The Law of Attraction (15 page)

They sat in silence on the drive to Edinburgh airport. There was nothing to say, and their subdued mood was like a grey blanket weighing them down.

Alec was checking emails on his phone and typing a message to someone. Ed should probably check his inbox too, but he couldn’t muster up the energy. Instead he leaned his head against the window and watched the streets flash past. Buildings and cars, people going about their everyday lives. Ed wondered what troubles those people had, what losses they had to bear, what heartbreaks. From the outside you couldn’t tell when someone was hurting.

He glanced at Alec, and his face was like the stone of the tenements that lined the streets: hard and forbidding. Once Ed would have been intimidated by Alec when he looked like that, but now he knew him. He knew the humour and the capacity for tenderness that lay behind the harsh exterior. He’d glimpsed the bone-deep loneliness and vulnerability beneath. Regret pressed heavily on Ed’s chest. He felt as though his heart might split under the weight of it, though whether it was breaking for himself or for Alec, he wasn’t sure.

Alec tried to hide his tension as the plane prepared for take-off, but Ed noticed the way Alec had clenched his fist on his thigh and the way his leg jiggled as the engines got louder.

Ed reached for Alec’s hand and wrapped his own around it. Alec tensed, looking around quickly to see if anyone was watching them. They weren’t. The only people who could have seen them, even if they had looked, was a young couple across the aisle, and they were far too busy settling a fussy baby on the mother’s lap to pay any attention. Ed stroked the back of Alec’s hand with his thumb and Alec relaxed, his shoulders dropping slightly.

“Thanks,” he murmured.

“I still owe you big for the spider rescue.”

Alec gave a wan smile. “Speaking of which, how is your foot today?”

“Better after spending twelve hours in bed. I’ll take it easy for the rest of the weekend.”

“Good. It’s going to be a busy week. I’ll need you on your toes on Monday.”

In the final run-up to the signing of the purchase agreement later that week, the whole team would be working like maniacs, double-checking every detail so there wouldn’t be any last-minute hitches.

“Luckily my toes are fine,” Ed said. “But my heel still hurts like a bitch if I put too much weight on it. I hope you won’t need me to do too much running around. You might need to find another minion to do coffee and photocopier duty for a couple of days.”

Ed kept hold of Alec’s hand throughout take-off, and he didn’t let go until the seat belt lights went off. The tension between them had eased once more, but Ed was all too aware of how short the flight was. Soon they would touch down in London and this time out from their normal life would be over. Alec was slipping away from him, and Ed had to let him go.

As the plane began its descent, Ed resisted the urge to take Alec’s hand again. If Alec wanted it, it would be up to him. Ed could feel the tension rolling off Alec in waves, but Alec only clenched his fist in his lap and kept his gaze fixed on the back of the seat in front.

When the plane touched down and slammed the brakes on, Ed nudged him. “We survived.”

Alec’s smile was pinched and unhappy. “It appears so.”

Once they were in a taxi on their way back to Central London, Alec checked his phone for messages.

“Shit,” he muttered as he read something on the screen.

“Everything okay?”

“Belinda’s away next weekend, so she can’t come to my father’s birthday lunch.”

“I thought you’d already told your mother she might not be free?”

“I know, but I was hoping she’d be able to make it. It’s easier spending time with them when she’s around. They love her, and she’s a great distraction. It takes the focus off me. Oh well. At least my brother will be there. Apparently he’s bringing a girlfriend, so that will keep them happy. He doesn’t usually stick with a girl long enough to introduce her to the family.”

Alec lapsed back into a preoccupied silence, and Ed didn’t have the will to keep the conversation going. No matter how much he wanted to be involved in Alec’s life, it wasn’t going to happen. He shifted in his seat, and the twinge of his overused muscles reminded him painfully of last night. He pushed the memory away and got out his laptop. He had lots to do before Monday. He might as well start now.

CHAPTER NINE

When Alec got home, his flat felt too big and empty after spending twenty-four hours in Ed’s company. So Alec did what he always did and buried himself in work so he didn’t have time to feel lonely. He didn’t even stop to unpack. He got out his laptop and lost himself in preparations for the final exchange: emailed bullet points of the meeting to the rest of the team and then started making the final changes to the draft purchase agreement ready for the meeting with both parties next week.

