The Law of Attraction (22 page)

As he lay there waiting for Ed to wake, Alec tried to remember the last time he’d felt such a heady combination of joy and excitement. He wasn’t sure he ever had—maybe in his final year at school, when he got his offer from Oxford to read law? He’d hoped that he might come out at university and find a way to be himself. But then the shit hit the fan over the incident at school, and fear paralysed him in the fallout, trapped him into choices he’d regretted, yet been unable to escape from.

He breathed in the warm scent of the skin at the nape of Ed’s neck. Ed was the key. The key to his lonely closet and the motivation Alec had needed to find the strength to break free of the past, and he would be forever grateful to Ed whatever the future held for them. It was only the start for them, he knew, but Alec was optimistic.

The sound of the television filtered up from the floor below, along with the crashing of crockery and muffled voices. The twins’ voices raised in dispute were quickly hushed by Janine.

Ed stirred then and stretched, turning in Alec’s arms until they were facing each other. He kissed Alec’s lips lightly, then grinned. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Alec replied, lips stretching in an answering smile.

They stared at each other for a moment, and suddenly Alec
knew
. He knew with a deep certainty that everything was going to work out. This moment would be the one he’d look back on, years from now, and remember as the point in their relationship when the future unfurled before them, bright and full of hope. There would be twists and turns and choices to make, but he knew they’d be travelling that road together.

They spent the day hanging out with Ed’s family. Alec was blown away by their easy acceptance of him. Ed didn’t try to hide their new relationship, touching Alec often, holding his hand when people could see.

While Alec played on the Wii with the twins in the living room, he overheard the murmur of a conversation in the kitchen between Ed and his mum, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Ed returned smiling and squeezed in beside Alec on the sofa.

He kissed Alec on the cheek. “Mum likes you,” Ed said. “You’ve passed the boyfriend test. I think it was washing up the breakfast things that did it.”

Alec felt inordinately pleased to have the seal of parental approval. “Good to know.”

When they left to drive back to London, Greg shook Alec’s hand warmly, the twins hugged him, and even Gemma gave him a smile. He said goodbye to Janine last. “Thank you again. It was so kind of you to let me turn up out of the blue.”

“It was nothing.” Then she added quietly, “I’m sorry things are difficult with your family at the moment. I hope they come around.” She stepped forward and hugged him tight. Alec was swamped with a confusing mixture of emotions: warmth, gratitude, sadness.

“Thanks.” His voice came out choked and raw. “Me too.”

Everyone waved as they drove away. When they turned the corner at the end of the street, Ed settled back in his seat with a sigh.

“Your family are great,” Alec said.

“Yeah. I know. I’m lucky.”

“I’m afraid I probably won’t be introducing you to mine any time soon.” Alec couldn’t imagine how awkward that first meeting would be. “My brother, yes. But not my parents. Maybe eventually….”

“There’s no rush.” Ed put a hand on Alec’s thigh and patted it. “Give them some space, let it sink in. They might surprise you.”

“I guess what I realised this weekend is that even if the worst happens, even if they cut me off and never want to see me again… that’s still better than being in the closet. It will hurt like fuck if it comes to that, yes, but it’s not like we were ever very close. You can’t lose something you never really had in the first place. And at least I still have Caspar.”

“Tell me more about him,” Ed said. “I’d like to meet him. He’s important to you.”

“He is. He was great this weekend. Oh! I never told you the other drama.” With his preoccupation about his own problems, Alec had forgotten to mention the other surprise revelation to Ed. “Caspar’s getting married. That was rather a shock for my parents too because she’s much younger than him, and she’s pregnant.”

“No way!”

“Yes. I’m going to be an uncle.”

“Wow. That’s exciting”

“I know. Caspar’s besotted, and Serena—his fiancée—is great. I liked her a lot. I think it will work out just fine for them.”

“Lots of new beginnings in your family at the moment, then?” Ed squeezed Alec’s thigh.

Alec reached down and took his hand. He glanced sideways at Ed and flashed him a quick smile. “Yes, it seems that way.”

