat.

           
I rolled my eyes at him and reached to uncover my plate but Ray slammed his
hand on the table.

           
“Not yet.” He instructed. “First I would like to tell you about the triumph
I’ve recently experienced at the firm.”

           
“If you must,” I said in a clipped tone. I was hungry and I was getting
impatient, but I swallowed back my mean words and rested my chin in my palm as
I looked at him.

           
“Be a lady, Eva-Marie, get your elbows off the table.” Ray
scolded.          

           
“We aren’t eating, honey.” I smiled sweetly, hoping he was getting as annoyed
as I was.

           
Ray sighed. “We were doing so well, honey. Why must you be so complicated?”

           
I remembered the promise I had made to my mom about getting along with Ray and
reluctantly removed my elbows from the table and sat back in my seat. “I’m all
ears.” I tried to smile…I wasn’t sure if it showed up or not. All I wanted to
do was eat, not hear about his stupid job! Whatever made him shut up quicker,
whatever made him happy
…

           
Ray smiled. “I knew you’d want to hear.” He took a sip of his champagne and
began explaining a stupid story about how he recently hired a secretary, which
frees him up a bit during the week to see me more often. He also brought up the
new case he was working on involving a divorced couple fighting over money.
“The case will be a quick one, but big money.” He said.

           
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Why do you think that? It could take years.” I tried
to sound genuinely interested.

           
“It is clear who made the money in their relationship, the man. And whether the
woman likes it or not, it’s a man’s world… and what he wants he’ll get.” Ray
shrugged and took another sip.

           
I felt truly disgusted by his words, but I knew better than to argue with him
about anything. “Oh.”

           
Ray rubbed his hands together. “Okay, enough small talk. Let’s have brunch.” He
uncovered his plate, revealing a mouthwatering omelet with a side of potatoes
and fruit.

           
The smell of his food hit my nose with such delight, causing my stomach to
growl louder than I’d expected. I was actually excited to eat! I didn’t realize
I hadn’t eaten breakfast with David. I uncovered my plate only to reveal sheer
disappointment. On my plate there was nothing but dry a blueberry scone and a
sad array of colorful fruit! What the hell?