The Lie of Love (22 page)

Darcy waited for a reply, an
argument, some kind of response. There was only silence.

‘Where are my brown boots?’
Ged’s
voice echoed down from upstairs.

Darcy sighed. ‘How am I supposed
to know?’ she shouted back. Turning to Sophie’s hair, she caught the reflection
of her daughter’s grin in the mirror.

‘Daddy never knows where his
boots are.’

‘Don’t worry; he can borrow yours
if he can’t find them.’

Sophie wrinkled her nose and let
out a giggle. ‘They won’t fit Daddy.’

‘And if they did you’d never be
able to wear them again for the stink.’

Sophie’s giggles became
louder.  It was a sound that Darcy could never get enough of, the most
beautiful sound in the world.

Jake stamped
in,
his hair gelled in uneven spikes. Darcy threw him a questioning glance.

‘I’d have done your hair if you
waited ten minutes.’

He pursed his lips into a scowl.
‘I’ve done it. My way is better than yours.’

Darcy stifled a grin. ‘Of course
it is. I just thought the help would make your morning a little easier.’

‘What time are we going?’ he
asked, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the floor.

‘When we’re
ready.’

‘We’re never going to be ready.’

Darcy gave him an indulgent
smile. This sulking impatience was Jake’s way of showing that he was excited
about their day out.  If the truth was told, so was she. It had been a
long time since
Ged
had put aside a day that was
especially for them to spend together as a family – no work, no domestic issues
to think about, just fun.

‘I’m sure we’ll get to the safari
park before the lions go to sleep,’ she said as she turned back to Sophie’s
plait.

Ged’s
frustrated voice came down the stairs again.
‘Darcy, where are my keys?’

‘You left them in the outside
lock yesterday, remember? I took them out and dropped them into my handbag.’

He mumbled something in reply.
Darcy didn’t bother to find out what it was. ‘It’s on the dressing table,’ she
added, guessing that he was asking where her bag was.

‘Can we get ice-cream?’ Sophie
asked.

‘Of course we can,’ Darcy
replied, tying the band around her plait and kissing her on top of the head.
‘The biggest we can find.’

‘Are we driving through the
monkeys?’ Jake put in.

‘As quickly as we can,’ Darcy
laughed, ‘I don’t want
them
pulling bits off the car.’

‘I’d laugh,’ Jake said.

‘Your dad wouldn’t.’

‘I’m going to take photos of
everything,’ Jake said. ‘I’ll show Miss Pearson after the holidays.’

‘Me too,’ Sophie agreed.

‘Do you want to take your sticks
out, try a little walking outside today?’ Darcy asked Sophie.

She shook her head.

‘Not even a few minutes? We can
tell Elizabeth at the next
physiotherapy session all about it.’

Sophie shook her head again, more
vehemently this time. Darcy chewed her lip for a moment.

‘Maybe we’ll put them in the car
in case you change your mind.’

Sophie looked as though she might
argue for a moment until her attention seemed to drift off to the next
question. ‘Do they have horses?’

‘At the safari
park?’

Sophie nodded.

‘I’m not sure.
Maybe
zebras.’

As she said this, Darcy was
suddenly struck by how quiet it was upstairs. No thudding footsteps on the
ceiling as
Ged
thundered
around the bedroom searching for everything he needed, no mumbling of what
Darcy could guess were swearwords.

Only silence.

Darcy left Sophie stretched
across the sofa and Jake busy sifting through the old photos on his digital
camera and went to the bottom of the stairs.

‘Did you find your keys?’ she
called up.

There was no reply. Darcy hesitated
for a moment before she decided to go up.  Perhaps his keys really were
lost, although she was certain she had put them in her bag after she had found
them hanging in the front door. They had messed around long enough getting
ready that morning and if they were much later there would hardly be any point
in making the two hour drive to
Longleat
House. It
was probably easier and quicker to go and find the keys herself.

Ged
was sitting on the bed. The contents of Darcy’s
handbag were strewn across the duvet next to him and he sat staring at
something in his hand.  As he sensed her presence, he looked up.

