The Law of Attraction (14 page)

“Oh yes,” he moaned as Ed found a rhythm and an angle he could handle. “Fuck me.”

“I’m working on it.” Ed huffed out a breathless chuckle. His thighs ached now and his arse felt stretched and sore, but he wanted it. He wanted to feel the ache the next day, a ghost of their shared pleasure until the physical imprint of their night together faded. He fucked Alec harder. The pain was good because it matched the pain in Ed’s heart when he thought about facing Alec in the office on Monday and pretending they were nothing to each other.

Their bodies were slippery with sweat. Alec dug his fingers into Ed’s hips so hard they’d probably leave bruises. Ed didn’t care. It would be another thing to remember this by.

Alec came with a harsh cry, thrusting up deep into Ed.

Ed didn’t come again, but it almost felt as though he did as Alec’s cock pulsed inside him. He squeezed his internal muscles, shivering with an echo of his own release. “Yeah,” he said, grinning down at Alec, who looked totally wrecked. Covered in sweat and Ed’s come, he was a far cry from the perfectly coiffed and expensively dressed boss Ed knew in the office.

Alec’s lips softened into a smile that made Ed’s heart squeeze. He definitely knew which version of Alec he preferred—although the “sexy boss” version of Alec was hot as fuck too.

“Come here,” Alec said.

Ed eased himself off, his limbs protesting. “Ouch.” He rubbed at his thigh as he flopped onto his side. “Cramp.”

Alec dealt with the condom quickly, then put his arms around Ed and tugged the covers up.

Ed burrowed into his chest, loving the scent of Alec and the solid muscular warmth surrounding him. They lay like that, trading increasingly sleepy kisses, until Alec sighed and rolled away. Ed protested, reaching for him. “Don’t go,” he said before he had time to think better of sounding so needy.

“I’m not going anywhere, but I need a piss before I crash out,” Alec said.

Ed let him go with a huff, but when he heard the sound of water running, he realised he ought to go too—unless he wanted to have to get up again in a few hours, and he really didn’t.

He found Alec trying to clean his teeth with a hotel flannel.

“You can use my toothbrush if you want,” Ed offered.

“It seemed presumptuous.”

“You’ve had your dick in my arse twice tonight. I think we’ve graduated to the toothbrush-sharing stage of our r— Whatever.” Ed cut himself off quickly with a vague wave of his hand. He didn’t think “relationship” was a word Alec would want to hear applied to them.

“Thanks.” Alec picked up Ed’s toothbrush without further comment.

Ed paused, uncertain for a moment. Then decided that peeing while Alec brushed his teeth was going to have to be acceptable, because he was cold and tired and didn’t want to wait.

After they’d both finished with teeth and a half-arsed clean-up, they climbed back into Ed’s bed, still naked. They settled naturally on their sides, Alec behind Ed, with an arm possessively around his waist, holding him close.

Ed settled back against him with a satisfied smile. Worry and uncertainty lurked at the edge of his consciousness, but he ignored them. They could wait for the morning.

Ed slept like the dead. Even in an unfamiliar bed with another body beside him, he had no recollection of waking in the night. The next thing he knew, it was morning—admittedly early, because it was still dark outside, but the hotel clock told him it was six. That was the time Ed normally got up for work, so his brain was on a timer to kick into consciousness around then.

He rolled onto his back, stretching his muscles. His dick stirred as he remembered why he was aching all over.
Oh yeah
. It had been totally worth it. Alec was completely still beside him save for the rise of his ribcage, his breathing soft and slow. He was obviously fast asleep.

Afforded the luxury of a lie-in, Ed closed his eyes and let himself sink back into oblivion for a while.

The next time he woke, it was light outside. Alec was still asleep beside him, and Ed rolled onto his side to study him. Dark lashes fanned out on Alec’s cheekbones and his jaw was shadowed with morning stubble; his lips were soft and slightly parted as he breathed. Ed could happily watch him for hours, but the clock was ticking towards the time when they had to leave Edinburgh and return to London.

Ed’s heart clenched painfully at the thought of that. He wasn’t ready to give this up. He had to hope Alec would want to make the most of the last few hours they had together before reality intruded and stripped away the beautiful intimacy they’d shared.

Ed rolled onto his side, putting his arm over Alec’s chest. He kissed Alec’s shoulder, then his neck, then his jaw.

