Authors: Kiki Hamilton
“Ah, h..hello,” my mom stuttered.
“Hi,” Mira said in a perky voice. “I’m here for Kellen.”
“Hi Mira,” I called as I hopped the last few steps. I put my arm around my mom’s shoulder. “Mom, this is Mira Stouffer, Mira this is my mom, Jane.”
Mira put her mask up to her face and peered at us through the oval eye slits. The mask was zebra striped as well, with red rhinestones around the eyes and running down the nose.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that masks were more of a Mardi Gras thing than a symphony concert thing.
“Nice to meet you,” she said.
“Right, then.” I stifled a chuckle. I was enjoying myself more than I probably should have been. “Gotta go.” I kissed my mom on the cheek, ignoring her partially opened mouth. I grabbed the bouquet of red roses that I’d left on the entry table. “I’ll be back before midnight.”
“Bye.” Mira fluttered her fingers at my mom, who still stood gaping, and headed back to her car.
“Mom.” I pointed to my chin. “Your mouth.” She snapped her mouth closed.
She glanced at Mira’s departing back and whispered to me: “Kellen Michael Peterson – don’t tell me that’s your
girlfriend?”
I smiled at her. “I’m trying to expand my horizons, Mom.” Then I closed the door behind me and followed Mira to Jefferson. I only bumped my head on the window once on the ride to the concert hall.
IVY DIDN’T KNOW I was coming to her concert tonight. Mira had invited me.
“I thought maybe you’d like to see what she does for fun,” Mira had quipped. I think she was surprised by how fast I said yes.
“That’s a nice touch,” Mira said, nodding at the roses. “Who are they for?” I couldn’t tell if she was serious or not.
“Uh, well, Ivy—” I tried to hide my embarrassment—did she think I’d gotten them for her? “I figured flowers would be safe.” I didn’t dare admit how long it had taken me to choose just the exactly right ‘safe’ thing. I tucked the flowers on the floor under my seat.
I recognized a few kids from school in the crowd, mostly orchestra geeks, as I escorted Mira in to sit down. I tried to ignore the stares as people did double-takes at Mira’s outfit. Somehow standing on my porch freaking my mom out had been kind of funny. Being seen as Mira’s “date” at this concert was something different. The idea of fleeing before I was seen entered my mind. But I was here for Ivy, not Mira, so I gritted my teeth and pretended I couldn’t hear the whispers.
The concert hall was really a beautiful old church, with soaring ceilings and an ornate balcony that wrapped around the room. Mira pointed out people she knew.
“There’s Mr. and Mrs. Ly.”
I glanced over curiously. I could see Ivy’s features in her mother’s elegant face. We had seats in the center with a good view of the stage. I pointed toward the cello section. “Is that Brandon Chang?”
Mira leaned close to me. “Oh yes. He and Ivy have played in orchestras together since fourth grade, I think. They’ve known each other forever.” She barely took a breath. “He used to date Jenny McNamara but they broke up right after Homecoming.” She nudged my elbow. “I think he saw Ivy in her Cinderella dress that night at the dance and fell in love with her. She was so beautiful.” Mira had a dreamy smile on her face. Then she sobered. “That was until you puked on her.”
It was like falling off the high dive in slow motion.
“
What?”
I jerked my head to look at Mira.
She put her mask up to her eyes and peered at me through the glittery slits. “Don’t you remember?”
I wanted to yank the mask out of her hand and hit her over the head with it. But I just shook my head as a terrible kind of dread filled me. I pointed toward my ear. “Brain injury, remember?”
“Oh, right, that.” Mira dropped the mask. “We were all standing around talking to Jazzy and Ollie. You walked up with Laurel Simmons and right when Ivy turned around you ralphed all over the front of her beautiful dress. Then you passed out.”
This was a new kind of humiliation. I wanted to sink low in my seat and cover my head. I’d puked all over Ivy at the Homecoming Dance? Why hadn’t anyone told me? I’d embarrassed myself before, but total humiliation over something I didn’t even remember doing was new.
“Did she at least get to enjoy the dance?” I asked, already knowing the answer. I hadn’t been at the dance very long before I’d been taken to the hospital.