As they drove into the city, Alec was jittery at the thought of their impending separation. He wasn’t sure he wanted to let Ed go. He felt fragile and uncertain again, and filled with the irrational fear that once he was alone, Ed might have second thoughts. He knew he was being ridiculous. They could both use an early night to be ready for Monday. It was going to be a big week for both of them, with Ed joining a new team and Alec having a new deal to get to grips with. New relationship or no new relationship, they still had demanding jobs, and that wasn’t going to change.

“Do you want me to drop you back at your place?” Alec asked. “You’re welcome to come to mine, but—”

“No, I need to be at home tonight, sorry.” Ed sounded as disappointed as Alec felt. “I have laundry to do and all my work clothes are there. Plus if I come to yours, I’m pretty sure we’ll keep each other awake most of the night.”

Alec laughed, even as heat flashed through him at the idea of what that might entail. “Hold that thought,” he said, “and keep next weekend free.”

“I’m not sure I can wait till next weekend.”

Alec wasn’t sure he could wait that long either.

Ed gave Alec directions to his flat, and when Alec finally pulled up outside Ed’s building, he turned off the ignition and turned to him. “You won’t change your mind, will you?” He hated how vulnerable he sounded. But in the spirit of living more honestly, he didn’t want to pretend to Ed either.

“No way. You’re stuck with me now.” Ed’s assurance warmed Alec as much as his smile. “Right, well… I should go. I’m going to spend my evening boring my flatmate stupid, banging on about you and how awesome you are.”

“I’m going to turn my phone back on and catch up with all the things I have to do next week.”

“You turned it off?”

“After the last time I texted you. I needed some time out from the rest of my life.”

Ed nodded in understanding. Then he undid his seat belt and leaned across the gearstick to kiss Alec. Their stubble scratched together, but Ed’s lips were soft. Alec didn’t want to let go of him, but finally they parted with a mutual sigh of reluctance.

“I guess I’ll see you around tomorrow,” Ed said. “My stuff is still in your office space, so I’ll head there until I find out where they’re sending me next.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

Ed gave him one more lingering kiss before getting out of the car and walking round to get his case from the boot.

Alec waited until Ed had let himself into his flat before driving away.

Alec’s answerphone was flashing with three new messages when he got home. “Shit,” he muttered, but there was no avoiding it.

He sat on the sofa and listened to them. The first was from Caspar, left last night. “It’s Casp. Just checking you got home okay. You’re not replying to my texts… call me?”

The second was Caspar again, from just a couple of hours ago. “For fuck’s sake, Alec, answer your damn phone. I talked with Mum and Dad. Mum’s okay about the gay thing, really. In shock, I think, but she wants to build bridges. Dad… well, it will take him a little longer, but that shouldn’t be a surprise. Anyway, Mum’s going to call you later.”

The last one was from his mother. “Darling, I’m sorry I didn’t react better when you told us yesterday, but it was such a surprise. Your father… well. It was even more of a shock for him. You know what he’s like. I’ve told him he’s going to have to get used to it, though. And for what it’s worth, I think he’s ashamed of how he treated you back then. I didn’t even know what he’d done. I’m so sorry, Alec.” Her voice broke and there was a pause before she carried on. “I know we haven’t always been terribly close over the years… but I love you, Alec. And I’m not losing you over this. Una and Philip’s youngest boy’s gay too, you know? He’s engaged to this lovely chap who works in the city. Una was telling me about them over lunch, and she’s so excited about the wedding. Philip didn’t like it at first, but he came round eventually, and your father will too. Right, I’m sorry, I’m rambling now. Call me… please, and perhaps I can come into town to meet you for lunch again soon?”

Alec listened to the message two more times, and some of the sadness and anger he’d been carrying since yesterday lifted. That was the best reaction he could have hoped for. If his mother was on his side, his father would get there in the end.

Next he turned his mobile back on. As soon as it powered up, it was buzzing with notifications for texts, missed calls, and voicemail.

First things first. Alec texted Caspar.

I’m fine. Sorry I went AWOL. Back home now, speak to you soon
.

Then he worked his way through the other messages and emails. Most of them were Caspar; there was a missed call to his mobile from his mum, but she hadn’t left him a message. There were also a few work-related emails, including one inviting him to a meeting with the partners on Tuesday afternoon. Alec stared at it, excitement and nerves warring in his stomach. This was the final hurdle. His chance to start afresh and move forward without any more prevarication or deception.