“Mmmm,” Alec hummed. “Ed?”

“Yep.” Ed smiled as Alec cranked his eyes open and squinted at him. He breathed a silent sigh of relief as Alec returned his smile and reached for him.

This wasn’t over yet, then.

They lay together, kissing with their bodies entwined as slow, lazy, morning arousal grew and thickened between them. It was nothing like the sex they’d had before. There was an innocence and a sweetness to it. It felt like a first time as they kissed and stroked each other to climax. Ed came first, his groans muffled against Alec’s neck. Alec followed soon after, adding to the mess between them. Even when they were done, they carried on kissing long after, as though neither of them could bear to stop.

Finally, Ed’s stomach interrupted them by rumbling.

Alec pulled away, laughing. “Sounds like someone’s hungry.”

“Yeah,” Ed admitted ruefully. “Damn the need to eat.”

“We could order room service breakfast, unless you’d rather go down?”

“Oh, I’d like to go down.” Ed waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “So yes, room service sounds good. I want a shower first, though. I feel a bit disgusting.”

“Me too.”

Alec showered while Ed ordered food, and then Ed took his turn in the bathroom.

When he came out, he found Alec on the phone, dressed only in the black boxers he’d been wearing last night and pacing around the bed with the look of a caged tiger. Ed caught a glimpse of the scars on Alec’s back as he turned away, and Ed’s stomach lurched when he remembered what had caused them.

Alec’s brows were drawn down tight. Ed felt a prickle of anxiety, wondering whether this was work-related drama that might affect him.

Then Alec said, “Don’t worry, Mother. I’ll be there.” There was a short silence. “I’m not sure about Belinda. I’ll need to check whether she’s free. I’ll let you know tomorrow.” Another silence. “We’re not joined at the hip. It’s not that kind of relationship.” He caught Ed’s gaze and rolled his eyes. Ed smiled in sympathy. “Yes, all right, Mother. See you next weekend.” He ended the call with a harassed sigh.

“Sorry,” he said to Ed. “She’d already left me two messages while we were still asleep, so I thought it was best to get it over with.”

“No worries.” Ed didn’t like to pry, but Alec filled in the gaps for him.

“It’s my father’s seventieth birthday party next weekend. I’m expected, obviously, but Mother wants to know whether I’m bringing Belinda. They haven’t seen her in a while, and my mother’s like a dog with a bone. I think she smells grandchildren.” He snorted. “If only she knew. I’ll need to bribe Belinda to come with me. She doesn’t mind coming to work do’s in London, but I don’t think she’s going to be very keen to travel to Berkshire and stay overnight.”

Ed felt a flash of ridiculous jealousy. Belinda wasn’t even Alec’s real girlfriend, and it wasn’t as if Ed actually wanted to go to the party, so why did he care? Alec’s family didn’t sound like a barrel of laughs. But Ed’s traitorous brain couldn’t help supplying him with a brief fantasy of being Alec’s plus-one, and of what life might be like if they were a real couple.

A loud knock saved Ed from needing to find an appropriate response. He pulled on a hotel robe and went to get the door.

“Hang on,” Alec said.

Ed realised Alec was still only in his underwear. He was standing, looking around for something to wear.

“Just get back into bed. I’m sure they’ve seen it all before.” Ed grinned.

When Alec was safely back in bed and his modesty covered by the sheets, Ed let in the girl who was delivering their breakfast. She wheeled in the trolley and unloaded two trays onto the table. She didn’t bat an eyelid at Ed in his robe and Alec half-naked and blushing in the bed.

“Thank you,” Ed said.

“Thank you, sir. Will there be anything else?”

“No, thanks.” There was an awkward pause, and then Ed realised she was expecting a tip. Fuck, he wasn’t used to this lifestyle yet. “Oh, um….” He finally located his jeans in a tangled heap on the floor by the bed and pulled out his wallet. He emptied out a handful of coins and gave them to the girl.

“Thanks,” she said with a smile before turning to leave.

“Very smooth,” Alec teased as the door shut behind her.

“You’re a fine one to talk. I saw you cowering in the bed with a face like a tomato.”

Alec didn’t try to deny it, but a flush darkened his cheeks again as Ed passed him a tray of food and coffee. “It was weird… her seeing us like this,” Alec admitted. “Even though she doesn’t know who I am and I’m never going to see her again. I’m not used to anyone knowing about me.”