“Nope.” Mira shook her head with annoying matter-of-factness. “She didn’t get to dance or even get her picture taken in front of the Eiffel Tower. And she loves Paris—” she cocked her head at me— “did you know that? She was so excited about that miniature Eiffel Tower. It’s her dream to go there one day. Well—” she flopped a hand to the side— “it’s both of our dreams but I figure Ivy will be the one to get there. That girl knows what she wants.”
The musicians were beginning to warm up, with their see-sawing squeaky sounds as they tuned their instruments. I watched Brandon Chang tune his cello, immaculate and confident in his tux. I imagined what Ivy must have looked like at the dance. So beautiful that Brandon fell in love with her, even though he was with another date. That was, until I puked on her. God—no wonder she didn’t like me. But I didn’t think she liked Brandon that much either—or she wouldn’t have kissed me back that day.
I opened and closed my right hand against the side of my leg, working the muscles, but also to let out some of my nervous energy. I had decided I was going to ask Ivy to break up with Brandon and go out with me.
THE CONCERT STARTED right at the dot of seven-thirty. I enjoyed the music more than I would have expected. I guess all those years of listening to my sister play had developed some appreciation for the symphony against my will. A little more than halfway through, they took an intermission. Several of the musicians got up and readjusted the brown folding chairs as others rolled out a black baby grand piano. They positioned it right in the center of the stage and an odd nervousness quirked my heart. It was the same feeling I got just before a game.
The conductor took center stage and faced the audience. The crowd quieted down to total silence as he spoke. “And now, it is my special pleasure to introduce an exceptionally gifted student. One who not only excels at the violin but also is, in my humble opinion, a virtuoso pianist. Please welcome Miss Ivy Ly.” He swept his arm out.
The crowd was very appreciative as Ivy entered the hall from a side door. She was wearing a black glittery dress that hugged her slim figure in all the right spots. Her long dark hair was pulled back from her face and pinned to the crown of her head, falling in a cascade of curls down her back. An odd kind of pride filled me. To say she looked beautiful seemed inadequate. She was a star.
She didn’t look at the audience as she took her place at the piano. I saw her nod at Brandon as she went past. I figured the look on his face wasn’t so different than the one on mine. That he got to know and share this side of Ivy and I didn’t made my stomach clench.
Mira grabbed my fingers and squeezed. “Here we go,” she whispered. She didn’t let go, leaving her hand clutching my fingers. I looked down at our entwined hands, feeling claustrophobic. I smiled at her as I freed my hand. Not sure where to put it where she wouldn’t grab my fingers again, I stretched my arm out along the back of her seat. That felt better. I ignored it when Mira shifted in her seat so she could lean her head against my arm.
Ivy ran her fingers over the keys and the orchestra immediately sat at attention, their arms cocked above their instruments, waiting. She was the quarterback, making the call to the rest of the team. A new sense of respect filled me.
She didn’t have music—she played entirely from memory. Her hands flew in complete mastery of the keyboard. I watched in awe. The pieces she played for me in fifth period didn’t begin to touch the complexity of what she played tonight. The orchestra created background tension as the music moved from tender to frenzied to haunted. She played the piano like I’d never heard it played before. It wasn’t notes that flooded the room where we sat—it was emotions.
When she finished, the final notes fluttered in the room like a beating heart, until I swear my heart beat with the same rhythm.
She lifted her fingers from the keyboard and an awed silence filled the room. Capped by thunderous applause.
Then she stood up and bowed.
The entire audience jumped to their feet in a standing ovation. I’d never experienced such a rush of pride in someone else’s talent before.
I put my fingers to my lips and let out a piercing whistle of appreciation. Her head turned and she looked straight at me. Even from that distance I could see the surprise on her face as she recognized me.
I
was shocked to see Q standing in the audience at the concert. He was hard to miss—all 6’ 3 of him, standing up, whistling and clapping like I’d just intercepted the ball or whatever was important in football. Of course Mira brought him, but she hadn’t given me a clue that she’d been planning anything.
My mother and father stood nearby as lots of people congratulated me after the performance. But Q’s tall figure, hovering on one side of the room, pulled at me like a magnet. Finally, it was their turn. Mira squealed and hugged me.
“Wow, look at you,” I said, taking in her zebra-awesomeness. “That’s a new outfit.”