Alec only realised he’d skipped lunch when his stomach growled, and when he went to look for something to eat, he found his fridge and cupboards were pathetically bare. He poured himself a bowl of muesli and some milk that was a couple of days past its use-by date but still smelled okay. Sitting on his pristine sofa in his immaculate living room, he was suddenly struck by how empty it was.
It’s like a show home
, he thought.
Perfect in outward appearance but devoid of any warmth or comfort
. A depressingly accurate metaphor for his own life.

His thoughts strayed inevitably to Ed, and an aching void opened up in his chest as he remembered their conversation from the morning. Ed had let Alec down so gently. There had been regret written all over his face, so Alec was in no doubt that Ed had feelings for him too. Somehow, instead of being a balm to his pride, the knowledge only made the rejection sting all the more, because Alec knew he had only himself to blame for the fucking mess that was his life. For the first time ever, Alec had met someone who made him want more, someone who made him hope that one day he could have a relationship lasting longer than a few hours. But in order to get to a place where that was possible, Alec had to find the courage to untangle the web of lies his personal life was built on, and in the process he feared he might damage his professional reputation.

Alec’s chest tightened and his heart beat fast as fight or flight hormones surged through his bloodstream. The walls were closing in on him, but he couldn’t see a way out. Stomach churning, he stared at his bowl of soggy cereal before slamming it down on the glass coffee table with a crash. Crawling out of his skin, there was no way he’d be able to get any more work done today unless he found a way to burn some of this tension off.

He changed into workout clothes and ran to his gym a few streets away. There he put himself through brutal circuits of cardio and weightlifting until every muscle in his body hurt and his legs were like jelly.

Back home he managed to force down some food after a shower, and then got his brain back into work mode. The unhappiness and frustration were still there, but muted now—an irritating background hum rather than a deafening roar.

Alec supposed he’d better get used to it. He had a feeling those emotions weren’t going to go away anytime soon.

Alec was already at his desk when Ed arrived in the office on Monday. He steeled himself before looking up and greeting him with a light “Good morning.” His heart pounded. He was anything but casual on the inside.

“Hi, Ed,” James said from behind his laptop.

“Morning,” Ed replied. His blue gaze rested on Alec for a moment before Ed busied himself with getting out his laptop.

There, that wasn’t so hard
, Alec told himself. If all went well, they’d only be working together for another week or so anyway. Once this deal was closed, chances were Ed would move on to gain experience with a different team, and Alec would be able to breathe again.

Forcing himself to focus on making notes for the morning briefing, Alec wasn’t paying attention as other members of the team drifted in and took their seats around him. It wasn’t until he heard a loud exclamation from Jen that he realised most of the others were clustered around Maria’s desk. She had her laptop open, and people were admiring something on the screen.

“They’re such a handsome couple,” Jen said. “And they look so in love.”

“They are.” Maria smiled. “It was a lovely wedding.”

“I’ve never been to a gay wedding.” James sounded put out. “Ed, if you ever get married, will you invite me?”

Ed chuckled. “Sure, James. You’ll be top of my guest list, as long as you promise to save a dance for me.”

Alec’s stomach flip-flopped like a fish. He felt sudden intense envy for Ed and his honesty. He made being out look so easy, when for Alec his orientation was this huge, shameful secret he’d hidden for years. Ed was going to be able to have his career without needing to lie about his life and relationships. Maybe, if Alec had been brave earlier, he could have had that too. But he’d dug himself into a hole where the sides were so steep he couldn’t see what lay outside—unless he could find the courage to try climbing out.

Alec realised he was being antisocial and was in danger of attracting unwanted attention, so he made himself get up and approach Maria’s desk. “Can I see?” he asked.

The others parted to make space for him, Ed on his left and Jen on his right, and he found himself staring at a photo of two men in dark suits. They were facing each other, their hands clasped between them, and they gazed into each other’s eyes as if nobody else existed in the world.