‘Can you explain why you would
need one of these in your bag?’ he asked. His voice was quiet and calm but
edged with a barely contained wrath that Darcy recognised well. It was a voice
that filled her with a sudden dread, her legs turning weak as she looked closer
at the small, square, cellophane packet he was holding.

‘I… I don’t know how that got
there.’ She didn’t even know why she was lying; it was a stupid thing to do.
But she did it anyway. ‘It must be an old one, from when we used them.’

His face was almost white with
rage, but still his voice was quiet and steady. ‘We haven’t needed a condom for
two years. I know it’s been two years; the pain of that operation you made me
have because you wouldn’t get sterilised is still engraved into my memory.
You’re lying.’

‘No –’

‘We didn’t even use this brand!’

‘I don’t know how it got there,’
Darcy repeated miserably.

‘Who is he?’

‘No one.’

He stood, his face looming above
hers, jaw clenched. ‘
Who is he
?’

‘
Ged
…
you’re scaring me…’

‘
Scaring
you?’ he spat. ‘I
haven’t even begun. You’d better explain this and you’d better be quick because
I’m finding it
very
hard to keep my temper right now.’

Darcy’s mouth worked but no sound
would come out.  It didn’t matter whether she told more lies or the truth
now; it would all end the same way. But still she couldn’t bring herself to
answer.

‘The kids…’ Darcy whispered,
tears springing to her eyes. She blinked them away, determined not to give in
to the fear threatening to engulf her.

‘What? You’re worried that
they’ll hear us? You don’t want them to know that their mother is a whore?’

‘Please… it’s not what you think…’

‘Enlighten me, then.’

She shook her head. ‘I can’t…’

His lip curled into a sneer, pure
hatred in his eyes. He stepped closer. She backed away. Time seemed to stop as
Darcy waited for the blow to come.  But she wouldn’t run and she wouldn’t
cry out for him to stop. She would let him lash out, vent his anger, and she
would take whatever he had got, knowing it was the only way to negate the
betrayal.

Moments passed. Then he stepped
away, fists balled at his sides.

‘How could you do this to me?’

Jake’s voice floated up from the
hallway. Darcy couldn’t tell what he was saying. Nothing would compute as her
brain fired thoughts in all directions, but she knew that they were waiting for
the sort of days that normal couples gave their children.

‘What shall I tell them?’ she
asked.

‘The kids?’

‘Yes.’

‘Tell them the truth. Tell them
what you’ve done.’

‘I can’t –’

‘TELL THEM!’

Darcy heard Jake’s running
footsteps clatter down the hallway, back towards the living room to where
Sophie was squealing.  All the time she watched
Ged
. He was like a cornered beast – unable to
understand the reasons for his pain but ready to lash out against it. 
Terrifying, but Darcy’s heart ached for him. She had wanted many things, but
not to hurt
Ged
in this way.

‘All the times you’ve made me
feel like dirt, telling me how I damage the family, how I’m self-centred, how I
don’t care about the kids….’ he growled, ‘all along it was you wrecking the
family, you who was self-centred, you who should feel like dirt.’

‘It wasn’t like that.’

‘What was it like?’ He smacked
the wall as he glared down at her. ‘WHAT WAS IT LIKE?’

‘You’re right to be angry,’ she
said. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You’re admitting it?’

She nodded slowly.

‘Who is it?’

‘I can’t tell you.’

‘I’ll kill you, so help me!’

‘I can’t…’

‘SIMMONS!’

‘It’s over… I’m sorry…’ Darcy
wailed.  

He let out a roar, beating his
fists against his head. Darcy fell back against the wall. This was it.
 She steeled herself. 
Just don’t kill me
, she thought,
don’t
do that to the kids…

Another guttural scream and he
charged. She closed her eyes. There was a crash from across the room and Darcy
opened them again to see him smash his fist into the dresser mirror
.

‘
Ged
…
NO!’

He swept the dresser clear,
bottles and trinkets spilling across the floor. The curtains were torn down,
her wardrobe emptied and clothes ripped, all the time he was screaming. Blood
ran down his arm.  His eyes were empty, like his soul had been sucked out
to leave nothing but pure, blind fury.  And then one thought cut through the
confusion to slap Darcy’s senses back.
The kids
…

Ged
had already shoved past her, out onto the
landing. Darcy spun around and sprinted after him.  On the stairs she
hared through the gap between him and the wall, almost toppling down them as
his arm shot out to grab her. 