Alec unpacked and showered before he called his parents’ number. His palms were sweating as he listened to the ringtone, and when it clicked, he heard his father’s voice barking his usual, “This is Giles Rowland. Who’s speaking, please?” at the other end.

His heart gave an uncomfortable lurch. “It’s Alec. I’m returning Mum’s call. Is she there?”

There was a long pause, punctuated by the panicked beat of Alec’s heart and the rasp of his father’s breath before he finally replied, “Yes, she is.”

Alec’s heart sank. His father obviously had nothing to say to him.

But then his father spoke again, his voice gruff and awkward, as though the words were dragged out of him. “I owe you an apology.”

Blindsided, Alec could only clutch the phone and wait.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave yesterday without some resolution. Your revelation was a shock. I think that was obvious.” He sighed. “Alec, I wish I could say I’m completely accepting, but that wouldn’t be truthful. However, I do understand it’s not something you’ve chosen. It’s the way you are, and you can’t change it.”

Alec felt begrudging respect for his father’s honesty, even though his words stung and poked at the anger and resentment Alec had been carrying for years. He supposed this partial acceptance was a start, at least. His father might not be joining him to wave flags in any pride parades soon, but at least they were talking.

“I don’t want to change,” he said. “I’m happy as I am.” And for the first time in as long as he could remember, it was true.

“I’ll get used to it,” his father said.

“I hope so.”

There was the sound of muffled voices at his father’s end, and then, “Your mother wants to talk to you,” his father told him. “Bye for now.”

“Alec.” His mother sounded relieved when she came on the line. “Thank you for calling. We were worried earlier when you didn’t answer.”

“I’m fine, Mother. I was staying with a friend and my phone was off. But I heard your message when I got home. Thank you.”

“I’ve been thinking about it ever since you left, and after what you told us, so many things make sense now. Like why you were so one-track with your work and why you never seemed interested in settling down with a nice girl.”

“I think I’ll always be focused on my job, but maybe now I’ll settle down with a nice boy,” Alec suggested, his tone light as he tried to make it into a joke. He gripped the arm of the sofa as he waited for her to react.

“Maybe,” she said, her voice soft. “I just want you to be happy, Alec.” There was a pause, and then she asked cautiously, “Is there someone? A boy… well, a man?”

“Yes.” Alec smiled to himself as he thought of Ed. Saying it out loud made it real again. “Yes, there is.”

“I’m glad. I’d like to meet him. The three of us could go out for lunch next time I’m in London, perhaps?”

“Perhaps.” It was hard to imagine sitting with Ed and making polite conversation with his mother over lunch, but she was offering an olive branch, and Alec wasn’t going to throw it back at her. “Yes. That would be nice. Maybe in a few weeks.” He wanted a little more time to get used to his new reality first. “Okay, Mother. I’d better go. I have work emails to catch up on and unpacking to do. I’ll call again soon.”

“All right. Goodbye, Alec.”

“Bye.”

He ended the call and tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. All in all, things were working out much better than he’d expected. He hoped things would go equally smoothly when he came out at work.

On Monday morning, Alec went in early as usual. James was the second person to show up. Looking unusually bright-eyed for a Monday, he greeted Alec with a sheepish smile.

“I’m so sorry about Friday night. I don’t actually remember much about the last part, but I made it home in one piece, and I’m guessing you and Ed had something to do with that?”

“Yes. We poured you through your front door and hoped for the best.”

“I must have made it as far as the sofa, because I woke up at half six in the morning with CBeebies blasting out of the telly and Charlotte marching a My Little Pony up and down my spine.”

Alec laughed. “Ouch.”

“Yeah.” James grimaced. “Emily wasn’t too impressed. But, angel that she is, she let me go back to bed and sleep it off.” He sat down in his desk chair and stretched. “So, how was your weekend?”

“It was, um….” God, where to begin? It had been the most intense emotional roller coaster of Alec’s life. A simple “good, thanks,” would move the conversation on, but James had become a friend as well as a colleague, and it seemed like a good time to start being more honest. “It was a bit of a mixed bag,” Alec finally replied, and he didn’t try to suppress the smile that spread across his features as he added, “But it turned out pretty well in the end.”