“I know,” she said, holding up her mask and peering at me through the eye-slits. “I’ve been saving it for this special occasion.” Then she turned and looped her arm through Q’s like he was her boyfriend. “Look who I brought with me!”
It was like a needle pierced the happy bubble around my heart as it suddenly all became clear. Mira brought Q because she wanted to go on a date with him, nothing more or less. She hadn’t brought him to see me. Who knew why he came.
“And we match!” Mira chirped. “He’s the male version of a zebra in his black and white.” She waved her hand up and down in Q’s direction. “You know, the understated version.”
I’m not sure Q knew he was dressed like the male version of a zebra. He looked slightly ill at Mira’s announcement, which made me smile. But aside from that, he looked very handsome, like normal. I’d never seen him in a tie before. He wore it well—with confidence— like he was used to attending the symphony or something.
“Whatever, Mira,” Q said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not gonna touch that.” He handed me a bouquet of long-stem red roses I hadn’t noticed him holding. His face sobered. He looked very sincere. “You were amazing, Ivy.”
“Thank you.” I said as I took the flowers, which were long-stemmed and the deepest velvet red. “There are beautiful. And thanks for coming. That was a surprise.” I bent to smell the roses and noticed that tucked among the stems were several strands of plumeria. Where had he found plumeria in Washington State in December? Startled, I looked up at him. “More surprises?”
His eyes were intent upon me. “I love plumeria.” He said it so softly that at first I thought I’d imagined it. My heart dropped into my stomach before it zinged around like the ball in a pinball machine.
My lips curved. “Me too.”
Mira looked from me to Q and back again. “What are you two talking about?”
Just then, Brandon walked up. “You were fantastic, Ivy!” He gave me a hug and let his arm linger possessively around my shoulders as he turned to face Mira and Q. A weird expression flickered across Q’s face before I dropped my gaze.
“Aren’t you two the cutest couple,” Mira said with a giggle and looped her arm possessively through Q’s. “We should double-date!”
LATER, I WOULDN’T allow myself to think about Q. When I’d introduced him to my parents at the concert, there was part of me that wanted to cry. I wanted to tell them that finally, I had found the boy that I loved. But of course, I couldn’t. Mira was very possessive of him and acted like they’d been together for months. Q hadn’t responded to her suggestion that we double-date and I had a feeling that Brandon wasn’t terribly interested in that idea, either. I couldn’t decide if Q was ignoring how Mira was acting or if he was just oblivious. On the way home, my mom commented on what a nice boy Mira was dating.
I woke up Sunday with a terrible sore throat and a fever. My mom took me to the doctor on Monday. Strep was the verdict. Germs were the culprit. Antibiotics were the cure. But I knew perfectly well it was totally emotional overload. I sent Q a text saying that I was going to be out sick for a few days. He asked if I needed anything but I said no. I don’t think he would have understood if I told him I needed a surgical excision of my heart.
IT WAS A GOOD thing to have distance from Q. I was tormented by my feelings for him and then tormented over the guilt over my feelings, then tormented by my lack of feelings for Brandon until I was afraid all my tormented feelings would choke me. Mira Skyped with me every day, bless her, but she talked about Kellen non-stop. I finally told her I couldn’t talk about him anymore or I would barf. Which was pretty much the truth.
I DIDN’T RETURN to school until Friday, the last day before Christmas break. My mom wanted me to stay home one more day, as we were planning to leave the next day for the holidays, but I told her I needed to check my assignments—even though I’d been getting them online all week. She’d trained me well to be responsible. I really went back to school because I wanted to say goodbye to Q. My family was going to be traveling to New York for the holidays to see my brother, as well as to visit my aunt and uncle. I wouldn’t see Q until after the first of the year.
FRIDAY FLEW BY. Q asked me in first period what I was doing over break. I told him we were traveling almost the entire holiday and after that he hadn’t talked much. I’d asked him if he was traveling but he said no, his family was taking a big trip during spring break.
It seemed like I blinked and we were in fifth period. Like normal, Q and I were alone in the music practice room, sequestered in our own little world. We hadn’t talked about my concert. We hadn’t talked about Mira. We hadn’t talked about anything. We were like two strangers, paddling through a dark current, together, alone. If that made any sense at all. Waiting to see if we were going to survive the rapids or die plunging over the falls.