‘Kitchen, NOW!’
she yelled at Jake. He didn’t need to ask why; he paled as
Ged
chased Darcy in.  She grabbed Sophie from
the sofa and they ran for the back door.

Darcy’s throat tightened as they
raced through the side gate and out onto the driveway. She glanced at the car
but that was no use now. They had to run, get away.  She had no keys, no
money,
no
phone, just her bewildered and terrified
children.

Out on the road, Darcy faltered,
looking back at the gate. He wouldn’t dare come after her on the street, would
he?  The sound of crashing glass echoed out. Darcy heaved a silent sigh of
relief. It looked as though their house was now bearing the brunt of his
rage.  She had to get the kids somewhere safe, somewhere calm, somewhere
she could try to erase the trauma of what they had just witnessed.

Amanda.

Darcy had nobody else. Her
parents had disowned her over a petty row years before.
Ged’s
had always been kind to her and the kids but
she couldn’t go to them now.

‘What’s wrong with Dad?’ Jake
asked.

‘He’s angry,’ Darcy replied. ‘We
need to go to Amanda’s house.’

‘Can’t we go back in when he’s
stopped being angry?’

‘I don’t think so.’ Darcy hitched
Sophie up in her arms and nodded her head to Jake as she started to walk.
 ‘Come on.’

‘Can’t we go in the car?’

‘I don’t have the keys.’

‘Can’t we get them?’

‘Jake!’ Darcy snapped. ‘Do you
fancy your chances getting my bag from the house right now?’

Jake’s gaze dropped to his feet.
Darcy stopped and sighed. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. But we have to go
to Amanda’s and then I’ll phone your dad to see if I can sort everything. Ok?’

Jake
nodded; his gaze still on the ground. Darcy began to walk again and he
followed. She glanced at Sophie.  Her expression was as closed as always.
Whatever the last ten minutes had done to her daughter’s mental state, Darcy
wouldn’t find out for many days, perhaps never fully at all.  Anguish
twisted her heart.  They shouldn’t have had to learn the harsher lessons
in life – not so young and not like this.  But all that had to wait too.

Amanda gave a slightly baffled smile as she opened the door,
but it faded as she took in Darcy’s anxious expression. ‘I thought you were out
at the safari park today,’ she said. ‘What’s happened?’

‘Can we come in?’ Darcy asked.

Amanda nodded and stepped back
from the front door.

‘Is
Howie
in?’ Darcy glanced along the hallway where a half-eaten breakfast littering the
kitchen table could be seen through the open door.

‘In the garden,’ Amanda said. ‘I
could ask him to pop out if you want privacy.’

Darcy gave her a tight smile.
Amanda had always been remarkably astute, despite the impression she
gave.  ‘It doesn’t matter. He’ll probably find out sooner or later
anyway.’

‘Come through,’ Amanda said, leading
them to the kitchen. She turned to glance in turn at Jake and Sophie. ‘I bet
you’d like some juice and cake, wouldn’t you? And then perhaps you could go and
help
Howie
plant some carrots? How’s that sound?’
Jake nodded silently whilst Sophie simply eyed her with a sorrowful gaze. She
turned to Darcy. ‘My God, what has happened?’

Darcy gently lowered Sophie onto
a chair and slumped into one beside her while Jake stood awkwardly at the
kitchen doorway. She laid her head on the table and closed her eyes. Where did
she even begin?

Amanda’s voice brought her back
to the room. ‘I’ll make some coffee,’ she said.

Darcy watched as Amanda set about
clearing the breakfast dishes before putting the kettle on to boil and spooning
some coffee into a
cafetiere
.  Neither she nor
her children spoke, each processing the morning’s events in their own way. The
most pressing thing for Darcy, right now, was whether she could risk going home
any time soon, if only to get the essentials she needed for her and the children
to move out.
Ged
had been
unpredictable, volatile in the past, but she had never seen it on the scale of
today.  He wasn’t a cruel man by nature, but his jealousy was, and it was
easy to believe that today he could have beaten her… or worse.