“I know.” Ed brought the other tray to the bed and took off his robe before climbing back in beside Alec.

They ate in silence. Melancholy descended on Ed like mist. This morning had the feel of an ending, as though something was slipping away from him. But he was losing something he’d never really had in the first place.

When they were finished with breakfast, Alec carried the trays back to the table. Ed was surprised when he got back into bed again. Alec lay down and put his arm over Ed’s waist where he sat propped up on the pillows. He pressed his face against Ed’s hip, so Ed couldn’t see his expression. He felt the gust of Alec’s sigh against his skin.

Ed tentatively put his hand in Alec’s hair and stroked. Alec stayed where he was, so Ed kept stroking. “When do we have to check out?”

“Too soon.” Alec’s voice was soft. Then he added wistfully, “I wish we had more time.”

Regret was a dull twist in Ed’s stomach. “Me too.” He scooted down the bed so he could wrap his arms around Alec and hold him tight.

“Ed,” Alec said eventually. He drew away, just enough that they could see each other.
His eyes are so beautiful
, Ed thought. The clear hazel pure and compelling. When Alec held his gaze, it was impossible to look away. “I don’t want this to be over between us.”

Dangerous hope surged, making Ed’s heart pound. “But what…? How?”

“I care about you. I want to keep seeing you. I know we’re both busy, but we could manage something. It’s not ideal with us working together, of course, but when this deal is closed, I can recommend you move to a new team.”

The words flowed out of Alec so quickly, Ed could hardly make sense of them. Alec barely paused for breath before continuing.

“You said you want to work in employment law. Perhaps I could have a word with Katherine, see if they have any work for you in that department? I’m sure nobody would think it was odd or suspect anything.”

Ed’s brain raced, catching up with what Alec was saying and imagining the possibilities, what it might mean for him. For
them
. Maybe it could work?

Alec went on. “We’d need to be discreet, of course. Nobody could know, but we could see each other outside work.”

A cold knife sliced through Ed’s heart. “Ever? Nobody could
ever
know?” He searched Alec’s face for a hint that he might be ready to at least explore the possibility of a future where he didn’t have to hide their relationship.

Alec’s expression became shuttered. “I don’t know. You know how complicated this is for me. Please Ed, give me a chance. Give
us
a chance?”

Fuck
.

No matter how much Ed wanted this, he couldn’t do it on Alec’s terms. It was almost impossible to get the word out, but he forced it past the lump in his throat. “No.” Ed felt torn in two. He wanted so much to say yes, but he couldn’t. “Alec, I’m sorry.”

“Oh.”

The word dropped between them like a stone, and the hurt on Alec’s face made Ed wince. He realised how his rejection might sound, and at the very least, he owed it to Alec to be honest.

“You need to understand. It’s not that I don’t want you… that I don’t want this.” He gestured between them. “You have no idea. I want this so badly it’s killing me to say no.” Ed took a deep breath. “But I’m out, Alec. For this relationship to have any future, I need to go out in public with you without you being afraid of what people are thinking. I need to be able to introduce you to my friends… to my family. I can’t hide. I won’t, not even for you.” He felt the sting of tears threatening and his voice was strained. “It’s not just about the hiding. I need you to be proud of who you are, because if you’re not… if you don’t accept yourself as a gay man, how can you truly accept me?”

Alec’s face was tight and drawn. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s all so new. Can’t you give me a little time?”

Ed shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry, but I’ve been there, done that, and I’m not going back in the closet for anyone again. It’s too hard. I dated a guy at university who wasn’t out, and it was toxic. I felt like a guilty secret, and I can’t do that to myself again. His fear of being caught tainted everything. It made our whole relationship feel like something dirty and shameful. I can’t live like that.”

“I understand,” Alec said hoarsely. “It wasn’t fair of me to ask you.” He rolled away and got out of bed. “I’d better go and pack.”

Ed didn’t trust himself to speak. Part of him wanted to stop Alec from leaving, to tell him he’d changed his mind, to agree to see Alec in secret and hope it would be enough. Instead, he swallowed the words down and watched in silence as Alec dressed in his clothes from last night.

“I’ll meet you down in the lobby,” Alec said quietly. “We need to check out in half an hour. I’ll call reception and ask them to book us a taxi to take us to the airport.”