Alec tried to think of an appropriate comment, but he floundered, half-formed platitudes sticking in his throat. Maria clicked through to the next photo, which showed the same couple on a dance floor, kissing each other while a crowd of people looked on, smiling and clapping.

Katherine’s voice from behind Alec’s shoulder made him start; he hadn’t realised she’d come in. “Oh, what a beautiful photo.”

The warmth in her voice prodded at the sore spaces inside Alec. He was denying himself that acceptance because he wouldn’t even try to be honest.

Trapped by the people around him, Alec couldn’t move away without making it into an issue. So he was forced to watch as Maria scrolled through several more pictures. Achingly aware of Ed beside him, close enough to touch, Alec gritted his teeth and pasted a closed-lipped smile onto his face. He hummed sounds of approval and hoped nobody would notice his inner turmoil.

Finally he was saved when Maria closed the photo window and turned. “Sorry, Alec. I just realised we’ve gone past the time for the briefing. I’ll stop distracting us with my brother’s wedding photos.” She smiled up at him.

“No problem,” Alec said, but the group was already breaking up, ready to work. “Okay, let’s adjourn to the breakout room.”

In the final week running up to the signing of the purchase agreement, the workload was intense. Every last detail had to be checked and double-checked. The whole team worked twelve-hour days and were also burning the midnight oil at home.

Alec and Ed only interacted on a professional level, but every time Alec let his guard slip and memories of their weekend together crept into his consciousness, he was assaulted by a longing so intense it took his breath away like a kick to the stomach.

On Friday morning they assembled in the office ready to take the car over to their client’s offices for the final face-to-face exchange, arranged at Mackenzie’s insistence. Alec was going with Katherine, who had invited Ed to come along for the ride.

Ed looked particularly handsome this morning. He was wearing a beautifully cut suit Alec hadn’t seen before, and his blue tie brought out his eyes. For a fleeting moment, Alec allowed himself a fantasy where he pulled Ed towards him by that tie and pushed him to his knees, messing up Ed’s perfectly coiffed hair with his fingers while Ed sucked him into oblivion.

“The car’s waiting downstairs,” Jen said, snapping Alec’s attention back to the present like a rubber band.

Adrenaline and anticipation rippled through Alec in a heady rush. There was nothing like the feeling of a deal done, of closure after weeks of negotiation and work. It was intensely satisfying. Right until the last minute, there was always the fear that something could go wrong and bring everything crashing down around them. Another hour and, God willing, it would be in the bag.

Ed looked nervous in the car on the way over. He jiggled his leg, and Alec wanted to put his hand on it to still it.

“Calm down, Ed. It’s going to be fine,” he said instead. “If you go in there looking nervous, it will unsettle our client.”

Ed flushed. “Sorry. I didn’t even realise I was fidgeting. Feel free to kick me if I do it in the meeting.”

Katherine chuckled. “This really is a formality, Ed. It’s rare for anything to go wrong at this stage, especially when both parties want the sale. Mackenzie was looking to sell and is happy with the deal we’ve negotiated. The team has done well.”

“Alec’s a slave driver.” Ed grinned. “But he knows how to get things done. It’s been a great experience working under him.”

Alec glanced at Ed, wondering whether that was a deliberate innuendo or a Freudian slip, but Ed didn’t seem to notice what he’d said.

“Alec has done an excellent job with this deal,” Katherine replied. “His team was a great place for you to gain some experience, Ed. I’m sure you’ve learned a lot.”

Alec hoped they’d assume his flush was due to Katherine’s praise rather than Ed’s choice of words.

When they reached the hotel offices, they were ushered straight into a meeting room. Maxwell greeted them with warm handshakes and a broad smile. If he had any exchange-day jitters, he hid them well.

“Mackenzie and his people are about ten minutes away, then it’s all systems go.”

Much to Alec’s relief, the meeting went without a hitch. Once they’d signed and witnessed the purchase agreement, the mood in the room changed from thick tension to happy exhilaration. There was more handshaking and exchanging of pleasantries. Coffee was served, and Alec worked his way around the room thanking the Scottish legal team for their hard work and congratulating both parties on the sale. “So, Mr Mackenzie, do you have plans for how to spend your retirement?”